“…An avanc is a ferocious aquatic creature that inhabits the rivers of North Wales. It’s fairly easy to spot; it resembles a huge, overgrown beaver with a crocodile-like snout.” Black chuckled. “Avancs feed primarily on livestock or wild animals that come to drink. However, they’re not above human flesh, though attacks on wizards are rare. Their hunting is simple: they leap out of the water and snatch up their unsuspecting prey with a mouth full of sharp teeth, then drag the unfortunate creature to the bottom. Got that all down?”
The students in the class looked up from their parchments and nodded in unison, and Sirius smiled contentedly and stood up from his luxurious chair.
“Okay, I’ll add a personal note: the largest avanc nest is in Llyn-yr-Avanc Pool on the River Conwy, so avoid swimming there.” The Defense against the Dark Arts professor chuckled. “Having a picnic on the banks of that river isn’t the best idea either; the water is murky and the bank is muddy. I’d also like to point out that an avanc is incredibly strong and can drag even a small dragon to the bottom, so decapitation is an excellent way to neutralize this predator. I recommend using Seko or Confringo, or any other killing spell.”
“Professor Black,” Seamus raised his hand. “Do we really need to kill him?”
“Mr. Finnigan, what’s so unclear about the word ‘beheading’?” Black looked questioningly at the Gryffindor. “Or do you know any creatures that live perfectly well with their heads cut off?”
“No, but…” The Irishman looked confused. “We were taught before that magical creatures shouldn’t be killed, that they… need to be scared away, or at least stunned…”
“Mr. Finnigan, ten points to Gryffindor for understanding the basics.” Sirius clapped his hands a couple of times. “You’re absolutely right. The Wizarding world is small, and there are even fewer magical creatures in it, but the avank is an exception to the rule. The entrails of this river predator are useless in potion-making or anywhere else, and besides, they are very prolific and quite aggressive…”
“But the textbook says that if you don’t provoke an Avanka, it will never attack first,” Millicent said from her seat. “Besides, they’re said to be intelligent…”
“Miss Bulstrode, five points to Slytherin for reading the Ministry of Magic-recommended textbook.” The black-haired wizard turned to the plump girl. “Only the official who wrote this forgot to mention that for an Avank, the very fact of you approaching water is a provocation. And as for rationality, that’s myth and legend, like the tale of Merlin’s talking dragon. Remember, if you encounter an Avank, strike immediately or activate the Portkey. Is that clear?”
“Yes, Professor.” The Slytherin nodded reluctantly.
“Excellent! And now, allow me to congratulate you, dear students. We have just successfully completed the second-year Defense of the Arts curriculum.” Black swaggered over to his desk and lazily plopped down in his enormous chair. “You’ve done very well, and I’m not bad either.”
Well, well! Black gave a rather interesting and informative lecture today—yes, the first and only one ever. Mia and I exchanged glances and smirked skeptically, then began slowly packing, as there were only a few minutes left in the lesson. Putting my writing utensils in my bag, I looked at the dueling platform with disgust. I hate duels! For over two months, I stood like a statue on this pedestal, my constant opponent being Potter, whom I had never defeated! At first, it infuriated me beyond belief, but then I simply ignored his delighted squeals and, heeding Flitwick’s advice, practiced defensive spells.
My approach proved correct, and by the beginning of June, I was confidently performing the nonverbal Protego and its mirror version, and my arsenal had expanded to include Fianto Duri and Repello Inimicum. Thanks to this, I was able to create a virtually impenetrable protective dome, which infuriated Potter. Alas, no matter how hard I tried, I still lost every time. And it wasn’t even a matter of skill—I knew perfectly well that Harry had been trained to duel since infancy—it was that he was simply more powerful magically. And that’s a fact! Potter’s magical powers are already on par with a Hogwarts graduate, but I just don’t understand how he managed to boost his reserves so much. Mia and I have been working our asses off since childhood, but we’ve barely reached the level of fifth-year students, and this slob can fire like a cannon and doesn’t even try!
Once, I tried to wear him down and went on the defensive. My shields held for about ten minutes under his hail of spells, but then my reserves ran out, and I was back on the floor. Naturally, after my victory, he began loudly gloating and sneering about how I wasn’t a witch, but a Muggle with a wand. At that moment, my patience snapped, and I shut him up like a Muggle, only without a wand. Jumping up, I pinned the idiot down with one hand, and then publicly kicked him in the area where he thinks. From then on, Potter’s taunts became more cautious and less offensive, as during the execution (my boots are heavy), he squealed like a first-year and called for help from Sirius, who was dumbfounded by the sight.
“Students, I’d like to leave you with a few helpful tips,” Black’s loud voice interrupted my thoughts. “Your Defense of the Dark Arts exam is in three days, and it will consist of two parts: a twenty-question test and a practical part. The written papers will be graded by officials from the Ministry of Magic, so I recommend rereading Quentin Trimble’s textbook, ‘Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Defense.’ These bureaucrats don’t care about your level of knowledge; they care much more about your answers matching what’s in the textbook. Understood?”
Many students began to quietly make noise and express indignation at such bureaucratic arbitrariness.
“Next, I’ll be personally administering the practical, so get ready.” Sirius looked at all the students carefully and grinned contentedly. “I’ll be stern, but fair! Don’t worry, the tasks are quite simple. I’m serious, the most difficult spells on the papers are Expelliarmus and Flipendo. You’ve been practicing for two months and should be able to handle them! Don’t let down your brilliant and irresistible Professor Black!”
Fleabitten jumped up from his chair and struck a theatrical, majestic pose, even raising his head to the ceiling, just like Lockhart in his portraits. Sirius’s actions, clearly parodying a certain deceased writer, provoked laughter and amusement among the students; even Mia and I smiled. The students would have continued admiring the performance put on by the temporary professor, but the bell rang, and everyone hurried to the exit.
“Miss Hellsing, please stay,” Black called out to me as I slung my bag over my shoulder.
“Okay.” Mia and I nodded at the same time and looked questioningly at the temporary professor.
– Um… – Black was a little taken aback by our synchronized actions. – Only Miss Hellsing. Miss Granger, you may be dismissed.
“I have no secrets from my best friend.” I looked defiantly at the flea-bitten one.
– Rigel, I would like to talk alone… – Black looked down guiltily. – Please.
“I’ll be waiting outside the door.” Hermione winked at me and patted her school bag. “Valera is always with me.”
“Okay.” I nodded to my best friend and put my hand in my pocket. “Connection.”
Sirius waited until Mia and the other students had left the room before casting a powerful eavesdropping dome over us. Meanwhile, I felt for the Wonderphone in my pocket and, when it vibrated, swiped my finger across the screen. Excellent, now my friend could hear us perfectly well and would be able to call for help if necessary. Having finished, I sat back down and stared questioningly at Black, who was studying me intently. We sat in this uneasy silence for about five minutes, maybe a little more.
“You know, you’re very similar to Bella, my favorite cousin,” the dark-haired wizard began cautiously. “Both in appearance and character.”
– I look like my mother, Integra Hellsing.
– Just as proud and strong-willed, unapproachable and sometimes very cruel… The spitting image of Bellatrix!
“Professor Black, I’m not going to discuss my appearance or my resemblance to some of your relatives with you.” I began to rise slowly.
“Rigel, wait!” Flea-Crushed immediately jumped up and came closer. “Forgive me…”
– For what? – I looked with interest into the blue, shameless eyes. – Remind me?
– It’s my fault… – Black looked away. – I shouldn’t have abandoned you… But I was young and stupid then… And I was also deeply saddened by Elk’s death… We were like brothers.
– And now you’ve grown up and changed your mind? – I chuckled skeptically.
“Of course! I’m your father, even if he’s not the best one.” Black managed a semblance of a smile. “Rigel, everyone deserves a second chance, please don’t reject your family. I promise I’ll do my best and try to make up for lost time. I want to give you the true fatherly love you’ve been deprived of all these years, and my mother, your grandmother, will raise you to be a true sorceress.”
Sirius tried his best to act remorseful, but he was doing a truly terrible job. Even without empathy, I could tell he was lying and putting on a second-rate performance, like something out of a cheap Indian film. Basically, he’s a lousy actor. As Stanislavsky said, “I don’t believe it!”
– Well, I’ll give you a slap in the face! – I grinned sarcastically. – Firstly, you’re not my father, and secondly, I already have a family!
– Why are you so difficult!? – Sirius took a couple of steps back and, scratching the back of his head, sat down on the edge of the nearest desk. – Fine. Hate me – go ahead! I deserve it! But you, you naughty girl, have a ton of blood relatives who will be glad to have you back. Maybe, for starters, you could come visit for a week and get to know everyone? Is that too much to ask?
“Where were those relatives when I was dying in that dirty closet under the stairs?” I hissed angrily, practically switching to Parseltongue. “Oh yeah, they made me such a wonderful grave, thank goodness it’s at least next to Lily and not in a roadside ditch.”
“You don’t understand!” The black-haired wizard raised his voice. “It’s all Dumbledore’s fault! He’s the one who made us decide you were a Squib! He’s the one who sent you to your Muggle relatives! He’s the one to blame for everything!”
– Yes? – My hands clenched into fists. – And who said it was easier to finish me off? Dumbledore?! I remember that night very well!
– Me too! – Sirius growled. – A lot happened that night! You don’t even know a tenth of it! And as for my words, I stand by them! Yes, I lost my temper, but can you imagine what that’s like? What’s it like for a Squib child to grow up among wizards? No?! So keep quiet!
“Professor Black, I have no intention of continuing this pointless conversation.” Activating Occlumency, I smoothly walked out from behind the desk and turned toward the exit. “I am Rigel Integra Hellsing, and my family is the Order of Protestant Knights. Goodbye.”
– Stop! – the flea-bitten one barked. – We haven’t finished our sentence!
– Go fuck yourself! – I showed the middle finger to the overgrown moron and walked towards the exit.
“You little brat!” Black’s indignant voice came from behind. “How are you even talking to your father?!”
– You don’t… – Turning around, I saw multi-colored rays flying at me.
Black’s spells were incredibly fast and incredibly powerful, but my ancestral artifacts held up. True, I was thrown back several meters, and the jewelry itself became noticeably hot. Honestly, by God, I just wanted to leave, but that bastard started it.
Finding myself on the floor, I rolled to the side and, adjusting my grip on my trusty MP-5, fired a long burst at Black. However, the flea-bitten one was no slouch and managed to dodge, then took cover behind a brick wall that appeared out of nowhere. I didn’t give up and kept firing, as the Dagworth rounds were excellent at destroying thick brickwork. But Sirius wasn’t sitting still either, moving quite quickly and deftly between the massive boulders he was transfiguring all over the office. Meanwhile, the battle mage managed to pelt me with a huge number of spells, forcing me to hop around like a mountain goat.
At one point, the classroom door swung open with a bang, and a curly-haired gun enthusiast burst into the room, Valera at the ready. Mia instantly got her bearings and opened fire on the flea-bitten’s positions. Heavy, high-caliber shells pierced the cover Black had created, sending stone fragments flying in all directions. Seeing this, I threw a couple of phosphorus grenades at the enemy.
“Fear!” I shouted to my friend and, activating all the artifacts, put up the most powerful shield I could.
There was an explosion! No, that’s not it, it was fucking amazing, it was fucking amazing. For a couple of seconds I was deaf and blind, and when I came to, I saw the Defense against the Dark Arts classroom completely destroyed. The blast wave had shattered all the glass in the windows, and most of the furniture had been pulverized into splinters that burned with a high-temperature white flame. Black’s transfigured positions were no exception, reduced to a pile of rubble. My favorite part was the enormous iron chandelier, a twisted and melted piece of scrap metal sticking out of Lockhart’s flaming animated portrait. Well, that was it, the end for the flea-bitten one.
Now I have to justify myself to Vega and Cassiopeia too! So it turns out I left the girls without a father, and that’s a sin. Damn it… What the f*ck is this!? Sirius should have died completely differently! I already planned out his long, painful death, before which he would tell me what he and James did to Lily! Why is everything always so wrong with me?!
Before I could fully comprehend my sorrow, a drizzle of rain began to fall from the ceiling, quickly turning into a downpour. Really?! What a tenacious cur! Grabbing my machine gun, I peered closely at the ruins of the Defense Against theft office, but Sirius was nowhere to be seen. The water, when it hit the white phosphorus, began to form a thick white vapor, making it virtually impossible to pinpoint the flea-bitten man’s location. Mia was the first to recover, and her machine gun roared, heavy bullets raining down on potential enemy positions. I reached for more grenades, but didn’t make it.
The room grew rapidly colder, and the water under my feet instantly turned to ice. I tried to flinch or run toward the exit, but I couldn’t take a single step, as my boots were frozen almost ankle-deep into the skating rink that had appeared out of nowhere. A moment later, I felt like a liquid Terminator. The same T-1000 from the second game, when he was doused with liquid nitrogen and froze like a statue. Only then did it dawn on me that the artifacts had absorbed the entire shockwave and simply discharged. Therefore, my wet clothes froze too, and I could barely move my frozen fingers or turn my head, causing icicles to rattle loudly in my hair.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my best friend, who had also turned into an ice sculpture. The girl was kneeling, holding a machine gun and glaring angrily around. Hmm… We got caught stupidly, but it was a good move, I’ll definitely have to remember that. Although, most likely, all masters of combat magic, and I’m still a long way from being one, know something similar.
“Have you completely lost your minds, you mad fools!” Black’s hoarse voice came from behind. “You almost killed me!”
I turned my head with difficulty and broke into a satisfied smile as the flea-bitten one slowly, hissing in pain, emerged from his hiding place in the far corner of the classroom. We finally got him! Sirius’s clothes were torn and smoking rags, with charred and blackened patches of skin visible through the holes. But what pleased me most was his face—blackened with soot, his mustache and goatee scorched, and his hair noticeably shorter. Limping and groaning like an old man, Black leisurely approached me and gave me a resounding slap, causing the icicles in my hair to crunch and fall with a clanking sound onto the icy floor.
– I repeat the question, are you completely crazy? – The blue-eyed wizard gave me another slap. – You could have killed me!
– You started it! – I jerked, but to no avail. – You better let go, otherwise it will get worse!
“I told you, she’s just like Bella,” Sirius tried to smile, but hissed in pain. “She’s just as wild and doesn’t know when to stop. Oh well, we’ll re-educate her.”
With these words, Black waved his wand, and a slightly smoking briefcase made of dark green dragon skin flew out of the professor’s quarters. The charred wizard began rummaging through the bag and soon pulled out a long silver needle and a vial of clear potion.
– Well, if you don’t want to do it the easy way… – The temporary professor took my left hand and began rubbing my cold fingers.
– Do you seriously think that this… – I nodded towards the test tube. – Will change anything?
“He thinks that after confirming the relationship, you’ll scream ‘daddy’ and immediately throw yourself on his neck,” Hermione added sarcastically. “Our professor doesn’t realize that he’s already a corpse.”
– Shut up! – Black cast Silencio on Mia and turned to me. – I need irrefutable proof!
– For what?
– Don’t you understand? You’re already an adult, I suppose. – Sirius looked at me like I was an idiot. – So I’ll have the legal right to see my daughter! Okay, don’t move, I’ll be right back.
I was absolutely certain my father was James Potter, but I didn’t want to mix my blood with that idiot’s on principle. It was just spite, that’s all! Let the Blacks continue to blame themselves for abandoning me as a baby, those pureblood bastards. So when Sirius touched the needle to my left little finger, I was about to activate the emergency Portkey, but suddenly remembered an interesting ring I hadn’t taken off since elementary school. On my right little finger, I wore a modest gold ring with a small clear diamond, which I pressed. I hoped its range was unlimited, otherwise I’d have to evacuate shamefully…
– What do you mean? – Trying to stall for time, I looked into the displeased blue eyes. – Wizards don’t even have a guardianship department!
“True.” Black pricked my finger and began squeezing out a drop of blood. “But Mother once mentioned that there had been precedents like this. Rigel, don’t worry, I’m not going to take you away from the Platinum Bitch… Ahem, I mean Integra. I just want you to live with your blood relatives for at least a month a year. Maybe you’ll like it and won’t want to go back to those fanatical churchmen!”
Just as a scarlet drop appeared on the tip of my cold-numbed pinky finger, and I was about to activate the emergency Portkey, a golden-haired girl in a provocative maroon Hellsing uniform appeared in the room. Sirius, meanwhile, held a test tube with a satisfied expression and didn’t notice the visitor, which was a shame. Higher vampires’ reaction and thought processes are many times faster than humans’, so Victoria immediately assessed the situation and disappeared into the shadows.
“Hello, sweetie.” A busty beauty appeared behind the master of combat magic and placed her fragile, girlish hand, crowned with monstrous black claws, on his shoulder. “What are you doing here?”
Victoria’s gentle tone made even me uneasy, to say nothing of Sirius. The idiot dropped the flask of potion in fear, and it immediately shattered on the ice beneath his feet. Then the temporary professor tried to flinch, but could only move his head. I reveled in the horror and doom in his eyes.
“Little sister, did he spill your blood?” The vampire sniffed and licked her lips. “There’s only one punishment for such a deed – death!”
“Victoria, hi.” I smiled at the angry golden-haired girl. “Could you free us?”
– Of course! – The vampiress bared her fangs contentedly. – You’ve decided to kill him yourself? I approve! How about this? Impale him, or skin him alive and cover him in salt? Or maybe try the rat king? Such a vile death would suit this bastard perfectly.
– Victoria! – I shook my head, causing the icicles in my hair to jingle. – We’re frozen!
“You’re getting boring…” The girl frowned and stamped her foot, causing the ice enveloping me to crack and crumble. “Where’s that sweet girl who spent the whole night slicing the owners of the Felixstowe waterfront brothel into ribbons with that crazy smile?”
“We’ll definitely do this again.” I smiled bloodthirstily at the vampire and turned my gaze to Mia, who had put the machine gun back in her bag and started rubbing her frozen limbs. “I’ll tell you later.”
“I don’t give a shit.” Her best friend started drying herself with magic and glared at Black. “I want to give that half-baked Santa Claus a good kick, and then… Bitch… It’s so cccold… Quartering him…”
“Excellent idea!” Victoria continued to hold her hand on Sirius’s shoulder, then with her elongated tongue licked his ear and bit off the lobe. “Are you ready for a long and painful death, cutlet?”
Black slowly turned to the vampire and studied her fangs for a few seconds, then something happened that no one expected! Flea-bitten swallowed, instantly transformed into a huge black dog, and raced for the exit at full speed. While Mia and I stared blankly at the fleeing dog’s backside, Victoria vanished into the shadows and grabbed the mangy cur by the scruff of the neck just as they reached the door.
“Are you completely stupid?” The vampire lifted the huge wolfhound by the scruff of the neck and slapped him on the back of the head with her free hand. “Did you really think you could escape from me?”
“Symbolic…” Mia pulled Sirius’s wand with her magic and demonstratively broke it over her knee. “He’ll die like a dog.”
“Hermione, this is boring!” The golden-haired girl stamped her foot. “He’ll only whine! Where are the screams and pleas for mercy?”
“Quiet! We can’t kill this idiot yet!” I looked sternly at the girls and smiled bloodthirstily. “But I have an idea…”
***
In one of London’s residential areas stood the ancient mansion of a very ancient and noble wizarding family. Number twelve, Grimmauld Place, wasn’t marked on any city map and, like many residents of the Wizarding World, had never seen it. Thanks to a vast array of protective and concealing charms, this building could rightfully be considered an impenetrable fortress. However, the concept of impenetrability is rather arbitrary, and this morning, a petite, busty beauty in a maroon Hellsing uniform appeared on the mansion’s porch. The golden-haired girl examined the ancient wooden door with interest and, shrugging, slipped a small sheet of snow-white paper through the letter slot before simply vanishing.
That evening, a naked Sirius Black, with an imbecilic smile that any mentally ill person would envy, sat on his bed in his room, admiring his bells. The black-haired wizard lovingly squeezed them with his hands and kneaded them; if he had been flexible enough, he would have kissed them. Meanwhile, the blue-eyed womanizer showed no embarrassment in front of the young woman with light brown hair, who stood nearby and discreetly observed his reaction to his newly acquired organs.
“Do you even realize how lucky you are?” Andromeda looked reproachfully at her negligent relative. “It’s a miracle you survived!”
“Andy, stop it, my daughter wouldn’t have killed me,” the man waved him off and continued admiring his possessions. “But I admit, it was extremely offensive and humiliating!”
“Are you being offensive?” The eldest Black sister, barely holding back her laughter, twirled a white, durable plastic dog collar in her hands. “Siri, wake up! You were castrated by Muggle vets yesterday! How could you let someone do this to you?”
“While I was in aniform, my daughter put an anti-magic collar on me, and then her pet monster grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and teleported me to this Muggle dog hospital.” Sirius shuddered and sighed sadly. “I kicked, bit, even howled, but what the hell… This creature is incredibly powerful, and it can also influence Muggle minds…”
– What do you mean? – The woman put down the veterinary collar and leaned forward. – How did you figure that out?
– What, what, with your dick against the doorframe! – the eldest son of the Black family snapped. – She did something to the healers, and they obeyed her without question! First, they shoved some kind of hose with a fire on the end up my backside, and then they cut off my bells, and all this without any painkillers! And then they shoved me into the smallest cage! And they dressed me in this disgusting thing… – Sirius shuddered and glanced sideways at the “souvenir” from the clinic. – Good thing you found me so quickly.
“Don’t thank me, thank your tormentors.” The woman chuckled and levitated a white sheet of paper to the man. “You’re lucky your parents weren’t home.”
– That’s true… Mummy would have clutched her heart first, and then she would have thrown such a fit. – Sirius smiled and began to study the strange document. – So… Veterinary clinic “Wet Nose”… Address… Patient nicknamed “Buddy”… Procedures performed… Colonoscopy, sterilization, rabies vaccination, worming and flea vaccination… Paid and deferred… What?!” Black suddenly turned pale and looked at his cousin. – Has she completely lost her mind?! What the hell, euthanasia?! If you hadn’t had time…
“Then you would have been given a lethal injection this evening.” Andromeda interrupted her cousin and looked him seriously in the eyes. “Sirius, do you understand that you could have been killed yesterday, but you were spared? My advice to you is, never go near Rigel again. Or have you forgotten your father’s orders?”
– Yes, I remember… – The man lowered his head guiltily. – I just wanted to talk to her, like a father and daughter, but something went wrong… And this… Andy, thank you.
– Pff… – The woman snorted. – Is this the first time?
“Let’s not do that, okay?” Black waved his hand, pulling the snow-white underpants up. “Then it just happened by accident…”
“Accident?!” Andromeda jumped up abruptly and gave her relative a resounding slap. “You accidentally stuck your pod in a Muggle girl’s mouth, and she accidentally tried to bite it off, so you, completely by accident, cut off her head?! And then, just as accidentally, you, screaming like a girl and with a bloody souvenir between your legs, showed up at my house!”
“I got scared and panicked,” Sirius began to justify himself. “And where was I supposed to show up looking like that, anyway? To St. Mungo’s? And disgrace our family?”
– You should have been sleeping with your wife, not picking up Muggle whores! – The woman gave her cousin another slap. – Dog!
“Agreed.” The man gave a stupid smile. “Only not a dog, but a womanizer and a heartthrob.”
– It’s good that Mary can’t hear you.
– I don’t give a damn about that Slytherin ice cube! When she dies, I’ll dance on her grave!
Sirius jumped out of bed and began dressing hastily, while Andromeda sat down on the empty chair and glared at her wayward relative. She knew perfectly well that her cousin had been forced into the marriage and that his relationship with Mary wasn’t the best, but to this extent… She just didn’t dare say anything against it, as she herself was no better. Her marriage to Ted Tonks had been a real ordeal, but that vile mudblood hadn’t endured, and after six months, Andromeda had completely broken him and turned him into a servile slave. And then, when the time came, that vile mudblood died a long and painful death, just as she had wanted.
“Okay, I’m going to Hogwarts,” Sirius reported as he threw the robe over his shoulders.
– Are you in a hurry?
“First of all,” Black looked reproachfully at his cousin, “you told Lucius I was already healthy, and secondly, I still need to get my Defense of the Dark Arts class in order.”
“Siri,” Andromeda said, adopting a lecturing tone. “I’ve restored your organs, but I recommend you abstain from intimacy and alcohol for the next week.”
“Hey! Why?!” the recent castrato was indignant. “How am I supposed to test my Great Merlin in action? And what about firewhiskey?! Real wizards don’t drink water—it’s not tasty!”
“You’ll be patient,” the woman grumbled. “I used several toxic potions, and your… Ahem… Balls, they need time to start working properly. Understand?”
“Ah…” Black sighed mockingly. “You’ve robbed me of all the joys in life…”
– If it weren’t for me… – A magic wand appeared in my cousin’s hands. – You would have become a good dancer or an opera singer long ago!
“Just kidding, sis.” The man leaned forward and hugged his relative tightly, then kissed her on both cheeks. “I love you.”
Without giving the woman time to recover, Sirius strode quickly down to the main common room and Flooed to Hogwarts. In the headmaster’s office, he was met by a sullen and slightly tired Malfoy, sitting at a desk littered with papers.
“Hello, Luce,” Black waved to his relative.
“Good evening, Professor Black,” the blond man replied slurringly. “How are you feeling?”
“As you can see,” the black-haired wizard shrugged. “Thanks to Andy, I’m completely healthy.”
“Excellent.” The interim headmaster nodded and barely suppressed a yawn. “Sirius, what happened in your office yesterday? Miss Hellsing claims the debacle was the result of a friendly duel between you, at the end of which you suddenly felt a stomach ache and ran home. Is that true?”
– Um… That’s pretty much how it was.
“Excellent.” Malfoy nodded again. “When will you clean up the mess and return the premises to their proper appearance?”
– Today. – Sirius thought. – Probably.
“I advise you to involve Flitwick,” the blond lord leaned back wearily in his throne-like chair. “He is a master of charms, after all.”
“Do you think he’ll agree to help?” The temporary professor stared in surprise at the suspiciously kind Malfoy.
“He’ll agree for a good price,” Lucius smiled weakly. “Have you forgotten that he’s half goblin? But you’ll be the one negotiating the price.”
“Thanks for the advice.” Black nodded and looked at the tired blond. “Luc, why don’t you rest? You look like a chupacabra’s ass.”
“May I ignore that compliment?” Malfoy assumed a haughty expression. “Professor Black, you may go.”
“Lucy, I’m serious,” Sirius persisted. “If you die from overworking here, what will I tell Cissy? Go home, drink some firewhiskey, and get some good sleep.”
– Sirius, short experience has shown that when a headmaster, even a temporary one, leaves Hogwarts, some kind of hu… Ahem… Unpleasant incident inevitably happens at the school.
– Oh, come on. – Black waved his hand. – What could happen?
“You know,” Malfoy leaned forward, “usually, after words like that, something unpleasant happens.”
“If you don’t trust me, then trust your mercenaries.” The black-haired wizard smiled cheerfully. “Thanks to your efforts, there are two dozen battle mages on duty in the castle. Look how quiet the students have become.”
– Perhaps… – Lucius couldn’t help but yawn. – You’re right, but I’ll warn Moser.
The Acting Headmaster of Hogwarts pulled the Wonderphone from his pocket and stared at the screen. Sirius merely chuckled and silently left the office. The moment the black-haired wizard stepped onto the spiral staircase, the cheerful smile vanished from his face. Black only appeared pleased and cheerful on the surface, but inside, rage and resentment over the pain and humiliation he had recently endured were seething. Usually, he relished his foul mood with drink and women, but today such luxuries were unavailable. So Sirius Black pondered an alternative way to vent all his pent-up anger. Unfortunately, nothing sensible came to mind other than catching a green-eyed girl and Crucio-cursing her, but his newly enlarged scrotum suggested that wasn’t the best idea.
The temporary professor, deep in thought, descended into the central hall of Hogwarts, where he spotted an old acquaintance. At the sight of this wizard, Black’s smile widened in anticipation, and his hand automatically reached for his wand.
“Well, that’s our evening’s entertainment…” Sirius nodded to himself. “But first, we need to fix up the classroom…”
