The next evening, Sophie helped Rihanna load Isabelle and all
her supplies into a cab. Trying to look cheery, she waved good
bye as they drove away.
She wasn’t ready to go back upstairs. It would be too lonely
without Rihanna there. Adam was staying late at school for a
faculty meeting, leaving Sophie with time on her hands. She
wandered over to Metro General’s lobby. She sat and watched the
bustle of people carrying on with their daily lives. She thought
about how much she missed her old daily life. She wouldn’t trade
Danny for anything in the world, but this whole Metro NICU
experience? She’d gladly trade it in for her old humdrum life.
She walked back to her wing of Metro and stood in front of
the fish tank, watching the soothing movement of the fish. She
must have been there for a while because when she turned to go
back upstairs, the flow of visitors had slowed to a trickle, telling
her it was getting late.
Sophie rode the elevator to the fourth floor. On the wall,
there was another picture of a cute Asian baby, propped on her
hands and knees. This caption read: BrainHealth—Providing the
Best for Your Baby’s Brain. Sophie pulled the WMI postcard from
her pocket and studied it.
By the time Sophie returned to the NICU, it was close to
10 p.m. She walked by Pod D and saw the telltale signs of a new
admission. Doctors, nurses, and respiratory therapists all worked
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to stabilize the baby. A different attending neonatologist was
there supervising.
As Sophie slowed her steps, she peered through the small
crowd at the open warmer where the baby lay. She stopped. The
baby was fully exposed under the warming lights, making access
to him easy for the nurses. The usual monitors, IVs, and ventila
tor that were familiar to Sophie were all there. She was surprised
to see how extra tiny he was—smaller than Danny when he was
born. His skin was translucent, and she could see the blue veins
just below the surface. Sheesh, how early can they save these babies?
She went to sit with Danny for a little while, then said good
night to him and left to go to the parents’ lounge. When she
walked back past Pod D, things had settled. Only two nurses
remained with the baby, along with the rhythmic sounds of the
ventilator breathing life into him.
Sophie met Kate for coffee the next morning. They walked by
Pod D. The baby from the night before was gone.
“Huh,” said Sophie. She turned to Kate. “There was a tiny
little baby admitted last night—smaller even than Danny. But
there were no parents with him. Normally, they always bring the
moms up, either in a wheelchair or on a stretcher to see their
baby. But not last night. And now he’s gone. It’s almost like the
baby and family never existed.”
“Maybe the baby died,” Kate whispered.
I wonder.
The NICU census dropped as babies were discharged. Order
was restored in Danny’s pod, back down to four babies and four
sets of parents. No more mothers had stroked out. The saddest
recent event was the twenty-four-weeker who had been born a
couple of weeks ago. Sophie had had a bad feeling about that
baby from the beginning. The baby had held on for a week.
Sophie spent days worrying, not only about Danny but also about
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that little girl. One day she would have a good day and seem to
be doing well. The next day was filled with monitor alarms and
emergency calls to her pod. The doctors and nurses worked tire
lessly to keep her alive.
On the eighth day, there was no bringing her back. When she
died, Sophie was shaken to the core. Her heart ached for the par
ents as she listened to them wailing over their baby’s incubator.
She could hardly imagine the depth of their grief. Even though
Kim had told Sophie that babies born that early don’t usually do
well, even if they survive the NICU, it put Sophie in a funk for
days. It was so unfair. She teared up just thinking about it.
“How do you do it?” she had asked Kim. “How can you stand
to watch these babies die?”
“Because, Sophie, there are so many more who survive.
There is so much good that comes out of this place, thousands
of little lives that do well—they far outweigh the sad-but-fewer
unfortunate outcomes. And one thing you can’t take away from
a person is hope. These parents hold tightly to their hope. Plus,
look at Danny! He’s going to be a huge success story.” She gave
Sophie a quick hug
