the middle of the night, fucking freezing. My back hurts, and I feel lousy for hurting Neva. It had to be done. I was on the verge of crossing a line with her, and one of us needed to put a stop to it.
I scrub a palm over my face and go to the bathroom. The light switch doesn’t work. Fuck. The power is out. No wonder it’s so fucking cold.
I piss in the dark and nearly scream when Mr. Tinkles brushes over my foot. Damn cat. He scratches around in his litter box. I shake my head and wash my hands in the icy water.
Neva must be freezing. I stumble back toward the bed and feel around for her. I find her awake, teeth chattering. “I’ll go see if there’s anyone in the office. There must be a generator for nights like this.”
“Don’t go.”
“I’ll be back before you have time to miss me.”
“What if they’re out there, waiting for you to leave me alone?”
“No one is going to hurt you. Not on my watch.”
“You already did,” she whispers, her voice so low I barely hear it.
“Bean.”
“Whatever. I’ll be fine. Go.”
I grab my jacket and slip on my boots. “I’ll have the key. Don’t open the door for anyone.”
“Yeah, sure.”
I make sure the door locks behind me. I hate how things have been left between us, but it was the right move. She may not see it now, but years from now when she’s happy with someone else, she’ll be glad we never acted on our attraction.
There’s no one around. The motel is dark and quiet. The whole fucking town is quiet. No lights to be seen. Only the snow and the moon provide visibility.
The office is locked up tight.
I smoke a cigarette and observe. I don’t see anything or anyone.
When I slip back into the room, Neva is huddled up under the blanket, sleeping. I kick off my boots and drop my jacket on the back of a chair.
Then I hear it. The soft sobs coming from Neva.
Fuck.
I yank the covers back and curl my body to hers.
Pressing my lips to the back of her neck, I tell her three words. “I’m sorry, Bean.” I know they aren’t the three she wants to hear.
She cries harder, and I can’t bear the sound. I can’t be the one to break her heart like this.
“Look at me, Neva.”
She shakes her head.
“You deserve better than what I can offer you. You don’t want to be my secret, and I don’t want to be your regret.”
She twists to face me.
“At least I’d have you,” her voice is broken and hoarse.
“I can’t be what you want. I can’t give you what you want.” I cup her face and press my lips to hers. She tastes of sugar and tears. She doesn’t kiss me back. “I can’t bear the thought of you hating me.” I kiss her once more, and this time she opens her mouth to me.
Her tongue moves with mine, setting every cell in my body on fire. I know I can’t give her any more than this. I can’t take this any further, and it kills me.
“Try to get some sleep.”
She nods and rolls back over, her back pressed to my front. Pure torture knowing how she tastes and how she feels in my arms. If there’s a hell on earth, this is it. Having her right where I want her and unable to do a damn thing about it.
I strum my fingers over her belly. The act starts out innocently enough, but then she takes my hand, moving it south.
I have a choice to make, and I only hope it doesn’t blow up in my face and bite me in the ass.
But I have to know if it’ll be as good as I’ve imagined.
I shove my hand down the front of her pajama bottoms and into her panties. Her hot flesh meets my icy hand. Heaven and hell. An angel and a demon touching for the first time.
For a minute I don’t move; I just stay still. Our heavy breaths fill the room. My pulse beats in the head of my cock. Neva shifts her ass against my crotch, and I hook a finger inside her sweet, tight heat.
Fuck me. One touch and I’m done for. I already know that no other woman will ever feel as good as she does. Never taste as sweet. She grinds against my hand, and I jerk her pants down with my other. My cock fucking weeps. Pre-cum leaks from the head, and all I want is to be inside her. To come all in her. To mark her. Stake my claim. Make her mine.
But I can’t go there.
And yet, when she moans, I come undone. I surrender to everything I’ve been trying to fight against. I take what I want. Her body. I know her heart is already mine. It has been since we were kids. I just didn’t know it or understand it back then.
But now I get it.
Neva was made for me.
She’s mine.
I free my dick and rub the head back and forth between her ass cheeks. She’s fucking soaked.
I could get off just from this right here.
“Justice,” my name leaves her lips, and I nearly do.
This is fast and dirty, but I can’t stop myself. This primal need to have her overtakes me. I thrust into her from behind. Her warmth wraps around me snug and tight. Oh, so fucking tight.
“Fuck, Neva,” I growl out the words sounding feral. Unhinged. Crazed with lust. Driven by need.
I’ve got her skin to skin. Nothing separates us now.
I pinch her nipple and kiss her neck. She feels so good. Too damn good.
She reaches back, digging her nails into my thigh. Our bodies slap together in the dead of night. Nothing has ever felt more right. More natural than the way her pussy molds to my dick. Her muscles squeeze and spasm around me.
Beautiful.
Poetry in motion.
Her body hums like a fucking live wire. Her pants and moans are the best song ever played.
There’s a million ways to die, and if death came for me now, there’d be no sweeter way to go out than buried deep inside Neva.
My heart swells. My good girl takes my dick hard and fast, meeting me thrust for thrust.
Here in the dark, there’s only us. No worries. No line to cross. No bridges to burn. In her I’ve found paradise. Like she’s unlocked the Garden of Eden between her thighs.
How am I going to go back to anything else after this? After Neva.
My cock twitches and jerks. I’m so close. I close my eyes and bite down on my lip, trying to hold out longer. This can’t end. Not yet. I slow my pace and know I need to see her face when she comes. Neva isn’t just some slut, but I’m fucking her like one. I need to show her I can do sweet. I can be romantic.
It kills me to pull out now, but I do. She rolls onto her back, and I fuck her missionary style. Brushing her hair back from her face. I kiss her lips, her nose, and her cheeks.
I pull back to watch my cock slide in and out of her tight velvet heat.
“Look at you taking this cock so fuckin’ deep like my good girl.” I stroke my knuckles along her cheek.
I take my time, moving in slow, languid strokes, flexing my hips, but I want her riding me. I want to see all of her. I want to see her lose control.
I want to watch her fall apart and come back together again in my arms, but mostly I want to taste her. I want to shove my cock in every hole she’s got and see my come leaking out of every single one.
I roll onto my back, letting her take control.
She traces the lines of my tattoos with her tongue. Her kisses melt on my skin like sugar.
Finally, she sinks down onto me and grinds, touching herself all over.
“Fuck me like you want me to put a baby in you,” I tell her, meaning every word. If I were to get her pregnant, Devil would have no choice other than to let me claim her as my ol’ lady.
“What?”
“You heard me.” I slap her ass. “Make a baby with me, Neva. A piece of me and a piece of you.”
“Are you drunk or just crazy?”
“Drunk on you. You belong to me Neva. There’s no one else. How could there be?” I roll us over so that I’m on top again. “You’re everything I want. Everything I’ve denied myself. I need you. I want you.” I hold her down and thrust deep as I can. I don’t ask for permission. I don’t ask if she’s on the pill. I shoot my load and hold her still, not letting her move, praying like hell we just created a life together.
Wrong or right. I don’t give a damn. Neva’s mine. I’m tired of fighting it.
I’m tired of pretending. “I love you, Neva.” I give her the four words she’s longed to hear. I hold her gaze and then kiss her lips. “I’ll talk to Devil. I’ll tell him I’m your man.”
She stares at me soundlessly.
“You going to say something or just leave me hanging?”
“I love you.” She touches my face as though she’s afraid this is all a dream.
“I mean every word.”
She nods. And I wrap my arms around her, holding her body to mine.
“I should get cleaned up,” she tells me.
“Not yet.”
“Did you hit your head or something?”
“What do you mean?”
“You said a lot of things.”
“Meant every single word.”
“So are we…”
“Bean, you’ve always been mine. I’m just making it official.” I claim her mouth.
when we woke up this morning, and the roads had been reopened, so after breakfast we got back on the road. Part of me hated to leave the bubble that existed in that motel room.
Going home with Justice to face my father is daunting. I know he loves him like a son, and Storm sees him as the brother he always wanted. But how will they react when we tell them we’re going to be together?
Last night feels like a fever dream. I can still taste Justice’s lips on mine. Feel the size of him between my thighs. It’s a delicious ache that I never want to heal.
He’s driving now. One hand on the wheel, his other grips the top of my left thigh. Tattooed and rough.
I fidget with the radio, unable to focus on anything. Unable to sit still. I just want to be back in his arms, skin to skin, hearing him whisper every sin he wants to do to my body.
We’re only an hour from home now. It’s funny. A week ago I couldn’t wait to get home for a break from my life. From stupid Derrick and his groupie sluts. Now I have what I’ve always wanted.
Justice ‘Ice’ Delgado. And I don’t want this ride to end.
“Am I dropping you at the farm?”
“Clubhouse. That’s where Dad will be.”
“You could just go home with me.”
“Tempting offer.”
“I’m not ready to share you with everyone just yet.” He draws my hand to his lips to kiss my knuckles.
“When should we tell them?”
“How about the Christmas party? Devil is bound to be drunk and in a good mood then.”
“Is he ever in a good mood?”
“Since he got that new neighbor.”
“What new neighbor?”
“Mrs. Fox passed away a few months back. Left her place to her long-lost granddaughter or some shit.”
“He’s never mentioned her. Who is she?”
“Greylan Wright.”
“Does he have a thing for her?”
“Something like that. Don’t tell him I said anything.”
“My lips are sealed.” My father has had plenty of women warming his bed over the years but no one who has taken up permanent residence in his life. “Is she pretty?”
“She’s nice.”
“Nice.” I chew over the word, wondering if he’s worried I’ll be jealous if he says yes.
When we come up on the sign that says, ‘Welcome to Blackwood,’ Justice pulls off to the side of the road.
“What are you doing?”
“C’mere.” He tucks a finger under my chin and moves in for a kiss. “You sure you don’t want to come home with me? Once we get back, everyone will want your time and attention.”
“You jealous?”
“Insanely.” He grins and kisses me again.
“Maybe for a few hours. We can show up a little late.”
“Good. Thought I might have to pull out these.” He reaches behind the driver’s seat and pulls out those black fur handcuffs.
I’d forgotten about that bag. “What else are you hiding in that bag?”
“It’s a surprise.”
Justice lives in a cabin not that far from my father. It’s technically on our property, but it’s located on the opposite end with a private driveway that cuts through the winding creek that runs adjacent to the farm. The surrounding woods provide plenty of privacy. I’m not worried about anyone seeing us. We will need to be careful at the clubhouse. Too many eyes and ears. No one comes out here unless they’re invited.
I grab Mr. Tinkles in his carrier while Justice unloads his travel bag.
The cabin itself isn’t very big, but it’s cozy. I’ve not been here in years. The outside hasn’t changed except for a swing being added to the porch and a couple of rocking chairs on the other side separated by a small table holding an ashtray. I let Mr. Tinkles out to explore the rooms and stick his temporary litter box in the bathroom.
I wash my hands and nose around his medicine cabinet. There’s nothing here belonging to another woman. No proof of Tawny leaving anything behind. I wonder how often she stayed over.
“There you are.” Justice leans against the doorframe. “Find what you’re looking for?”
“No. I was seeing if Tawny had left any hair ties,” I lie.
Justice snorts. “You never wear your hair up.”
“Busted.”
“It’s cute that you’re jealous, but you’ve got no reason to be.”
“I know.”
“Do you?” He flicks the tip of my nose. “Come on.” He grabs my hand and leads me back to the living room.
He wasn’t kidding when he said he had the basics. There’s nothing on his walls other than his big-screen television. We flop down on his cushy brown suede couch.
“You’ve got me here. Now what are you planning on doing with me?”
“This.” He cups my face between his hands and kisses me soft and deep, using lots of tongue. “How’d I ever think I could go the rest of my life without this?”
“Seems like a poor choice on your part.”
“I’ll make it up to you.” He kisses me again, and then we hear it. The crunch of tires on his gravel driveway. “Fuck.” He gets up and glances out the window. “If I tell you to stay put, will you?”
“Why?”
“Please, Bean.”
“Okay…”
He sighs and puts on his boots, followed by his leather cut and his jacket over it. A hard expression clouds his eyes as his mouth hardens into a firm line. “I’ll only be a minute or two.”
Justice leaves me sitting on his couch and walks out.
The second the door shuts, I’m at the window peering out at the red car parked behind my father’s SUV we’ve been traveling in.
A woman steps out of the driver’s side. Not just any woman. Tawny is here. Did Justice lie to me about where they stand? He told me they were over. She’s my opposite. Tall and blonde with a big bust and an even bigger ass.
I can’t hear what they’re saying, but going off the way she’s moving her hands and jerking her head around, she’s pissed.
“Who’s in there?” she shrieks.
Oh God. I know that pain. I don’t particularly like her, but I never want to be the woman that does another woman like dirt. Even a bimbo like her.
I need the truth, and there’s only one way to get it. I grab my coat and slip my boots back on. When I open the front door and cross my arms, I get it.
“Is that Neva? Did you dump me for her?”
I smile at her words. My man didn’t lie. He was nicer and said they ended things but dumped before coming to pick me up, tells me something. Deep down, Justice knew that there was a possibility with me. He came to pick me up single.
“She’s like your sister. That’s what you told me.”
“It’s none of your business, Tawny. You have no business being here.”
“I’m pregnant, asshole,” she yells, and my world stops spinning.
“The fuck did you just say?”
“You heard me. I’m having your baby, and you’re here shacking up with her.”
My stomach drops. My heart lodges in my throat.
I slam the door closed behind me and find Mr. Tinkles. I get him in his carrier and grab my father’s keys off the coffee table. I’m going to be sick, but first I need to get out of here.
I storm down the driveway, marching toward them with my kitty in tow.
“Where are you going, Bean?”
“Don’t worry about it. You’ve got your hands full.”
Tawny smirks at me, satisfied with her little outburst and the scene she’s made. Bitch.
“Just wait. We’ll talk about this. All of us.”
I shake my head. “This has nothing to do with me. It’s between the two of you.” Sliding into the driver’s seat, I click the locks and place Mr. Tinkles in the passenger seat. After I adjust the seat and mirrors, I start the vehicle and pull forward and get turned around so I can go around the skanky bitch who just ruined everything.
I can’t be with him knowing she’s having his baby. Ride me like you want to make a baby with me. Those were his words. Did he pull the same shit with her? Lucky for me, I’m on birth control, and the chances of my being pregnant too are less than one percent.
But part of me wanted it. To create a life with him. To be his ol’ lady. It was all so close I could taste it, and now…
I shake my head as he stares at me, looking defeated. “Neva,” he calls out my name as I continue past him. I drive past my father’s driveway and to the clubhouse. My anger keeps me from bursting into tears. The sad part is I’m not even mad at him. I’m pissed at myself for getting so wrapped up in my fantasy of him. Guess he was right. I’m a magnet for trouble. I get halfway down the road when the low air pressure alert sounds for one of the tires. Great.
I pull off on the side of the road and get out. I’ve got a flat. Perfect. I grab my bag and Mr. Tinkles. My dad’s house isn’t that far back. I can walk home and call him or my brother to deal with the tire. There’s no way I’m asking Justice for help.
I can’t look at him right now. I can’t think about Tawny having his child. One that could have been mine. I march down the road toward home. A car comes up, driving weirdly slow in my direction from Justice’s direction, which is weird because he’s the last driveway on this road. No one comes this far up our holler. No one.
The hair on the back of my neck stands as the car gets closer.
I squint as the sun reflects off the snow. It’s too cold for this right now. I shiver and debate between cutting through the woods for home or running back to the car. Neither prospect is good, and I’ve got Mr. Tinkles to consider.
Shit.
As the car gets closer, I recognize the passenger. Jenny Lynn. The woman from the bar who was eager to be my friend. The woman Justice said was pissed about her husband subscribing to my Only Coeds site.
Oh, my God. They followed me home. They’ve been following me the whole time.
Neva drives off, and Tawny shoves at me. “Are you even listening to me?”
“I can’t do this right now.” I need to go after Neva and explain that it doesn’t matter. We can still be together. “Is it even mine?”
“Oh, you asshole.” Tawny takes a swing at me, and I duck.
“If it’s mine, I’ll pay child support. Split custody. Whatever. But this doesn’t change anything, Tawny. I don’t want to be with you.”
“That’s great, Justice. You think I want to raise a baby on my own? You’re going to do the right thing. I told Devil.”
“You did what?” I growl.
“He’s thrilled for us.”
“Why would you do that?”
“I wanted him to know that I wouldn’t try to get between you and the club.”
“There is no us.” Fuck.
“Him and Daddy are already working out the details. You know Devil’s been trying to do business with him, and Daddy agreed if you marry me.”
“I’m not marrying you. You’re fuckin’ crazy.”
“We’ll see.”
Devil has been trying to get her old man to sell one of his businesses to him to use to wash the club’s money.
I need to talk to Neva.
Make her understand that I can get Devil what he wants and marry Tawny, but that doesn’t mean I have to be her husband on anything but paper. We could still be together. This doesn’t have to change anything, but Devil…he’d kill me if I made his daughter the other woman. My piece on the side. Not that it’d be that way, but that’s how it would look.
“You’ve fucked up my life.”
“You’ll come around. Once the baby is born, you’ll see.”
“I’m never going to love you.”
I’ll talk to Devil. Find another way to make this deal happen.
“We’ve got all the time in the world. You’ll forget all about Neva.”
“Fuck you.”
“Is that any way to talk to the mother of your child and wife to be?”
“You’re delusional.”
“They’ve already started on the paperwork, hubby.”
This can’t be happening.
I was so close to everything I’ve ever really wanted. I’m going to kill her, but first I’m going to be sick. I walk to the edge of my driveway. Tawny is running her mouth behind me. All I want is to rewind time. To go back to Deadeye Motel, where I had Neva in my arms. When I was inside her and my world finally felt complete.
I look back at Tawny, and all I feel for her is raw hatred. She’s ruined my life. She’s taken Neva from me. Forever. I know it. I’ve lost her for good.
I need to think, and I can’t do it while this bitch runs her cocksucker.
Damn her. Damn it all.
I need to go after Neva before she hears this shit from Devil.
My bike is at the clubhouse.
“I need your car.”
“What?”
“I’ll bring it back. Stay here.” I don’t wait for permission. I jump into the driver’s side of Tawny’s car and l leave her standing there throwing her hands up in the air.
It doesn’t take me long to find Neva. She’s pulled off the road not far from Devil’s driveway. Why though? I pull over behind her and pray she will hear me out. I never meant for any of this to happen. She’s all I want. She knows that. She has to know that I would never hurt her. Not like this.
I rush up to the driver’s side, finding it empty. I spin, looking around. “Neva?” She’s gone. I see her tracks in the snow, leading back to the house. Then I notice the flat tire.
Didn’t Devil say he just got these? Maybe I ran over a nail or something, and it was a slow leak. I shake my head. I’ll figure it out after I talk to her. I get back in Tawny’s car and start down Devil’s driveway when I see them. Jenny Lynn and Tom. They’ve got Neva at gunpoint. What the fuck?
I reach for my gun, but remember I left it back at my place. It’s on the fucking kitchen counter.
They haven’t spotted me yet, and they can’t get past Tawny’s car if I leave it parked here. If I could sneak back to my place…but there’s not enough time. Devil has guns stashed all over his house, if I can get them to go inside without Tom shooting one of us first.
I pull out my cell phone to fire off a text to Storm and hope he’s not off on a bender somewhere.
Damn it, no service.
I tuck my phone back in my pocket. I need a weapon. Fuck me. I check Tawny’s glove box. Bingo. The gun her father gifted her last year for Christmas. Guess I should be thankful she didn’t shoot my ass. I check to see if it’s even loaded.
Thank God for small favors, she’s got a full clip.
I ease out of the car, but all their heads snap to me when I slam the door shut. “A party and I didn’t get an invite,” I call out. Tom points his gun at me, and his eyes are off Neva. Good. That’s what I wanted.
“Don’t come any closer,” he shouts.
“It’s cool, man. I just want to talk.”
I try to shoot a look at Neva. I need her to run.
As soon as she’s clear, I’m taking my shot.
She looks at me and nods, then makes her move. Everything happens fast.
Neva elbows Jenny Lynn in the gut. She doubles over and Neva runs. I fire a shot, and so does Tom. Mine strikes him in the left shoulder. His hits the windshield of Tawny’s car. I fire again and miss. The third time I get his gut.
Jenny Lynn goes for his gun, but I fire another round into the air, and she drops down to his side instead.
Neva stands on the porch, cuddling her damn cat, but the sight warms me.
“Go call Thad Stevens,” I tell Neva as I walk up on Jenny Lynn and Tom. I could burn them in their car at one of the old strip mines, but I’m not involving Neva in something like that.
Tawny comes rushing across the field between my house and Devil’s.
“I heard the shots. Are you okay?”
Jenny Lynn cries over her piece of shit pervert husband.
He’s breathing, but barely.
Tawny is throwing a tantrum about her car, but all I care about is Neva.
“Keep an eye on them.” I hand Tawny her gun and trust she’s not going to shoot me. Not yet anyway.
I walk into the house and find Neva sitting by the fireplace with Mr. Tinkles, staring at the flames.
I drop to my knees in front of her. “Fuck, Neva. Thought I’d lost you.”
I cradle her warm face between my chilly hands.
She tries to pull away from me.
“But you have. You’re having a baby with Tawny. I can’t get between that. I won’t. I won’t be the other woman. Not even for you. I love you, Justice, but it hurts too bad. I—”
Her pain crashes through me like thunder cracking across the sky in a storm.
“I won’t give you up, baby. I can’t. You’re in my veins. You could cut them open and bleed me dry, but you’d still be in my bones. You belong to me, Bean. I’m yours. All fucking yours.”
She shakes her head. Tears stream down her cheeks. “If you love me, you’ll let me go.”
“You’re my whole heart. My whole goddamned stupid fucking heart. I love you, Neva, with every fiber in me. We can’t be over. I just got you. You’re mine.”
“Please, just go. I can’t look at you.” She closes her eyes, and I kiss her sugary lips. “No.” She lets the cat go and shoves me on my ass. “Just go, please.”
“Bean…”
“Don’t. I need to be alone right now.”
“Fine, but this isn’t over. We’re going to talk about this.”
She nods, biting back her tears, still not looking at me, and it kills me.
I’ve done the one thing I swore I wouldn’t. I’ve broken her heart and my own.
I walk back outside just as Thad and two of his deputies pull up, followed by Devil.
way to the hospital. He bled out. Jenny Lynn is sitting in a cell and charged with kidnapping. I thought she was so nice. Part of me had thought Justice had made up that story about them as a way to get me to do what he wanted.
We never truly know anyone, I guess. They were strangers, but they knew things about me.
Thad said that they had been following me for weeks. Jenny Lynn confessed to it all. She said they just wanted to scare me and force me to give back the money her husband spent watching my videos. Either way, they didn’t have good intentions. Because Tom fired at Justice, they let him go, citing it was self-defense. I’m grateful he was there and that he saved my life, but nothing has changed. I can’t be with him.
I know he doesn’t love Tawny, but I know him. He’s going to want to do the right thing and be there for his kid. He never had a true father growing up. Well, besides mine. I don’t want to ruin that relationship either. He’s in my father’s club, and I’d never want to get in the way of that. Not to mention he’s my brother’s best friend.
Storm would kill him if he knew that he’d slept with me.
There’s too much between us. A million reasons why we could never work, and yet there’s a part of me that burns hotter than ever for him.
I miss him so much, but I refuse to see him. Because if I do, I’ll give in. I’ll let him sweet-talk me into something that will only cause us both more pain.
I’ve been locked away in my old bedroom. Everyone has been giving me space considering I was nearly kidnapped at gunpoint.
But it’s Christmas Eve, and I promised my old man I’d cook dinner for him and Storm tomorrow, and I need to get busy prepping for it. And I guess he’s invited this Greylan chick. The woman who inherited the farm down the road from us.
Then there’s Justice. He usually eats here on the holidays because for years he’s been part of our family. This year he’s probably with Tawny. The idea of it makes me sick to my stomach.
He should be here with me. We should be about to tell my father and my brother that we’re together.
I shake those thoughts away and crawl out of bed even though it’s the last thing I want to do.
The house is quiet. No one will be here until later. The guys are doing their annual Christmas party at the clubhouse.
I go through the motions of getting dressed and turning on some Christmas music, but I’m anything but festive.
This may be my worst Christmas yet other than the year we lost my mother.
The one thing I’ve always wished for I can no longer have.
Christmas can suck a dick.
In the kitchen, I flick on the lights and turn on the coffee pot, though I wish I had something stronger to get me through the next few days. I’m going back after Christmas Day. I can’t stay here a second longer. I can’t chance seeing Justice or, worse, seeing him with Tawny.
I heard my dad talking to my brother about a business deal with Tawny’s father that depends on Justice marrying her.
Even if I wanted to be with him, there’s no way it could work.
Like he said. I don’t want to be his secret, and he doesn’t want to be my regret. And that’s exactly where the road leads. A big, fat, fucking dead end without him. Why put myself through more pain?
We had one night, and that’s all we will ever be.
I have to make my peace with that.
I pour myself a coffee and go into the living room to plug in the tree. I sit by the fireplace and stare out the window, wondering if he’s over at his cabin.
It doesn’t matter.
I dig around in my bag for my birth control pills and find that stupid present I bought him or that he bought for himself. I take the Santa on a motorcycle snow globe out of my purse and leave it on the coffee table. I want to smash it into a million pieces, but for some stupid reason, I grab my coat and slip my boots on. Before I know what I’m doing, I’m across the field and knocking on his door.
He opens it immediately. “Bean?” His eyes widen at the sight of me.
“Here.” I thrust the novelty gift at his chest.
He smiles.
“Wipe that smile off your face. This doesn’t change anything.”
He puts the snow globe on a nearby table. “Can we talk?”
“No.” I shake my head. “I’ve got to get back.”
“Five minutes, Neva. You can give me that, can’t you?”
God looking at his stupid jerk face pisses me off. “Oh my God, what happened to your face?” I go to touch the puffy bruise around his eye.
“Give me five minutes.”
“Fine. Five minutes. Not a second more.”
I kick my boots off and shrug my jacket off to lie across the back of his couch while he shuts the door behind me.
I drop down onto the cushions and fold my arms across my chest. “Start talking.”
“I told your father no. About the deal. Told him he’d have to find another way to get what he wanted. That he could kick me from the club, but I’m not going to marry Tawny. I don’t love her, and nothing is going to change that. I love you, and I told him that, too.”
“You what?”
“I told Devil that I’m in love with you, Bean.”
“Did he hit you?”
“No. That was Storm.”
“I’m going to kick his ass. He has no right.”
“It wasn’t just about you. We’ve got some issues to work out.”
“Let me guess. Club business.”
“Yup.” He pulls my arms apart. “Fuck, baby. I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too, but this doesn’t change the fact that Tawny is having your kid.”
“It’s not mine. The baby. Tawny confessed she slept with your brother.”
“Oh.” I make a disgusted face.
“We can be together, Neva.”
He pulls me to his side.
“Wait. Why aren’t you at the clubhouse for the party?”
“Because I’m out. I chose you, Neva.”
“Does my father know this?”
“Not yet.”
“You can’t quit the club for me. Devil will come around.”
“I love you, Bean.” He kisses me hard, deep, and wet with lots of tongue.
I pull back. “So you know for sure that Tawny’s baby isn’t yours?”
“Not until we can do a DNA test, but Storm’s agreed to marry her.”
“What? Why?”
“To make your father proud of him for once. You know how he is.”
I guess I do. Storm loves Justice like a brother, but he gets jealous of how much attention he gets from our father. Storm fucks up a lot, so I can see it.
“Hmm.”
“Hmm, what?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I’m processing.”
“Can you process naked in my bed, because all I want for Christmas is you.”
“Maybe.” I grin, and he pulls me in for another kiss.
“Good, because I’m cuffing you to my bed.” He places one of the black furry cuffs around my wrist. “And while we’re at it. We can play with these.”
He bought those stupid dice.
“Merry Christmas, Bean.”
His lips meet mine, and then I lose all my clothes and my heart to Justice ‘Ice’ Delgado.
