tonight.”
“Looks uncomfortable and kind of small.”
“I’ll manage.”
“Don’t be silly. We shared my bed last night.”
Yeah, and it was pure torture because all I wanted was to fuck her. To claim that smart-ass mouth of hers. To see those pretty little lips wrapped around my cock and sucking me bone dry. To devour her cunt. For her to ride my fingers, my face, and my dick. To bend her over the bed and take her from behind. To kiss those perfect tits. To cum on her stomach. No, scratch that. To cum in that sweet snatch between her thighs. To put my claim on her with my teeth. To fill her up in every damn hole. To let the world know Neva is mine.
I can’t do any of that, though.
It’d be signing my death warrant. Devil and Storm would kill me and not think twice about it.
“The couch is fine.”
“Whatever.” She lets the ball of gray fluff loose. He sticks his nose and his tail in the air and explores the bed, sniffing the unfamiliar smells. Learning the lay of the room.
“He won’t piss to mark his territory, will he?”
“Mr. Tinkles is well behaved. Aren’t you, my precious darling boy?” She scoops him up and plants kisses all over his face.
“You know he licks his ass, don’t you?”
“Jealous? I bet you would suck your own dick if you could reach it.”
I snort. “Don’t need to. That’s what I got you for.” The smart remark rolls off my tongue before I can stop it.
“Ha. As if. You wish I’d blow you.”
Yeah, Bean. I wish a lot of things.
“Nah, you’d probably make sloppy work of it and bite it. You wouldn’t know what to do with it.”
“I’ve not had any complaints.”
Rage streams through my veins. “Who?”
“You want a name?”
“Yeah, Bean. Whose dick have you been sucking?” I ball my fists, ready to hunt them down and bash their fucking skulls in. “Don’t tell me it was that slimy little prick from earlier.”
“And what if it was? What’s it to you?”
“Nothing. I just think your old man would be disappointed.”
“Like he cares what I do.” She shakes her head. “You know, that’s what I hate about men. You guys can stick their dicks in anything. Fuck whoever you want. As many women as you want, and no one cares. Hell, they will pat you on the back and say, atta boy. But if a girl does it, she’s a whore. A slut. Dirty. You shame them. Why is it okay for men but not women to fuck as many people as they want?”
“It just is.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
“Because, Bean. A man wants his woman to be his and only his.”
“You think women don’t want that? You think I want to fuck you after you’ve been fucking club whores? Newsflash, buddy. It’s not sexy. It’s fucking gross. I wouldn’t suck your dick if you paid me or begged me because I know where it’s been.”
“What would you know about my dick?”
“Not a damn thing.” Tears burn in the corners of her eyes, glittering with a pain I never noticed before.
Does Neva have feelings for me? She’s the one thing I want that I can’t have. Doesn’t she see I have to push her away?
“How about I get us some lunch?”
“Walk away because the conversation got too real,” she shouts after me.
“Stay put,” I growl, hating that she’s right. Despising the fact that she knows me too damn well. That she sees straight through me. The door rattles behind me as I stomp out into the cold. Fuck. I didn’t get the room key. There’s no way I’m going back in that room right now. If I do, I’ll do something I won’t be able to take back.
I shove a hand in my pocket and pull out my smokes. I light one up and watch the smoke curl and dissipate into the frigid air. Tobacco pulls through my lungs, calming me. I wander down the street from the motel, seeing what’s close by and hoping like hell everyone hasn’t closed up shop due to the weather.
There’s a gas station at the end of the street, and across the road there’s a diner and a tire shop with a bar on the other side. I’ll be heading there later. For now, I go over to the diner to order takeout.
Neva has been a picky eater since she was a kid. For the longest time, all she’d eat was grilled cheese sandwiches or chicken tenders and mashed potatoes. I know better than to order her a burger. She hates anything greasy.
I play it safe and order her a chicken tender meal. The diner is backed up with orders. Seems the motel is full of travelers like us who got stuck in the storm.
By the time I get back to the room, an hour has passed. It takes Neva a minute to let me in. I can tell she’s been crying, and I feel like shit about it.
She utters a barely there thanks and takes her food to the bed where she’s watching some sappy Christmas movie.
I sit at the table alone with my burger and fries. That damn cat is staring at me with its judgmental eyes. Like he knows I’m the reason Neva is sad. If I made a move on her, my life would be screwed. It sounds selfish, but I like my life. Love the club. Neva would slide right in perfectly except I’m not good enough for her. Never have been. Never will be. Devil would never sign off on it, and Storm would hate me. He’s already pissed I went against him in the last club vote. This would send him over the edge.
“Food okay?” I ask after too much silence stretching between us.
“Fine.”
“What’s your movie about?”
“Christmas,” she gives another one-word response without meeting my gaze.
“Is that how it’s going to be, Neva? All or nothing?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” She scratches her kitty behind his ears and gives him a small piece of her chicken.
If that’s how she wants to play this, I’ll give it to her for now. But before we get back to Blackwood, we’ve gotta settle this shit hanging between us. I don’t know what she wants from me, but whatever it is, we both know I can’t give it.
No matter how badly I want to root myself so deep inside her, I never find my way out. I can’t be the man she needs. I stare out the window as the snow continues to fall, making leaving this place anytime soon nearly impossible.
We’ve got to make the best of it. Somehow. But fuck every time I look at her, all I want is to kiss her. To tell her it doesn’t fucking matter. That I want her, however I can have her.
I check the time on my phone. It’s not even two in the evening yet.
“Come on.”
“What?”
“Let’s go do some Christmas shopping.”
“It’s freezing out there, and since when do you like to shop any day, let alone for a holiday?”
“Just thought you might want to get out of this room for a bit.” I rub a hand over my unruly hair.
“Fine.”
I excuse myself to the bathroom while she takes her cat out to piss in the snow or some shit. When I’m done freshening up, I glance out the window and see her having a fucking photoshoot with her damn cat. He’s got on his pink pajamas with candy canes on them and a red velvet Santa hat that’s trimmed with white fur.
I pull my coat back on and walk outside. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Making content. Mr. Tinkles is quite popular online.”
“Your cat has a social media following?”
“Yup. People love him, and companies send me free stuff and pay me to make videos of Mr. Tinkles testing their products.”
“People pay you for pictures of your cat?”
“Videos pay more.”
“Now I’ve fucking heard it all. You got enough content yet?”
“Almost.” She smirks at me. “Hold him for a second.”
“I don’t want to.” She shoves him into my chest, forcing me to take hold of the fluffy shithead.
“What am I supposed to do with him?” I pet the back of his neck. “He is really soft.”
“Don’t move.”
“Why?”
The shutter of her phone camera clicks.
“You aren’t posting pics of me with your cat.”
“Don’t be a dick. People will love this. Especially the BookTok girlies.”
“The who?”“You don’t want to know.”
“You’re a real pain in my ass, you know that?”
“I try.”
“You got what you want?”
“For now. Just let me get him out of his jammies and we can go.”
“Right,” I mutter and grab the room key off the dresser while she plays with her pussycat.
many stores would be open.”
“Neither did I,” Justice mutters, sounding like he’s regretting his life choices that led him to this moment.
“How cute is this snow globe?” I gush over the cutest one in the entire store. It’s Santa and his sleigh, but instead of reindeer, he’s being pulled by cats.
“I prefer this one.” He shakes the one of Santa on a Harley-Davidson motorcycle.
“Put it in my basket. I may get that for Dad. He can put it on his desk or something.”
“Because he spends so much time in his office?” He snorts.
“Whatever. You’re just jealous I’m not buying one for you.”
“I don’t need useless shit cluttering up my place.”
“You probably don’t even own a stitch of décor.”
“Women like to decorate. I’ve got my basics and my big screen. What more do I need?”
“Are you two finding everything okay?” A saleswoman asks, interrupting our bickering.
“We’re good,” Justice tells her.
“You know.” She smiles at me, then narrows her gaze at him. “A happy wife leads to a happy life.”
“She’s not my wife.”
“Oh.” Her brows pinch together. “Well, the two of you sure do argue like you’re married.” She laughs and continues down the aisle to the next customer.
“As if.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” his tone comes out accusatory.
“You’ve always said you aren’t the marrying type.”
“I didn’t say never.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“You about done in here?”
“I don’t need a babysitter. You can go back to the room.”
“If I were to leave you on your own, who knows what trouble you’d find.”
“I can take care of myself. I’ve been doing just fine on my own.”
“Trouble always finds you.”
“That’s not true.”
“What happened to your car?”
“That’s not relevant. It has nothing to do with that.”
“It has everything to do with it. You’re like a fucking trouble magnet.”
“Whatever. This was your idea.” I strut past him to the front of the store to check out.
Justice pulls his wallet out of his back pocket and has the nerve to attempt to pay for my purchase.
“I’ve got it,” I snap.
“I’m trying to be nice.”
“I don’t need you to be nice to me.” I go to stick my card in the reader, but he taps his on the top before I get it in.
I stomp out of the store while he gets his receipt. He follows me out and licks his lips. “You don’t want me to be nice to you?”
“Nope,” I pop the P.
“What do you want from me?” He gets in my space, standing too close. Smelling too good as he towers over me, staring at my lips. He knows exactly what I want, but he’s a stubborn jerk who would rather deny us both.
“Carry my bag.” I push it against his chest and walk into the next store without reading the sign. As soon as I look at the first display shelf, I realize I’ve made a big mistake. In bold pink neon letters is a poster for lube. The far-right wall is jam-packed with dildos and vibrators of all sizes and colors. It’s like a rainbow of dicks. I stop abruptly and stare. Justice nearly walks into me.
He snorts. “That what you want for Christmas? A monster cock?”
“Maybe.” I square my shoulders and pretend I meant to come here. I only hope he doesn’t look at my face to see how alarmingly red it has turned. To further prove my point, I march over to the wall and look for the biggest fake schlong I can find.
“What the hell is that?” He reaches over my head and grabs the Mini Weenie Five Thousand.
It’s basically a nipple with balls. “You should know. I’m sure yours is about the same size.”
I move on down the wall, finding a green one that’s called Orc’s Passion. It’s long and thick. Bigger than should be humanly possible to fit inside any hole. My eyes widen, and Justice laughs at me.
“About like this.” He grabs one that’s slightly larger than average.
I roll my eyes at him.
“Don’t believe me?” he undoes his belt.
“What are you doing?”
“Proving how big it is.”
“I don’t want to see it,” I hiss. “They’re going to kick us out and have you arrested for indecent exposure. How will you explain that charge to my father?”
His face pales. There’s one thing Justice fears, and that’s the wrath of Devil Knight.
“Which are you getting?” His voice takes on this husky tone that just does something to my insides as he adjusts his belt.
“This one.” I grab Orc’s Passion. “I’m going to shove it up your ass later so you can go fuck yourself.”
He smiles. “I’m touched you care about my pleasure, sweetheart.”
“Ugh.” I stick it back on the shelf and browse what else they have, trying to find my way back toward the door to get the hell out of here. I was not expecting to find an X-rated store in the middle of this small town.
“What do you think of this?” he grabs a paddle with spikes on one side.
“For what?”
“For when I take you over my knee and give you the spanking your daddy never gave.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Think I’ll get these too.” He picks up black fur-trimmed handcuffs.
I roll my eyes at him again and grab sex dice. “If you want to play games,” I mutter.
“Bite me,” he says, reading the box.
I stick them back on the rack. “I’m leaving.”
“I’ll be out in a minute.”
The back of my neck grows hotter. What’s he up to? “You don’t have to be shy. I won’t tell anyone you want the Orc’s Passion.”
“Keep pushing my buttons, Bean.”
“Or what? You’ll tell my daddy on me. Been there.” I saunter past him heading for the door. A few seconds pass, and I see him going to the register. He’s not really buying the paddle, is he? I try to see what he’s getting, but there’s a privacy wall at the checkout. Ugh. Whatever. I don’t care. He’s probably buying something for Tawny or all the other skanks he fucks.
He exits the store with a black bag that prevents me from seeing what’s hidden inside.
We putter around in the thrift store until they announce they are about to close early. The temps are getting colder, and I need to check on my cat. I worry about leaving him for too long in a strange to him room.
“Want to go with me to check out the bar across the street later? The guy at the diner said they have pizza and karaoke tonight.”
“Are you going to be singing?”
“Never know.”
“Hmm.” It isn’t like we have anything better to do, and I am getting hungry. “Why not? I’ll get ready.” I take my time going through my bag to find something to wear.
Justice is stretched out on the bed with Mr. Tinkles on his chest. The two of them are watching a ghost-hunting travel show. Fur ball my ass. I knew he’d succumb to the cuteness that’s Mr. Tinkles. I snap a candid pic of them.
“Saw that. If you make money off me, I’ll expect a payment.” He smiles to himself and continues petting Mr. Tinkles.
“I’m sure we can work something out.” I grab my undies and walk into the bathroom. “I’ve gotta leave the door cracked in case he needs to get in here.”
“What if I want in there?” he says, and my stomach flutters.
Ignoring his comment, I turn the shower on and strip down before propping my phone up on the sink so I can listen to my playlist. I can’t shake this feeling. An anxiousness. Like I’m getting ready for a first date. Only this isn’t a date. We’re two people going to dinner together because we’ve been forced into sharing this room due to circumstances out of our control. Honestly, I couldn’t have planned this better myself, but I didn’t know we would get stuck for the night.
I thought we’d talk on the drive, and I’d confront him. Force him to admit he feels something for me. But now we’re here. There’s only one bed. He’s not going to sleep on that tiny, lumpy couch.
I step under the hot spray of water wondering if tonight will be the night we surrender to fate.
We’ve been dancing around each other since I turned eighteen. He likes to pretend he didn’t notice me back then, but I see the way he looks at me. Justice wants me. He just needs a little push.
Some liquid courage.
bathroom for half an hour. My stomach grumbles. I switch the TV off and look outside. The snow has let up, but it’s colder than Jack Frost’s balls out. I step outside to smoke, knowing Neva will complain if I light it up in the room.
She worries about my smoking. Says it’s bad for my health, but the only thing that’s going to kill me is spending the night in this room alone with her.
I don’t know how much more I can take of craving her. It was different when I was back in Blackwood and she was away at school. Out of sight, out of mind, or so they say. Sure, I think about her all the time, but I had shit to distract me. Tawny and the club. Now I don’t have Tawny, and the club isn’t here. I take a few more puffs off my cigarette before snuffing it out and going back inside, where I find Neva in nothing but a towel.
She’s trying to kill me.
“Forgot my clothes. I’ll be ready as soon as I’m dressed.”
“Yeah, sure. I just need to brush my teeth and take a quick shower.” What I want to say is, fuck pizza and beer. Fuck getting dressed. She can take off that towel and sit on my face.
“I’ll only be a minute or two.”
I nod and get my toiletry bag.
In the bathroom, the mirror is still fogged over, and the small room is filled with her sugary scent. I’m going mad with desire. I just need to jerk one out in the shower, then I’ll be good.
“Don’t forget to leave the door cracked for Mr. Tinkles,” her honied voice washes over me from the other side of the wall.
My dick is going to explode if this case of blue balls she’s trying to give me isn’t taken care of soon.
I step under the warm water wishing I’d opted for a cold one instead. I grip my cock in my fist, wishing Neva were in here with me. Down on her knees like a good girl, submitting to my every wish. I picture the scene in my head. Her mouth opening wide while I feed her my cock inch by inch. Her hot lips wrapping around me to suck.
Jerk.
Pump.
Stroke.
Fuck, I’m on the verge of insanity. Her name burns on my tongue. “Neva,” her name rips from my lips as I get off, and there’s no taking it back.
“Did you say something?”
Shit.
“Yeah. Can you plug my phone in? I forgot.” I’m a lame-ass coward.
I finish up and get dressed. Neva looks damn good when I come out of the bathroom. She’s wearing the jeans she had on earlier and a black sweater that rides up on her sides, showing off a sliver of her midriff.
My gaze zeroes in on her navel piercing. That’s new. It hits me square in the chest that Neva has been off living a life that I’ve not been a part of. I hate it. Jealousy eats at me, which is new too. I don’t get jealous easily. The feeling is foreign.
“When’d you get that done?”
“A few months ago. A girlfriend of one of Derrick’s bandmates did it and my sleeve. She’s really good at what she does.”
“Looks good on you.” I’d look even better.
“Thanks. So, are we getting pizza or what?”
Or what is what I want to say. I’d much rather be eating her instead.
For a cold wintry night with the roads closed, this little hole in the wall bar is packed. Must be the other motorists who are staying at the Deadeye.
Neva and I find a table and order a couple of beers while we wait for our pizza. We were going to eat at the diner, but it was already closed for the night.
This place is dark and dingy. Smokey and loud. Kinda reminds me of being at the old clubhouse before Devil moved us into a bigger location.
Neva is enjoying the scene, doing some people watching, but mostly her face is buried in her fucking phone.
It’s pissing me off. It shouldn’t. This isn’t a date, but I can’t help but wonder if she’s talking to that stupid fuck that showed up at her door this morning. Were they serious or was it a fling? I’ve got no room to ask or care. I had been seeing Tawny until last night.
I try to glimpse her phone screen to see what she’s up to, but I can’t do it without being obvious.
She types out a message, smirking and grinning. Her gaze catches mine. “What?”
“Nothing. Just wondering what has you so invested in your phone.
“You promise you won’t get mad?”
“Depends.”
“Forget it.”
“Fine. I’ll bite.”
“I told you I post content online. I may have posted about you and Mr. Tinkles and being stranded. And well, my post is going viral.”
“Show me.”
“I need you to promise me you won’t be mad.”
“What did you do you?”
“I may have told a tiny lie about you to get more views and clicks.”
“How small is this lie?”
“I let them think that we…that you.”
“Spit it out, Bean.”
“I made it seem like we’re more than travel buddies.”
I snatch her phone.
“Hey,” she gripes, but doesn’t stop me from looking.
She posted me more than once. There’s pics of our boots in the snow. My hand is on the steering wheel. Me lying in bed with her cat. She doesn’t show her face or mine. Doesn’t give names. The account username is Mr. Tinkles followed by a gray heart.
The captions imply I’m her boyfriend. A year ago, I’d have been pissed about it. I’d worry that her old man might see and get the wrong idea, but it’s innocent enough.
The comments are nuts.
Your boyfriend is so hot.
I’d let him pet my pussy anytime.
Does he have a brother?
Where did you find him?
How long have you been keeping him a secret?
More of him with Mr. Tinkles.
Will he be in one of your videos?
I bet you will have the cutest babies.
“Jesus.” I hand her phone back and take a long pull from my beer bottle.
“Are you pissed?”
“As long as you keep my name and face off there, I don’t mind it. Does Devil or Storm follow your account?”
She shakes her head.
“Let’s keep it that way.”
I’m on my third beer when our pizza comes out and ready to piss myself. The closer it gets to karaoke, the louder and more crowded this place gets.
“Think you can keep out of trouble while I hit the head?”
“I’m eating. How much trouble can I get into?”
“Nothing would surprise me when it comes to you. Don’t leave this table.”
“I’ll be good, Daddy. I promise.” She blows me a kiss.
“Don’t do that.”
“Blow you or call you Daddy?” She smirks and I shake my head.
“You’re evil, you know that.”
Neva feigns innocence and bites into a slice.
Pure evil.
In the bathroom, I pull out my phone and download that damn app she was on and create an account.
Username: ColdAsIce
I hit the follow button. Underneath in her bio it reads: Follow me at Only Coeds for private content.
What does she mean by private? I click the link, and there’s a subscription fee to unlock her posts. I’ve heard of OnlyFans. Is Neva making porn? My blood boils as I click through the settings to create another fucking account. I pay the fee and scroll. There’s some pictures of her cleavage. Nothing too bad, but fuck me. Don’t know which emotion I’m leaning more toward. Rage or being turned on. Is this how she makes money? Does Devil have any clue what his daughter is doing online?
Probably not. She had to know I’d find this. Did she want me to see?
I return to the table and find a middle-aged couple sitting with her. What the fuck?
I fold my arms across my chest. “Who are your friends?”
The dude looks annoyed by my interruption. He’ll be even more pissed when I shove my size thirteen boot up his ass.
“This is Tom and Jenny Lynn. There weren’t any tables or stools left. I told them you wouldn’t mind.” She flashes me her sickly sweet smile.
I don’t like the way this Tom fucker is staring at her. He’s practically leering.
“We’re stuck at the motel too. We saw you guys earlier in one of the shops,” the woman offers, trying to chat me up. I’m not interested.
I pull my chair closer to Neva’s, and when I sit down, I make sure to put my arm around her. I glare at this stupid fuck while I grab a slice with my free hand.
Neva gives me a questioning look, raising a brow.
I chew slowly.
“How about a round of drinks on us?” Tom says.
“That would be great. Thanks, Tom,” Neva tells him. I remove my arm from the back of her chair and place my hand on her upper thigh. Neva glances down at my hand there and smiles to herself.
She probably thinks I’m being jealous, but I’m being protective. She’s too naïve to see that these dumbasses are trying to pick her up. Not happening on my watch.
“Are you guys here for karaoke?” Neva asks them.
“More for the drinks and company,” Tom answers.
“How long have the two of you been together?” Jenny Lynn looks between Neva and me.
“Oh, we’re-“
“Few years,” I cut Neva off, and she twists to look me dead in the face. “Can’t keep my hands off her.” I kiss her temple and take another bite of my food.
“I’ll get those drinks,” Tom says.
“I’ll come with you.” I drop my pizza and shove my chair back. I don’t trust him not to slip something in them.
He shoots me a dirty look.
The bar is crowded, and we have to shove our way through to get served.
“I can pay for my beer,” I growl.
“It’s cool. Just trying to have a good time, man. You need to relax.”
“You need to take your woman and get a fuckin’ clue. I don’t share. You picked the wrong mark for whatever it is you had planned for the night.”
I drop a twenty on the bar and take mine and Neva’s beers.
They were just being nice.”
“They were trying to pick you up for a threesome or something.”
“Okay. That doesn’t mean I was going to go with them. But if I did want to go back to anyone’s room, I’m an adult. I can handle myself. I’ve been living on my own without you there to hold my hand.”
I stomp off and leave him standing at the exit by himself. Screw that. I want to have a good time. I down my beer and put my name down for karaoke. While I wait for my name to be called, I throw darts with Tom and Jenny Lynn. They were high school sweethearts and have been married for twenty-five years. They have two sons and have mentioned several times that if it doesn’t work out between Justice and me that their boys are single.
This makes twice in a day he’s pretended we’re together. He confuses the hell out of me. It’s like he won’t allow himself to be with me, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have me either. The whole thing is mentally taxing, and for the rest of the night I want to get drunk and ignore him.
Hard to do with him perched at the end of the bar like a fucking barn owl hunting its prey. Not to mention how dangerously sexy he looks sitting there all broody. Rugged. Tempting. Everything I’ve ever wanted in a man.
He’s protective. Loyal to the club. Has a sweet spot for me though he likes to pretend he doesn’t. I’ve tried so hard to move on from what some would call a crush, but it goes much deeper than that. I’ve loved him from the moment my brother brought him over that first day. Even if I didn’t understand what I was feeling or know what love really was, I felt it the second his eyes met mine.
I know he’s worried because of my father and my brother, but they know him. They know he’d never intentionally hurt me. He’d give his life to save mine if warranted.
“So how did the two of you meet?” Jenny Lynn nudges me in the rib.
“Oh, that.” I laugh softly and peel at the label on my beer bottle. “He’s my brother’s best friend.”
“How’d he take that?”
“He doesn’t know.”
“That must be hard.”
“Something like that.”
“Ooh, they’re starting. You ready to bust a move?” She laughs. “God, I’m showing my age with that, huh?”
“A little.” I wince.
“It’s okay. My boys remind me all the time how uncool I am.”
“I’m sure when they hear about your night you’ll gain some points back on the cool scale.”
I take a sip of my beer and look back to Justice, but he’s gone. Did he leave?
I glance around the room as the karaoke contestants start off with the first song. ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.’
“Excuse me,” I tell my new friend.
Where is he? Why didn’t he tell me he was leaving? I pull out my phone and check to see if he’s tried to call or sent a text. There’s nothing except some notifications that I have a new follower on Mr. Tinkles’ account and my Only Coeds has a new subscriber. Shit. I didn’t even consider him making accounts to follow me. I’d think it was sweet if I weren’t so concerned about what he might think about me now. What he might be reporting to my father right this minute.
I check the bathrooms. Nothing.
Maybe he got pissed and went back to the room.
I step outside the bar, and there he is leaning against the side of the building, foot propped behind him, smoking a cigarette. Relief washes over me.
He sees me but doesn’t smile or speak. I can’t get a read on him.
“Hey.” I test the temperature of his mood. “It’s almost our turn.”
He takes a hard drag. Smoke curls between us. His gaze is dark. Primal. “Go back inside, Bean.” His tone is weary. Filled with frustration.
“Are you…are you mad at me?”
“Nope.”
“You seem mad.”
“I’m not mad, Neva.”
He’s being cold, and I don’t like this side of him.
The door opens. “There you are. They just called your name,” Jenny Lynn tells me.
“I’ll be right there.”
“Okay.” She gives me a thumbs up and goes back in.
Justice snubs his cigarette out and follows me back into the bar. “Don’t expect me to sing with you,” he grits in my ear.
A shiver courses down my spine at his closeness. At the warmth of his breath against my skin.
“That’s fine.” I leave him where he stands and go over to the small stage where my new friends are waiting their turns. The DJ hands me the microphone. I grip it tightly as butterflies whirl in my blower belly. Palms slick with sweat, I try to shake off my jitters. Justice stares at me, his eyes dark and intense. I wish I knew what he’s thinking. What he’s feeling. How he feels about me now that he knows my dirty little secret.
The music starts up, and someone whistles from the crowd of bar patrons. I start off key, singing ‘All I want for Christmas is You.’ He has to know that I’m singing this song to him. That he’s all I want. All I’ve wished for year after year. Red lights blink and fade into a soft glow around me, and in this moment he’s all I see. My asshole of a biker.
The only man I’ve ever loved.
I finish the song, and Jenny Lynn gives me a hug when I hand her the microphone. “You were great.”
“That was terrible.”
“He didn’t think so.” She motions to Justice as he approaches. “You two have fun.” She winks at me and takes the stage with Tom.
The music fades away. My ears buzz in anticipation as I wait for him to walk across the bar to me. “You ready to go?”
“Mhmm.” I roll my lips.
Outside, he gives me the key to the room. “I’m going to the gas station to buy some beer. You want anything?”
“No, I’m going to check on Mr. Tinkles.” And I’m curious to see what he bought earlier at that store. He watches to make sure I get into the room before going off on his errand.
In the room, Mr. Tinkles is curled up asleep on the couch. I leave him be and kick off my shoes. With a quick glance around the room, I don’t spot the black bag. Where did he hide it? My shopping bags are on one of the chairs, but his are nowhere to be found. Maybe he put it in the car. He has the keys, so there goes checking there.
Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I dig out some fresh pajamas and decide to take a quick live video for my subscribers.
I need to hurry. I don’t know how long Justice is going to be gone.
“Merry Christmas, you filthy animals.” I kiss the screen.
Laying back on the bed, I undo the buttons on my pink with candy canes printed on it pajama top, exposing some of my red lace bra.
I trail a finger down the center of my chest and further down to give my belly piercing a playful tug. Stopping at the waistband of the matching pants, I tease at showing the red bow on my thong that matches my bra.
“Have you missed me?” I bite the tip of my finger. “I’ve been traveling for the holiday, and I can’t stop thinking about you.” My mind flashes to Justice. He could be watching me now.
A comment pops up.
Show me your tits.
A notification for a tip for a hundred dollars flashes across the top of my screen.
I give a small peek at my bra. It’s going to take a lot more than that for me to show any real skin.
Cock tease.
“I have to go, but I’ll be back soon.” I end the live.
As I’m doing up the buttons on my shirt, Justice knocks at the door to our room. I check to make sure it’s him before I unlock it.
He stomps the snow off his boots and comes in carrying a six-pack of ponies and the black bag. My throat goes dry at the sight of the mysterious bag. I don’t have the nerve to ask what’s inside. Not yet anyway.
“Cute PJs.” He puts the beer on the table and drops the bag on the floor.
“I’m afraid Mr. Tinkles stole your bed.”
He doesn’t comment. He simply kicks his boots off and shrugs his jacket off to hang it over the back of a chair. “Want one?” He offers me a beer, and I nod, suddenly feeling shy. He hands me the bottle opener and sits in the empty chair.
I pop my top and sit on the edge of the bed.
“Thought I knew you, Bean, but you’re not that good girl priss I thought you were.” He takes a swig and I do the same.
“You saw?” I meet his gaze.
“Yeah, baby. I saw.”
My heart stutters in my chest. He’s never called me baby. “And?”
“You’re good at it.”
“Are you going to tell my father?”
“No.” he shakes his head.
“Thank you.”
“Let me finish.”
Shit.
“I’m not going to tell him because you’re going to stop.”
“Excuse me.”
“You heard me. You’re playing a dangerous game. Do you know how easy it would be for one of those fuckers to track you down and take what they think they are owed? Bet your fucking snatch is plastered all over the dark web.”
“I don’t do full nudity, Ice.”
His gaze cuts to mine. I never use his road name.
“Tall Tom.”
“What?”
“That’s his username.”
“Who?”
“Those swingers back at the bar. Jenny Lynn wasn’t some nice lady, Bean. They found out where you were, and his wife is pissed about the money he’s been giving you.”
“How do you know that?”
“Heard them arguing about it in the parking lot. Their room is only four doors down from ours.”
“I feel sick.”
“Good,” he snaps. “Log in and cash out. Then, take down your accounts.”
“I can’t afford my rent if I stop,” I confess.
“We both know your daddy would pay it.”
I shake my head. “He wanted me to stay at home and go to school locally. That was our deal. If I went, I had to prove that I could do it.”
“You’ll quit, or I’ll tell him.”
“Fine. Tell him.” A tear rolls down my cheek. “That’s really one of my subscribers?”
“Yeah, Bean. You’ve got to be more careful. I won’t always be around to protect you. What if I wasn’t here with you? They could have you tied up in their room or worse.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Fucking trouble magnet,” he mutters.
“Do you think they know where I live?”
“They tracked you here, so yeah. Probably.”
“Fuck.”
“Maybe it’s time to move back home, Neva.”
I shake my head. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re there and I can’t.”
“You can’t what?”
“Be there with you but not with you. I can’t watch you with other women and pretend it doesn’t hurt. I can’t pretend that I don’t love you. And the fucked-up thing is I know you feel it. You want me.”
I stare at him for a beat, wishing he’d say something. Anything.
My heart leaps to my throat and stalls there as the silence stretches between us.
“You know why.”
I shake my head as tears burn at the backs of my eyelids. “Yeah. You’re scared. Maybe they should have called you Lion because you’re a coward.”
“I don’t do relationships. You know that, and I’d hurt you, and you’d hate me. It wouldn’t be good, Bean.”
“You don’t know that.”
He stands up.
A tear trickles down my cheek. I want him to kiss me so badly it fucking hurts.
And when I think that just maybe he might, he reaches around me for a pillow. Wordlessly, he shoos Mr. Tinkles off the couch and turns out the light.
“Get some sleep, Neva. The road should reopen tomorrow.”
“Fuck you, Ice.” I lay down, turning my back to him.
