Suzanne was one of the nurses who was experienced in both
triage and NICU. Her warm Southern demeanor made her
popular with the other nurses, as well as the male residents. On
any given day, Suzanne could be assigned to work in the NICU
or in triage—it all depended on staffing numbers. Today, she
was assigned to the NICU, and Sophie heard her happily chat
ting with Kim as they worked together in Pod C, restocking the
crash cart and the IV shelves with supplies. Between her sing
song Southern accent and her blonde hair and blue eyes, Sophie
wondered how it was that she was still single. The two nurses
talked loud enough so that Sophie and Kate could hear their
conversation.
“You guys, listen to this,” Kim called out to Sophie and Kate.
“Suzanne has the best triage stories.”
“Yeah, I’ve got a good one,” Suzanne drawled. “The other
day, one of our frequent fliers came in. Single, about thirty-two
weeks pregnant, she comes in at least once a week with various
complaints. Last night, she was in because she had been hav
ing headaches and was afraid her blood pressure was high. So
I’m there checking her blood pressure, doing a full preeclampsia
assessment to make sure her blood pressure isn’t causing more
problems than just her headache.”
Suzanne paused, a smile beginning to crack on her face.
“In comes another patient, ready to deliver, and she’s with her
husband. The first lady with hypertension freaks out and starts
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JULIE HATCH
pointing and yelling. The lady with the husband starts screaming
back at her, then screaming at her husband. We were all like,
what the heck? It was a catfight, and the guy was the dog caught
in the middle. It turns out, he was not only the father of his wife’s
baby but the father of the hypertensive patient’s baby too. She
was his girlfriend! You should have seen the look on his face! He
looked at his girlfriend totally pissed off, like he wanted to kill
her, as if it was her fault he’d been caught. Then he turned to his
wife with the guilty look of a puppy who ate the T-bone steak
off the counter, asking for forgiveness. Then they both turned
on him, and I swear, if they hadn’t been attached to IVs, they
would have scratched his eyes out. Screaming and yelling at each
other, then at him, then back at each other. It was like a scene
from women’s MMA. Imagine, wife and girlfriend meeting each
other face-to-face in maternity triage! It was hilarious, but kind
of sad too, I guess. Security had to come and separate the three.
The women kept yelling and throwing stuff at each other—hair
brushes, tubes of lipstick, mascara, whatever they could pull from
their pocketbooks. Finally, the wife was taken upstairs to have
her baby, and the girlfriend was sent home.”
Sophie and Kate listened in amazement to Suzanne’s story,
laughing with her as she told it.
“Honestly, you can’t make this stuff up. Next time, he should
pick a girlfriend on the opposite side of the city.”
“Or maybe a different city altogether!”
They all dissolved into more laughter
