New housemates had come and gone in their billet in Mill Hill, but Maddie
was pleased that both she and Gertie and even Betty had been left to their
own devices. There had been the odd inspection by a superior officer but,
luckily, they’d always been prepared and the house and their quarters had
passed muster.
Then one day, out of the blue, Chief Commander Helen Worthing, her
old commanding officer, arrived. The woman looked even more exhausted
than the last time Maddie had seen her, and Maddie knew she’d been right
not to let them pressure her into becoming an officer.
Gertie had made tea for the visitor and then hung around uncomfortably
until it was obvious that this was to be a private and perhaps confidential
meeting.
‘You look well,’ said Helen Worthing.
‘You too,’ lied Maddie.
‘This posting obviously agrees with you.’
‘I’ve been content here,’ said Maddie.
‘Just content?’ asked the commander. ‘You don’t feel it’s a step down,
then?’ The woman smiled.
‘I’m happy in my work, ma’am. And I’ll do anything the army and my
country asks of me.’
‘Right. Does that mean that if I asked you to drive an ambulance again
instead of scrubbing floors at Inglis Barracks you’d do it?’
‘I’m sorry, I—’
‘Would you like to have your old job back, Private Brady?’
Yes! No. Maddie paused. ‘I… I don’t know. I like living here.
Sunnyfield’s not far from the barracks. And my best pal and I work well
together at the officers’ mess.’
‘But if you could still stay here in this billet, would you be interested in
a driving job then?’
‘I need time to think, ma’am. I’m used to being with my friend…’
‘Ah, Private Adams, I believe. But surely your friend would understand,
and you could still be together in your off-duty time? We need good
mechanics and drivers.’
‘Yes, but Gertie needs me too. She’s had a bad time and I’m her friend.
I’ve promised I won’t leave her.’
‘Not the sort of promise we can make in wartime, though, is it, Private?
But I understand. Your friend Gertrude Adams has been through a lot. Lost
her husband. Lost a baby. I can see where you two have a lot in common.’
Maddie said nothing. She wasn’t being rude. Or insubordinate. She was
confused. And unhappy. Commander Worthing had reminded her of her
baby and asked her to make a decision that would split up her and Gertie.
‘Tell you what, Private Brady, I’ll give you some time to think about
this.’
‘Do I have to accept the new post?’
‘I thought you enjoyed driving. And you were good at it. Steady,
dependable, careful. And an excellent mechanic. Don’t you want to do that
again?’
‘I’m not sure.’
‘Seven days, Private. You’ve got seven days to decide. Phone me at
headquarters with your decision.’
They exchanged salutes at the front door and Helen Worthing left the
house and got into her car. A staff car like the one Maddie used to drive. An
ATS driver was at the wheel.
Maddie stared after them wistfully. Stayed there on the front step until
the car was far out of sight.
Gertie was waiting for her in the kitchen, her face taut with anger. ‘So,
you leaving then? Taking this fancy new job?’
‘You were listening? Did you eavesdrop, Gert?’
‘’Course I bleedin’ listened! Stood behind the kitchen door! What d’you
expect me to do when brass like her turns up, looking all official? I was
worried for my mate. Worried you were in trouble. Turns out I needn’t have
bothered. Seems you got it all sewn up, Madds. How long you known about
this? This fancy new job?’
‘If you listened carefully, then you already know. It’s the first I heard of
it. The woman used to be my commanding officer, but I haven’t seen her for
over a year. And I can’t believe you’re getting shirty. I didn’t accept, did I?
I told her about the promise I made you.’
‘Sure! Like I’m some pathetic charity case. Well, I don’t need no
soddin’ charity.’
‘Gert, don’t do this.’ Maddie pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and
sat down next to her friend. ‘Don’t get angry, let’s talk about it.’
‘Oh? You want to talk, Madds? Now you want to talk? So, let’s talk
about what we’ve got in common. What did she mean by that?’
‘I don’t get you,’ said Maddie.
‘Sure you do. That officer seemed to know an awful lot about you
about me. She knew about Bill getting killed. About my baby…’ Gertie
sniffed and pulled a sleeve roughly across her eyes to trap the tears. ‘What
ain’t you told me, Maddie? Did you lose a husband as well? Is that what she
means?’
‘No!’ said Maddie, adamantly. ‘I never had a husband.’ And now she
was angry too. Why did Gertie have to do this? Dig up the sadness of the
past. Some things were better off buried.
‘So, not a husband then. What else could it be?’ asked Gertie. ‘A
husband and a baby, both taken from me. Have you lost something too?’
Maddie’s head sunk to her chest and her shoulders heaved as she
struggled to suck in air. Plump tears fell in heavy drops onto the kitchen
table in front of her and burst in random patterns.
‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph! You lost a baby. That’s it, ain’t it?’
Maddie couldn’t speak. Even if she’d wanted to, it seemed that the
power of speech had been taken from her. Suddenly, her head felt much too
heavy for her body to hold. She rested her arms on the table, dropped her
head on top of them.
The poignant silence lay thick and heavy on the room, enveloping the
two friends.
Gertie was the first to break it: ‘Well?’
Maddie had nothing. No words would come. The passage between her
brain and her mouth seemed blocked. Any meaningful words had dried up.
‘And when was this? Before we met, obviously,’ sneered Gertie,
answering her own question. ‘That’s it!’ she said, remembering. ‘You got
sent back to basic for a refresher; you told me so. Said you was on sick
leave. Gawd, how thick am I? Right under my nose.’
Maddie still couldn’t speak. Nothing would make a difference to the
way Gertie felt.
‘But you know what kills me, Madds? The thing I can’t get my head
around? The thing I may never be able to forgive you for? Is that all the
time I was suffering, you could have told me I wasn’t alone. That the same
thing had happened to you. You could have helped me. Told me it wasn’t
my fault.’
‘Of course it wasn’t your fault!’ shouted Maddie.
‘She speaks,’ said Gertie.
‘Look, let’s not do this, not now,’ said Maddie. ‘You’re angry. We’ll talk
about it later, when we can be rational.’
‘Rational! You think you’ve been rational? And yes, I’m bleedin’ angry.
What you expect? You betrayed me. I thought you were a friend, that we
had no secrets. That we looked out for each other. But you know what?’
‘What?’
‘Sod off and take the bloody job. Go off with your fancy commander
and your fancy new posting and I don’t care if I never see your face around
here again, Maddie Brady. And that’s the truth. Chew on it till it chokes
you.’
And with that, Gertie ran from the kitchen and slammed the door noisily
behind her. The sound rang in Maddie’s ears like a death knell
