The curtain pulled back a few hours later and Dr. Stremmel stepped inside, saying, ‘Sorry for the wait. Radiology was slammed but the good news is that there’s no evidence of traumatic brain injury.’
Percy dozed in my lap, his cheek pillowed on my chest and his thumb in his mouth. ‘That’s fantastic,’ I said.
‘I also had pediatric neuro look it over and they agreed with that assessment,’ the doctor went on. ‘Keep an eye out for any behavioral changes, anything that seems off with eating, sleeping, or movement, or sudden, severe headaches. Come in right away if that happens but I’m not expecting it will.’
‘Yeah, of course.’ I glanced over to find Audrey scribbling down some notes. ‘Is it okay for him to fly on Monday? We need to be in Michigan for a family thing but we could drive if needed.’
Dr. Stremmel rummaged in a cabinet and pulled out some supplies. ‘No reason to worry about that.’
I rubbed Percy’s back as I absorbed this. ‘All right. Okay. Thank you,’ I said. ‘And the bruising on his face? How long will that take?’
‘Probably a week or two,’ Dr. Stremmel replied. ‘Possibly less if he tolerates a cold compress but I doubt he’s going to put up with that on his forehead for long.’ The curtain opened again and a doctor in a scrub cap poked her head in. ‘Dr. Shapiro, this is Percy and he has quite the gash on his forehead after going headfirst down some concrete steps. I suspect you’ll have some strong opinions about the appropriate closure technique.’
I watched as they exchanged a glance I didn’t fully understand. It seemed like an inside joke. It hadn’t occurred to me that doctors would have inside jokes about the best ways to fix up a cut.
‘Hi, I’m Dr. Shapiro.’ She held out a hand to me and Audrey, correctly gauging Percy’s thumb-sucking as a hard disinterest in any kind of formal greetings. ‘I’m going to examine the wound and then we’ll make a plan. Is it all right if an intern and a med student observe?’
When I didn’t respond right away, Audrey jumped in. ‘Yes, of course.’
‘The doctor needs to check you out, good sir,’ I said to Percy. ‘Do you think you can sit on the bed by yourself?’
He nodded but stretched his free hand out toward Audrey. She popped to her feet and went to the side of the gurney, taking his hand. ‘I had an idea,’ she said, her voice low like she was telling him a secret. ‘What if we tested some recipes for a dog cookie?’
His sleepy eyes went wide and he barely noticed me setting him down, his head coming to rest on the pillow. He signed Yes which told me his head hurt and he didn’t want to nod.
Audrey noticed too because she asked Dr. Stremmel, ‘I think Percy could use something for the pain.’
‘We can do that,’ Dr. Stremmel said, tapping at his tablet.
Dr. Shapiro returned with doctors who didn’t look old enough to be out of high school. She smiled down at Percy when she approached the gurney. He gripped Audrey’s hand tighter.
‘I’m going to use this to help me get a good look,’ she said, holding up a palm-sized device, ‘but you won’t feel anything because it won’t even touch you.’
She motioned for the child-doctors to come closer and started describing his injury in technical terms. They took turns studying the cut through the magnifying tool.
When they finished, Dr. Shapiro shifted to face us. ‘We can close this without sutures.’
‘Knew it,’ Dr. Stremmel murmured from where he leaned against the cabinets, his arms crossed over his chest.
She gave him a meaningful look. Definitely an inside joke there.
‘It’s certainly on the borderline but I feel confident we’ll be able to take care of this wound with less aggressive measures.’ She turned to Percy, saying, ‘I’m not sure if you heard what I said to Mom and Dad just now but I’m going to help your head feel better.’
Audrey’s gaze snapped to mine, wide and alarmed. Her lips parted, ready to tell them she wasn’t Mom in this situation.
It’s okay, I mouthed.
And it was.
Penny would always be Percy’s mother but Audrey could be Mom. If she wanted. If we could get through the next week and figure out how to build a world for ourselves on the other side of this custody hearing. If I could find the right moment and the right words to tell her that I’d do anything to live out the rest of my days the way we’d lived the past few weeks—together, as a family.
The longer we stayed here, the less I remembered of our lives before that little ranch house and my new dog-son Bagel. I’d so completely given myself over to this notion of our life here that I’d stopped worrying about all the speech therapy sessions Percy had missed. I’d forgotten all about comparing the educational options in northern Virginia. I’d even given our nanny Wayne an extra month of paid vacation.
I knew what I wanted, what I hoped for, what’d chased me in dreams. What was right here in front of me, holding my son’s hand and taking notes because I was too fried to think.
But it scared the hell out of me because my life liked fucking up my hopes and dreams. Every time it seemed like the pieces were finally falling into place, the ground beneath me shifted or it started raining rocks.
I hated that I just assumed it would all go to hell. I didn’t want to look out at the world with this much dread. Was it so wrong to want a life with the woman I’d loved since before I’d even understood what that meant? To make a family with her? And was I really trampling over Penny’s memory by wanting my son to have one more person in his life who loved him unconditionally?
I didn’t think so. I didn’t think any of this required a rainstorm of rocks—and I wasn’t going to let that happen this time. I wasn’t sure that I could talk Maddie out of wanting custody, though Ruth and Noah had given me some decent ideas. Though it didn’t help that my son looked like I’d thrown him down a flight of stairs.
‘To do that,’ Dr. Shapiro went on, completely oblivious to the silent conversation taking place around her, ‘I’m going to bring a bright light over here so I can see exactly what I’m doing. I’m also going to use some tools to help put medicine on your cut and then place very thin bandages on your skin. Here, take a look.’
Dr. Shapiro walked Percy through all the instruments she’d be using and what to expect. A nurse came in with apple juice and pain medicine, and he knocked back both like it was last call while Dr. Shapiro prepared her equipment.
Audrey quietly explained her ideas for dog cookies while the doctor worked on Percy, lulling him into such a state of calm that he’d stopped clutching our hands and only had a finger hooked under the band of my watch now. The cookies would be shaped like dog bones, they decided, but also maybe holiday wreaths or trees. She meandered through a list of flavors—pumpkin, bacon, peanut butter, oatmeal—and then different combinations of those flavors. Her voice was soft, like the brush of a feather, and I felt it sloughing the stress from my shoulders, the back of my neck.
Dr. Shapiro finished with Percy’s wound and explained how to keep it clean and protected while it healed. He climbed into Audrey’s lap while the doctor spoke, his thumb back in his mouth and his eyelids heavy.
If I’d known back in June at the reunion that we’d end up here, I wouldn’t have believed it. I might’ve done a few things differently if I’d known—or not. Back then, even if I’d craved this outcome for longer than was logical, I hadn’t known how to climb over all the hard, ugly boulders of our past. I’d loved her and resented her in ways that I couldn’t begin to explain, not even to myself. And yet here we were, on the other side of it all.
I just didn’t think I’d survive if I lost it all again.
I mean, I would survive it, somehow. I had to. I had a kid and my mother to think of. And Brenda too. She was Percy’s grandmother and that made her part of my family too. I couldn’t fuck off and hate the world when I had all that responsibility sitting on my shoulders. But it would punch a hole right through my heart—or wherever it was that this overflowing feeling lived.
After the doctors left us and the nurse returned with discharge papers, I scooped Percy out of Audrey’s arms and carried him to the car. It was well past midnight now and I felt a few tendrils of exhaustion pushing through the adrenaline of this night.
As I buckled him into his booster seat, he signed, ‘Can Audrey sit with me?’
I dropped a kiss on his temple, away from the injury. ‘I bet she’d love to.’ I rounded the car and opened the driver’s side door, saying to her, ‘I’ll drive. Your presence has been requested in the back seat.’
‘You’re tired,’ she said, climbing out of the car. ‘A little frazzled too.’
‘I’ll be okay.’ I caught her in a hug. I wasn’t sure if it said all the things I wanted to but there’d be time for that later. ‘Thank you. For everything. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. Just…thank you. So much.’
‘Anytime,’ she said. ‘Now, come on. It’s late. We need to get everyone into bed.’
The roads were empty and the drive home didn’t take long, though I spent most of it glancing at Audrey and Percy in the rear view, memorizing the way she absently rubbed his knee and guided him to rest his head on her arm.
When we arrived home, I carried him inside and down the dark hallway. Audrey brought a hand between my shoulder blades as I approached the bedroom and whispered, ‘You should stay with him tonight. I’ll sleep in the guest room.’
She didn’t wait for a response, instead sliding around me and into her room to ready the bedding. I set him down on the bed and pulled off his shoes while she removed his glasses. As she started to retreat, I grabbed her wrist. ‘Outside,’ I whispered.
With one final glance at Percy, I tugged Audrey down the hall and into the moonlit kitchen. ‘What’s wrong?’ she asked as I paced from one end to the other.
All I could hear in my head was a chorus of What if I stayed here and never left? What happens then?
‘You’ve put up with a lot from us this month,’ I said. ‘You didn’t ask for all of this but you’ve taken us in and looked after us like he’s family.’
‘Because you are family,’ she said simply. ‘You and Percy, you’re family. You’re always welcome here. Even if things change for us, nothing will change that.’
I leaned back against the sink, my hands curled around the cool stone. ‘I know we’re pretending that Percy and I aren’t leaving in a few days for the custody hearing but it’s going to happen whether we look it in the eye or not.’
She nodded. ‘Yeah. I know.’
‘You didn’t go looking for any of this,’ I said. ‘Me, my kid, my never-ending custody story. In fact, you were very clear about helping me with one specific matter and then permanently excusing yourself from my life.’
‘That was true. At one point.’
‘It’s not true anymore?’
‘I think we can agree that a lot of things have changed along the way.’
‘Tell me what’s changed,’ I said.
She rounded the kitchen island and stopped right in front of me. With her hands on her hips, she said, ‘You already know everything has changed. There’s no need to make a list. We just need to decide where we go next.’
‘Where do we go next?’ I asked. ‘I’m not sure how to answer that, Audrey. Should I tell you that I’ve spent the past few weeks debating whether to quietly sell my place and hope you never notice that we’ve moved in? Or that every time I think about the future, you’re the only thing I can see? Or that watching you take care of my son tonight made me realize I’ve been holding my breath for fucking years? But since coming here with Percy, I can actually breathe again? Or that you give my son something I can’t and it makes me feel like I’m finally doing this right? Should I tell you all of that? Or should I just say you’ll have to bar the doors and hire a private army to keep me from coming back to you because I can’t imagine us anywhere else?’
She stared at me for a long moment, long enough that I started to think I’d made a major misstep, but then she said, ‘Yeah. I thought so.’ Before my brain could catch up, she went on. ‘I talked to my principal. Percy can enroll in my school, even if he won’t be five until the end of September.’
‘Wait—what?’
‘Our kindergarten teacher knows ASL. Her name’s Aurora and she grew up with ASL. She has a lot of experience with students who have communication differences too. He’ll be able to have small group lessons with other kids at his reading level, which will be a lot less frustrating than his preschool experiences, and he’ll be right down the hall from me the whole time.’
‘You’ve thought about this,’ I said, though it was obvious.
‘Of course I have,’ she said. ‘I want you here, even if it’s hard and we don’t know what we’re doing. Even if the custody situation makes it more complicated. I want to figure all of it out with you.’
I pushed off the sink and reached for her, my hands settling on her waist. ‘Really?’
She ducked her head, laughing. ‘I’m not going to bar the door.’
‘I am in love with you. Do you know that? I fucking love you and every time I think I’ve found the perimeter of that love, you do something new and it spills out of my hands. It makes a goddamn mess of me, Audrey. I need you to know that. I need you to understand that I don’t exist without you.’
She reached out, grabbed my shirt, and yanked me to her chest, sealing her lips over mine. A stunned second passed before I could remember how to kiss her back. ‘Audrey,’ I whispered against her lips. I closed my arms around her torso, held her tight to me. ‘Say something.’
‘I love you too.’ I felt her smile. ‘And also, what do you think about taking this conversation into Percy’s room?’
‘To hear him if he wakes up or so I can fuck you in a bed?’
‘The answer is yes,’ she replied.
‘Good. I like that answer. Especially since I’m too old to keep doing this standing up.’
We tiptoed down the hall, pausing outside her room to watch Percy as he slept. I held up a finger to her and gathered a bunch of his stuffed animals from his bed. He’d reach for them and get confused if they weren’t there.
When he was surrounded by his buddies, I pulled the door halfway shut and led Audrey into the other bedroom. I wagged a finger at her clothes, saying, ‘Off,’ as I pulled my shirt over my head.
The bed was inarguably tiny but we didn’t care.
‘I love you,’ I said, running a hand down her outer thigh while I wrapped my other arm around her shoulders. ‘I didn’t get to say it to you for so long and now that I’ve said it, I don’t think I’m going to be able to stop.’
She hummed in agreement as she reached between us, taking my cock in hand. I loved the confidence in her touch, as if she had no doubt about what I wanted and how to give it to me. ‘Then don’t stop,’ she said. ‘I won’t make you.’
I was tired and frayed but also relieved—so fucking relieved—and I didn’t think I could wait much longer. Not while her nipples rubbed against my chest and she stroked me like that. I shifted to my knees and nudged her beneath me, prying her legs apart as I went. ‘Show me,’ I said, a hand splayed on her inner thigh. With my free hand, I grabbed her wrist and guided it to her breast. ‘Show me where you want me.’
She grinned up at me as she traced her nipples. ‘Everywhere.’
I notched myself at her entrance, my cockhead throbbing against the wet of her. ‘Like this? Right here?’
Her gaze traveled from my eyes down the center of my chest to where I pressed inside her. I ran a knuckle over her clit, circling it in slow, rough passes until a breathy moan sounded and her back arched. ‘Right there,’ she said, her eyes closed and lips parted.
I pulled her knee to my hip and pushed inside her, devouring every little tremor of her inner muscles I felt around my cock. She shifted, the knee on my hip forcing me closer, deeper as she rolled her hips.
Some instinctual, animal part of my brain wanted to let go and rut into her but everything else ordered me to settle into each second and savor it. I dropped to an elbow and found her lips. ‘I love you,’ I said between kisses.
‘Love you too,’ she said, her voice as soft as a dream.
I hooked an arm under her waist and held her tight, never once breaking away from her lips. I didn’t think much about coming. I knew we would, one way or another, and I knew this wouldn’t be the last time. And that changed everything.
