Schmidt
to me!” I run my hands through my hair and tug on the ends, trying to think of a solution, but I don’t have one.
“I’m not doing anything to you, Jamie.” She rolls her eyes.
“Then why are you leaving?”
“Because I don’t have a choice! I have to go to Texas and sadly I can’t be in two places at once.”
“But what am I going to do? How can you leave her?” I motion to my daughter who’s sitting in the high chair. She smiles happily at me, completely oblivious to how her world is about to change.
“Don’t do that. Don’t you dare make me feel bad and use her to do it.” She points a finger in my face. “It’s already breaking my heart to leave her.”
“Then don’t do it! Stay with us.”
My mind spins with how my life is about to be turned upside down. How Tali’s life is about to change.
“I already sold my house, Jamie.” Martha puts her hand on my shoulder and squeezes gently. “I’m not leaving you all alone though. I was talking to a friend and she has a nanny she loves.”
“Oh, I’m glad she loves her nanny. To be honest, I loved mine too, until about five minutes ago.” My voice is frantic even to my own ears. I don’t know what to do and I’m starting to panic.
“Jamie, everything is going to be fine if you just listen to me and stop overreacting.”
“I’m not overreacting, Martha! The season starts in two weeks. That means I’m going to be away. A lot.”
“Anyway…” She rolls her eyes and keeps going like I didn’t say a word. “The Marshalls are letting go of their nanny, but Karen says she’s amazing and she’ll do great with Tali.”
“Why would I want a nanny who’s getting fired?” I growl.
“She isn’t getting fired, Jamie.” Martha lets out a long sigh, more than frustrated with me. “The Marshall’s children are in high school. They don’t need a nanny anymore. Karen has kept their nanny for so long because she loves her and feels like she’s part of the family. She doesn’t want to let her go, but it makes no sense to keep her. Karen gave me the nanny’s number if you’d like to give her a call.”
“Does the poor nanny even know she was kicked to the curb yet?” I arch a brow.
“She found out last night. I think it would be a good idea to call her now and see if she’s interested. If not, I’ll help you figure out something else.”
“You can help by not leaving me!”
“Clearly, you’re a little overwhelmed right now. I’m getting out of your hair and giving you time to think things through. Call the woman today.” She thrusts a paper into my hand and takes a step back. “Now, Jamie.” She points a wrinkled finger in my face.
Before I can respond, Martha’s out the door and it’s slamming shut behind her. I glance down at the paper with a single name and number on it.
Winnie.
“Let’s get this over with, Tali. The faster we rule her out as a nanny, the faster we can find someone good to take care of you.”
Winnie
phone as I reach under my bed, looking for my other shoe.
“Hey, Winnie. I know we gave you bad news yesterday, but I have a friend who nannied for a single dad. She’s moving to Texas and leaving him high and dry on short notice. I recommended you and gave her your number. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Oh, uh, not at all. I guess I’ll have to find another job anyway, huh?”
“Probably.” She chuckles. “I still hate knowing you won’t be with us anymore. It killed us to make this decision. I hope you don’t hate us for it.” The sorrow in her voice is clear as day. I know exactly what she means, I was so sad to leave them too.
“I know and I understand. I’ll miss your entire family, but I can’t work for you forever… Do you know anything about this new job? I’d like to not go in blind.”
“I don’t blame you one bit.” I can hear the smile in her voice and it makes a smile spread across my own lips. “Martha gushes about the little girl constantly. She’s around two years old and the sweetest thing ever.”
“What about the dad?”
“I don’t know much about him. Martha’s a grandmom. She only cares about the little babies.”
My phone dings with another call coming through. I debate on ignoring the unknown caller, but decide against it.
“Hey, Karen? I have another call. Can I call you back later?”
“Of course, sweetie. Have a good day and let me know what happens.”
“Bye!” I quickly accept the new call as my hand connects with my shoe I was looking for. “Hello?”
“Hey… uhh… I’m looking for Winnie,” a deep voice rumbles through the line.
“This is her.” I fist pump the air as I tug my shoe out and struggle to get to my feet. It’s not easy with only one heel on.
“Ok. This is Jamie. I got your number from Martha and Martha got it from… Karen… I think?” The nervousness in his tone makes me chuckle. He seems really sweet and innocent.
“Yes. I was actually just on the phone with Karen and she let me know I’d probably be hearing from you.”
“Oh, ok. Good.” I imagine he’s nodding his head, trying to figure out what to say next. He’s so awkward, but I love it. That means he won’t be flirting with me or making things weird in that sort of way.
“Hey, Jamie?”
“Yeah?”
“Why don’t you give me your address and let me know a good time for us to meet? I think this would be easier and less awkward if we could talk in person.”
“Thanks, Winnie,” he breathes out a sigh of relief before rattling off his address. “I’m free all day if that works for your schedule.”
“I can be there in twenty minutes.”
I eye the large brick home as I climb out of my car. It’s fairly similar to Wheeler’s house, but somehow this seems quieter and more peaceful than Wheeler’s place. I hope that means Jamie’s calmer than Wheeler and more of a grown up.
My heels click against the concrete driveway as I head towards the door and climb the slate stairs. I raise my hand to knock, but the door is tugged open before I can.
“Hey, I’m Jamie. It’s nice to meet you.” He thrusts his hand in my direction and I eye him carefully. He looks familiar, but I can’t place where I know him from.
His black hair is tussled, looking like he’s run his hands through it a million times. He looks tired, but he’s a single dad, so that’s not surprising. His t-shirt clings to his body, showing off lean muscles and a body he has to work hard to maintain. I’m surprised he finds the time to work out when he has a young child.
“I’m Winnie. It’s nice to meet you too.”
A shriek comes from the other room, pulling both of our attentions with it. Jamie sighs and scrubs a hand down his face.
“C’mon in. Let me go get the little princess. She barely slept last night and doesn’t seem to want to take a nap today.”
I follow him through the house and into a large living room. There’s a little girl sitting in a big sectioned off area of the room. She’s surrounded by toys and screaming like her life depends on it.
“Tali, it’s ok, baby girl.” Jamie scoops her up and cradles her against his chest. He murmurs something softly to her as he sways her side to side.
She’s so tired. I can see it in her face and in the way her eyes keep closing slowly before popping open again. She’s adorable with her hair pulled into a pony at the top of her hair. It makes the strands look like a fountain and probably the most adorable hairstyle on a little girl.
Jamie ignores me as he continues rocking his daughter in his arms. He rubs a hand up and down her back as he moves her onto his shoulder and bounces a little. He’s a good dad and he truly loves his daughter, you can see it in how he’s taking care of her right now.
“Sorry. Give me a second and I’ll have her asleep, then we can talk,” he says softly. “I think she’s finally giving in to the nap.”
“No problem. Take your time.” I wave off his concern and watch the little girl. She looks so much like her daddy with her dark hair and bright blue eyes. It’s sweet to see the two of them together. To see her so comfortable in his arms.
Within a few minutes, we’re settled on the couch and Jamie smiles at me.
“Ok. I guess I’ll ask you some questions if that’s ok?”
I nod my head, more than ready to do this. If he doesn’t want to hire me, I’ll have to find someone else to work for. Though I think I’d enjoy working for him. He seems laidback and easygoing. I like that.
“What makes you want to be a nanny?”
“I love kids. I love when they’re this age especially. She’s starting to find her own personality, but she’s still in the cuddly age. A kiss to a boo-boo and a big hug is enough to make their entire day better.” I toy with the curls at the base of Tali’s neck.
“Do you have any kids of your own?” He watches me carefully. It’s like he’s trying to see down into my soul, yet I don’t feel uncomfortable. He has a way of making you feel at home.
“Nah, I haven’t found anyone I’d like to spend my life with and I’m not holding out hope of that happening.” I flash him a sad smile.
“Dang, Winnie, that’s depressing.”
“Maybe, but I’m living the life I want and getting paid to do it. Why would I want to do anything else?”
“I guess that’s true. I’m getting paid to do what I love and I know I’m lucky… If this works out, I’d need you to live here. Are you ok with that?”
“Yes. I’m assuming I’ll have my own space?”
“Of course. There’s an in-law’s quarters with its own entrance. You’ll have a little kitchen, a living room, and your own bathroom in there.”
“That sounds perfect.”
“But I also travel a lot for work.” He runs a hand through his hair and looks uncomfortable. “I can be gone for a week sometimes.”
“I’m ok with that, though it has to be difficult to leave her for that long. How does she do with it?”
“Well, Martha’s been with me since she was born. She’s like a grandmom to Tali. I don’t know what’s going to happen now. I’m terrified she won’t do well.” He drops his gaze to his little girl and presses a soft kiss to the top of her head.
“Can I ask what happened to her mom?” I ask slowly, knowing this could be a sore topic for him.
“She died while giving birth to Tali,” he whispers.
“I’m so sorry, Jamie. That’s got to be difficult.”
“It is, but we’re making it work. I’m glad I at least have a piece of Ellie left in my life. Tali looks just like her.”
“Really? I thought she looked just like you.” I brush Tali’s hairs away from her face that fell out of her ponytail.
“Nah, she has Ellie’s soft features. She only has my hair color and eyes.”
I watch them for a few seconds before I say anything else. They’re adorable together. He loves her so much and is trying to be both mother and father to her.
“Do you want to ask me anything? I feel like I’ve been interviewing you and that seems weird.” I drop my gaze to my hands before lifting my chin to meet his eyes, giving him a small smile.
“All I care about is if you’ll love my little girl like your own, take care of her, and protect her fiercely.”
“Is there something specific I need to protect her from?” I arch a brow, feeling like that’s a little strange.
“I’ve worked hard to keep her away from the media. I don’t think anyone knows she exists and I’d rather keep it that way.”
“Jamie… What do you do for a living?” I ask slowly, almost afraid to ask.
The Marshalls were wealthy and in the media quite often. I have no problem working for someone with a spotlight on them, but I want to know what I’m dealing with. I don’t want any surprises at all.
“I play center field for the Pit Bulls. I guess you’re not a fan of baseball, huh?” He grins shyly at me.
I blink once, then twice as my mouth opens and closes several times. The lean muscles and amazing body make more sense now. So does the traveling and media attention. I search for something to say, but I keep coming up empty.
“Did I break you?”
“Schmidt plays center field on the Pit Bulls. I’ve spent so much time with the team, but I don’t think I’ve ever met you at anything.”
“You’ve spent time with the team?” He asks slowly. “How?”
“I’m best friends with Liliana Sweets… And I dated Wheeler throughout college. I go out with Lils, Smithy, and Wheeler a lot… How have I never met you?”
“Because I’m normally home with this one.” He nods down to his sleeping daughter.
“But the guys never said anything about you being a dad.”
“Because they don’t know.” Jamie swallows hard and squeezes his eyes shut. “My wife died only a few months before I was traded to the Pit Bulls. I didn’t want to deal with the questions, so I didn’t tell anyone about her or Tali. It wasn’t because I’m ashamed of them, it was just too difficult to talk about. As time went on, it felt weird to all of a sudden tell them.”
“Jamie, I’m so sorry.” I place my hand on his knee. He’s so broken, but he’s trying so hard to provide his little girl with a good life.
“I didn’t want anyone to know about Tali either. I knew if someone knew about my daughter, she’d be the center of media attention. I didn’t want to see articles about Ellie or Tali splashed across the gossip rags or anything, so I’ve kept her a secret.” He lifts his shoulder in a shrug.
“You know eventually she’ll get too old to hide, right?” I keep my voice soft, hoping to ease any anxiety he might have.
“I know… I just don’t know how to tell the guys. They’re all so close and I’ve been on the outside looking in since I joined the team. I know it’s not their fault, it’s mine. They’ve tried to include me in things, but I normally decline to spend time with Tali.”
“I understand that. They’d love her though. Wheeler loves kids. He has a bunch of little sisters and he lights up when a kid is in the room. They’d be happy to come here to hang out or they’d buy stuff to keep at their house to make sure Tali had toys or a place to nap when you’re over. They want you to spend time with them, Jamie. They’ve been taking bets on what you’re hiding for years. You should let them in. Let them be your support system.”
“I don’t know if I can do that… They’ll ask questions.”
“Then you tell them to shut up and mind their business.” As soon as I speak, I cringe. That definitely doesn’t sound professional.
“Are you going to talk like that in front of Tali?” He smirks.
“No, I know how to be a good girl when I need to be.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them and my eyes widen, making Jamie chuckle.
“Wow, I wasn’t expecting that.”
“You’ll learn to get used to it.” I crinkle up my nose. “If you even want me to nanny this precious princess.” I toy with the ends of her curls again.
“This is going to sound weird, but do you have any photos of you with the guys or Liliana?” He winces.
“Of course, why?”
“I don’t exactly want to call them and ask for a reference, but I don’t think Liliana’s hanging out with anyone who isn’t good. But if you have a bunch of photos of you with them, then at least I know you’re not lying.”
“Do you really think I’d lie about being friends with Wheeler?” I ask with amusement in my tone.
“I don’t know.” He runs his hand through his hair again. “I just want to make sure my little girl is safe.”
“I’ll take care of her, Jamie. I’ll act like she’s my own daughter and make sure she has fun. She’ll be safer with me than anyone else, I promise.” I open the photos app on my phone and hand it over to Jamie. “I have nothing to hide. Feel free to look through all of my photos. I have a bunch of the Marshall’s kids with me too.”
He scrolls for a few minutes before his eyes widen and his cheeks heat. My brows tug together as I try to figure out why he would respond like that to one of my photos.
“Um… Winnie, I don’t think you meant for this to be mixed in with the rest.” He slowly hands the phone back to me, but I don’t miss the way his eyes linger on the photo.
“Oh, wow… Yeah, no. I didn’t plan on showing a potential new employer a photo of me in a bikini. Can we pretend you didn’t see that?”
I tilt my head to the side as I stare down at the image of myself. I look good in this photo. I put effort into curling my hair and doing my makeup before taking this. If he was going to see a compromising photo of me, at least I look nice in it.
“I can try, but I’m not sure I can unsee that,” he mumbles under his breath.
“Jamie!” I chuckle, shaking my head at him. I don’t really care about him seeing the photo, but it’s a little embarrassing to have him view me that way when I’m trying to convince him to give me a job taking care of his daughter. “I promise I will always put Tali first, even if that photo makes you think otherwise.”
“I don’t think you taking a sexy photo means you won’t take care of her, Winnie. You’re not her parent, you’re free to have a social life… But when I’m gone-”
“You wouldn’t need to worry. Everyone I hang out with works for the Pit Bulls. Even Liliana goes to the games now that she’s reporting for the team. And when she’s in different cities for games, she’s able to meet with athletes around whatever city she’s visiting and interview them for the podcast. It’s working out great for her. I’m extremely lonely during baseball season, but I’m used to it. Honestly, having Tali with me will make it easier.”
“Then I think I just have one more question for you.”
“What is it?”
“When can you start?”
Schmidt
the normal pretty you see all over the place, she’s stop you in your tracks gorgeous. Her long brown hair is so dark it’s almost black and she has striking light blue eyes. She looks so much like Ellie, yet so vastly different.
Ellie was sweet and innocent, where Winnie comes off as someone who will get in trouble for what comes out of their mouth and she has a rebellious streak in her, I can see it in her eyes. Yet, I know I can trust her with Tali.
I can’t explain it and it doesn’t make sense, but I feel comfortable with her in my home and with my daughter. I’m hoping to get some time with the two of them before I have to leave Tali though. Anything to make me feel a little more at ease with this transition.
“I can start today, tomorrow, next week, whatever works for you. My lease on my apartment is up at the end of the week. I was planning on moving in with Wheeler until I figured out my next move. I know you’re busy with spring training, do you want me to move in with Wheeler for a few weeks or move in here?”
“I think you should move in soon. I want to make sure Tali’s comfortable with you before I start traveling for the season.”
“Ok, no problem… My only issue is, I’d normally have Smithy and Wheeler help me move my stuff.” She nibbles on her bottom lip.
“I can hire movers.”
“I really think you should just tell them, Jamie.” Winnie moves a little closer to me so she can peek at Tali, still asleep on my shoulder.
“Why?”
“Because I’ll have a hard time keeping this to myself. Because I think it would be better for you and her to have a bigger group of people to rely on… Because I’d love to be able to bring her to your games and let her see her daddy do something he’s amazing at. As she gets older, she’ll want to watch you play. She’ll want to be included. You can’t keep her in the dark forever. What kind of life is that?”
I frown straight ahead at the blank wall as I let her words wash over me. She’s right. I can’t hide Tali forever. Eventually, she’ll feel like I’m doing it because I’m ashamed of her and I don’t want her ever feeling like she isn’t the most important thing in the world to me.
“I’m sorry if I overstepped. I shouldn’t be telling you what to do, it’s not my place.” She ducks her head as her cheeks pinken the smallest amount. “I don’t have children and I have no idea what I would do in your situation. I’ll just go. Have a good night.” She stands, but before she can move, my voice stops her.
“You’re right,” I say softly.
“What?” She peers down at me with a furrowed brow.
“You’re right. About it all.”
Winnie slowly lowers herself back onto the couch and watches me carefully. She’s not relaxing back into the cushion, but sitting on the edge like she isn’t quite sure if she wants to stay or go.
“It’s not fair to ask you to keep your life and job a secret. I can’t stop you from inviting Liliana over to hang out or from letting your friends help you move. I can’t control every aspect of your life. But also, I don’t want Tali thinking she isn’t important or that I’m embarrassed of her. She’s the only thing I care about and she’s shown interest in my games according to Martha. I think she’d love to go to the games… but maybe sitting in a box and not in the crowds.” I rub the back of my neck, more than a little uncomfortable with the thought of Tali sitting among the fans.
“I think she’d love that and personally, I’d rather sit in a box too.” Winnie flashes me one of her bright smiles before glancing at her watch.
“If you need to go, you can. I don’t want to keep you from any plans you might have.”
“Oh, no! Nothing like that. I’m just getting hungry. I’m trying to fast and it might kill me.” She chuckles, her sweet laughter filling the living room.
It’s so weird to see a woman in my home. This isn’t the home I owned when Ellie was alive. That one is three thousand miles away and it feels like a lifetime ago.
In fact, I think the only females to ever enter this house are Martha and Tali. Given the fact Martha’s old enough to be my mother, I never really thought about her being here.
“When can you eat? I used to do eighteen hours of fasting, so I understand the struggle.”
“I have fifteen more minutes,” she groans, letting her head fall back against the couch.
“How about you take Tali and I’ll make us some dinner? Unless you have plans…”
“No plans. I’m a pretty boring person. I’m a homebody most of the time, unless Wheeler makes me go out with him to Kennedy’s Pub.”
“Then it sounds like we’ll get along great.”
I carefully transfer Tali into Winnie’s waiting arms and watch them for a few seconds, making sure Tali isn’t going to wake up. She’s fairly good at staying asleep, but you never know.
As soon as I’m sure she’ll stay asleep, I head into the kitchen and start pulling things out of the fridge for bowls. I started eating these when Tali was an infant. It was easier to meal prep and quickly make myself a healthy dinner or lunch when I needed it.
Now, I have a chef who makes all of my food. I don’t have the time to spend in the kitchen like I used to and any spare time I have, I want to spend with Tali.
Heating up a pan, I scoop a little bit of butter into it, then toss in the onions, sweet potatoes, mushrooms, black beans, and white potatoes. After sprinkling some salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes on them, I cover the pan and let the vegetables soften.
In another pan, I cook up some pulled pork and beef brisket. I cooked the meats in my smoker yesterday and have been waiting to make a bowl with them.
“You don’t have any allergies, right?” I call from the kitchen.
“Not unless you plan on letting a bee sting me. Foods haven’t tried to kill me yet.”
“Ok, good.” I chuckle and shake my head, enjoying having someone else to talk to a little too much.
Once the meat is finished cooking, I separate it into two large bowls and make a few sunny side up eggs for both of us. I top the meat with the veggies and then place the eggs over them.
In a separate bowl, I set aside a small portion of everything for Tali. She loves to have this for dinner and she’s now to the age I don’t need to make her something separate.
“Dinner’s all ready.” I walk into the living room and a weight hits me in the chest seeing Tali on Winnie’s lap. They look like they could be mother and daughter.
My little girl is staring up at Winnie with wide eyes, but she doesn’t say anything. As soon as she hears my voice, she whips around in my direction and a bright smile spreads across her face, making her pacifier almost fall out of her mouth.
“Da-Da.” She wiggles off of Winnie’s lap and races over to me. Holding her arms up in the air, she waits for me to pick her up and settle her on my hip.
“Are you ready to eat, pretty girl?”
“Always!” Winnie hops off the couch, then winces. “You were talking to Tali, weren’t you?” She scrunches up her nose, looking more than adorable. She seems to do that a lot.
“I was, but the question stands for both of you.”
Winnie follows me into the kitchen and waits for me to strap Tali into her highchair. I motion for her to take a seat at the table, then grab the bowls for the girls. I secure a bib around Tali’s neck, then grab her a drink.
“Would you like water or a seltzer water? I don’t have much else, sorry. Once I start spring training, everything I shouldn’t be consuming gets tossed.”
“A seltzer would be great. I might have a tiny obsession with them. I traded soda for seltzer when I started this whole trying to eat better phase. Something about the carbonation makes me feel like I’m not drinking water.”
“I get it. Is there a reason you changed your diet?”
“I don’t know. I feel like a fat slob every time I eat around Smithy or Wheeler. They’re so particular about their diets. Now that Liliana’s living with Smithy, she’s doing the same thing. I’ve debated on going to the gym, but I don’t know what I’m doing there. I guess I just want to get healthier and stronger. I’m not getting any younger and I don’t want these curves to get out of control.” She motions to her figure and I let my gaze move up and down her body.
I don’t know what she’s concerned about. She has an hourglass figure. Sure, she has a little wider hips than what most people would consider ideal and her thighs are a little thicker, but I think she looks amazing.
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about, but I’d be happy to help you.”
“Oh, I wasn’t asking for that, I was just saying. I’m sure you’re too busy to worry about me.” She waves me off. “I’m supposed to be helping take things off your plate, not add more to it.”
“Well, the offer stands. I’m happy to give you some pointers or create a workout plan for you. As far as eating healthier, I have a chef who preps these meals for me during the season. I can ask him to double what he makes, then you don’t have to think about it at all.”
“That’s really kind of you, but seriously, I’m not trying to make things more difficult.” She smiles up at me as I set her drink in front of her and take the seat across the table from her.
I tug my phone out of my pocket and shoot off a text to the chef, asking him to start making me meals for two. I want to help her and make her feel more at home here.
I don’t know why, but Winnie makes me feel comfortable having her in my space. I was worried about having a stranger here, but she doesn’t feel like a stranger. She feels like she belongs here and like we’ve known each other forever.
Once I’ve taken a bite of food, Winnie follows my lead. Her eyes widen and she stares down at the bowl.
“This is amazing!” She covers her mouth as she speaks with her mouth full.
“I eat them every day and Tali loves them too. Right, baby girl?”
Brushing Tali’s loose strands of hair away from her face, I press a soft kiss to her cheek. She smiles up at me with sweet potatoes squishing out from between the few teeth she has.
“Holy crap, the two of you are adorable together,” Winnie gushes, placing a hand over her heart.
“Thanks?”
“No, I’m serious! I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a cuter daddy daughter pair. You’re making me want kids and that’s not good.” She waves her hands through the air like she’s trying to erase the thought from existence.
“Why isn’t that good?”
“Because every time I think I want to settle down and have a family, I crawl back to Wheeler and that’s the last thing in the world I should be doing.”
“You said you and Wheeler dated?”
“Throughout all of college,” she sighs.
“What happened?”
“Well, I didn’t want to follow him through the minors and majors. I was already working for the Marshalls and I didn’t want to give them up. It was like a unicorn job. So, I broke things off with him, but he was put in the majors so quickly and stayed in Philadelphia. We’ve dated off and on since then.”
“But you don’t want to date him?” My brows crinkle as I try to figure out why she wouldn’t want to be with Wheeler. He’s a really great guy and he seems like he’d be a good boyfriend, I don’t understand why she wouldn’t want that. Most women would be jumping at the chance to date a professional athlete.
“Wheeler and I are… We’re great together, until we’re not. Things are either going better than imaginable, or we’re at each other’s throats. I know it will never work out long term. We’re too similar. Too stubborn. Neither one of us are ever willing to break. And, I don’t think he’ll commit to me. Not really.”
“He wouldn’t cheat on you.” I scowl, I know Wheeler enough to know cheating isn’t his thing.
“No, I know he wouldn’t cheat, but he doesn’t want a wife and kids. He doesn’t want that sort of responsibility, at least not yet. He likes being free and I don’t want to ruin that for him, but that isn’t what I want.” She pushes her food around on her plate as she thinks. “I always wanted that picture perfect life, but it’s never going to happen.”
“Why not?”
“I’d have to find someone I like enough to spend the rest of my life with.”
Winnie
Liliana asks with so much excitement in her voice. She knows how much I want to find another family like the Marshalls to work for. That isn’t an easy feat though.
“It was good. I think we’ll be a good fit,” I say, my attention on anything except this conversation.
I’m trying to get my entire apartment packed before the movers come. I’m not sure when they’re even coming, I just know Jamie said he’d handle it.
I wonder what my room at Jamie’s will be like. I should’ve asked him to see it, but I didn’t even think of it. I was too focused on watching how adorable him and Tali are together.
“Do I know the family you’re working for?” Lils asks.
“Umm… I don’t know?” I wince as the words come out of my mouth. I don’t want to lie to her, but I don’t know what else to say.
Jamie never came out and said I could tell anyone about Tali and the last thing in the world I want to do is upset Jamie before I’m even working for him.
“Winnie,” Liliana says firmly, her reporter voice coming through.
“What? I can’t hear you.”
I glance around the room, looking for anything that can crinkle and make it sound like we’re breaking up.
“You can hear me! And stop looking for something to crinkle!”
“Are you watching me?” I shriek as I frantically look around my tiny closet like Liliana’s going to jump out and scare me.
“How would I be watching you! What are you hiding from me?”
“I can’t tell you! I want to, so badly, but I… I don’t know if I’m supposed to tell anyone.”
“But I’m your best friend,” Liliana says sadly.
“I know! Let me talk to my new employer, then I’ll tell you whatever I can. They’re in a… tough position. The identity of the child is being kept hidden and I’m not sure if I can tell you who they are.”
“What! This sounds like some crazy undercover job. Should I be worried?” Her voice grows frantic with each word.
“Absolutely not.” I chuckle, thinking about how she’d react if she knew I was working for Schmidt. “My new employer is a total sweetheart.”
“Male or female?”
“I’d prefer not to answer.” I grin, knowing I’m going to drive her crazy by avoiding her questions.
“Age?”
“You should never ask anyone over sixteen their age, Lils. You know that.” My grin grows into a smirk when she huffs on the other side of the line.
Liliana hates nothing more than people avoiding her questions and not giving her the information she wants.
“How many kids?”
“One.”
“How old?”
“Under five.”
“Oh my gosh, Winnie! I can’t guess who your employer is just by the child’s age!”
“I promise you, Lils, if I gave you a kabillion guesses, you still wouldn’t guess it.”
I smile to myself, thinking about Jamie again. I can’t stop thinking about how good he is with Tali. I just can’t imagine how difficult his life is when he’s trying to juggle being a professional baseball player and being a single father. Both jobs are extremely demanding and I don’t know how he does it all.
I wonder exactly how many hours a week I’ll be alone with Tali, but she seems like a chill and easy-going toddler. I can’t wait to get to know her a little bit better. Everything will be easier when she gets comfortable around me.
My phone beeps with an incoming call. I pull it away from my face to check the caller ID and a smile tugs on my lips when I see it’s Jamie.
“Hey, Winnie, I need to go. My employer is calling me.”
“I can hear the smile in your voice, Winnie! Do you have a crush-”
I end the call before she can finish asking her question. It’s another question I won’t ask. One I refuse to give the answer to, even to myself. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how I feel about Jamie. My job is to take care of his daughter. Nothing can happen between us.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Winnie, it’s Jamie.”
“Hey, what’s up?”
“I was wondering if you were free to spend the day with us? I want to make sure Tali can spend time with you before the season starts and we only have a week.”
I can hear the nervousness and hesitation in his voice. It’s so sweet how much he worries about his daughter. It’s something I don’t see very often.
“Of course. I was just packing up my last box. Give me twenty minutes to get cleaned up and I’ll be ready.”
“Ok. I was thinking…” He trails off. I grin as I wait for him to continue. Jamie can be really awkward, but I honestly love that about him.
He doesn’t try to put on a show or make people like him. He’s just him and he doesn’t seem to care if you don’t like that.
“Yeah?” I push when he doesn’t continue.
“Holy crap, this is hard.” He chuckles on the other end of the line.
“We’re friends, Jamie. You can talk to me about anything.”
“Are we? Friends, I mean?” The surprise in his tone makes me laugh. He’s adorable.
“I’ll be living in your house and spending most of my day with your daughter. I hope we’re friends, otherwise things are about to get awkward.”
“I’m sorry. The last nanny I had was old enough to be my mother. I didn’t view her as a friend, I guess I viewed her as a stand-in grandmother for Tali.”
“Then you can view me as a stand-in… aunt.” I almost slip up and say mother, but not only would that be weird, I also don’t want to offend him when his wife died two years ago. When his wife never got to be a mother to his baby.
“I was thinking maybe you should have Wheeler and Smithy help you move,” He blurts out in one quick breath.
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready to do.”
“No? But you’re right. I can’t keep Tali a secret forever, it’s not fair to anyone.”
“Ok. When do you want me to have them help?”
“Is this weekend too soon?” The hesitation in his voice is back. It always brings a smile to my face. He doesn’t tell me what to do, he asks permission.
“Jamie,” I say softly. “You’re my boss. You’re supposed to tell me what you want me to do and I’m supposed to listen.”
“I’m not a good boss.”
“I think you’ll be an amazing boss.”
“Well, don’t expect too much. I might lose my mind if I have to worry about being a good boss, dad, and center fielder.”
“You don’t have to worry about me.” I chuckle. “You do what you need to and I’ll pick up the pieces at home.”
Schmidt
room as I wait for Winnie to show up. I keep telling myself I’m just walking with Tali until she falls asleep, but her breathing evened out fifteen minutes ago. I should be placing her in her crib or sitting down with her. It’s ridiculous for me to still be walking, yet I can’t stop myself. I’m so nervous about seeing Winnie again.
Her car pulls down my driveway a few moments later and I practically sprint to the door. I swing it open before she can even get out of the car and head her way.
“Hey!” She smiles as she climbs out of her SUV and grabs her purse.
She’s wearing a pair of black jeans and a white sweater with knee high boots. She’s gorgeous with her long dark hair gathered into a high pony tail. The ends swish around her shoulders. She looks like she belongs on a ski slope, not standing in my driveway.
“Hey, Winnie.”
“Is she asleep?” She sticks out her bottom lip in a pout. “I swear I’ve barely seen her awake.”
“Next week, you’ll be wishing she’d nap so you can have some peace for a few hours.”
“Nah, we’re going to have so much fun together.” She toys with Tali’s hair, something she does quite often. “What did you have planned for today?”
“I was thinking we could go to the zoo, but it will be better if I put her down so she can nap first… I realized I never showed you around the house. We could do that while she sleeps.”
“Lead the way.” She grins up at me. She’s easygoing and constantly has a smile on her face. I’m sure Tali will do great with Winnie. They’ll be best friends by the end of the first week.
Winnie follows me inside the house. She drops her purse by the front door and I head towards Tali’s room first.
After placing my little girl in her crib and covering her with her blankie, I show Winnie where Tali’s things are.
“Her closet and drawers are fairly organized. Martha was a neat freak and I think she just switched out Tali’s clothes that were too small… That might be a job for you? I’ve never really had to do it.” I run a hand through my hair. I feel stupid saying I never did such a basic thing for my daughter.
“I’m here to pick up the pieces, Jamie. Remember that.” Winnie places her hand on my forearm, meeting my gaze with so much sincerity.
“I know… It’s just, I’m not used to this. Like I said, Martha was like a mom and grandmom to us. You aren’t. It’s like I have a partner in this now and I’m not used to that.”
“As long as we’re not playing tennis, I’m a pretty good partner.” She smirks.
“Dang, and I signed us up to play doubles next week.” My lips lift into a half smile.
“You did not!” Winnie laughs softly, her gaze snapping over to Tali, making sure she didn’t wake her.
“She’s a pretty sound sleeper. Not much will wake her up. C’mon, let me finish showing you around the house.”
I point out the spare bedroom, the office I don’t use, the gym, and the library. It’s filled with books from the previous owner and I never had time to go through them. Winnie’s eyes light up as she runs her fingers along the spines.
“This is a pretty interesting collection. I love so many of these books, but I’m shocked you have them. Are you a big romance reader?” She quirks a brow, her eyes lighting up with amusement.
“They were left by the previous owner. They were an older couple and didn’t want to pack everything up.” I lift my shoulder in a shrug. “I didn’t really care, so I said to leave them. I know it’s surprising, but I don’t get a whole lot of time to read.”
“Really?” She gasps. “What do you do all day?” She knocks her shoulder into mine and grins up at me.
I could get a little too used to spending time with Winnie. She’s easy to spend time with and to let my guard down around. I have a feeling she’d be easy to love too… For Tali I mean. She’s my employee. Nothing can ever happen between us beyond friendship.
“This is my room. If you like taking baths, you can always use mine. You have one, but it’s not nearly as nice. It’s just a normal tub.” I motion to the large tub with multiple jets and all the perks most women love.
My mind keeps drifting to my room. I wonder what she thinks of my space. Is it what she’d imagine me sleeping in or did I surprise her with how neat my room is?
“Do you use it a lot? I know Wheeler uses his and his hot tub all the time.”
“Not as much as I should. Normally by the time I finish practice and get Tali to sleep, I’m exhausted. I pass out watching TV or just go straight to bed.”
She nods her head like she gets it. I hope she does. I hope she’s the perfect fit for us. Someone who will understand how things are and not try to change them.
I lead Winnie to the other side of the house and open the door at the end of the hallway. There’s a small living room with a tiny kitchenette off to the side. There’s a full bathroom and a nice sized bedroom down the hall.
“This is all yours. You have your own entrance and kind of a kitchen. You can use the main kitchen whenever you want though. And the living room. Don’t feel like you need to hide away in here or leave if you don’t have to watch Tali. You’re free to spend as much or as little time with us when I’m home.” I run a hand through my hair again, more than uncomfortable with this. Why am I so awkward all the time?
“Hey, Jamie?”
“Yeah?” I glance over at her, finding her striking blue eyes already on me.
“Take a deep breath. No matter what you say or do, I’m not running away. I’m here to stay and honestly, you’ll probably get sick of me.” She wrinkles up her nose in that adorable way she does. “I’m a people person. I’ll constantly be crashing your space, just so I can people.”
“You’re allowed to go out and people too.” I offer her a weak smile. I don’t want her to go out. I want her to stay here with me and Tali.
“I know, but I’m also a homebody, so that makes it difficult. I’ve always lived alone so I was forced to leave the house if I wanted to socialize, but you just made it easier for me.”
I nod, unsure of how else to answer her. Winnie’s unlike any woman I’ve ever met. She’s so happy and easy to talk to. She makes you feel at home almost instantly, like you can spill all your secrets to her.
I wonder what it will be like to have her in my life. In my home. To be able to go to her any time I want to talk and know she’ll listen and offer up some good advice.
As much as I’m going to miss Martha, I’m really excited for Winnie to start taking care of Tali. I think she’ll be good for my little girl.
“When are Smithy and Wheeler helping you move?”
“They both said they’re free this weekend.” She wrinkles up her nose like she isn’t sure if I’ll like her answer. “I was thinking of bringing a bag and starting to sleep here tonight. I want to spend as much time as I can with Tali before the season starts. Anything to make her more comfortable.”
“I can help you move too… If you don’t mind watching Tali.” I smirk.
“Not at all! I’ll call the boys after we go to the zoo and settle everything for this weekend.”
Winnie
is something special. He’s never distracted by his phone or annoyed when she needs something. He’s always present and telling her about the various animals we’ve seen, even if she might not understand what he’s saying.
He’s laidback and in his element when Tali’s in his arms. It’s like she has this calming presence for him.
Jamie’s dressed in a pair of jeans with a black t-shirt stretched across his broad chest. His muscular arms are on full display and make me wonder if he puts in extra hours in the gym. He has a baseball cap pulled down low on his head. It has the Python’s logo on it, making me chuckle.
“Why are you wearing a Python’s hat?”
“Because if I wear a Pit Bull’s hat, someone could recognize me. Having a different sport on my hat throws people off.”
I nod my head because that kind of makes sense. Before I can think too hard about it, Tali drops her cup of water when a monkey jumps at the glass separating it from us, and scares her. It spills all over Jamie, soaking his chest and stomach.
“Jeez,” he murmurs under his breath. He doesn’t freak out or make a big scene. “Well, at least you stayed dry, Tali Girl… Do you mind holding her while I try to get slightly drier?”
“Of course not. We’ll have some fun making faces at the monkeys.”
As soon as Tali’s in my arms, Jamie rushes away to the bathroom. We turn back to the monkeys but when another one jumps at the glass, Tali buries her face in the crook of my neck and wraps her little arms around me. She’s holding onto me so tightly.
“It’s ok, sweetie.” I rub a soothing hand up and down her back, keeping her close to me. She’s so tiny and cuddly. I can’t wait to spend more time with her.
I’d walk away from the monkeys and go somewhere else, but I want to make sure Jamie knows where we are. I’m fairly certain he’d panic if he couldn’t find us and I don’t want to do that to him.
“Thanks. I tried to use the hand driers, but I was getting some pretty weird looks.” He chuckles. “Is she ok?”
“A monkey scared her again. I didn’t want to leave this area. I wanted to make sure you could find us easily, so we’re just snuggling.”
“Tali’s a great snuggler. I can take her if you’d like.”
“Do you mind if I keep her? I’m soaking up all this baby love.”
“Not at all. As long as she’s happy, I’m happy.”
Though he says the words so nonchalant, I realize that’s exactly how Jamie feels. His happiness is directly related to Tali’s. He truly only cares about his little girl.
I swallow hard and shake my head. He’s my boss. No matter how adorable and sexy the man is, he’ll never be more and I need to remember that.
On our way home from the zoo, Jamie swings by my apartment so I can grab a few things. He loves the idea of me staying with him before I move. I think he’s just happy to see me interact with Tali more.
“Do you need me to come help you?” He shifts the car into park and glances my way.
“Nah, I’m just grabbing a few sets of clothing and my toiletries. I don’t need much.”
“Ok. Take your time. We’ll be fine.”
I roll my eyes because there’s no way I’ll spend too much time in my apartment. I’d feel bad making them wait.
I’m halfway up the stairs when my phone rings. I tug it out of my pocket and find Wheeler’s name flashing on the screen with an old picture of us with me in his arms. We look happy.
“Hey.”
“Hey, baby. What are you up to?”
“Uh, just grabbing a few things from my apartment.” I wince when I realize he’ll ask questions. I don’t want to tell him about Jamie yet.
“What do you mean?”
“I can move this weekend, but I want to start staying at my new place tonight. I need to spend more time with the little girl before the dad will be gone. I want her to be comfortable around me.”
“You’re a good nanny.”
“Thanks. What are you up to?”
“Well, I wanted you to come over. We could spend some time in the hot tub and then we’ll see where the night leads.” I don’t need to see him to know he’s smirking and wiggling his eyebrows. He’s so predictable.
He expects an easy lay when he calls me. I’d think I was just a booty call for him, except he likes to spend time with me outside of the bedroom too.
But I’m done with that. I’m not going to sleep with him when I don’t see a future for us. It was a mistake to ever let our relationship go that far in the first place, but we were young and dumb. I’m at the point in my life where I can’t blame my actions on being young and dumb anymore.
“I don’t think that will work. Sorry.”
“That sucks. Now, what am I going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I murmur as I search for the bag I’m looking for. It’s packed with a few days of clothes. I figured that way if I don’t get to unpack right away, I have a few days of things to wear.
“You should sleep here tonight.”
“Wheeler, I’m not being your booty call anymore. We’ve talked about this. Call someone else.”
“I don’t want anyone else,” he grumbles.
“You have a hand.”
“Seriously, Winnie?”
“What? I’m busy. I don’t work for you and I can’t be at your beck and call.”
“Can I just hire you?”
“To do what? You don’t have a kid.”
“No, but your job could be to help me practice making a kid.”
“That’s called a prostitute and I’m not interested in being a prostitute.” I roll my eyes and finally find my bag.
I don’t know why he has such a hard time letting me go. I’ve tried so hard to make it clear I don’t want a relationship beyond friendship with him anymore.
Quickly stuffing my toiletries into it, I lock up my apartment and jog down the stairs. I want this conversation over before I get in the car. The last thing I need is Jamie listening to my conversation with Wheeler. There’s no telling what type of crap will come out of his mouth.
“Are you still a prostitute if you only sleep with one person?” He’s actually thinking about this. He can be such an idiot sometimes.
“If I’m getting paid, yes.”
“What if I don’t pay you, but I pay for all your things.”
“That’s called being a wife. Something you don’t want.”
“Yeah, no. Who would want one of those?”
And that right there is why Wheeler and I will never be anything more than friends.
“I gotta go. I’ll call you later.”
“No, you won’t. You say that all the time!”
I press end before he can complain even more about my lack of following through on my promises to call back. It’s not like I don’t want to call him back, it’s just that I forget… Or I don’t feel like dealing with him.
He can be quite dramatic and I don’t enjoy that.
“Do you need anything else?” Jamie asks as soon as I climb in the car.
“Not tonight.” I smile over at him. “Are you ready for a roomie?”
“More than you know.”
Schmidt
in the morning and finding Winnie already with a cup of coffee in her hands and one waiting for me is odd. I’m not used to anyone else being in my space.
Martha didn’t live with me. She had a husband at home and she only stayed here when I wasn’t going to be home. Otherwise, she’d magically appear five minutes before I had to leave for work and she’d go shortly after I returned home. Sometimes she’d stay and chat for a little while, but I think she only did it when her husband would be working late.
“Morning,” I murmur, still exhausted. Tali was up a few times last night. She’s getting some teeth in and isn’t sleeping well.
“You look like you need this more than I do.” She smirks as she hands over the mug she must’ve poured for me. “I wasn’t sure how you like it so it’s black right now.”
“That’s exactly how I like it.” I take a deep breath and close my eyes as the scent of coffee washes over me.
“Good. Wheeler drinks his coffee with so much cream and sugar in it. It drives me nuts. I drink mine black too.”
I take a sip and have to bite back a groan. I needed coffee so badly this morning. I might need a few cups just to get through the day.
“Martha will be here for a few hours today while I’m working. I don’t have a full day though. I have to meet with my agent later.”
“Awesome. So, I can learn some things from her.” Winnie grins. “I’m asking her all of your dirty secrets.” She wiggles her brows, making me chuckle.
“Go ahead. Maybe she can give you some pointers on how to deal with me.”
“Eh, you’re easy.” She waves me off.
“Huh, you pegged me as easy this early in our relationship?”
“The filter’s off until after the coffee’s finished. I’m warning you now.” She points a finger in my direction.
“Should I stay out of the kitchen until after you’ve had your morning mug then?”
“Nope, you just can’t hold anything I say against me until you can see the bottom of the ceramic.”
“That’s fair.” I nod my head as a smile takes over my features. I could get used to living with Winnie.
When I get to work and see Smithy and Wheeler, I almost make a comment about Winnie. There were a few close calls, but I was able to keep quiet. The last thing I want is anyone finding out Winnie’s working for me as my nanny before they know I even have a daughter.
“Do you want to come out with us tonight?” Smithy asks before taking a big bite of his protein bar.
The closer we get to the season starting the harder we’re all working out. Levi’s been a fantastic coach and knows exactly how hard he can push us without going too hard. I’ve really enjoyed having him as our coach over the last year. I think he’s doing a great job. Quite a few people are saying we have a good shot at the world series if we continue playing like we did last year.
“I can’t. I have a meeting with my agent tonight.” I give him a tight-lipped smile, unsure of how else to respond. I hate telling them no, but Tali means so much more to me.
I know soon she won’t be my little girl anymore. She’ll want to go out with her friends and leave me behind. She’s the last piece of Ellie I have left and I want to cherish her for as long as I can.
“One day we’ll all figure out what you’re hiding. When that day comes, I better be the winner of the bet.” Wheeler drapes his arm over my shoulders and leans in like we’re sharing a secret.
“The bet?” I arch a brow. I know Winnie made a comment about a bet too, but I thought she was joking.
“Oh, yeah. We’ve been betting since you joined this team about what you’re hiding.” Smithy chuckles.
“And what does everyone think?”
“Covey says you’re a secret agent with the CIA. Wheeler thinks you have an underaged wife you keep locked up at home. I think you have a secret life where you’re a computer hacker. Wyatt says you have a secret family.” Smithy rolls his eyes like Wyatt’s ridiculous. “Cord says you’re a homebody and we should leave you alone. Leo says we need to stay out of your business. Holden and McLaren refuse to make a bet because I think they’re secretly scared of you.” Smithy shrugs.
“Some of the other players have made comments, but we only included the starting lineup in the bet,” Wheeler adds with a big grin.
“And what happens if you’re all wrong?”
“Then you get the money.” Wyatt steps up behind me with a chuckle. “I told them they only have until the end of the season, then it’s over. They can’t keep this bet going for another year.”
“And what if no one knows what I’m hiding by the end of the season?”
“Then you get the money.” Cord chuckles. “They didn’t think this through very well.”
“How much do I win?”
“Nope! Don’t you dare tell him!” Wheeler dives between us, blocking me from seeing any of the other guys. “If you tell him how much it is, he might double down on keeping things quiet just so he makes the money!”
“You know we all make millions of dollars a year, right? I don’t need more money.” I roll my eyes at how ridiculous he is.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s the principle of the matter.”
“Alright, guys! Let’s get back to work! We have less than two weeks to get this team in shape for the opening game!” Levi motions for us to get a move on it.
Schmidt
girl will be living right down the street from me.” Wheeler smiles to himself.
Though his features appear relaxed and calm, I don’t miss the way he’s gripping the boxes a little tighter than necessary.
This is the second time he’s referred to Winnie as his girl in the last few minutes. I don’t know what game he’s trying to play, but I don’t want any part of it. I haven’t done anything to make Wheeler think more is going on between Winnie and me.
Winnie’s my nanny and nothing more. I know that and Winnie knows that, maybe I should make it clear to Wheeler too.
I open my mouth to put him in his place, but Smithy shakes his head. He knows Wheeler better than I do and I know he’ll explain later. I nod and grab another box to carry inside. I want to know what Smithy’s thinking though.
Leading the way, I show the guys where Winnie’s room is. We drop the boxes in the living room of her quarters and then Smithy and I head back out to the truck while Wheeler moves further into Winnie’s space.
“What’s going on with him?” I glance over at Smithy as soon as we’re far enough for Wheeler to not hear us.
“He’s been in love with Winnie since we were in college,” Smithy sighs. “He wants to date her, but she’s constantly turning him down. They have an odd relationship.”
“What do you mean?”
“They’ll flirt and hook up, but they don’t date. Sometimes I’ll hear that one of them is in a relationship with someone else, then all of a sudden, they’re single again and hooking up with each other.” Smithy shakes his head. “I don’t understand it, but I guess I don’t have to. I’m pretty sure Winnie doesn’t want that anymore though.”
“I was going to tell him nothing is going on between Winnie and me.”
“Nah, don’t do that.”
“Why?”
“Maybe he needs this push to finally tell her how he feels or walk away. As much as Winnie cares about him, I don’t think she’s in love with him.”
“She made a comment about how she’s always wanted kids but that isn’t in the cards for her. She said she’s not what Wheeler’s looking for.” I glance behind me, making sure Wheeler isn’t coming out. I don’t want him to overhear this conversation.
“Like I said, I don’t understand it. I’m sure Lils knows more about what’s going on between them, but I’ve never asked. I had enough trouble with my own love life, until recently.” He chuckles. “I’ve never been happier than I have been with Liliana. It’s weird to think it’s been about a year since we started dating. It feels like seconds and years all at the same time.”
“What’s taking the two of you so long?” Wheeler slaps me on the back as he approaches us.
“We were talking about the start of the season and how much I’m not looking forward to it,” Smithy says before I can say anything.
“Why wouldn’t you be excited? It’s another year of playing the game we love!”
“Because that means I have to leave Lils when we go away on games. I know she comes with us sometimes, but not every time.”
“And I have to leave Tali,” I add, making sure he realizes Tali’s what matters to me, not Winnie.
“Yeah, and I leave Winnie each time, but it’s not like I’m leaving forever.” Wheeler shrugs, not really understanding where we’re coming from. He’s just trying to stake his claim on Winnie again.
“You don’t get it, man. She’s my entire world.” Smithy shakes his head. “I’d rather die than live without her.”
“I love Winnie, but I’m not sure I’d rather die than live without her, that’s insane.” Wheeler frowns like Smithy’s crazy.
“Hands down, I’d die without Tali. I couldn’t care less about anything else in life. I just need my little girl.”
“You guys are crazy.”
“Nah, you’ve just never experienced this type of love.” Smithy grabs a box and heads inside without another word.
Wheeler scowls at his back. I wonder if he’s offended by what Smithy just said, but I agree. If he doesn’t love Winnie the way Smithy loves Liliana, he’ll never understand it.
I’m confused how he doesn’t love her that much. Winnie’s amazing from what I’ve seen. She’s fun and outgoing, but she’s happy having a laidback night at home. She seems like the perfect girlfriend.
She’s just not for me.
Placing the pizza on the counter, I immediately get to work on dinner for Tali. Though she can eat pizza, I like to cut it up really small for her. I don’t want to risk her choking.
I grab a cutting board and pizza cutter and start slicing the pizza into tiny pieces. Winnie slides up next to me to see what I’m doing. She smiles up at me, making me smile right back at her.
“You’re such a good dad. She’s a lucky little girl.”
“Thanks, Winnie.”
“C’mon, babe. Sit with me.” Wheeler slips his arm around Winnie’s waist and tugs her towards his chest.
I glance in their direction and don’t miss the irritation in Winnie’s eyes. She might be tolerating his antics today, but she’s not happy with him. I’m sure she’s going to yell at him later on when they don’t have an audience.
“I haven’t even gotten my food yet, Chase,” she hisses, pulling out of his grasp.
“Did… Did she just call you Chase?” Liliana blinks at them.
“That is my name.” Wheeler rolls his eyes.
“Yeah, but like, no one calls you that. Ever. I actually forgot what your first name was.” Liliana snorts with laughter.
“Oh, please! You call Smithy Travis all the time.”
“Which I’ve done since we were in college.” She points a finger in his direction. “Winnie never calls you Chase.”
“Is there anything you need me to help you with, Jamie?” Winnie’s back at my side, blinking up at me with hopeful eyes.
“Could you get Tali some juice? I like to do half water half juice.”
“Of course.” She bounces away from me with a big smile on her face.
“Jamie? Since when do you go by Jamie? Didn’t you refuse to tell Macy your first name last year? You said you only go by Schmidt.” Wheeler folds his arms over his chest and glares at me.
“Oh, calm down. What is wrong with you tonight?” Winnie pushes Wheeler out of the way and places Tali’s cup on the tray to her highchair. “You should stay away from boys, Tali. They’re crazy,” she coos.
Tali smiles up at her and as soon as I place a few pieces of pizza on her tray, she’s shoving them into her mouth.
“One at a time, Tali girl.” I hold up one finger and she mimics me, scrunching up her nose as she grins up at me. “Good girl.” I press a soft kiss to the top of her head.
I turn around to grab myself a plate of food, but Winnie’s placing one in front of the seat next to Tali. She nods to it, indicating it’s for me.
“Thanks.” I tug out the chair and take a seat.
Wheeler’s glaring from his seat at the opposite end of the table. He’s watching every interaction Winnie and I have. It’s a little awkward.
“Oh, I have sparkling water or beer in the fridge.” I push my chair away from the table to grab a few cans, but Winnie jumps up.
“I got it. What does everyone want? Jamie, you want a tangerine sparkling water?”
“That would be great.”
From the little amount of time we’ve gotten to spend together, Winnie’s paid attention to everything. She knows how I like my coffee and what flavors of sparkling water I prefer. She knows how Tali likes to be rocked when she’s tired and what her favorite toys are. I wonder what it will be like in a few weeks or months. I have a feeling it’s going to be like Winnie’s always been with us and I can’t wait.
Yet, I’m almost afraid of getting used to her help. What if one day she decides she doesn’t want to work for me anymore? I could get dependent on her help and be lost without her.
Winnie hands out drinks to everyone before taking her seat on the other side of Tali. She places a few more pieces of pizza on Tali’s tray when she runs out and smiles at my daughter. The two of them are adorable together. I can’t wait for them to get even closer. For Tali to feel at home with Winnie. It will be amazing to see.
“You seem pretty at home here, huh?” Wheeler takes a bite of his slice and glares at my end of the table.
“I hope so. She’ll be living here.” Smithy doesn’t miss a beat. He’s gotten more and more irritated with Wheeler as the night has gone on.
“Yeah, but isn’t it a little fast to be this comfortable?”
“Well, Jamie’s been very welcoming and I’ve been living here all week.” Winnie smiles, but I can see the glint of anger sparkling in her eyes. She’s saying this just to set him off. “He even told me I could use the massive tub in his bathroom when I want to take a bath. I plan on taking him up on that quite often.” Her smile turns into a smirk when Wheeler narrows his eyes.
“Winnie,” he growls.
“I’ll just have to remember to bring clothes into his bathroom with me.” She taps her chin like she’s really thinking about it. “Or I guess I could walk through the house to my room in only a towel.”
“Why can’t you just live at my house?” Wheeler slams his fist down on the table, making us all jump.
My gaze snaps to Tali. Her bottom lip trembles before she lets out a loud scream. She’s used to it just being the two of us and I’ve never even raised my voice in front of her. The few times I’ve had heated conversations with someone, I’ve done it in my office while she slept.
“It’s alright, baby girl.” Quickly scooping her out of her highchair, I cradle her against my chest and rock her back and forth. I don’t care if she’s getting pizza sauce all over my shirt or in my hair she’s grabbing onto.
After a few moments of her crying, I excuse myself and head down the hallway. I’d rather console my little girl in my room without everyone else around. I have no clue how upset Wheeler’s going to get, but my daughter doesn’t need to be around for this type of behavior.
Winnie
down the hallway and turn my angry glare on Wheeler.
“What is wrong with you?” I stand from the table and gather my trash. I just want them to leave so I can go talk to Jamie. I need to apologize to him. I didn’t think Wheeler would yell like that, not in front of everyone.
“Him! Why are you trying to make a little family with Schmidt?” Wheeler follows my lead and tosses his trash in the can. Then he comes toe to toe with me, not backing down for a second.
This is why we’ll never work out. We have plenty of calm and loving moments, but we definitely don’t know how to back down from each other. We’re like oil and water sometimes. I don’t want that. I don’t want a man I’ll fight with constantly.
“I’m not! I work for him. My job is to take care of Tali and help him. Excuse me for taking my job seriously!”
“That doesn’t mean you need to live here! You could live with me. You could come here every morning and come home at night. You don’t need to sleep here.”
“Why would I live with you?” I fold my arms over my chest and glare at him.
“Because I love you! Because I’ve been asking you to live with me for years!”
“You don’t love me like that, Wheeler. We both know it. You like the idea of me. You like the physical relationship we used to have, but we were never great together.”
“What are you talking about? We were good together.” He takes my face in his hands, forcing me to meet his gaze. “We belong together, baby.”
“We were good, not great. Not perfect. I want more than good, Wheeler!”
“Winnie,” he breathes as he erases the distance between us, tugging my body against his. “C’mon, sweetheart. You know we were meant to be together.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing he would listen to me. He never wants to hear what I’m saying. He argues his point and listens just enough to respond, but never really hears me.
“I think you should go home,” I whisper.
“What the heck, Winnie?” He takes a step back and meets my gaze. There’s hurt and anger swimming in his eyes, breaking my heart the smallest amount.
“This isn’t my house, Wheeler. You can’t come here and explode. That would be like me running out in the middle of the field and arguing with you during a game. It’s not fair to Jamie or Tali. If you want to have a mature conversation about us, I’ll come to your house. But you won’t raise your voice to me or slam your hand on the table. You’ll stay calm or I’ll leave your house.”
“I was just angry. You know I’d never do anything to hurt you.” His eyes soften and they water with unshed tears.
“I know you’d never hurt me, Chase,” I whisper as I place my hand over his heart. “But you need to stay in control of your emotions if you want to talk. For now, I need you to leave so I can talk to Jamie and try to smooth things over.”
“I’ll talk to him.” He goes to move, but I stop him.
“No. You’re acting extremely possessive tonight and I don’t think any good will come from you talking to him right now. Go home. You can talk to him at work when he isn’t trying to soothe his crying daughter.”
I glance over my shoulder at Smithy, silently asking him to deal with Wheeler. He nods his head, understanding what I need. He stands with Liliana and holds Wheeler’s gaze.
“C’mon, man. Give her some space and let her fix things. This is her first week here. Do you really want to ruin this job for her? It’s kinda perfect. When you’re home and free, so is Schmidt.”
“What does that matter?” Wheeler growls.
“If he’s home, he won’t need a nanny.” Smithy rolls his eyes, more than done with dealing with this.
That was a good connection he made though. Smithy will be able to get him to leave if he thinks he isn’t losing me to Schmidt.
“Fine.” He stares down at me as Smithy and Liliana deal with their dishes. “I’m not letting you go,” he whispers. “You’re mine, Winnie. He can’t have you.”
“He doesn’t want me, Wheeler. He wants someone to take care of his daughter.”
As soon as everyone is gone, I tiptoe down the hallway. I don’t hear Tali anymore and if Jamie got her to sleep, I don’t want to wake her up.
I glance in Tali’s room as I pass it, but I don’t see anyone in there. I keep going until I get to Jamie’s closed door. Knocking quietly, I wait, shifting from foot to foot. I’m so anxious. So worried Jamie’s going to say this won’t work.
I wouldn’t even be able to blame him. What happened tonight isn’t his fault and I’m sure he’s used to his house being peaceful and quiet. I don’t want to ruin that for him.
I’m just about to leave him alone when the doorknob twists and swings open. Jamie’s on the other side in nothing except a pair of athletic shorts hanging low on his hips.
“Hey,” I whisper, trying to gauge where his head is at.
“Hey, are you ok?” His eyes search mine, but I’m not sure what he’s looking for.
“Yeah… I’m sorry about what happened. Is Tali ok?”
“She’s sound asleep.” He pushes the door open a little further and moves so I can see her lying in the middle of his bed. She looks so tiny.
“Oh, ok. I’ll leave you alone for the night. I just wanted to apologize and check on you.” I turn to leave, but Jamie reaches out and grabs my arm.
“Winnie, stop.” He spins me back around to face him and takes a step closer. “You don’t need to talk to me about anything, I know this isn’t really my business…”
“What do you want to know?”
“Has… Has Wheeler ever hurt you?”
“Never.” I make sure to maintain eye contact so he knows I’m telling him the truth. Wheeler and I aren’t perfect for each other, but he never did anything to scare me or hurt me.
“Ok. I was worried after how he exploded. I just wanted to make sure.”
“Why?”
“Because you matter to me. You matter to Tali. I’ve never seen her warm up to someone as quickly as she has with you.”
I smile, unsure of how to respond to him. He’s such a sweetheart and goes out of his way to make sure I’m ok. I think working for him and living here will be a nice change of pace. I just hope I don’t screw it up.
Schmidt
go to work,” I groan as I glance at the clock while I feed Tali another bite of food.
She scrunches up her nose as she gives me a big toothy smile. I love how happy she is whenever she’s with me. It makes me want to say screw it and retire from baseball altogether. I have enough money saved up, I could survive for a long time before I’d need to find another job.
“We’ll be ok.” Winnie places her hand on my shoulder and squeezes gently.
“I didn’t mean…”
“I know you didn’t. I’m sure this is hard on you and the closer you get to the season starting the harder it will get.” She smiles at me like she completely understands where I’m coming from.
It’s crazy how quickly we’ve clicked. Sometimes it feels like we’ve known each other forever and not just a few days. It’s nice. Easy. Exactly what I need.
“Thank you for understanding.”
“I could bring her to the stadium for lunch if you’d like. It’s whatever you’re comfortable with. I’m not sure if you’re ready for the entire team to meet her.”
“I was thinking… Saturday is the team picnic at Owen Powell’s house. I skipped it last year, but I’m thinking of going this time.”
“I think that’s a wonderful idea.” She smiles, lighting up the entire room.
“Would you come with us?”
“Of course.”
“You don’t need to take care of Tali or anything, I just think it would be fun for us to go.”
“First off, I’m honored to be invited. Second, I don’t mind helping with this princess, so don’t even worry about that. Just let me know what time we’re leaving and what I should wear.”
“I will. Thank you, Winnie.” I stand to my full height as I realize I need to leave if I don’t want to be late for work.
“For what?” She tilts her head to the side, watching me carefully.
“For being so easygoing and willing to help. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I tug her into my arms and hug her for longer than is probably acceptable.
I release her and run a hand through my hair. I don’t know why I just hugged her, it just felt like the right thing to do, but now I’m not sure.
“I love you, Tali girl. I’ll see you when I get home.” I kiss Tali’s forehead before grabbing my duffle bag off the floor and heading towards the door to put on my shoes. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me. I can come home at any time.”
“We’ll be ok, but I will call if we need you for anything.”
I love the way she doesn’t brush off my worries. That she promises to call if she needs me, while also assuring me she won’t. She knows exactly how to deal with my anxieties and I’m grateful for that.
“I’m assuming we’re keeping Tali’s existence quiet?” Smithy asks as he slides up next to me in the dugout.
We’re playing a mock game today. Something to get us ready for the first game of the season. I’m pretty happy they split up the starting lineup and Wheeler isn’t on my team today. I need some distance from him.
I know he didn’t do anything wrong, but if he talks to me, I’m bound to yell at him for the way he behaved in front of my daughter and how he talked to Winnie. He shouldn’t be raising his voice to her.
“I’d like to keep her to myself until Saturday,” I say softly.
“Are you bringing her to the picnic?” Smithy’s eyebrows raise as well as his voice.
“Yeah, Winnie’s coming too.”
“Ugh, that might cause some problems.” He scrubs a hand down his face and glances at Wheeler.
The two of them have been close since college, but I know he’ll always consider Liliana his best friend over Wheeler.
I can only imagine what was said between Wheeler and Smithy since Saturday night. I’m sure Wheeler was talking his ear off.
“He feels like Winnie’s slipping through his fingers and he doesn’t know how to stop it,” Smithy says quietly enough that no one else can hear us.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“I know you didn’t,” Smithy sighs. “Wheeler does too, deep down. He doesn’t know how to handle Winnie, Tali, and you looking like a family.”
“What do you mean? We don’t look like a family.” I frown out at the field, trying to figure out what he’s talking about.
“You do though. Tali looks so much like Winnie. If I didn’t know any of you, I’d assume they were mother and daughter. Plus, the way Winnie made you a plate and jumped up to get drinks so you didn’t have to… You guys are comfortable around each other and it shows.”
“I’m not trying to date her, Smithy. But we are living together, we have to be comfortable or this will be awkward.”
“I get it and you’re not doing anything wrong. Wheeler’s just having a hard time accepting this. A hard time knowing she’ll spend more time at your house than his. You’re going to be more important to her, her top priority, and he can’t stop it.”
“How do I fix it?”
“I don’t think you can.”
“Should I un-invite Winnie to the picnic?” My stomach sinks with the idea of telling Winnie she can’t come. She seemed really happy to be invited.
“Nah, Wheeler needs to move on. I’ve been telling him that for years. They’ve never been on the same page.”
My mind drifts to Winnie again. Everyone keeps making comments about the two of them and I’m not sure what to make of it. Even she said they were great together, yet they’re not good for each other. I don’t really understand it, but I want to.
I want to know everything there is to know about the woman sleeping on the other side of my house.
It took everything in me Saturday night to let her walk back to her room. All I wanted to do was beg her to come lay in bed with me and watch TV. Anything to keep her close.
After practice is over, I catch Wheeler glancing my way a few times. I know he probably wants to talk to me, but I don’t have anything to say. I just want to get home to my girl.
Instead of taking a shower at the stadium, when Wheeler disappears into the showers, I duck out and climb behind the wheel of my SUV. I’d rather shower at home and get to play with Tali.
Whatever is going on between Winnie and Wheeler, needs to stay between them. I’m not getting involved and I’m not discussing Winnie with him. It doesn’t matter how much our relationship sets him off.
As soon as I walk through the door, a peace settles over me. We made it through the first day of Winnie watching Tali. I glance around the living room and when I don’t find them, I frown. Where could they be?
I stop in the kitchen when a delicious scent whirls through the air, making my stomach rumble. I glance in the crockpot I don’t remember owning and see some sort of roast. Did she make dinner for us? Even though she knows I have a chef prepare my meals?
Don’t get me wrong, if Winnie made me dinner, I’m eating it. I don’t care what it is or if it goes along with my diet or not. I’d love home cooked meals every night, but I’d never expect her to do that too.
Movement in the backyard catches my attention. I smile when I find Winnie running around the yard with Tali laughing in her arms. She carefully falls to the ground, making sure Tali won’t get hurt in the process and they both laugh.
I tug the door open and walk out onto the patio. Tali’s laugh swirls through the air and makes my chest swell with happiness. I take in the way both of their dark hair is spread out around them. The way their smiles turn up the corners of their lips and how they both have an olive complexion. They belong together. They really do look like a mother and daughter.
Tali spies me first. She wiggles out of Winnie’s arms and shrieks, “Da-Da!”
She races towards me as fast as her little legs can go and squeals when I lift her into my arms and spin her in a circle.
The pure joy and happiness in her expression makes my heart swell. I swore to Ellie I would always take care of Tali and make sure she was happy. Every time she smiles at me like this, I remember my promise and hope I’m doing a good job.
“Hey, princess. How are you?” I pepper her cheek with kisses.
“She’s quite the handful when she’s tired.” Winnie chuckles as she sweeps her hair into a pony on the top of her head. The ends brush her shoulders, drawing my attention to her thin neck.
“Oh, yeah. She gets giddy and runs away when she refuses to sleep.” I turn my attention to Tali and my tone softens. “Do you want Daddy to rock you?”
She nods her head as she rubs her eyes, a clear sign she’s exhausted. I cuddle her a little closer, ignoring how much I need a shower. She needs me right now and that’s all that matters. In a few years, I’ll be wishing I had this time back with her.
“I can rock her if you want to get cleaned up. I’m assuming you didn’t shower.” She scrunches up her nose, just like Tali does.
“Do I smell that bad?” I chuckle.
“Nah, you actually smell pretty good, but your hair is a sweaty damp, not shower damp.”
“I don’t mind rocking her. I can shower once she goes down.” I stay in step with Winnie as we move through the house and towards the living room.
After grabbing Tali’s blanket off the couch, I cover her up and settle into the rocking chair. She cuddles against me with her head on my shoulder and her arms wrapped around my neck. She’s always loved sleeping like this and I swear I’ll hold her like this for as long as she’ll let me.
“How was your day?” I ask Winnie as she settles onto the edge of the sofa and watches us.
“It was great. She’s such a happy kid. She helped me organize my closet.”
“I’m sure she was a real help.” I chuckle.
“Well, she was good at pulling everything out of boxes for me. It motivated me to work more quickly than I normally would’ve. She has a lot of energy.” Winnie tugs the sleeves of her sweater over her hands. I wonder if she’s doing it because she’s cold or if she doesn’t know what else to do.
She’s gorgeous today. She doesn’t have on any makeup and I think I like her better this way. Her natural beauty is more than enough.
“Are you not wearing makeup today?” I blurt out before I can stop myself.
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I wish I could take them back. Her brows tug together and she seems slightly upset.
“Do I look that bad? I didn’t have time to do it before you left this morning and I was chasing Tali all day.” She drops her gaze to the floor, refusing to look my way.
“Winnie,” I say softly, waiting for her to glance up at me. I’m not continuing until she does. I want her to know what I’m about to say is true. “You’re beautiful without makeup. You don’t need it.”
“Yeah, I’m sure.” She rolls her eyes.
“I’m serious. You’re breathtaking. I think I actually like you without makeup more.”
Her gaze snaps to mine and her brows furrow once again. “Why?” She whispers.
“Because I like seeing the real you. Not the version you like to create. Don’t get me wrong, you’re beautiful with makeup too, I just like you without it.”
She nibbles on her bottom lip as she stares out the window. I’m not sure what she’s thinking about, but Tali’s snoring softly on my shoulder. I slowly stand, careful to keep from waking her up. Then I disappear down the hallway to put her in the crib so I can take a shower.
Winnie
on repeat in my head. How can he possibly think I look better without makeup? Doesn’t he see the bags under my eyes or how my eyebrows aren’t perfectly arched? The way my lips don’t have the perfect cupid’s bow and they’re a lighter color than I’d like? No, he can’t possibly like me without makeup.
I glance down the hallway at where he disappeared and wonder, not for the first time, where his head is at. No matter how many times I try to remind myself Jamie’s just my boss and nothing else, it feels different than it did when I worked for previous families.
Maybe it’s because I typically communicate more with the moms than the dads, but I don’t think that’s it. This is the first time I’ve lived with the family I’m nannying for, but I don’t think that’s what makes this feel different either.
There’s this connection I have with Jamie. I’m relaxed and myself around him. Letting him see me without makeup is proof of that.
My mind drifts to the guys I’ve dated over the years. I’ve never let any of them see me without a face full of makeup. Even Wheeler’s never seen me unless I was dolled up and ready to impress. It’s nice to not have to spend so much time getting ready in the morning. To metaphorically let my hair down and relax.
A text beeps on my phone and I quickly tug it out of my pocket to check it. I need to finish making dinner soon, but I have a few minutes to chat with whoever this is.
Wheeler: What are you doing?
I groan, not really wanting to talk to him. Saturday night was… awkward. I don’t know how many times I need to tell Wheeler we’re not right for each other. It’s time for both of us to move on.
He was smart enough to not text me the rest of the weekend, but I’m not sure if that’s because he assumed Jamie was around. Maybe he’s trying not to start a war with Jamie, but isn’t afraid of a battle with me.
Winnie: Making dinner.
Jumping off the couch, I hurry into the kitchen and start peeling the potatoes. I don’t like to lie and if I get started now, I won’t feel like I lied to him.
Wheeler: Doesn’t Schmidt have a chef?
Winnie: I’m not Schmidt.
Wheeler: If you’re living with him, he should be feeding you, Winnie.
Winnie: Yes, he has a chef. But I wanted something else, so I’m making myself dinner. Is that ok with you?
I roll my eyes and continue peeling. I hate when he gets like this. I understand he cares about me and I care about him too, but I need him to realize I’m not his to worry about. He needs to find a woman who wants this overprotective man.
Wheeler: I’m sorry. I’m not trying to constantly jump at you.
Winnie: Then maybe you should stop.
Wheeler: I just…
Wheeler: I feel like I’m losing you.
Emotion clogs my throat as I try to swallow, but it feels like there’s a lump. My eyes fill with tears and I stare up at the ceiling, blinking repeatedly. I don’t want to cry. That’s the last thing I need right now.
Winnie: I’m not yours to lose, Chase.
A single tear slips down my cheek before I can stop it. Once one falls, it’s like the dam has been opened and they begin falling quicker.
I swipe at my cheeks and sniffle. I don’t like being emotional. I like to stuff it all down and ignore the pain. It’s what I did after my parents got divorced. I did it again when I realized love isn’t real. People claim to be in love to keep you around, but eventually they won’t want you anymore.
I saw what happened when my parents split. Dad was left heartbroken when Mom moved on. He had no clue she wasn’t happy, he was blindsided. One day he was blissfully married and the next, he was left trying to figure out what just happened.
I decided long ago I wasn’t going to give anyone else the power over my happiness. Being single makes that easier.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Jamie tugs me against his chest and his hand moves up and down my back in a soothing motion. I’ve seen him do this with Tali when she cries.
The tears come even harder. He’s treating me the same as he would his own daughter. The only person he truly loves in this world.
“Nothing, I’m fine.” I try to pull away from him, but he doesn’t let me.
“I know I’m single now, but I was married at one point. I know exactly what ‘I’m fine’ means.” He moves his hand up to cradle my head against his chest. He runs his fingers through my hair and massages my scalp. It feels amazing. “If everything was fine, you wouldn’t be crying.”
“It’s stupid. Don’t worry about it.” I try to step out of his arms again and he chuckles.
“If you don’t stop trying to get away from me, you’re going to give me a complex. I don’t make it a habit to stop women from leaving if they want to, so please don’t try to leave my arms unless you don’t want me touching you,” he whispers softly.
This time I don’t try to step away. Instead, I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his chest. His heart beats strongly, the thumping rhythm has me relaxing even more in his arms.
“You don’t have to talk to me about whatever’s going on, but I hate seeing you cry, Win.” He kisses the top of my head and lets his lips linger. “I’m here for you whenever you need someone though.”
“Thank you,” I murmur against his chest.
We stay like that for a few more minutes before I take a step away and this time he doesn’t stop me. I swipe at my cheeks and I don’t think I’ve ever been so thankful to not be wearing eyeliner and mascara. I have no doubt it would be streaking down my cheeks.
A series of pings sound from my phone. I groan, knowing exactly who it will be. I don’t want to talk to him right now.
“Is the person texting you why you’re crying?” Jamie arches a brow and nods towards my phone.
I nod my head, unsure of what else to say. I know if I talk, I might start crying again and I don’t want that. I feel weak and vulnerable when I cry, two things I hate feeling.
Jamie grabs my phone and quickly thumbs through the text thread. Normally I’d get annoyed if a guy violated my privacy like that, but for some reason it doesn’t bother me. Jamie’s not doing it because he wants to see who I’m texting or because he’s nosy. He’s doing it because he cares.
His fingers fly over the screen and a few seconds later, he places my phone back on the counter. His eyes meet mine and there are so many emotions I can’t decipher staring back at me.
“What are you making?” He nods to the forgotten potatoes on the counter.
“Oh, I was craving mashed potatoes and a roast. I hope that’s ok.”
“You know you’re welcome to use anything in this house. In fact, I think you need to use the tub in my room tonight and let your body relax. I can stay in the living room until you’re finished.”
“I might just take you up on your offer… I know you have your meals from the chef, but you and Tali are welcome to eat some of this. I’ll never eat all of it.”
“I was hoping you’d offer.” He grins, lighting up his entire face. “It smells so good.”
“You could’ve just asked.” I chuckle, loving how the heaviness in the room is slowly leaving and the happy carefree versions of us are back. “I’m happy to cook every night.”
“I couldn’t ask you to do that. Tali can be a handful, I know that.”
“She’s not that bad. I love having her. Plus, she’s getting to the age where she’ll want to help. The last family I worked for had this tower the kids could stand in to help cook. It locked them in so they couldn’t fall. It was amazing.”
Jamie reaches inside his pocket and tugs out his credit card. He hands it over to me, making my brows tug together.
“What’s this for?”
“Buy one. I can give you the login information for my Amazon account too. You can go on and buy anything you think Tali needs.”
“Jamie… I wasn’t saying you needed to buy one.”
“I know you weren’t, but I’m serious, Winnie. If Tali needs something, you can buy it. I have more than enough money to cover it. I want her happy and there will be times throughout the season where you might not have time to talk to me often. I want to make sure you can get the things you need.” He runs a hand through his hair, but it seems less of an anxiety thing right now and more of a habit. “I should get you your own credit card. What else do you need?”
“I think I’m good.” I smile up at him. He’s in full daddy mode right now and it’s sexy as can be. Especially with him wearing low slung jeans and a tight white t-shirt without socks. He’s relaxed and comfortable.
“Do you need a car?”
“My car is fine.” I let my head fall back and laugh. He’s so funny when he gets like this. I love it.
“You’ll be driving Tali. I want to make sure it’s reliable.” He frowns, looking even more adorable.
“Jamie, I promise my car is perfectly safe and reliable. It’s only a year old.” I place my hand on his chest and stare up at him. I’m hoping the touch will help him calm down.
“I’m sorry. I worry a lot.”
“I know you do. You’re a great daddy because of it.” I pat him on the chest before taking a step back to put some distance between us. “Why don’t you relax while I finish dinner? I’m sure you had a long day at work, especially with Wheeler.”
“We had some mock games and he wasn’t on my team. We haven’t really interacted.”
“I’m surprised he didn’t corner you in the locker room.”
“Well…” He grips the back of his neck, looking more than a little uncomfortable. “I might’ve run out of there without taking a shower to avoid talking to him.”
“What? Why?” I laugh at how ridiculous that sounds.
“I was afraid if he opened his mouth, I might punch him.” He shrugs.
“Because he scared Tali?” I’m not really sure why he’d want to punch Wheeler, but I know I’ve had the same urges over the years.
“Because of how he spoke to you.” Jamie steps forward and cups my cheek in his massive hand. He’s staring into my eyes and suddenly it’s hard to even breathe. “You don’t deserve to be yelled at, sweetheart. He was out of line and he needs to learn how to speak to a woman.”
“You’re a good man.”
“Nah, I just treat everyone the way they should be treated. If you ever see me treat someone poorly, know it’s because they earned it.”
He leans in closer and presses another kiss to the top of my head, then he’s walking out of the kitchen. I watch him until he settles onto the couch and turns on the TV.
I don’t know what I did to wind up with such an amazing new job and boss, but I’m glad I did it.
Before I go back to peeling the potatoes, I pick up my phone and check my text with Wheeler. I want to know what else was said. Especially what Jamie said to get him to stop texting.
Wheeler: Yes, you are.
Wheeler: You’ve always been mine, Winnie.
Wheeler: Is this because you’re living with Schmidt now?
Wheeler: Are you trying to play the part of mommy and wife?
Wheeler: If you wanted a family, I’d happily give you one.
Wheeler: All you had to do was ask.
Winnie: She shouldn’t have to ask, idiot. If you were a real man, you’d be begging her to be in your life. She’s an amazing woman and she deserves so much more than you could ever give her. Maybe you should stop acting like a man and actually become one. Real men don’t yell at the women they claim to love. They don’t make their woman cry.
Winnie:Real men realize when they find a good woman and don’t let them go. You don’t get married because that’s what she wants. You get married because you can’t stand the thought of anyone else looking at her and know a ring on her finger might make them second guess talking to her. Because you can’t imagine coming home at the end of the night and not sleeping next to her. Because she makes your life infinitely better and you don’t want to continue breathing without her. And a family? You beg her to have kids with you because you love her so much you want to see miniature versions of her running around your house. Because you want to see her with a baby on her hip and know that the two of you created that.
Winnie: She shouldn’t be asking you for anything. You should be begging her to let you give her the life she’s always dreamed of. If you aren’t doing that, she isn’t the woman for you. You should move along and give someone else a chance at making her dreams become her reality.
Winnie: Have fun eating alone tonight. I’ll be enjoying a homemade dinner with Winnie and my daughter. – Schmidt
Winnie: PS – You feel like you’re losing her because you are. Also, I do have a chef and he makes enough food for Winnie too. But if cooking makes her happy, she’s always welcome to cook and I’ll happily enjoy whatever she wants to share with me.
I glance over at Jamie as I blink back more tears. I’m not sure if he’s just putting Wheeler in his place or if there’s more to his words. Either way, I’ve never had someone stand up like that for me. I’ve never felt so cared for. I could get used to this a little too easily. Man, I want the type of man he described in his texts to Wheeler. I wonder if that man still exists inside of him.
Schmidt
watching me, but I keep my attention on the TV even though I’m really not paying attention to it. I’m sure she’s read the text messages by now and I’m not sure how she’ll respond.
She might get angry at me for putting Wheeler in his place, but he deserves it. He can’t pull this crap and not expect some sort of backlash. If he’s so worried I’m not taking care of her, he’s about to get real surprised. I guarantee I take better care of her than he ever could.
What everyone fails to realize is even though I don’t date, I have in the past. I fell in love with Ellie when we were young. I made sure to treat her right and give her the life she always dreamed of. Just because I don’t currently have a woman in my life doesn’t mean I don’t know how to treat one like she’s the center of my world.
And Winnie would be easy to love. She could easily become the center of my world with Tali. Seeing the way she is with Tali makes it even easier to care about her. She doesn’t try to act like Tali’s her daughter, but I can tell she loves her like she is.
I’m staring at the TV, not really seeing it. My mind is lost in a world where Winnie could be more than my nanny. More than someone who lives with me. More than a friend.
A little while later, Winnie drops onto the sofa next to me. She sits close to me, but not as close as I’d like her to be.
“Do you like watching reality TV?” The amusement in her voice has me snapping back to the present.
“Not at all. I was lost in thought and not really paying attention to what was on.” I scrub a hand down my face, mentally facepalming myself. How was I that out of it?
Because you’re obsessed with your nanny.
I shake my head, trying to erase any thoughts of Winnie and how amazing she is. I need to remind myself she’s just my nanny and will never be anything more. We won’t have some secret relationship. We won’t fall in love and become a real family. This is strictly a boss and employee scenario.
“I get it. I do that quite often,” she sighs and leans back onto the couch. It’s taking everything in me to stay where I am and not drape my arm over her shoulders so I can pull her into my side. “Thank you for responding to Wheeler. You really didn’t have to do that. You might’ve just made your life more difficult though.”
“Why?” I glance down at her, finding her big blue eyes already on my face.
“Because he’s livid. I finally drew a line in the sand and he doesn’t like what side he’s on.”
“What happened between the two of you?” I ask softly. I’ve been trying to figure this out since I was told they used to date and she doesn’t seem to want to share any details.
“I don’t know, I think I just changed.” She lifts her shoulders in a shrug and lets them fall back into place. “We started dating in college and everything was great. I thought I loved him and he was so attentive.”
“Then?” I push, knowing she needs it.
“Then my parents got divorced. I saw how much it destroyed my dad and I don’t know… I realized I didn’t love Wheeler enough. When he realized he had a shot at going pro, he focused all of his energy on baseball. I don’t blame him for that, but we grew apart. I knew I didn’t want to follow him. I still cared about him, but if I was forced to follow him through the minors instead of doing my own thing, I’d end up resenting him. Wow, I sound terrible.” She lets out a humorless laugh and shakes her head.
“You do not. You sound like someone who realized things about yourself and rather than lead someone on, you did what was best for you. If everyone was that self-aware, there’d be a lot less misery in the world.” I squeeze her hand resting between the two of us and she nods her head.
“I thought Wheeler would spend a while in the minor leagues, but he didn’t. He got called up to the majors pretty quickly. I was still here since I was working for the Marshall family. I didn’t want to leave them and that’s part of the reason I refused to follow him… Somehow when Wheeler returned, we kept falling into the same routines. We’d get tired of being single and call each other up. We’d hook up a few times and when he started expecting things from me, I’d disappear. I didn’t want to date him or give him any false hope, but we were good together.”
“Until you weren’t?” I turn so I’m facing her a little more and watch her carefully. If she starts crying again, I’m tugging her into my arms. I don’t care if I should be keeping my distance. I won’t let her tears fall as she sits there alone.
“Yeah. Since he went pro, he seemed to expect more. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy, but he wants me to commit to him, without getting married. He doesn’t want a family. Not for a long time at least. He wants a pretty girl consistently on his arm for the media. I’m not sure he wants more than that. I want a man who loves me, not just someone who wants my body. I was dumb to let things go so far physically with us.”
“Clearly you know what I think after reading the texts. I know he’ll be angry, but he needs to grow up. I’ve been friends with him since we started working together, but he’s always been immature. Until he becomes a real man, he’ll never be what you want in life and that’s ok.”
“So, you’re telling me I need to find a real man?” Her lips lift into a lopsided grin as she stares up at me, her voice is full of amusement.
“I think it’s the only way you’ll be happy.” I shrug. “Most women are unhappy because they’re chasing boys around.”
“And where do I find a real man? The bar?”
“Nah, most of them are busy working. They don’t have time to hang out at a bar.”
“So… Should I go door to door and knock until I find one?”
“Absolutely not.” I chuckle at the thought. “You’ll come face to face with a lot of angry wives and girlfriends.”
“You’re making me depressed, Schmidt.” My last name tumbles out of her mouth and I instantly realize she’s never called me Schmidt. She calls me Jamie and I like it a lot better.
“Don’t call me Schmidt,” I whisper, shaking my head.
“I thought you only went by Schmidt. I remember Wheeler making a comment about how most of the starting lineup goes by their last names. He said Wyatt, Leo, and Cord were the exceptions. And then he made the comment on Saturday night…”
“I do… but I don’t want you calling me that.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. It sounds wrong when you say it. I like you calling me Jamie.”
“Why don’t you let anyone else call you Jamie?”
“After Ellie died, I didn’t want anyone to call me Jamie. It hurt too much to hear, so I forced everyone to call me Schmidt and corrected them if they called me Jamie. I introduced myself as Schmidt and people quickly only called me by my last name. I think Martha was the only person who still called me by my first name.”
“And since she told Karen about the job, I met you as Jamie.” She nods her head like it’s all clicking into place. “Doesn’t it hurt when I call you Jamie?”
“Nah, somehow when you’re here, my soul feels more at peace and having you call me Jamie helps me even more.”
Before I can stop myself, I reach out and toy with the ends of her hairs. A soft smile spreads across Winnie’s lips when she realizes what I’m doing. She doesn’t stop me or ask me what I’m doing, so I keep going.
“I’m glad. Living here has been different.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. I feel more relaxed. Do you know I haven’t let anyone see me without makeup on since I was in middle school? I’d wake up and do my makeup before I even left my room. I’m not sure if my parents have even seen my natural face in over a decade.”
“That’s crazy. You don’t need it.” I move my hand from her hair and cup her cheek again. I stroke my thumb back and forth along her smooth skin. “You’re gorgeous, Win, just the way you are.”
Right as I feel myself leaning in to kiss her, Tali cries through the baby monitor. I pull back and stare into Winnie’s eyes. She wanted me to kiss her just as much as I wanted to. I didn’t plan on kissing her. I didn’t even realize I was leaning in until it was almost too late.
“I’ll be right back.”
I disappear down the hallway and scoop Tali out of her crib before setting her on the changing table. I’m sure she needs a new diaper and this will give me some time to calm down. I need to get my head on straight and figure out what’s going on between us. I need to decide what I’ll let happen and how much I can resist her.
Winnie
to do, pretty girl?” Jamie murmurs through the baby monitor in Tali’s room.
My brows furrow as I wonder what he’s talking about. He can’t be talking about me. He knows I can hear everything he’s saying… Right?
“Yeah, Daddy’s seconds away from making a move that might not be smart.”
Tali blabs back to him. She doesn’t care if you can understand her or not. She just likes to talk.
“Doesn’t that sound a little cliché? The single dad falling for his nanny?”
“Da-Da fall?” Tali questions, making me chuckle. “Da-Da hurt?”
“Nah, I’m not hurt, Tali Girl. But Daddy needs to figure this out before someone does get hurt. She needs time… I think. She’s getting out of a relationship… Right? Why does this have to be so difficult?”
“Da-Da,” Tali murmurs, her voice sounding quieter than before.
“Daddy loves your hugs. Thank you for making me feel better, Tali. Let’s go see Winnie.”
“Win-Win!” Tali squeals my name and it has tears pricking the backs of my eyes all over again.
As soon as Jamie’s footsteps sound down the hallway, I leap from the couch and hurry into the kitchen. The vegetables have been cooking with the roast in the crock pot all day. By now, the potatoes should be soft enough to mash. Once that’s finished, dinner will be ready.
Jamie places Tali in her high chair and grabs a drink for her. He takes two sparkling waters out of the fridge and places them on the table before grabbing plates and silverware for each of us.
“What else can I do to help?”
I jump at his voice. I didn’t realize he was right behind me. I place my hand over my heart and take a deep breath.
“You scared the crap out of me,” I breathe.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. Is there anything else I can do?” He places a hand on my hip and leans around me to grab some napkins.
“No?” I squeak, then squeeze my eyes shut. What is wrong with me?
“Hey, what’s going on?” Jamie spins me around to face him. His brows are pinched together as he searches my face.
“Tali’s monitor was still on,” I blurt out before I can stop myself. I instantly want to take the words back, but they’re already out there. My hand flies up to cover my mouth and I wince.
“Crap,” he murmurs.
“We can pretend I didn’t hear anything. I can act like I didn’t hear you basically admit you want to kiss me.” I cover my face with my hands and groan in frustration. “Stop talking, Winnie,” I mumble to myself.
“I think you should keep talking. I’m thinking if you keep going, you might admit where your head is at in all of this.” Jamie tugs my hands away from my face and stares down at me.
“I think I wanted you to kiss me,” I whisper.
Jamie leans down and gently presses his lips against mine as his hand slips around my neck and threads through my hair. His kiss is soft and shy, so similar to how he was when we first met. Soon it’s turning needy. He tilts his head to the side and deepens our kiss. This is unlike any kiss I’ve ever experienced before.
“Da-Da, Win-Win,” Tali calls, making us break apart laughing.
“I forgot she was in the room,” I whisper, not moving out of Jamie’s arms.
“I didn’t, but she’s not old enough to understand what’s going on.”
“That’s probably a good thing, right?” I scrunch up my nose, giving him an easy out. He can say this was a mistake and it will never happen again. If he takes the opportunity, things will be easier and we can stay friends. It doesn’t need to be awkward.
“I guess that depends on if you want it to happen again.” He stares deep into my eyes like he’s trying to see into the depths of my soul. He didn’t bite when I gave him the out, but now he’s giving me his own.
“I think I might want it to happen again,” I whisper.
“Good, I do too.”
“Da-Da! Tali!”
“I’m coming, princess.” Jamie squeezes my hip before he returns to the table and sits down next to Tali to give her some much-needed attention. She loves getting the full focus of her daddy.
I’m not sure what’s happening between us, but we might have a jealous little girl if things keep going.
“That was the best meal I’ve had in a long time.” Jamie smiles as he pushes his chair away from the table and relaxes back, crossing his ankle over his opposite knee.
“Oh, please! You have a chef prepare all of your meals. There’s no way this is better.”
“There’s something different about a home cooked meal. Also, I’m sure it has all the stuff I’m not supposed to have in it, which automatically makes it taste better.” He winks at me and my heart sinks.
“Oh my gosh! I didn’t even think about your diet! I’m so sorry!”
“Don’t be sorry.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his. “I happily ate it, knowing it would be against my diet. I’m not complaining.”
“You could’ve turned me down and eaten your food,” I grumble under my breath.
“Not a chance. I wanted to know if you could cook.”
“Why?” I frown at him.
“I don’t want things to progress between us if you suck at it.”
I throw my head back and let my laughter fill the room. Jamie teases me a lot and I love every second of it. Especially because I know at the end of the day, he’s a great guy and an even better dad.
“Maybe you should’ve waited to kiss me until after you tasted my cooking then, huh?”
“Nah, I needed to know what you tasted like first,” he says in a low, deep voice. One that makes me wish I could fall into his arms and not move the rest of the night.
“Da-Da!” Tali squeals, putting both of our gazes to her. She gives us a big toothy grin and gabbers away.
“I think someone is jealous I’m stealing her attention,” I murmur.
“My full focus has always been on her and when Martha was here, her full attention was on Tali too,” Jamie says softly, his brows pulling together. “You know-”
“She’ll always come first.” I nod my head. “Yes, I know that and I understand. I want her to come first, Jamie. She’s your daughter. I’m just the nanny you’re fooling around with.”
“You’re not just the nanny and if you think what I’m doing is fooling around, then we need to have a long conversation.”
“About what?”
“About-”
Jamie gets cut off as a loud ringer fills the air. He scrambles to tug the device out of his pocket and mutters something under his breath before he stands.
“I need to take this. It’s my agent. I have to discuss Tali with him before Saturday. He’ll have a field day if he finds out about her from someone else.”
“Go ahead. I’ll clean up here and give Tali a bath.”
“Thanks, Win.”
Schmidt
I misheard you. I thought you were telling me you have a two-year-old daughter who no one knows about, but that can’t be correct. You can’t possibly have a daughter you’ve kept quiet about for the entire three years I’ve been working with you!”
“She’s twenty-eight months old,” I sigh, already annoyed with this conversation.
“Seriously, Schmidt? That’s what you’re focusing on right now? How many months old she is?”
“Well, four months is a big difference at this age.” I lift my shoulder in a shrug even though he can’t see me.
“What are you going to do when the media gets wind of your hidden daughter?”
“I mean, I’d prefer if they could stay in the dark about it.” I wince, knowing that’s going to set him off as soon as the words are out of my mouth.
“Oh, right. Duh, how could I be so stupid? I’ll just tell them we want to keep this on the down low and to pretty please not run any articles if they spot you out with a baby in your arms! How have you gotten away with this for so long?”
“I don’t go out much and when I do, I wear a Pythons hat.”
“He wears a Pythons hat,” Josh murmurs to himself like it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard of.
“It works! Every time someone seems like they might recognize me, they notice the hat and figure there’s no way I’d be wearing a hat with a hockey team on it if I play baseball. I’ve even had guys make comments about how they thought I was Schmidt until they noticed the logo on my hat. I laugh with them and tell them they must be crazy to think I’m Schmidt.”
“And what are you going to do when your daughter starts school? I’m assuming she shares your last name?”
“Of course. And I don’t know, Josh! I’m telling you now because I’m taking her to the team picnic at Owen Powell’s house on Saturday. I’m hoping none of the media shows up, but it might happen. I want to be ready if it does.”
“Ready how?”
“I don’t know! That’s part of your job. I want to ask that people respect our privacy and let Tali be a child out of the spotlight. I’m hoping people will respect that.”
“You can hope all you want, but it isn’t going to happen. I want you to start at the beginning and tell me everything. I knew you were married, but you never mentioned a pregnancy or anything. I thought you and your wife split. Now you’re single with a kid. I need to know how we got from point A to point B.”
For the next two hours I tell Josh about how Ellie died and I was able to keep it under wraps because we were in the off season and I was in the middle of being traded to a different team. Our conversation moves to how we’re going to handle this and how we need to have a conversation with Macy next week.
Macy’s amazing at her job and I know she’ll handle this with care. And if she can’t, that’s where Liliana comes in. I’m sure if I can’t convince her to bring me on her podcast, Winnie will be able to. Either way, I can get my story out there and make sure people respect my wishes of letting Tali grow up with a normal life.
By the time I’m done with my call to Josh, it’s well after eight o’clock at night and I’m sure Tali’s already asleep. I tiptoe out of my office and glance in her room, but she isn’t there. I frown as I move through the house and check the living room. It’s empty too.
My heart beats a little faster as I start to panic. I always know where Tali is and now I’m starting to freak out. I check Winnie’s room without knocking and find it empty. My last hope is checking my room.
What if she decided to tell the entire world about my daughter? What if she wanted a child of her own so she disappeared with Tali the first chance she got?
I race down the hallway and push open the door, not really caring if I wake anyone up at this point. I just need to know Tali’s alright.
“Hey, are you ok?” Winnie sits up from my bed, her voice sounding sleepy.
Tali’s curled up on my pillow next to her and I squeeze my eyes shut, sucking in a deep breath.
“Jamie, what’s wrong?” Winnie’s hand is on my chest and when I open my eyes she’s standing right in front of me.
Without thinking, I wrap my arms around her and bury my face in the crook of her neck. For a moment I doubted her. I worried something happened to my little girl and it was all her fault.
“I couldn’t find Tali and I started to panic. So many scenarios were flying through my head,” I murmur, my heart still racing.
“She’s ok. She refused to rock with me or lay in her crib. She kept crying for Da-Da and pointing to your room. I didn’t know what else to do so I came in here and she curled up on your pillow and told me to lay down too. I’m sorry for scaring you and for invading your privacy.”
She runs her fingers through my hair, making me relax a little. I love having her this close, but I hate how I doubted her even for a few seconds.
“You can invade my privacy any time you want. I forgot to tell you she likes to sleep in my bed when I’m not home. I have a feeling most nights you’ll end up sleeping in here when I’m gone.”
“I’m ok with that. She likes it because the sheets smell like you.”
I pull back and stare down at Winnie. I watch as her cheeks turn a few shades of red before she rolls her eyes and tries to walk away.
“Winnie, were you smelling my sheets?” I tease her.
“Stop it.” She giggles.
“I’m just wondering what you’re going to do when I’m away. Are you going to steal a few of my shirts?”
“Oh my gosh! Stop.” She swats at my chest, but I grab her arm and tug her against my chest.
“Sleep in my bed while I’m gone. Every time I’m gone.”
“Why?”
“Not only will Tali be happier, but when I get home, maybe my sheets will smell like you.” I press a soft kiss against her neck. “Are you staying up longer or going to bed?”
“I was debating on taking you up on the offer to use your bath.” She peeks up at me with a smirk.
“You should. You deserve to relax.”
“Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“Not at all. There are some bubbles in the cabinet too.”
“Do you take bubble baths?” She asks with amusement filling her tone, her entire face lighting up.
“Sometimes I fill it with bubbles and put on my bathing suit, then Tali and I get in. She’s too young for the hot tub, so I don’t really use it, but she can do the bathtub. She’s just super slippery when you’re trying to hold onto her and keep her above the water.”
“That’s… really adorable. Next time you do it, I want to see how she reacts.”
“She loves it. We haven’t done it in a while though. Maybe we’ll have to this weekend.”
Winnie
of bubbles, I let out a sigh of relief as my muscles instantly start to relax. I forgot how much work a toddler is. I love chasing her around the house and backyard, but it’s a lot more physical activity than the Marshall’s kids have been the past few years.
Tali’s so great though. She loves playing with me and following me around the house. She’s like a little shadow and I’m honored she’s so comfortable around me already.
I slide a little lower under the bubbles and lean my head back. I wish I had thought to bring a book in here. Something for me to do other than think. Honestly, thinking is the last thing I need to be doing right now.
“Hey, Jamie?” I call, unsure if he’ll be able to hear me. I don’t want to wake up Tali, but she’s a fairly sound sleeper.
“Yeah?” I hear his muffled voice on the other side of the door.
“Could you do me a massive favor?”
“Of course.”
“Well, first can you open the door. I feel stupid talking with a door between us.”
The door slowly swings open and I burst out laughing when Jamie’s standing on the other side with his hands over his eyes. His black, curly hair is sticking up in every direction. It looks like he’s been running his fingers through it nonstop.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m making sure I don’t see anything I’m not supposed to.”
“Jamie, open your eyes.”
He stands still for a second before he slowly parts his fingers and looks through them at me.
“Stop it!” I laugh even harder. I’m completely covered with bubbles and I know he can’t see me.
“What did you need, sweetheart?” He smirks as he drops his hands to his sides.
“Would you be able to get me a book to read?” I scrunch up my nose, feeling like I’m asking too much.
“Sure. Any special book or should I just guess?”
“Surprise me, but it has to be romance.”
“Dang, this sounds like a lot of pressure. What if I pick something dark and you’re in a romcom mood? Or I go with fantasy and you hate elves?”
“How much do you know about romance books?” My grin widens as I watch him shift uncomfortably.
“Ellie was a romance author,” he admits softly. “I know more than I care to admit. I used to go to signings with her.”
“Seriously? What did she write?”
“A little of everything in romance. She stuck to contemporary, but she liked to explore all the tropes. Her favorite was sports romance.”
“I love sports romance,” I say softly.
“I’ll be right back. I have the perfect book for you.”
He disappears and comes back a few minutes later with a book in his hands. He holds it out to me and frowns when he realizes my hands are wet. He rolls his eyes and grabs a towel for me to dry them off.
“Here’s one of Ellie’s books.” He swallows hard and I can see how much this is affecting him. I wonder if he ever really talks about her.
“I don’t want to ruin one of her books, Jamie. I’d love to read it, but maybe when I’m not in the bathtub.”
“This isn’t one of my copies. It’s one of the books the previous owner left behind. I don’t have an emotional connection to this one.” He flashes me a sad smile and my heart breaks for him.
“I’m sorry you’re still hurting. I know it will never go away, but I wish it didn’t weigh on your shoulders so much.”
Jamie leans against the wall and slowly slides down until his butt is on the floor. He rests his arms on his bent knees and stares up at the ceiling.
“Some days I feel like I’m suffocating. I don’t know how to breathe without her. I don’t know how to keep going. There are nights I just lay in bed and wonder why this had to happen? Why did she have to die? Why couldn’t it have been me?” Tears fill his eyes and break my heart even more.
“You’re killing me. Can’t we have this conversation when I’m not in the bathtub?”
“Crap. You probably don’t want to hear about Ellie, especially when you’re trying to relax. I’ll just go.” He moves to stand, but I stop him.
“No! That’s not it at all. I just… I wish I could give you a hug or comfort you in some way, but that’s hard when I’m in a bathtub. I want to hear about the amazing woman who owns your heart. I want to hear about Tali’s mom and everything else you want to tell me.”
He nods his head, but he doesn’t continue. I wonder if he’s regretting bringing it up at all.
“Keep telling me about her. Please, Jamie.” I watch him carefully. He nods his head and swallows hard, like he’s trying to muster the strength to keep going.
“She was quiet and shy. We met in college when we had to do a project together. We were both a little awkward and didn’t know how to talk to each other.”
“What’d you do?”
“Well, she gave me her part of our project to read over.” He chuckles as he stares up at the ceiling again. “Only, she gave me a book she was working on and not her project. It was a steamy part of the book too.”
“No! Oh my gosh! What did you do?” I cover my mouth with my hands. I’d be mortified if that happened to me.
“I read the entire thing while she read my part. When I was finished, I set the paper down and waited for her to finish reading my half of the project. She told me an entire list of things that needed to be changed on mine and when she asked what I thought of hers, I told her I didn’t think the professor would accept this and I asked what flavor cotton candy was the male main character’s favorite. She turned bright red and refused to talk to me the rest of the night. The next day, I brought her a container of blue raspberry cotton candy and told her that was my favorite flavor. It became a huge joke and soon she was asking me what I thought of different scenes she was working on.”
I glance down at the book by Jamie’s feet and gasp. I didn’t recognize the name Ellie Schmidt, but that’s because Ellie didn’t write under her real name. She wrote under a pen name.
“Your wife was Tali Sparrow?” I blink at the name on the cover, unable to find any other words to say.
“She always loved the name Tali. She made me promise if we ever had a little girl, we’d name her Tali.” He smiles.
“Jamie! Tali Sparrow is my favorite author! I think I’ve read all of her books… But didn’t she just put out another book?”
“Ellie had dozens of books saved on her computer. They were all finished and ready to be published. I decided to keep her pen name going. I couldn’t stomach the thought of telling her fans she was gone. It was bad enough dealing with her loss by myself. Maybe it was selfish, but I didn’t want people mourning her with me.”
“Just like people will eventually find out about Tali, people will eventually find out Ellie died, Jamie.”
“I know,” he whispers. “I’m just hoping by then it won’t hurt so badly… When she realized she wasn’t going to make it through the delivery, she made me promise to take care of Tali and keep releasing her books. I’m trying to honor her wishes, Winnie. I didn’t realize she wasn’t going to survive. I thought she’d be fine.” His voice clogs with emotion as the first tear slips down his cheek. He squeezes his eyes shut, forcing more tears to fall.
I don’t hesitate. I grab a towel and wrap it around my body as I climb out of the tub. I settle on the floor next to him and wrap my arms around his waist.
“You’re an amazing husband and father, Jamie. You’re doing such a great job with Tali. Ellie would be so proud of you.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“I am. You’re present in her life. You put her first and put your own life on hold. You’re going above and beyond what most children get from a two parent household. Tali’s a lucky little girl. The amount of love you have for her…” I shake my head. “The amount of love you have for Ellie, it’s overwhelming. I wish I had someone who loved me like that. Maybe I wouldn’t be so hesitant to be in a relationship then.”
“I told you, you need to find a real man, not a boy.”
“Yeah, I found a great one, but I’m not sure he’s really ready.”
“He’s ready, but he’ll never stop loving his wife and some days will be harder than others. Sometimes he might fall to pieces at the memory of her and you’ll have to be ok with that.”
“I think I can handle that as long as he talks to me. I need to know where his head is at.”
“Then you’ll have no problems. He’s ready to find his next great love.” He presses a kiss to the top of my head and tugs me so I’m sitting between his legs and my back is against his chest. He wraps his arms around me and we sit like that for a while.
“I think you should get some sleep,” I whisper as I climb to my feet and hold out a hand to help Jamie up.
“I won’t be able to sleep. I’ll be up all night. I always am after talking about her… Will you lay with me for a little bit? You don’t have to sleep in bed with me, but maybe if you lay with me my brain will relax a little.”
“Of course. Let me go grab some clothes and I’ll be right back.”
I get changed as quickly as I can and twist my hair into a braid. When I’m finished, I head back into Jamie’s room. Tali’s no longer lying in the center of the mattress, now Jamie’s in her place with just a pair of gray sweatpants sitting low on his hips.
His arm is tucked behind his head as he watches me walk into his room. I slowly pull back the covers and climb in next to him. I’m waiting for him to tell me he changed his mind. To tell me this is a mistake and he wants me to leave. To say he doesn’t want me to be Tali’s nanny because it’s messing with his head and his heart.
“Stop overthinking, sweetheart. I promise you I have no problem discussing where my head is with you. I always had a raw and vulnerable relationship with Ellie and I’m happy to do the same with you as long as you’ll do the same.”
“I’m scared you’re going to regret this. That you’ll eventually kick me out because you can’t take the thought of moving on from Ellie,” I blurt out before I can stop myself.
“I don’t regret kissing you.” He erases the distance between us until he’s hovering over me. “Will it be hard to stomach the idea of moving on some days? Absolutely, but that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me feeling like I’m losing a little more of Ellie. She kept telling me when she was pregnant, if something happened to her, she wanted me to get remarried. To find an amazing woman who would be the perfect mom to our little baby. She wanted me to have more kids and to have the life we always dreamed of. I think she somehow knew she wouldn’t survive to meet our child.”
“Then what are you doing with me?” I laugh through the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.
“Ellie always said the right person just feels… right. She was much better with words and would’ve made it sound like poetry, but that was the gist of it. I don’t know how to explain it, but things are easy with you. Comfortable. It’s like we just clicked. As soon as we met, Ellie’s words kept playing over and over in my head. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how easily you fit into our lives.”
“I don’t know if I can live up to that, Jamie.”
“I’m not rushing things, sweetheart. We have plenty of time to see where this is going. It might go up in flames, but I’m willing to take the leap if you are.”
“I’m a little scared of heights,” I whisper, making a smile spread across his lips.
“Me too, but the best things in life come with risks.”
Schmidt
need to get your bag packed so we go to Mr. Powell’s house.” I pick up the things she just took out of her bag and shove it back inside.
“Mr. Pow?” She tilts her head to the side and watches me carefully.
“Yes, Mr. Powell. He can’t wait to meet you.” I don’t know why I’m trying to pump up my daughter to meet everyone. I have no clue what’s going to happen today. It might be a disaster, but there’s only one way to find out.
“Jamie, is this ok? I don’t know what to wear for an outdoor event in March,” Winnie asks from behind me.
I stand to my full height, taking the diaper bag with me. I don’t need Tali unpacking it again while I’m talking to Winnie.
When my gaze lands on my girl, I drop the bag to the ground and scrub a hand over my face.
“Is it too much or not enough?” She frowns down at her dark blue jeans and tan sweater. She’s wearing cowgirl boots that end just below her knees, but it’s not her outfit that has me speechless.
The only makeup Winnie’s wearing is some eyeliner and mascara, her face is completely free of makeup. Her normally straight hair is curly and matches mine and Tali’s perfectly. She’s breathtaking. Absolutely beautiful.
“Jeez, Winnie,” I whisper, my eyes still taking her all in.
“Can you just tell me what I need to change?” She stomps her foot, more than frustrated.
“Sweetheart, don’t change anything. You’re stunning. Did you curl your hair?”
“No, this is what my hair looks like when I shower and don’t straighten it.” She makes a face as she plays with the curly ends.
“Why do you straighten it?”
“I don’t know? Habit? I’ve been doing it since I was in middle school. Remember how I said no one ever sees me without makeup on? Yeah, no one sees me with curly hair either.”
“What did I do to get this version of you?” I step closer and tug her into my arms.
“You make me feel like I don’t need to hide behind a mask. You make me comfortable to be myself.”
“Good, because I want to see you like this every day.”
I press a soft kiss to her lips. A brief kiss to show her I’m thinking about her, but not too much. We’re already late and need to get to the picnic.
When I release her, Tali’s tugging on our pants and frowning up at us. I chuckle and sweep my little girl into my arms. Today will be a good day.
When we get to Owen’s house, there are cars parked up and down the entire street. I sigh, figuring we’ll have to park far away and walk. I don’t mind, but it makes it more difficult if I need to take Tali out to the car for something.
A man waves us down and asks for my name. When I give it to him, he checks my name off a list and tells me he’ll park my car.
I pause for a minute, but someone calls from the front yard, “Let him take the car, Schmidt. He’ll bring it back.” I glance over at the voice and find Cord smirking from the front porch.
Macy’s tucked into his side with her hand on his chest and a smile on her face.
“I’m going.” I flip him off and tug open the back door to get Tali out while Winnie comes around to this side of the car with the diaper bag.
I position Tali on my hip and make sure I can see Cord’s face before he can spot Tali. I want to know how he’s going to react. If he’s cool with this, everyone else will follow suit.
Cord narrows his eyes for a moment before a slow smile spreads across his face. He says something to Macy and then they’re both walking down the walkway towards us.
“You know, I never believed you were hiding anything. I thought you just didn’t want to hang out with us and I understood. It got a little crazy some nights, especially when Macy was there making inappropriate comments.”
“Oh my gosh, Cord! Stop it!” She swats at his chest and glares at him before turning towards me. “I’m sorry for making inappropriate comments. But don’t worry, Cord never passes up the chance to make fun of me for it.” She rolls her eyes.
“It’s fine. It was a fun night.”
“No, it wasn’t. It was awful. I don’t think you’ve hung out with us since.” Cord chuckles.
“I’ve tried to stay away.” I snake my arm around Winnie’s waist and tug her into my side. “Have you guys met Winnie?”
“We have.” Macy grins. “But normally she’s on Wheeler’s arm, so this will be fun.”
“And this is my daughter, Tali. Tali, can you say hi to Daddy’s friends?”
“Hi,” she whispers before hiding her face in my shoulder.
“She’s adorable! I can’t wait for this little guy to be born.” Macy rubs her baby bump and smiles.
“I know, me neither.” Cord kisses the top of her head. “Let’s go out back, there are some heaters out there. This little one keeps shivering.” He motions to Tali with a smile. “I just have one question…”
“What’s that?” I ask as we walk through the gorgeous house and towards the backyard.
“Does Wheeler know you two are dating?” Cord pushes open the door and it feels like everyone’s attention snaps towards us.
I watch as one by one, conversations around us halt and everyone stares at me. I’m not sure if they’re more shocked by the woman at my side or the baby on my hip. Either way, Wyatt’s the first to grin and make his way over to me with a baby in his arms and Charlie at his side.
“So, I won the bet? You have a secret family.” Wyatt’s grin widens as he says hi to Tali. She smiles brightly at him, surprising me.
“Not a secret family, just a secret kid,” I correct him.
“Have you had her the entire time, or…” Charlie trails off.
“She’s been with me since the day she was born, I didn’t knock someone up and just find out about her.” I roll my eyes.
“I didn’t-”
“It’s ok. This is part of the reason I’ve kept her a secret for so long. My wife died during childbirth right before I was traded to the Pit Bulls. I didn’t want to explain things to anyone.”
“We understand that more than you know,” Charlie says softly. “It’s nice to know someone else has been in the same boat as us. I’m probably going to ask you a ton of questions, especially when the season starts.”
“I’m happy to help you however I can.”
“Incoming,” Winnie mutters under her breath. I glance up in time to see Wheeler stomping towards us with a scowl on his face.
I slip my arm around her waist and settle my hand on her hip. Wheeler’s gaze zeros in on my hand and his scowl intensifies.
“I’ve got this, sweetheart. Don’t worry,” I murmur quietly enough for only her to hear.
“What are you doing here, Winnie?” Wheeler folds his arms over his chest and stares her down.
“Jamie invited me.” She keeps her chin held high and her shoulders back. She’s not backing down and I love it.
“Oh, Jamie invited you? I’m pretty sure I invited you and you told me you were busy,” Wheeler growls.
“Are you surprised after how you talked to her at my house last weekend?” I keep my voice low and calm, I’m not going to upset Tali because of Wheeler.
“Why don’t you stay out of it, Schmidt? No one asked you to get involved in this. I’m talking to my girl.”
“She’s not your girl anymore. And I’m not staying out of it. I won’t let you constantly attack her because she’s not giving in and letting you get your way.”
“Who even asked you?” He roars, making Tali whimper and bury her face in my neck.
“Maybe I should just go,” Winnie says quietly.
“No, maybe Wheeler should walk away.” Wyatt arches a brow at him, it’s a warning and Wheeler knows it.
“I see how it is. You’re taking his side?” Wheeler’s hands fists at his sides and he looks like he’s seconds away from decking someone.
“What’s going on over here?” Owen places himself at Wheeler’s side and clamps his hand down on Wheeler’s shoulder. It’s a promise he won’t win if he tries to start anything.
“Just a bunch of crap,” Wheeler hisses.
“Take a walk, Wheeler.” Owen shoves him away from our group before turning his attention back to me. “Miss Schmidt?” He says as he places a gentle hand on Tali’s back. She lifts her head off of my shoulder and watches him carefully. “I’m Owen Powell, what’s your name?”
This soft side of Owen is a complete contradiction to the man I’ve seen at the stadium. I’ve seen glimpses of his soft side, but I thought it was saved for the people he considered family, but for him to talk to my daughter like this? It makes my throat clog with emotion. I never should’ve hidden her away from everyone.
“Mr. Pow? I Tali.” A shy smile tilts her lips up and I can’t help but grin. It’s almost comical the way Owen’s introducing himself to a toddler.
“How old are you?”
Tali frowns and glances up at me. I chuckle and give her a quick squeeze. “She’s two.”
“And you are?” Owen turns his attention to Winnie.
“I’m Winnie Teller.”
“And who are you to Wheeler and Schmidt?” He arches a brow.
Winnie glances up at me, unsure of how she should respond. I don’t blame her one bit, most team owners wouldn’t be getting involved in their players’ lives, but this is Owen.
“He’s a nosy man.” I chuckle. “He actually cares about us and is invested in his players.”
“I’ve dated Wheeler off and on since our freshman year of college. And I’m Tali’s nanny.”
“Ah, so Wheeler’s jealous. Got it. I’ll make sure you two aren’t near each other as much as I can at the stadium.”
“That would probably be a good idea.” I press my lips into a thin line.
“Hey, Schmidt. Can I get a picture of you and your family?” A woman with pink hair and a camera hanging around her neck stops next to Owen.
“Uh…” I grip the back of my neck, unsure of how to answer her question. I don’t want Tali in the media, but if I tell her this, she’ll be more likely to publish the photos.
“This is Olivia Brooks. She’s a friend of mine and has nothing to do with the media. She’s taking photos of the team for advertising but family photos are just for you,” Owen says softly, seeing right through my hesitation.
“She’s my aunt too. She’d never do anything with the photos without your permission,” Charlie adds. “We get it, Schmidt. We don’t want this little one in the media either.” Charlie glances down at her little girl in Wyatt’s arms.
“Ok. Thanks.” I nod, loving how they’re all willing to help me shield my daughter from unwanted attention.
Olivia moves us to an area set up with a nice background. She smiles at us and takes her time helping us pose.
Tali’s resting on my hip and I wrap my arm around Winnie’s waist, tugging her against me. If they’re offering pictures, I’d love to get one of the three of us.
“Winnie, can you place your hand on Schmidt’s chest? Perfect.” She snaps a few photos. “You guys are adorable together… Ok, look up at Schmidt and hold Tali’s hand.”
She goes on and on, posing us and taking more pictures than I could ever imagine. When she’s finished with the three of us, she asks if she can take some photos of Tali with me and then Tali with Winnie.
Winnie hesitates to agree, but I nod my head. They’re beautiful together and I’d love to have the pictures Olivia’s getting.
“What do I have to do to get a copy of these photos?” I ask softly as she continues taking photos of my girls.
“Ask nicely.” Olivia grins.
“Olivia, could I pretty please have a copy of the photos?”
“Of course.” She hands me a business card. “Text me your email address and I’ll get them emailed over to you this weekend. If you want any printed, let me know and I can do that too.”
“I’ll definitely be contacting you about getting prints… And maybe scheduling a photo shoot.”
“I’d love that. I have so many ideas, especially for Tali. That little girl was made to be photographed.”
Winnie
Wheeler approaches me as I’m getting a drink for Tali.
The little princess is soaking up the attention from the guys and loving every second of it. She’s let everyone hold her and Schmidt’s been taking photos left and right. It’s amazing to see these strong guys letting their soft sides show as they talk to Tali and make her giggle.
I’m so happy everyone’s responded so positively to Tali and Schmidt keeping her a secret. They all seem to understand his reasoning and aren’t holding it against him. I’m glad I was right in encouraging him to take this step. He’ll have so much more support now.
“I guess that depends on what you want to talk about and if you’re going to lose your temper.” I arch a brow.
I take in his disheveled appearance. His normally present easy smile is gone. His brows are furrowed and his lips turned down. His short hair is a wild mess, so different than how he looked when we got here.
I’m used to the cocky, laidback man I’ve known for years. Seeing him like this is odd. He’s normally joking around with everyone. It breaks my heart to see him like this.
“I won’t yell at you,” he whispers.
“And what do you want to talk about?” I push a little harder. I’m not discussing my job with him. I love working for Schmidt and taking care of Tali. I’m not giving that up so I can be his little house guest with nothing to do.
“Us.”
I eye him for a few moments as I weigh my options. I could tell him no and walk away. He wouldn’t be able to stop me and Owen’s made it clear if he makes a scene there will be consequences.
But I feel like I owe it to Wheeler to talk to him. We have too much history and I consider him one of my best friends. I can’t just toss him aside. It would kill both of us.
“Let me give Tali her drink, then we can talk.”
He nods his head and watches me walk over to the table Jamie and Tali are at with a bunch of the guys and their dates.
As soon as I’m at Jamie’s side, he wraps his arm around my waist and glances up at me with a soft smile. I’d think he was doing this to upset Wheeler if it weren’t for the fact he’s touched me every chance he gets since he kissed me earlier in the week.
“Wheeler wants to talk to me,” I say softly.
“Are you comfortable with that?” He searches my face, looking for any sort of hesitation.
“Yes.”
“Ok. I’ll be right here if you need me.” He squeezes my hip before releasing me and rejoining the conversation happening around the table.
I breathe out a sigh of relief. I love how Jamie doesn’t feel the need to be possessive or controlling. He’s happy to let me handle my own drama, but I know he’s there for me if I need him.
I return to Wheeler and he leads me over to an empty table away from the rest. It will give us the privacy we’ll need for this conversation, but still keep us surrounded by others. I think he’s doing that for my sake and Schmidt’s. He knows if he takes me away, Jamie might follow and I could feel uncomfortable being completely alone with him after the past week.
Wheeler tugs out a chair and motions for me to take a seat. He takes the one next to me and spins it to face me. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“What’s going on, Win? I can’t handle this. I’m losing you and I don’t know how to stop it.”
“I don’t know,” I whisper, hating how broken he sounds.
“Am I losing you?”
“As a friend? No. As a booty call? Absolutely. I told you I don’t want that anymore, honestly I’m not sure I ever wanted it. I want a real relationship. One I know could lead to a future with a man I love.”
“You know you’ve always been more than a booty call to me. You were everything to me.”
“I was, in college. But not anymore. I haven’t been your everything in a long time, Chase.”
“I can change.”
“I don’t want you to change. Honestly, I think I’ve always been the one pulling away and you’ve always been chasing me. I’m not what you want, Chase. You want someone to have on your arm. Someone who will smile at the cameras and go along with what you want, I’m not that person.”
“But I don’t want anyone else,” he whispers as his eyes fill with moisture.
“Maybe you just haven’t met the perfect woman yet. You’re funny, smart, athletic, a total sweetheart, and everything a woman could want. You’re a great guy. One I’ve loved to spend time with over the years. One I don’t want to lose in my life.”
“You don’t want to lose me, but you don’t want me?”
“I want you as a friend. I’ve always considered you one of my best friends. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Is this because of Schmidt?” I can tell it’s taking everything in him to keep his tone even and not growl or hiss Jamie’s name.
“Yes and no. This was going to happen eventually, but I think Jamie caused it to happen faster, if that makes sense.”
“What does he have that I don’t?”
“It’s not a comparison between the two of you. It isn’t that one of you won and the other lost… I don’t even know what’s going on between him and me.”
“Have you-”
“No.” I cut him off, knowing what he’s asking. “I just… I can’t really explain it. I just feel at home when I’m around him. I don’t feel this overwhelming need to be someone I’m not.”
“Is that why you barely have any makeup on and your hair is curly?” Wheeler twirls a strand around his finger and watches me carefully.
“I don’t need it with him,” I whisper.
“You didn’t need it with me either, babe. You’re gorgeous. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. Jeez, I wish I could’ve made you feel like you didn’t have to hide. I would’ve done anything to feel like home to you.”
“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” The first tear trickles down my cheek and I stare up at the sky, trying to blink away the emotions.
I can feel Jamie’s gaze on me. He’s probably seconds away from stomping over here and pulling me into his arms.
“Don’t cry, Win. You have nothing to be sorry about. It hurts like crazy to lose you. I always thought we’d spend the rest of our lives together. I thought we’d eventually have a family and have the perfect life. Even if I can’t have you as my girlfriend, I want to keep you in my life. I don’t want us to become strangers.”
“Me neither… But you can’t keep attacking Jamie. You can’t keep scaring Tali. If you do, I’ll walk away from you forever.”
“I’ll stop. I promise.” He rubs his hand over my knee, trying to soothe me. “Can I just hug you? I don’t like seeing you cry and not being able to console you.”
I nod my head, unable to speak or I’ll probably cry harder. Wheeler stands to his full height and guides me into his waiting arms. He holds me like I’m fragile and buries his face in the crook of my neck.
I savor this hug, knowing this might be the last time I get one from him. Even though Jamie feels like home to me, Wheeler feels like my past. He was everything I once wanted.
“I love you, Win. I’ll never stop loving you.”
“I love you too,” I whisper, knowing he’s not talking about loving me romantically. Our relationship was so much deeper than that.
Schmidt
on Winnie and Wheeler the entire time they’re talking. I pretend I’m listening to the conversations going on around me, but my attention is on my girl and nothing else.
If he raises his voice or touches her, I’ll be at her side in a second. I won’t let him do anything to hurt her.
I know Wheeler’s a good guy. He’s normally happy and carefree. I think knowing Winnie is slipping through his fingers is driving him crazy and he doesn’t know how to handle it.
Hopefully they can figure things out and everything can get back to normal. I don’t want there to be tension between us at work and on the field, but if there is, that’s his issue, not mine.
When Wheeler stands and tugs Winnie into his arms, jealousy sweeps through me. I don’t like seeing her in his arms. I know they have a complicated history and she’s been his for a lot longer than she’s been mine, but I don’t like it.
Is she even mine? We’re not dating and we haven’t had a conversation about what’s happening between us. Can I really even claim her?
After five minutes of her in his arms, I’ve had enough. I push back from the table and Cord takes Tali from my arms without even asking. I’m sure he knows exactly where my head is right now.
“Thanks, man.”
“Don’t start a war, Schmidt. Take it easy on him. His world is crumbling down around him and he doesn’t know how to handle it.”
I nod my head without another word and take slow steps over to Winnie. When I’m standing a few feet away, I clear my throat and her eyes instantly latch onto mine.
“Are you ok?”
“Yeah, I am.” She aims a watery smile my way.
Wheeler releases her and takes a step away. His gaze bounces from her to me and back again. He grips the back of his neck and blows out a long breath.
“I’m sorry, Schmidt. I’ve been flipping out a lot and it has nothing to do with you. I’m really sorry for scaring Tali every time I’ve seen her too.”
“I forgive you.” I watch him, not fully trusting him.
“Just… take care of her and treat her well. That’s all I care about. I need her to be happy.”
“I will. I want her to be happy too.”
“And if you hurt her, I’ll kill you,” he blurts out.
A slow smile spreads across my face and Wheeler follows suit. Soon we’re both chuckling and Winnie’s slipping her arm around my waist.
“Are we good then?” I arch a brow.
“Yeah, it’s gonna hurt like crazy, but she hasn’t been mine in a long time. I’m just having a hard time accepting that.”
“Let’s go see Tali. I think she’d like to meet the real Wheeler.”
Wheeler smiles and doesn’t hesitate to join the rest of the guys. He takes one seat and I take the other. Winnie moves to grab a chair from another table, but I tug her onto my lap.
As soon as Tali’s settled onto Wheeler’s lap, her bottom lip trembles and her eyes fill with tears.
“Hey, pretty girl,” he says softly. “Don’t go crying on me. You’ll break my heart.”
She watches him carefully, not sure if she trusts him after he’s yelled in front of her so many times. She glances in my direction and I smile, letting her know it’s ok.
“You’re ok, Tali Girl.” Winnie holds out her hand and Tali instantly wraps her fingers around Winnie’s.
Wheeler keeps talking to Tali and soon he has her laughing and smiling. It’s nice to see him back to normal. I can only imagine the torment he was going through seeing Winnie with me and knowing he couldn’t do anything to stop it.
I feel bad that having her in my arms is hurting him so much, but she hasn’t been his in a long time. He just didn’t realize it.
When everyone starts packing up to leave, I take Tali back from Wheeler and Winnie grabs the diaper bag. We walk towards the front yard with my hand on the small of her back.
By the time we get home, Tali’s sound asleep in the backseat. She didn’t take a nap today and she’s been yawning for the past hour. I’m sure she’s crashed for the night.
Once her diaper is changed and she’s snoring softly in her crib, I go in search of Winnie. I haven’t gotten to spend much time with her this week.
The night she took a bath in my tub and we talked about Ellie, she slept the entire night in bed with me. She laid her head on my chest and draped her arm over my stomach. It was the best night’s sleep I’ve gotten in months… Maybe even since Ellie died.
I haven’t really been able to talk to her since. We haven’t been able to discuss our relationship either.
“Did she go down easily?” Winnie smiles at me from where she’s laying on the couch.
“Yeah, she was exhausted. I think I might need to invite the guys over so they can tire her out more often.”
“I told you, having a support system is nice.” She smiles and repositions herself so there’s room for me on the couch.
“How are you doing?” I squeeze her foot and pull it onto my lap. I begin massaging it and she lets out a soft moan.
“Holy crap, you’re good at that. I’m fine though, why wouldn’t I be?”
She’s changed since we got home. Gone are the jeans and sweater, in their place is a tank top and a pair of pajama shorts. She’s perfect. Everything I’ve been wanting.
“A lot happened today. It would be understandable for you to not be fine.”
“I’ll always have a soft spot for Wheeler, but we’re not meant to be together.”
“Why?”
“Because I think I’m meant to be with you.” She stares up at me with so much raw vulnerability in her eyes.
“Good,” I growl as I pull on her foot until she slides across the couch and straight onto my lap. She lets out a loud squeal of surprise, but she makes no move to return to her side of the couch.
She pulls away long enough to straddle my lap, then her lips are on mine. Her kisses are hungry and needy. All-consuming and devouring.
“I don’t think I’ve felt this strongly about someone,” Winnie breathes against my lips as she tries to catch her breath.
She doesn’t seem to know what she wants to do with her hands. One moment she’s threading her fingers through my hair, the next she’s running them over my chest.
She seems like she can’t get enough of me and I’m loving every second of it.
“Are you sure I’m doing this right?” I stare up at Jamie with so much doubt.
“Yes.” He chuckles, amusement lighting up his features. “It’s called a hip thrust. It will build your glutes and it’s an amazing workout.”
“Build my glutes?”
“It will fill out your butt, ok?”
“Ah, you’re a butt man?”
“I’m a Winnie Teller man.”
“I think you just like seeing me struggle,” I mumble as I thrust my hips up and hold the barbell in place before slowly lowering back down again.
“I’m not upset about it.” He smirks again when I glare at him. “I made three workout plans for you. I’d try to do each once a week, but if you want to do more, you can. I like to do chest and biceps one day, back and triceps another day, and legs and shoulders the last day. Within these three workouts, you can hit every muscle group in your body.”
“Will I be able to walk after this?”
“Able to? Yes. Will it hurt? Also, yes.”
“Jamie,” I groan.
“Hey, you can do this, beautiful. If you want to get stronger and in shape, this is the best way to do it. It will be hard, but I promise you’ll love the results.”
“Will you work out with me when you’re home?” I stick my lip out in a pout and stare up at him.
“If you want me to. I don’t mind some extra time in the gym.”
When I finish doing three sets of hip thrusts, he drops down to a push-up position and glances over his shoulder at me.
“Let’s go, beautiful.”
Schmidt
want to do this?” I peek over at Winnie, unsure if we should really be here.
“Wheeler promised to be on his best behavior. I think we owe it to him to stay for a little bit.” Winnie raises her fist and knocks on the heavy wooden door.
A few moments later, the door swings open and Wheeler’s smiling at us. He motions for us to come in and Winnie doesn’t hesitate.
“Welcome to my home. There’s some food and drinks in the kitchen. The girls are out on the deck with some heaters keeping them warm.” He rolls his eyes. “The guys are in the living room and I have something special for the princess.”
Wheeler plucks my daughter from my arms and carries her towards the living room. His house is set up the same way mine is. The layout is identical.
Wheeler leads us into the living room and steps over a gated off portion of the room. He places Tali down and shows her a little kitchen set complete with fake food and dishes. She smiles up at him and begins playing immediately.
“Aw, man! You got her the kitchen?” Smithy walks in behind me and lets out a groan.
“I told you I bought it.” Wheeler rolls his eyes as he drops onto the floor next to Tali and pretends to take a bite of a fake fish.
“Yeah, but I thought you were just messing with me. I got this really cute house for the backyard, but it’s too cold to use it tonight.” Smithy pouts.
“You guys got things for Tali?” I ask slowly, my brows tugging together. This can’t be real. There’s no way they care this much.
“We want you to hang out more.” Smithy lifts his shoulders in a shrug.
“We love Tali Girl. We want her around and having toys for her will make that easier,” Wheeler adds.
I stare at them in disbelief. I didn’t expect this from them. I figured I’d be holding Tali all night and trying to keep her entertained.
“I told you,” Winnie singsongs. “They’re great guys after you let Wheeler have his meltdown. They’ll be like uncles to her if you let them.”
“Thanks, guys.”
“Oh, you’ve seen nothing yet!” Cord smirks. “I’ve been trying to convince Macy to let me turn the basement into a mini town, but she wouldn’t let me since the baby isn’t even born yet.” He rolls his eyes at her and she flips him off. “But thanks to Tali, our little village is well on its way to being built.”
“He has a post office, a restaurant, a house, a farm, and I don’t even know what else. Some of the little stores are two stories!” Macy shakes her head like he’s ridiculous.
“Um, why didn’t you tell me about this? I don’t even use the basement. I want to build a mini town too.” Wheeler folds his arms over his chest and glares at Cord.
“Dude, you don’t even have kids.”
“So? One day I might. Then I’ll be prepared. Plus, it sounds like I’m about to have a bunch of nieces and nephews. I want to be the fun uncle!” Wheeler pretends to be upset, until Tali thrusts a piece of toy cake in his face. He instantly smiles at her and ignores us as he plays with my daughter.
“Thank you, baby,” I whisper as I tug Winnie into my arms.
“For what?” She peers up at me with those big blue eyes.
“For pushing me to let them in. For giving Tali an entire group of people she can count on. For just being you.”
“Ok, but if you all bought these amazing things, what am I going to have at my house?” Covey frowns. “I want something different. Something special so Tali wants to come visit me more than the rest of you.”
And that’s how our night continues. We hang around while the guys discuss what they’re buying for their houses to make Tali, and the other babies, more comfortable.
We don’t discuss baseball or the season starting in two days. We just relax and joke around, spending time together.
I can’t believe I’ve been missing this all along. I could’ve had so many people to lean on, instead I’ve been doing this all alone. I’ll never be able to thank Winnie enough.
Winnie
I point to the field and try to get Tali to spot Jamie. Her face lights up when an image of him appears on the big screen.
When we got to the stadium, her little eyes went wide and her mouth hung open. I’m sure she’s never been around this many people before and there are so many bright lights and colors.
I made sure to dress her in a little Schmidt jersey, one that matches my own. I typically wear my Wheeler jersey to games and Liliana always wears her Smith one. But somehow wearing Wheeler’s name on my back feels all wrong now.
Because I don’t belong to him and maybe I never did.
“Ugh, I hate sitting in the box,” Liliana groans.
“No one said you had to sit here,” I singsong.
“Yeah, but it seems wrong to be at a game and not sit with you. I just miss being in the center of the action.”
“Lils, the only action you’re missing out on up here is drunk guys spilling their beers on you and the smell of sweat.” I scrunch up my nose, remembering all the times we’ve dealt with that over the years. “I’m finally getting to experience the game the way I want to, so don’t ruin it for me.”
“Fine,” she sighs, settling back into her own seat. “These seats are a lot more comfortable. And I don’t need to wait in a line for the bathrooms,” she grumbles.
“Plus, there’s food!”
As the game begins, we both get lost in watching the men on the field. I was never a fan of baseball in high school, but once I started dating Wheeler, baseball became my life. Now, I don’t miss a game for anything.
Jamie steps up to bat and the big screen shows his picture as they play his walkout song. Tali lets out a loud squeal.
“Daddy! That Daddy!” She bounces in my lap and claps her little hands.
“Oh my gosh, she’s so adorable!” Liliana coos, placing her hand over her heart. “When did she learn to say daddy?”
“We’ve been practicing a lot.” I grin, loving how she’s already learning new things from me.
We watch as Jamie connects with the ball and sends it sailing through the air. He races towards first base, then around to second before the ball gets thrown back to the pitcher. Tali shrieks and claps her hands, more than excited to see Jamie playing, though I know she doesn’t really understand what’s happening.
“How are things going with Jamie?” Liliana asks, her eyes never leaving the game.
“I’m happy, Lils. Really happy.” I press a soft kiss to the top of Tali’s head and let out a sigh.
“How’s Jamie? He seems like a great guy, but I don’t know him as well as I know the other guys.”
“Amazing. He’s pretty much perfect. He pays attention to everything and cares so deeply. I’ve never met another person like that.”
“I’m glad you’ve found someone like him. I always worried you’d end up with Wheeler.” She glances down at her hands like the idea is terrible.
“You know Wheeler’s a great guy.”
“Yeah, but he wasn’t right for you. He’ll make an amazing husband to someone else.”
I nod my head, understanding what she’s saying. Just because he’s great, doesn’t mean he’s great for me. Sometimes I think that’s the hardest thing to accept when it comes to someone you love. I’ll never stop loving Wheeler, but I don’t love him the same way I love Jamie.
My heart skips a beat as my thoughts wash over me.
I love Jamie Schmidt.
“Winnie? Are you ok?” Liliana leans closer, trying to catch my gaze. She waves a hand in front of my face, but all I can do is blink at her. “Ok, you need to answer me, or I’m calling… Well, I don’t really know who I’d call because all of our friends are on the field right now.” She gestures to the game in front of us. “But that won’t stop me from marching down to the dugout and forcing Schmidt to come up here.”
“I love him,” I whisper, still trying to come to terms with it.
“I know you do, sweetie.” Liliana smiles at me.
“No! I’m serious, Lils! I love him. Not like I loved Wheeler, I love him more. I think he’s it for me.”
“I thought so. You’re different with him. More like the girl I’d hang out with in the dorms long after everyone else went to bed.”
“I feel at home with him.”
“And it shows. I think Schmidt’s in this for the long haul too.”
“I really hope so. I’m not sure I could walk away from either one of them if I tried.” I settle back in my seat and hold Tali a little closer. She rests her head on my shoulder and watches the game until Jamie’s face appears on the screen again. Then, she sits up and points, while squealing ‘Daddy’ each and every time.
Schmidt
game is over, I race to the locker room to get showered and changed. I’ve never been this excited to see someone after a game.
“Whoa, what’s the rush, Schmidt?” Covey chuckles as I race past him to the showers.
“My little girl came to the game.” I grin as I move past him and set my things down in the stall.
“Dang, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you this happy.” Cord pats me on the back as he follows me into the shower area. Each stall has its own shower with a shower curtain, but we tend to still talk to each other.
“I’ve always wanted to bring her, but Martha never wanted to come and I didn’t want anyone to know about Tali.”
“Aren’t you glad you have Winnie?” Smithy joins us and quickly washes the sweat out of his hair. He doesn’t even bother shutting his curtain, he doesn’t care about privacy.
“I’m more than thankful for Winnie. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
“Someone sounds like he’s in love,” Covey singsongs.
“No one’s in love, Covey. You need to get your head out of your butt. People don’t fall in love that quickly.” Wheeler rolls his eyes as he turns on his shower and steps under the spray, not bothering to close his curtain either.
My jaw clenches as I tug the curtain shut and turn on the water. I hate how Wheeler always acts like he’s the love guru and he knows everything. The man is single as can be. What can he possibly know about love?
“That’s crap! I fell in love with Lils almost instantly. You don’t need to spend years with someone to know you’re meant to be with them,” Smithy practically growls.
“Yeah, even as a kid, I knew I wanted to spend my life with Charlie,” Wyatt adds. I’m not sure when he came in here, but I’m glad he jumped in on the conversation.
“I fell in love with Macy the first time I met her and we were freshman in high school,” Cord calls, more than happy to put Wheeler in his place. “Not everyone needs years to figure it out, Wheeler.”
“Oh! Burn!” A collective yell echoes off the walls, making me chuckle.
“Are you saying Schmidt’s in love with Winnie already?” Wheeler’s voice is tight with anger, but he’s trying his hardest to remain calm.
“I’m saying it’s none of your business and if he is, you can’t blame him. You fell in love with her too, it wouldn’t be his fault he fell faster.”
A hush falls over the room. I quickly finish washing the soap out of my hair and wrap my towel around my waist. I don’t want to get in the middle of this. It’s no one’s business how I feel. Winnie’s the only person who needs to know.
As soon as I’m in my suit, I sling my bag over my shoulder and head towards the door to the locker room. I can’t wait to see my little girl.
I push out into the hallway and a smile instantly spreads across my face as I spot my girls leaning against the wall talking to Liliana, Macy, and Charlie.
“There’s my little girl.”
The second Tali hears my voice, she’s pushing away from Winnie and trying to get down. Winnie chuckles as she sets Tali on the ground and my daughter takes off at a run towards me. I bend down and scoop her into my arms.
“I missed you, Tali Girl.”
“I miss you, Daddy,” she whispers, burying her face in my neck. She doesn’t care that my damp hair is getting her face wet, she just wants to be close to me.
“Daddy? When did you learn to say daddy?” I peer down at her.
“We’ve been working on it.” Winnie grins as she moves my way. “I thought you might like it. Plus, I got tired of calling you Da-Da.”
“I love it. Thank you, Winnie.”
Dropping my duffle bag to the ground, I snake my free arm around her waist and tug her into my side. I press a gentle kiss to the top of her head and let out a soft sigh. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than I am right now.
“Oh my gosh! We need a picture,” Charlie squeals as she takes out her phone and snaps a few photos. “You three are adorable together.”
“Can you send that to me? I’d love to have a picture from Tali’s first game.”
“Of course!”
My phone dings inside my bag, but I don’t bother looking at it. I can see the pictures later. I want to hear all about Tali’s first game.
“How was she?” I ask softly.
“She yelled ‘Daddy’ every time they showed your picture on the big screen. She loved it.”
“Thank you for bringing her. It really means a lot to me.”
“I was happy to! I love coming to games, so I don’t mind at all. I definitely like the box better than the stands too.” She grins up at me.
“Did you get her a jersey?” I peek down at my daughter and notice the jersey she’s wearing.
“Yes! She needed a Schmidt one, obviously. I got Liliana to get me one from Owen. I didn’t want to take her shopping.”
“She looks so cute in it.”
“I know! I think I snapped at least fifty photos of her during the game. At one point, she had her hands on the glass and she was staring down at the game. I got some amazing shots of her.”
Tali lets out a yawn and snuggles a little closer to my chest. It’s pretty late for her to still be awake and she’ll probably end up crashing on the way home.
“I think it’s time we go home, someone’s tired,” Winnie singsongs as she rubs a hand up and down Tali’s back.
“Hey, Winnie,” Wheeler approaches us with caution.
“Hey!” She wraps him in a big hug and he squeezes his eyes shut as he hugs her back.
A pang of jealousy hits me square in the chest, but I remind myself they’re just friends. Winnie doesn’t want anything more with him. She’s made that clear.
“You were great tonight! I still can’t believe you were able to catch that one ball. I thought it was going to be a homerun.”
“Thanks.” Wheeler runs his hand through his damp hair, looking more than uncomfortable. “What are you doing? A bunch of us were headed to Kennedy’s, do you want to come with us?”
Winnie glances over her shoulder at us and a soft smile spreads across her face.
“Nah, I think I’m going to head home with this sleepy head.” She motions to Tali and me. I’m not quite sure which one of us she’s talking about.
I feel bad she’s not going out with her friends. She doesn’t need to toss aside her social life just because she’s my nanny or my girlfriend… Is she my girlfriend? I don’t think we’ve really labeled what’s going on between us yet.
“You can go out. I’m positive Tali will fall asleep on the way home. I’d just need you to drop us off before you go since I don’t have a car here.”
Smithy picked me up on his way to the stadium tonight. I figured it was better to only have one car here so I could go home with my girls. I was able to give Winnie my parking pass so she could park in the players’ lot and then come in through the players’ entrance. Anything to keep her and Tali away from the rest of the fans. I know how rough things can get in the stadium. There are thousands of fans and it just takes one incident for everyone to explode.
Winnie stares up at me with some emotion I can’t name in her blue eyes. She watches me for a few seconds before she takes a step closer to me and places her hand on my chest.
“I want to go home with you, Jamie. Unless you don’t want me there, then I can go out.”
“Nah, baby, I definitely want you home with me,” I murmur as I place my free hand on her hip and tug her closer. “I’m just saying you can go out if you want to.”
“Sorry, Wheeler, I’m going home with my boyfriend.” She smirks up at me, making sure Wheeler knows where he stands in all of this.
“Ok, I guess I’ll see you around,” he mutters under his breath before he heads towards the exit.
“Winnie?” Liliana calls her and waves her over.
“I’ll be right back,” Winnie whispers as she stands on her tippy toes and presses a soft kiss to my lips.
I spin to watch her, knowing Tali’s sound asleep on my chest. Her soft snores help ease the tension in my muscles from the game. She’s always been this grounding source for me and it’s nice to have her in my arms immediately after the game.
Winnie gathers her long black hair into a high pony tail. I can’t take my eyes off of her. The black leggings that hug her body like a second skin. Her white sneakers that look more than adorable on her. The black and orange jersey with… my name printed across her back.
I blink at Schmidt written in bold letters. I can’t believe she’s wearing my jersey. I guarantee she didn’t own my jersey before she became my nanny. That means she chose to buy one and chose to wear it over Wheeler’s jersey tonight.
She chats with Liliana for another minute or so, then she’s turning back my way with a big smile.
“Are you ready to go home?” She blinks up at me and in that second, I know I’m a goner.
I’m in love with Winnie.
The thought washes over me and though it should scare me, a calm peacefulness settles inside of me instead.
She’s the woman I’ve been dreaming of. The one I never thought I’d be able to find. The perfect mother for Tali.
“Definitely.”
I start to bend down to grab my bag, but Winnie gets it and tosses it over her shoulder like it’s nothing. She threads the fingers of her free hand with mine and squeezes.
“You were incredible tonight. I’ve never seen someone catch so many balls that should’ve been home runs.”
I chuckle as I unlock my car and carefully place Tali in her seat. Winnie goes on and on about the game while I buckle Tali’s snaps on her car seat.
“Hey, Win?” I shut the door and pin her against the side of the car, she lets out a small gasp and stares up at me with desire flooding her gaze.
“Yeah?” She whispers breathlessly.
“I love seeing my name on your back. I love knowing you’re mine. And I absolutely love when you call me your boyfriend.”
I crash my lips into hers and take my time exploring her mouth. Her hands move inside my suit jacket and desperately tug at the fabric until my shirt is untucked and she can slip her hands under it. She loves having her hands on my bare skin.
I swear I’ve never wanted anyone more… Not even Ellie.
Though I’ll never stop loving Ellie, I love her in a different way than I love Winnie. Ellie was a young love. We were untouched by the bad things in life. We were innocent and thought everything would be perfect. We thought we’d be able to overcome whatever was thrown in our direction.
Winnie’s so different. I’ve seen her struggle with things and yet she’s still fighting. I’ve seen how strongly she desires a family, but she won’t allow herself to have one because she wants so badly to make sure she has someone who will stand by her side. I know her parents’ split really wrecked her view on love, but I’m going to show her how amazing love can be.
“I love you, Winnie,” I whisper as I pepper kisses up and down her neck.
“What?” She pulls back, putting her hands on my chest she pushes me a step back and stares up at me with a furrowed brow.
Crap. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Maybe she isn’t ready. What was I thinking?
“Never mind. We should probably get home.” I run a hand through my hair, wishing I had never opened my mouth. The pain radiating from my chest is overwhelming and not something I want to deal with in the middle of the players’ parking lot at the stadium.
“No! What did you say? I want to make sure I heard you right.” Winnie grabs onto my shirt and stops me from going to the other side of the car and getting in. “Please, Jamie. Say it again,” she pleads with me.
“I love you, Winnie,” I whisper, feeling like I’m presenting my heart on a silver platter and waiting for her to toss it on the ground and stomp on it.
“I love you too, Jamie!” She jumps into my arms and wraps herself around me. I hug her back just as hard and squeeze my eyes shut.
“You scared the crap out of me. I thought you were upset.” I chuckle.
“I… I didn’t think I heard you right. I didn’t think we were on the same page.”
“Definitely on the same page.” I kiss her again before opening her door and placing her on the passenger’s seat.
“When we get home, can we have some nanny-daddy time?” She wiggles her eyebrows as a slow smirk spreads across her face.
“Can we stop referring to you as the nanny? It sounds weird. Like this is a forbidden romance.”
“Oh, but forbidden romances are so much fun!” She sticks her bottom lip out in a pout.
“I thought you liked baseball romances,” I murmur.
“I think I like any romance as long as you’re the main character.”
Winnie
we can see Daddy!” I place Tali on my hip and head out the door of the store.
I’m more than happy with the surprise we got him and I can’t wait to see his face when he opens it. I think he’s going to love it.
It’s been almost three months since the season started. We’ve been handling the days Jamie’s away fairly well. He claims Tali was never this good for Martha, but I’m not sure if that’s true. Though, I hope I really am making things easier for Tali.
When Jamie’s home, we spend as much of our waking hours as we can with him. At night after Tali’s fast asleep, we make sure to spend some time together before I fall asleep in his arms.
When Jamie’s traveling, Tali and I sleep in his bed every night. We video chat with Jamie a few times a day and I do my best to keep Tali’s spirits up until he comes home. She’s a daddy’s girl through and through so she’s always excited when he walks through the door after being gone.
“Daddy!” Tali squeals and cuddles a little closer to me as a strong gust of wind blows down the street. Though it’s getting warmer, we still have some cold days lingering.
“Winnie!” A man calls my name when we’re halfway to the car.
I glance in his direction and a flash goes off as a camera clicks, momentarily blinding me. I instinctively put my hand over Tali’s face, trying to shield her from the light and from the photos being taken.
It takes me a few seconds to realize what’s going on. The paparazzi must’ve figured out who I am and that means they might know who Tali is.
“Go away!” I yell as I hurry towards my SUV.
Jamie’s going to kill me if this guy spreads photos of Tali across the gossip rags. He told me to keep her out of the public and I normally do, but I wanted to surprise him with this when he gets home tonight. I really didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. We went to one store and I was planning on going straight home.
A hand wraps around my bicep and tugs hard. I almost lose my footing, and tumble into a bench. My side slams into the metal and pain radiates through my abdomen, but I ignore it. I need to get us out of here, then I can worry about what sort of damage was done to me. As long as Tali isn’t hurt, I can deal with my own injuries.
“Don’t touch me!” I shriek as he snaps another photo, trying to get a better shot.
“Just let me get a picture of the girl,” he growls, trying to pull my hand away from Tali’s face so he can get a clear view of her.
“No! Leave us alone!”
He keeps tugging and when I don’t give him what he wants, he shoves me hard. I stumble and almost go down, but a man catches me and helps me back to my feet.
“Are you ok?” He asks softly, searching my gaze. “Is this guy bothering you?”
“He won’t leave me alone,” I whisper as my bottom lip trembles. I can’t let her get hurt. I swore I’d always protect Tali and I’m not willing to break that promise.
“Is your car over there?” He nods towards the line of cars where my SUV is parked. I nod my head as the first tear slips down my cheek.
I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared. I don’t know how to protect Tali any more than I already am. The camera has been clicking away the entire time and I can only imagine the stories that will be spun to go with them.
I’m standing in another man’s arms with tears streaming down my face. The only thing I have working in my favor is the man has been shielding us from the paparazzi the entire time he’s been talking to me.
He’s made sure to keep the paparazzi from getting any clear photos of us, but it’s making the photographer angry.
“Good. When I step away from you, I want you to run for it and get this little girl buckled in. I’ll hold him back until you drive away.”
As soon as the man steps away from me, the paparazzi tries to grab for me again. This time he can’t reach me because he’s pulled back by his hood and falls to the ground.
I don’t wait to see what happens because I don’t care. I race towards the car and climb inside the back seat with Tali in my arms. I press lock on the key fob and try to calm down. I don’t trust he won’t slip away from the man who helped me and keep coming after me.
My breaths are coming in short pants and my hands are shaking wildly, but the paparazzi can’t get to me now. We’re locked in the car, but that won’t stop him from trying to take more photos.
It takes me what feels like a lifetime to get Tali buckled into the car seat. Then, I climb over the center console and into the driver’s seat. There’s no way I’m opening the door again. I’m not giving anyone the opportunity to get close to us.
As soon as my seat belt is secure, I crank the engine and glance in my mirrors to make sure it’s safe to pull out of my spot. I’m not letting anything happen to Tali. I’ll protect her until I take my dying breath.
She might not be my blood, but I view her as my own daughter.
I breathe out a sigh of relief as we pull away from the stores and onto the main street. I glance in my rearview mirror and see the paparazzi shout at the man who saved us. He’s talking wildly with his hands and looks livid, but that’s not my issue.
I got Tali safely away from him and that’s all that matters.
I’m about to turn onto the highway when I hear an engine rev behind us and drivers honking their horns. I glance in my mirrors just in time to watch a car speed up and crash into the back of mine.
I shriek as my SUV veers off the road and into a ditch. Tali’s crying from the back seat and I don’t know what to do. If I get out of the car, the man could corner us and get a clear image of Tali.
Lifting my phone from the center console, I attempt to unlock the screen with shaky fingers. It takes me several tries before I can get in and dial 9-1-1.
“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”
“Someone just ran me off the road. I need help. I have a baby in the back seat and she’s crying, but I’m afraid to get out of the car. I don’t want the man to come near us.”
I choke on a sob and am barely able to give the woman my location. She helps me calm down and once she has all the information, she tells me there’s a police officer and ambulance on their way.
As soon as I know help is coming, I climb into the back seat and carefully take Tali out of her car seat. She seems to be fine, but she’s terrified. She curls up on my lap and buries her face in my neck. I don’t even bother to do anything other than cradle her to my chest.
I lift my phone to my ear one more time. I need someone to meet us at the hospital. My abdomen hurts and my heart is beating a mile a minute. I know it could be my adrenaline, but I think it’s more. I’m dizzy and nauseous. Something is wrong.
“Hello?”
“Can you meet me at the hospital?”
“Absolutely,” she mumbles as I hear her move around things on the other end of the line. “I’m on my way. Text me where to go.”
Schmidt
plane lands and we’re dropped off at the stadium, I climb inside my car and plug in my phone. It died on the flight and I was exhausted. I didn’t care enough to charge it because I knew I’d sleep the entire time.
I wait for it to power on and I’m about to back out of my parking spot when my screen lights up with dozens of missed calls and texts.
Liliana: Call me ASAP.
Liliana: Where are you, Schmidt?
Liliana: Smithy and Wheeler aren’t answering their phones either.
Liliana: You need to get to the hospital.
The blood drains from my face as I read the last text message. I press the icon to call Liliana and speed out of the parking lot.
“What took you so long?” Liliana hisses as the call connects.
“Rosewood University Hospital?” I ask, ignoring her attitude.
“Yes.”
“What happened?” My voice comes out so much calmer than I feel. My heart is hammering against my ribs as multiple scenarios play out through my head.
Did something happen to Tali? Or did something happen to Winnie? What if they were both hurt?
“I… I don’t really know. Winnie called me and told me to get to the hospital. You can-” Her words cut off and I hear someone talking in the background. She responds in a muffled voice before her voice comes through clear again. “I need to go, Schmidt. Come to room 453 when you get here.”
She hangs up before I can say anything else. I punch the steering wheel with frustration as I race towards the hospital.
I need to see Tali. To know she’s ok. I can’t lose her. If anything happened to my little girl… I can’t even think about it. The idea of something happening to her makes my stomach roll and my anxiety spike. I need her to be safe.
When I pull up in front of the hospital, I don’t even bother parking my car. I leave it right in the circle of the emergency room. I sprint into the emergency room and skid to a stop at the desk.
“How do I get to room 453?”
“Sir, you can’t park your car there.” She points out the door.
“Then tow it! I don’t give a crap. If you want it moved so badly, you can move it.” I toss my keys on the desk and slam my hands down on the wood, making her jump. “My two-year-old daughter is here and I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if she’s even alive. Tell me how to get to room 453,” I growl.
She swallows hard and nods her head. She motions to someone else to cover the desk and then tells me to follow her.
“I’ll move your car for you. I don’t want them to tow it, then I’ll bring the keys to you. I shouldn’t be doing this, but I can only imagine what you’re going through right now.”
I don’t bother responding to her, I have nothing to say. I’m just happy she’s walking quickly down the hallways and soon we’re stopping outside of room 453.
“I’ll tell the nurse you’re here and see if the doctor can come in and talk to you.”
I push open the door, unsure of what I’m going to find on the other side. Tali’s sitting in the center of a stretcher with Liliana perched on the foot of the bed.
“Hey, Tali Girl,” I whisper, trying to keep my voice soft. I still don’t know what happened and I need to make sure she’s ok before I react.
“Daddy!” Her bottom lip trembles and she holds her arms out for me.
I sweep her into my body and cradle her against my chest. I pepper her head with kisses and squeeze my eyes shut as I fight off the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.
“Daddy’s here, sweetie. Everything is going to be ok.”
I’m not sure if the words are to comfort her, or if they’re to soothe the anxiety pumping through me. Either way, I’ll keep saying them if it helps one of us.
“Mr. Schmidt? I’m Dr. Johnston. I ran a bunch of tests on Tali, just to make sure we didn’t miss anything, but everything came back clear.”
“Can you tell me why my daughter is here? No one seems to want to tell me anything.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were aware. She was in a car accident with…” She flips a page and scans whatever is written on it. “Her nanny was driving. The car went off the road and was totaled. They came into the hospital to get checked out.”
“Do you know where the nanny is?” I arch a brow. I can’t believe Winnie crashed the car with my daughter in it. How could she be so careless? Was she not paying attention? Was she on her phone when she should’ve had her eyes on the road?
“She’s in room 365,” she says after checking the chart again.
“Thank you. Is Tali free to go home?”
“Yes. I’ll start writing out the discharge instructions. She has a small cut on her arm, but we cleaned it up and bandaged it. Just keep an eye for any sort of infection, but I don’t anticipate anything developing. It was fairly superficial. It will take me about thirty minutes to get your paperwork together.”
“Thank you. You can take your time, I want to go talk to my nanny.”
She nods and exits the room. I pull back and stare down at Tali. She looks exhausted, but other than that, she seems normal.
“Lils, can you stay with Tali while I go talk to Winnie?”
“Of course.” She eyes me cautiously, but doesn’t say anything else.
“Daddy will be right back, baby girl. Right back.” I press a kiss to her head before handing her over to Liliana. Luckily, she’s been over my house and around Tali enough that Tali’s comfortable with her. Otherwise, I think this visit to Winnie’s room would have to wait until Tali was officially discharged from the hospital.
I stop outside of Winnie’s room and take a deep breath. There’s so much anger coursing through my body. I want to know exactly what happened. I’m not leaving until I know.
I push open the door and step in without knocking. Winnie’s lying in the hospital bed with a gown on. Her face is pale, but she isn’t banged up at all.
She blinks her eyes open as I step closer to the bed, not caring how much noise I make. She tries to sit up higher in bed, but she winces.
“Hey, is Tali ok?” Her brows furrow together as she searches my face, looking for any clues how my little girl could be. “I haven’t seen her since we got here and none of the nurses knew.”
“She’s fine,” I growl.
“Thank goodness. I was worried about her.” She leans her head back on the pillow and blows out a long breath.
“What happened, Winnie?” I fold my arms over my chest and glare at her.
“Someone hit the back of my car and I lost control. We went off the road and into a ditch.”
“How could you let that happen?”
“I didn’t-”
“Why were you even out?”
“I ran to the store to get something. We were going straight home.”
“You know I don’t want Tali out if she doesn’t need to be. We discussed that.”
“I know, but I didn’t think it was a big deal.”
“You didn’t think. That’s all there is to it. You shouldn’t have been out and because you decided to do whatever you wanted, my little girl almost got killed. You totaled your SUV, Winnie.” I run my hands through my hair, tugging on the ends in frustration.
“I’m sorry, Jamie,” she whispers as the first tear slips down her cheek.
“And why would someone run into your car?” I throw my hands up in the air, trying to understand what’s happened because none of this makes sense.
“I think it was the paparazzi that kept trying to snap our pictures.”
“Are you kidding me!” I roar, making Winnie jump.
The tears are falling down her cheeks faster than ever before. Her bottom lip trembles, but she doesn’t look away. She holds my gaze, taking on all of my wrath.
“You let a paparazzi get close to my baby girl! How many times did I tell you I didn’t want Tali’s face splashed across a magazine? Why can’t you just listen when I tell you not to do something? You always have to push. You think you’re right and you keep pushing until I give in and do what you want.”
“Jamie, I didn’t-”
“I don’t want to hear it, Winnie. Tali isn’t your daughter, no matter how much you wish she was. She’s mine and I’m going to raise her the way I want to.” I scrub a hand down my face and try to reign in my anger. “As soon as Tali’s discharged, I’m taking her home. You can call me when they say you can leave and I’ll come get you.” I blow out a long breath and shake my head.
“I’ll call Liliana and have her get me,” she whispers so quietly I almost don’t hear her.
“I’ll text you later. I need to get Tali home, she’s scared and exhausted.”
“Don’t worry about me. Just focus on Tali.”
I give her a tight smile before I exit her room and return to Tali. I can’t believe this happened today. Winnie got lucky. Tali could’ve been really hurt and it’s all her fault.
Collapsing on my bed, I drape an arm over my eyes and I’m half asleep when it dawns on me, I never asked Winnie if she was ok.
“Jeez,” I mumble under my breath as I reach for my phone and quickly dial her number.
I didn’t mean to ignore her and not ask about her, I was terrified when I got that text from Liliana. Every horrible possibility of why my little girl was in the hospital sped through my head and put me on edge. I was so worried about her, I didn’t even think about Winnie.
When she doesn’t answer, I send her a text. I want to make sure she’s ok, or I’ll never sleep. Honestly, if I had someone to stay with Tali, I’d go back to the hospital to see Winnie. Normally, I’d even wake Tali up and take her with me, but she took forever to go down tonight. I don’t know how long she was at the hospital, but she was so scared.
The entire time I was rocking her, she kept whimpering for Winnie. The two of them are like two peas in a pod and she loves Winnie.
Jamie: Can you talk?
Winnie: I’m exhausted and you should be focusing on Tali.
Jamie: I finally got Tali to sleep. Are you ok?
Winnie: I’ll be fine. Go to bed, Jamie.
Jamie: When will you be home?
Winnie: Not for a few days probably.
Jamie: What happened?
Winnie: I told you, I’ll be fine. You should worry about Tali, not me.
I swallow hard as reality crashes into me. She’s pulling away from me. She’s pushing me out of her life and I have a feeling I’m the one to blame.
I never asked her if she was ok. I never let her give her side of the story. I jumped to conclusions because I was terrified of something happening to my daughter. Today was my worst nightmare come to life. It was everything I’ve ever feared.
‘Why does it feel like I’m losing you?’
Wheeler’s words rush through my head and I can’t help but feel the same way. I’m losing her and I don’t know how to stop it.
Jamie: Answer your phone.
I call her again and again, but she doesn’t answer. After the third try, it goes straight to voicemail. She turned off her phone because she doesn’t want to talk to me.
How did I mess this up so quickly? Twelve hours ago, I was the happiest I’ve ever been, now I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest and I can do nothing to stop it.
Winnie
to let him apologize?” Liliana asks softly.
“No. I know where I stand with him and I think it’s better if I just leave now… Are you sure he’s at work?” I glance at his house at the end of the street and pray he isn’t there. I don’t have the energy to get into an argument with him right now. I just want to get a bag of things to hold me over for a few weeks.
“Yeah, I called Smithy. He’s been taking Tali to the stadium for practices and she sits with Macy or Charlie. He’s lucky they’ve had home games since you went into the hospital, but I don’t know what he’ll do when they go away next week.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to think about that right now,” I groan, covering my face with my hands.
“Are you walking away forever?”
“No… I don’t know! Maybe it’s better if I do.”
“Better for who?” Liliana pins me with a look as we pull into Jamie’s driveway.
“Everyone! We fell too hard and too fast. This was doomed from the beginning. And Tali isn’t my daughter, Lils. I’ve never had an issue keeping that in mind, but with Tali, I do. I view her as my daughter and Jamie’s right. I pushed and pushed until he did what I thought was best, but I’m not her mother.”
I climb out of the car, holding my side as I go. I’m still in pain, but I refuse to recover here. I can go somewhere else and give us both time to think. Time away from each other to figure out what we really want.
I unlock the front door and head straight to my room. I don’t want to spend time in the living room or see anything that will remind me of Jamie. I grab a duffle bag out of my closet and start shoving clothes in it before Liliana even enters my room.
“Don’t you dare let everything he said impact what you do. Emotions were high that night, Winnie. He was destroyed when he got to the hospital. He didn’t know what happened to Tali or why the two of you were in the hospital. He was so tunnel visioned; he couldn’t think straight.”
“It doesn’t matter. What he said… He wasn’t wrong. Just because it hurt to hear doesn’t mean it was wrong.”
“Are you ever going to talk to him or are you just going to run away because you started getting feelings that were too strong for your liking?” She places her hands on her hips and stares me down.
“Excuse me?”
“C’mon, Winnie! We both know when feelings get too strong, you run. You’re so worried about someone breaking your heart, so you break theirs first. If you’re the one to end things, you can’t get hurt. You’ve done it to Wheeler countless times.”
“That’s not what happened with Wheeler,” I mumble as I zipper up the bag and head into my bathroom to grab a few things. I might need to make an online order to have some things delivered to me because my toothbrush and most of my other toiletries are in Jamie’s bathroom, but I can’t bring myself to go in there.
Seeing his bed and knowing I’ll never get to sleep in it ever again will hurt too much. I know if I start crying, I’ll never stop.
“Are you kidding me! I don’t know why you won’t let yourself be happy. You deserve to find a man who loves you, but you won’t let it happen! You’re constantly sabotaging your own happily ever after.”
“We can’t all have a Travis Smith in our lives.” I roll my eyes.
“But that’s the thing! You’ve had two of them, Winnie. Get your head out of your misery and don’t let him go. One day you’re going to wake up and regret everything. When Jamie and Wheeler find their happily ever afters with someone other than you, I don’t want you to come crying to me.”
“Why don’t you just go? I can walk to Wheeler’s from here.” I glare at her.
“Please! You can’t even pick up your duffle bag and you want me to believe you can walk half a mile? I live next door to Wheeler, you can walk from there. Get in the car, Winnie.”
She tosses my bag over her shoulder and marches out of the room without another word.
A weight settles on the side of the bed, making the mattress dip. I keep my eyes closed, not sure who it is, but I’m going to pretend I’m sleeping until I know for sure.
“Do you want to tell me why you’re sleeping in my guest room?” Wheeler whispers as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Nope. I’d prefer to keep that to myself.”
“Ok. Then, would you like to tell me why you have a massive bandage on your stomach and you’ve been in the hospital for three days?”
“Mmm, I think I want to plead the fifth with that one too.”
“Win, talk to me.” The concern in his voice has my eyes filling with tears and I know if my eyes were open, Wheeler would be asking even more questions.
“I’m fine, Chase. I just want to sleep.”
“I’ll go through your bags until I find your discharge papers.”
“Good luck, I tossed them at the hospital so you couldn’t read them.” I smirk. It’s a lie, but he’ll believe it.
“I know you like being the tough independent woman, but I’m here for you, babe. I’m happy to talk about whatever you want.”
“Thanks,” I whisper. “I don’t want to talk though.”
“What can I do to make things better?”
“Can you just hold me for a little… As a friend?” I peek up at him and catch the smile spreading across his face.
“I’d be happy to hold my best friend while she’s going through a difficult time.”
“Please don’t tell me you told me so or some crap like that,” I murmur as I scoot closer, laying my head on his chest.
Wheeler’s careful as he wraps his arms around me. No one knows I had surgery, except Liliana and I made her swear she wouldn’t tell anyone.
I don’t want people to pity me or give me a pass because I got hurt. I want them to be honest and raw with me.
That’s all I’ve ever wanted and I finally got it with Jamie. Then I ruined it.
“Ok, I’ve let you mope around my house for three days. I want to know what happened.” Wheeler blocks me from leaving the kitchen.
I’m not even hungry, but I’m forcing myself to eat because I know my body needs it to heal.
“You know what happened. I was in a car accident.” I roll my eyes and try to step around him, but he doesn’t let me.
“Nah, babe. What’s with the bandage?” He lifts the hem of my shirt and his eyes go wide when he doesn’t find a dressing on it.
I saw Dr. Devine yesterday and he said I was ok without it. I just need to wear soft clothes and make sure I keep it clean.
“Winnie…” he whispers, squatting down to get a better look at the incision going up the middle of my stomach. It begins an inch above my belly button and goes to right below my bra.
He brushes his fingers along my skin, making sure to stay away from my wound. I forgot how gentle Wheeler’s always been with me. Tears gather quickly and I squeeze my eyes shut. I’m so tired of being an emotional mess.
“What happened, Win? I’m worried about you.”
“My spleen ruptured. I almost died. I knew something was wrong when we crashed and I called Liliana after I called the cops because I wasn’t sure I was going to make it,” I whisper. “I needed to know Tali would be ok.”
Wheeler stares at me as his eyes water and he tugs me into his arms as gently as he can. He buries his head in the crook of my neck and doesn’t let me go.
“Why didn’t you tell me? It kills me to know you went through all of that alone. You know I would’ve been at the hospital for you. I would’ve done anything to help you. I don’t even want to think about living without you, Win. You’re my best friend. Man, you must’ve been terrified.”
“I don’t think I really thought about myself. I was too worried about Tali.”
“How long do you need to rest for?”
“At least four weeks, but Dr. Devine said it could be up to twelve weeks. It was major surgery.”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“I don’t know, Wheeler. I just didn’t want pity. Is that so bad?”
“I think you wanted to be alone and didn’t want anyone around. You’ve barely even let Liliana come over.”
“I can take care of myself, I just need a bedroom to sleep in.”
“You know my house is always open for you. I’d still happily let you move in. I know we’ll never be more than friends again, and I’m ok with that. I still care about you.”
“Thanks, Chase,” I whisper, hugging him a little tighter. He’s the type of friend I need right now.
Schmidt
for hours. She won’t fall asleep no matter what I try. I’m exhausted and listening to her cries are killing me.
“Win-Win,” she whimpers again.
She sits up and points towards Winnie’s room. She’s gone in there countless times and searched the entire house when we got home from the stadium today. She just wants Winnie, she doesn’t want me at all.
“Winnie’s not here, Tali,” I whisper as a lump forms in my throat.
My chest aches with the loss of her, but somehow listening to Tali cry for her is like another knife to my already broken heart. I never thought about how Tali would be impacted if Winnie and I broke up.
I didn’t think it would happen. I was in this for the long haul, yet she ran the first time I screwed up. She won’t even give me a chance to fix it.
“I want Win-Win,” she cries even harder.
“How about we sleep in Winnie’s bed tonight?”
She doesn’t bother responding. She slips off my lap and drags her blanket on the floor until she gets to Winnie’s door. As soon as I open it, she’s climbing onto the bed and curling up on Winnie’s pillow.
It’s bad enough trying to make it through something like this, but to watch her go through it too, it’s killing me. Something needs to change. I have to get Winnie to talk to me again.
“Is she at your house?” I growl as I stomp up to where Wheeler’s getting his shoulder checked by Charlie. She has her baby in a wrap, snuggled up against her chest as she works. I love how Owen lets her bring Carter to work because she isn’t ready to leave her yet.
“I think you need to be more specific.” The jerk smirks at me.
“Is Winnie at your house? Is she staying there?” I fold my arms over my chest and glare at him.
It’s been almost a week since I took Tali home from the hospital. Winnie won’t answer any of my phone calls and she barely responds to my texts. I tried to visit her in the hospital, but they wouldn’t let me in. Apparently, she told the staff she didn’t want any visitors and they were respecting her wishes.
“Oh, Winnie? Yeah, she’s living in my guest room. Why do you care?”
“Because she’s my girlfriend!”
“Is she though?” He narrows his eyes on me, pushing my buttons even more.
“Stop being a jerk, Wheeler.” Smithy places himself between us, knowing he’s only trying to push me to get angrier.
“Fine. Is she really your girlfriend when she’s keeping her phone off because she doesn’t want to hear from you?” He sits up and Charlie rolls her eyes before moving to the next table to help that player. She knows it’s useless to wait for Wheeler to be done.
“What did I do? I asked her if she was hurt and she said she was fine. But then she said she’d be in the hospital for a few days, which clearly means she’s not fine. I tried to call. I tried to visit and every time I get shut down. What did I do?” I thrust my hands through my hair and it’s taking everything in me not to scream with frustration.
“She had to have surgery, you idiot!” Wheeler stands from the table and gets right in my face.
“What?” I lose all my fight and my words come out as barely a whisper. “What happened? Is she ok? Why didn’t she tell me?”
“Because this is what Winnie does, man. She lets you in and makes you feel like you’re living out your dream… But then she gets scared and she runs away.”
“But what happened to scare her? Please, Wheeler, I can’t lose her. I know this is a horrible thing to ask you to help with given I didn’t help you… But I need her. Tali cries every day for her. I don’t know how to comfort her when all she wants is Winnie.”
“Do you want her back because it will make Tali happy or because you love her?”
“I love her more than I ever thought possible.” I swallow hard, hating that I’m about to admit this out loud. “I love her more than I loved my wife.”
“Jeez,” Smithy mutters under his breath and shakes his head.
“She ruptured her spleen. It was bleeding a lot, she had to have surgery to stop it. They had to keep her in the hospital for a few days to make sure the bleeding stopped. She had to have a few blood transfusions. She’s in so much pain.”
“Are you kidding me? How did that happen?” I scrub my hands over my face. I’m seconds away from running out of here and banging on Wheeler’s door until she answers.
“They think it’s from when the paparazzi tried to grab Tali and she lost her footing. She slammed into a metal bench and was in a lot of pain, but she didn’t stop. She got right back up and kept the lowlife away from Tali. They don’t think it’s from the car accident.”
My mind spins in circles with the information Wheeler just dumped on me. Why didn’t she yell at me? Why didn’t she put me in my place and let me know exactly what happened? She took all of my angry words and accepted them. She never tried to defend herself once.
“I… She didn’t tell me any of that,” I whisper as my eyes fill with tears. “Why didn’t she tell me? I accused her of not protecting Tali. I told her she was careless and went out for no reason. I said she kept pushing me to do things I didn’t want with Tali. I even told her she wasn’t Tali’s mom and she had no say in what happens with her… I destroyed our relationship and it’s all my fault.”
Tears slip down my cheek and I do nothing to stop them. I don’t know how to fix this. I’m an idiot. I deserve whatever she decides to do.
“Wasn’t she waking up from surgery when you saw her in the hospital? Liliana said Winnie called her right after she called 9-1-1. Apparently, she was barely awake when the police and ambulance showed up. She was bleeding a decent amount and they had to rush her into surgery. She was lucky Derek Devine was on call and saved her life.” Smithy stares at me with a furrowed brow.
“Why did she call Liliana? Why didn’t she call me?”
“She said Tali needed someone with her. She knew Lils would protect Tali while she couldn’t. I think Winnie knew something was wrong with her and she held on strong until she knew Tali would be with someone who loved her.”
“She didn’t call you because you were in a different state. We were in the middle of the game when the accident happened. She didn’t want you flying home and being tortured the entire drive over wild thoughts about Tali and her. She was thinking about you even while she was bleeding out,” Wheeler says softly. “She’s in love with you, Schmidt. So much more than she ever loved me. I see that, but I’m not sure you can fix this.”
“Give me the keys to your house.” I hold out my hand and he shakes his head.
“Nah, man, I can’t do that.”
“Please, Wheeler! I need to fix this!”
“You do need to fix it, but storming into my house while she’s still trying to heal isn’t the way to do it. My house is her safe space. Nothing can touch her there and I’m not changing that. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I love Winnie and I’ll always protect her. She needs time to recover.”
“What am I supposed to do? Do you really expect me to stand by and watch her slip through my fingers?”
“No, but you need to figure out something without stepping foot in my house.”
Without another word, I stomp out of the physical therapy room and straight to Owen’s office. I know he’s in a meeting with Levi, but I need to talk to both of them.
I knock on the door and wait for them to respond before I enter, shutting the door behind me. Owen watches me carefully with a sleeping Tali on his lap. Levi motions for me to take the empty seat next to him.
How did Owen get Tali? Has he had her all day? I thought Liliana or Macy were watching her.
“Liliana passed her off to me after she fell asleep. I was happy to hold the little princess so Lils could get some work done.”
“I can’t go to the away games next week,” I blurt out.
“I know, I was just waiting to see how long you’d try to pretend you had your life in order for.” Levi doesn’t even lift his gaze from the notepad he’s scribbling something on.
“What?” I whisper, a little confused.
“We know what’s happening on our team, Schmidt,” Owen says softly. “Just because you think you have secrets; doesn’t mean you do. I’m assuming Winnie’s still recovering and you have no one to watch Tali. You know I value you as a person, not just a player. Your family should always come before the game.”
“Take your time and get your life in order. Your position will be here when you’re ready to come back. You’ll still be on the starting lineup,” Levi adds.
“Seriously? You aren’t going to give me a hard time?” My eyes fill with moisture again. I feel like an emotional disaster and I don’t know how to stop it.
“You’re the best center fielder I’ve ever seen. I’m not going to penalize you for having a life off the field.” Levi shrugs.
“Here’s the police report from the accident.” Owen tosses an envelope of paper towards me.
“How did you get this?”
“Charlie’s uncle used to be a cop and now he has his own security company. I asked him to pull some strings. I’m not ok with a paparazzi pulling the stunt Oliver Sinn did. I think you need to sue him.”
“I don’t need the money. It’s not worth it.”
“I know you don’t need the money; I already pay you too much. You need to make these lowlifes realize you’re not putting up with their games before someone else tries to do the same thing again. If you want to protect Tali, you call Hunter Jackman and get him on the case. He’s Leo’s step dad. He’s also Charlie’s uncle.” Owen chuckles. “One of the best attorneys I’ve ever dealt with. He’ll bring as many charges as he can against Sinn. I’m sure he can get attempted murder on there after he physically assaulted Winnie and then made her crash. That with her ruptured spleen and Tali being in the car, I’m sure a judge would happily put him in prison.”
“How did you-”
“I know everything, Schmidt. When are you all going to realize that? I have friends everywhere and I pay attention.” He tosses a thumb drive at me and nods at it. “You might want to take the rest of the day off and watch the videos on there. It took a lot to get them, but I think you need to see them.”
“You don’t want me to work?” I arch a brow.
“I appreciate you coming into work and bringing Tali with you. I love this little girl.” He glances down at my daughter. “But you need to be home. Take a few weeks. Do what you need to do. Get your life back in order, then give me a call. And if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me about that either.”
“Thank you, Owen. I couldn’t ask for a better boss. You too, Levi. You’re the best coach I’ve ever worked with.”
“Don’t be a stranger, Schmidt. Keep us in the loop and please know you’re always free to bring Tali to work with you. We’ll figure it out. I’m thinking about starting a daycare here anyway. I don’t see Charlie and Macy letting strangers watch their kids and eventually they won’t just be sleeping in the corner, they’ll be running all over.” Owen shakes his head. “The things I do to make my girls happy.”
“You just want to be able to see your grandbaby whenever you want.” Levi snorts with laughter.
“That is a plus.” He chuckles.
“I’m looking for someone willing to work when the games are, and possibly willing to travel with us.”
“That would be amazing… But I’m hoping I can get my nanny back.”
Winnie
Wheeler leans against the door frame and folds his arms over his chest. He’s watching me closer than I’d like. I don’t have the energy to slip behind a mask and I know he’s able to see everything.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine without me.” I roll my eyes.
“Win, you’re breaking your own freaking heart. You love him so much. Why don’t you put both of you out of your misery and talk to him?”
“Because… Ugh! Can you just leave me alone?”
“No! I’m not letting you do this. You have to stop sabotaging every relationship!”
“I’m not!” I shriek, losing control of my emotions because I’m an absolute wreck.
“You are, baby. I think the accident made you realize just how much you love them. You didn’t care about yourself, you focused on Tali and nothing else. I think you knew you were in trouble, but you ignored it because getting Tali help was all that mattered.”
“I couldn’t let her get hurt.” I choke on a sob, the movement causing pain to spread through my abdomen, but I welcome the pain. It’s the only thing I feel anymore. Pain and misery.
“Because you love her! You love Schmidt.”
“What do you care if I ruin it all? At least then Schmidt doesn’t get me either, right?”
“I care because I love you, Win. I think you started to feel like a real family and then when Schmidt reminded you Tali wasn’t yours… You shut down and pushed him away. I get it. It’s easier to walk away and break your own heart than give someone else the power to do it at any point. You get to stay in charge and then it’s you deciding to cause yourself pain. But it’s stupid! You love him.”
“I do love him, but I’m not sure he loves me.”
“Then answer his call! Jeez, call him! He’s not working right now anyway.”
“What? Why?” I sit up a little straighter and stare at him.
“Because he doesn’t have a nanny. Who’s supposed to watch Tali? He doesn’t want to hire someone else.”
“I couldn’t watch her even if I wanted to. I can’t lift anything until I heal.”
“C’mon, Win. We both know you’re using this as an excuse to pull away from them. You’re going to blame it on your injury, but in reality, you’re testing to see what it would be like to live without them. You’re seeing if you can do it and how much it’s going to hurt.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You could be recovering at Schmidt’s house. You could be cuddling with Tali even if you can’t carry her around. You’re testing to see if your heart can live without them.”
“I am not!”
“You are, babe. I swear once I stopped chasing you, I was finally able to see you clearly. I see through all the lies you tell yourself. You’re the only thing that’s ever stopped you from being happy. When are you going to realize you’re not just breaking your heart, you’re breaking three hearts this time.”
He walks away without another word and I’m left to process what he just said. He’s not wrong. I could go back to Jamie’s. I know he’d help me and take care of me.
Instead, I’m lying in Wheeler’s guest room and crying night and day. I’m barely showering or getting changed out of the sweatshirt and sweatpants I’ve been wearing since I left the hospital. I keep trying to convince myself it’s because I don’t want my incision to get wet and these clothes don’t rub on my wound, but it’s all a lie.
I’m not doing anything because my heart is absolutely broken and I don’t know how to make it better.
I can’t bring myself to respond to Jamie’s dozens of calls and texts. I’m not ready to face him. Not when I know he’s mad at me.
He’s right, I never should’ve taken Tali out. I knew he wouldn’t want that, but I was so excited and I wanted to get him a present. I really wanted to be able to give it to him when he got home from the game that night and I had to take Tali with me to get it.
Now, that gift is sitting in the back of my totaled SUV. I don’t know when or if I’ll get it back. But I’m not sure it matters. It might’ve all been for nothing at this point.
Schmidt
room for the hundredth time today, I let out a sigh and stare up at the ceiling. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. She’s always been easy for me. She’s always happy when she’s in my arms… But now she’s not. Not since the accident. Since Winnie left us.
“Win-Win,” Tali whimpers. She’s been doing this all day and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried calling Winnie a dozen times today alone. She won’t answer.
Wheeler’s right, I need to give her a chance to recover. She needs time to get better. But I’m not letting her go.
As soon as I get Tali to bed, I want to watch the videos Owen gave me. I spent most of the afternoon reading through the reports and I’ve been on the phone with Leo’s step dad, trying to figure out what we can pin against this lowlife paparazzi. I’m going to make Oliver Sinn pay if it’s the last thing I do.
“I know you miss Winnie, I do too,” I whisper, feeling my throat clog with emotions.
I never thought a two-year-old could be so broken hearted, but she’s been this way since we came home from the hospital. She kept asking for Winnie, and I’m not exactly sure how to handle it. She’s not old enough to understand what’s going on and I don’t know what to tell her.
“Win-Win home?” She peers up at me with so much hope.
“No, sweetheart, Winnie’s not home.”
“Win-Win,” she whimpers again, breaking my heart in the process.
“Ok, this isn’t working,” I murmur more to myself than to Tali.
I settle onto the couch and put my feet up. I scoot down enough to be comfortable if I fall asleep like this and connect my phone to the TV. I made an album of photos of Winnie this afternoon when Tali was crying for her. I’m not sure if this will work, but I’m willing to try anything at this point. I can only take so many days of this.
The first image appears and Tali sits up straight and points at the TV with a big smile on her face. Man, how does this hurt even more?
The photo has the three of us in it. Tali is between us and is smiling at the camera as I’m kissing Winnie’s forehead and she’s staring down at Tali. We look like a happy family.
We were a happy family until I screwed it all up.
“Lay down and look at the pictures of Winnie.” I tug Tali against my chest and cover us with a blanket. I don’t have the energy to get up tonight. We can both fall asleep staring at the woman we love.
“Daddy, Win-Win bed.” Tali shakes me, trying to get me to wake up.
“What?” I murmur, trying to wake up enough to understand what she’s saying.
“Win-Win bed!” She scoots out of my arms and onto the floor. She grabs my hand and tugs with all her might.
“I’m coming, Tali.” I follow her as she tugs me down the hallway and into Winnie’s room. The room she barely used, yet it still smells so much like her.
She tries her hardest to climb onto the bed, but she can’t do it, she’s way too tired. I chuckle as I pick her up and settle her into the center.
“What are you doing, Tali?”
“Sleep, Daddy.” She tugs the blanket back and slips under the covers before patting the spot next to her.
I guess we’re sleeping in here tonight. Why am I surprised? We’ve been sleeping in here all week.
“Let me grab something. I’ll be right back.” I kiss her forehead before I go grab my laptop and the thumb drive Owen gave me.
I know I won’t be able to fall asleep for a while. Tali let me sleep for almost an hour while she watched the slideshow.
It only takes me a few minutes to get my things, but when I come back to Winnie’s room, Tali’s sound asleep in the center of the bed. I snap a photo of her and send it to Winnie.
Jamie: She misses you so much, Win. Please call me or come over.
Jamie: <image>
I tuck my phone back in my pocket. I doubt she’s going to respond, but I’m willing to keep trying. I won’t stop until there’s no hope.
I could go into the living room or my room and let Tali sleep in here, but I don’t want to leave her. I’m afraid if she wakes up and I’m not here, she might freak out. She hasn’t slept alone since she came home from the hospital. Not even for naps. She constantly has to be in someone’s arms.
Settling onto the bed next to my little girl, I boot up my laptop and insert the thumb drive. As soon as the folder opens, I click on the first file and press play. It’s clearly from someone’s cell phone and I wonder how Owen even got this.
I watch as Oliver Sinn, the sleazy paparazzi, tries to grab Winnie’s arm and pull it away from Tali. He causes her to crash into the bench and Winnie’s face twists in pain, but she doesn’t stay down. She cradles Tali to her chest, making sure she stays safe. Dang, she’s making sure Oliver can’t get a clear shot of Tali either.
My daughter’s whimpering in fear, but Oliver doesn’t care. He’s after one thing and one thing only. A paycheck and he doesn’t care what he needs to do to get it.
I continue watching the entire exchange and my stomach rolls at how he treats her. I’ll be forever grateful for the man who stepped in and protected my girls when I wasn’t around to do it. But it wasn’t enough. Oliver chased them even after Winnie drove away.
There are countless videos from different people who observed the altercation. There are a few videos from surveillance cameras of the stores around there. There are even some street cameras that caught the actual accident. I watch each one multiple times as tears stream down my cheeks.
I told Winnie she wasn’t Tali’s mother, but she’s proven she is. She put my little girl first time and time again. She protected Tali like she was her own flesh and blood. I couldn’t ask for a better mother for my daughter, but I messed it all up.
After sending the videos to Hunter for our case against Oliver, I tug my phone out of my pocket and click on one name. I know it’s well after midnight, but I can’t let this go until the morning.
“Hello?” A sleepy voice answers the phone and I feel slightly bad for waking her up.
“Lils, I need your help.”
Schmidt
Sweets here with Jamie Schmidt who plays center field for the Philadelphia Pit Bulls. Schmidt, can you tell the listeners why you asked me to do this special podcast? They all know I only release two a week, but this week I’m releasing three.”
“I screwed up. Plain and simple.”
“Do you care to explain a little further?” Liliana smiles at me over her microphone.
“You see, I’ve been hiding something from the entire world. From the fans, the media, and up until right before the season started, my team, agent, and managers.”
“That sounds impossible. What could you have possibly hidden from all those people?”
“My daughter, Tali.”
“Ah, your little baby girl. Now, I’ve known about this for a while now. I think Wheeler, Smithy, and I were the first people to find out, correct?”
“You were. It all started with this amazing nanny I hired. She convinced me it was ridiculous to hide Tali from the people who matter most to me.”
“Can you tell us why you hid her to begin with?”
I go over how we didn’t want our children in the media and how after Ellie died, I didn’t want to talk about any of it. I spill my entire history to Liliana, knowing the whole world will be able to listen if they want to.
“So, what are you hoping to get out of this interview?”
“First, I want the media to leave my family alone. There’s no reason for paparazzi to follow my nanny and daughter around town while they run errands or stop in a store. We’re a normal family and no one wants their privacy invaded like that.”
“I think that’s pretty understandable, but do you really think the paparazzi will listen?”
“No, but I’m hoping if enough fans take a stand against them, they might take a hint. If you see an article with a photo clearly tied to the paparazzi on the cover, don’t read it. Come to this podcast or the reporters who are getting the real stories. Show them support and stop reading the gossip rags.”
“I can leave a whole list of reputable reporters and where you can read about your favorite sports teams and players from. The ones who get consent for sharing photos and only report the truth,” Liliana adds.
“No one understands how far the paparazzi will go. Last week, Tali and Winnie, her nanny, were almost killed in a car accident because of a crazy paparazzi. He crashed into the back of their car, trying to get a photo of them and forced their car off the road. They’ll be ok, but it was a bad accident. The car was totaled and both of them were left shaken.”
“Most of you don’t know this, but Winnie Teller is one of my best friends. I know she’d do anything to keep Tali safe and she called me as soon as the accident happened. I rushed to the hospital and sat with Tali. Winnie refused to let me stay in her room, she only cared about Tali having someone she recognized around her. Schmidt and the team were away for a game and I wasn’t able to reach them at that time.”
I swallow hard as tears fill my gaze. I didn’t know any of this until after I blew up at Winnie. I didn’t know she sped away from the paparazzi because she was trying to keep Tali off the front page of the gossip rags. I didn’t know she was doing her best to protect my little girl.
I jumped to conclusions and did things I’m not proud of.
“She’s an amazing nanny, but she’s so much more than that to me,” I say softly.
“Tell me more.” Liliana smirks, knowing this is going to be painful for me to do in front of the entire world.
“Winnie was my girlfriend. She didn’t start off that way, but we quickly became the cliché single dad with the nanny romance trope. She clicked in our lives and made it feel like she had always been there. She made us laugh and smile more than ever, she breathed life back into me and I didn’t even know I needed it.”
“She sounds like she means a lot to you.”
“I love her, Lils. I think I’ve loved her since the first day she watched Tali. I came home and they were running around the backyard and laughing together. I had never seen my little girl so happy. All along, she’s been missing having a mom and that’s exactly what Winnie became to her.”
“Do you want to tell our listeners what happened?”
“I jumped to conclusions. I let my emotions get the best of me and I lost it. I blamed Winnie for the accident. I thought she was being careless with my daughter. I thought she was at fault for the wreck and should’ve been paying attention to the road. She didn’t even try to fight with me. She accepted the blame because in her head, she was to blame. Except she’s not. She should be praised for how she protected Tali. For the lengths she went to try to keep the paparazzi away from my daughter.”
“For those of you who haven’t seen the news coverage of this, there were actually some people videotaping the paparazzi who was harassing Winnie and Tali. People who were standing by said he was pushing Winnie and grabbing her, trying to get a clear picture of Tali. At one point, Winnie lost her footing and almost fell to the ground. She slammed into a metal bench and was able to right herself, but she got hurt in the process. A man stepped in and tugged the paparazzi away, but once Winnie got Tali buckled and she got in the car, the man thought it was safe to let the paparazzi go. He didn’t realize Oliver Sinn would follow them and continue to harass them.”
My hands begin to shake as I listen to Liliana retell the story of what happened to Winnie and Tali. It all could’ve ended so much worse. They could both be dead right now.
“Winnie actually ended up needing emergency surgery. She almost bled to death because of her fall into the bench. It ruptured her spleen and caused a lot of internal bleeding. Thanks to Dr. Derek Devine, she’ll make a full recovery within a few weeks. We’re forever grateful for his quick response and skilled hands.”
I suck in a deep breath and blow it out slowly. This is going to be hard to get through, but I want to do it.
“This part is just for Winnie. She won’t talk to me or answer any of my calls. She moved out of our house and I don’t know how else to get through to her.” I swallow hard and try to keep my voice even. I know if I let my emotions get to me, I’ll end up crying during this and I won’t be able to finish.
“It’s ok, Schmidt, take your time. I can edit all of this later on,” Liliana says softly.
“No, I don’t want you to edit a thing. I want everyone to realize this isn’t me trying to look good, this is eating me up inside. Jeez, Lils, how did I let this happen? How did I let the woman I love slip through my fingers so easily? When I got to the hospital, I was so worried about Tali. I had been traveling and I guess I got the call when I was already in the air. I didn’t know until we landed and it was a few hours after the accident. I rushed to the hospital as quickly as I could. Winnie was already awake and out of surgery. I didn’t even know she needed surgery. Jeez, I didn’t even ask her if she was ok until later that night and even then, it was via text. I thought she was fine. And so, I exploded on her. I said so many horrible things to her and she didn’t deserve any of it.”
“No, she didn’t.”
“I’m sorry, Winnie. I don’t know how many times you need me to say it, but I’ll keep apologizing until my dying breath. I’m sorry I ruined everything we had. I’m sorry for doubting you when I should’ve been thanking you. I’m sorry for what you went through and for not being a support for you in the aftermath. I hope and pray you can forgive me because I don’t want to live without you, sweetheart. I want to marry you and officially make you Tali’s mom. I want to have more kids with you and give you the family you’ve always wanted. I want to give you the entire world, Winnie, I just need you to forgive me.”
Winnie
get up to grab my phone off the counter where it’s charging in the kitchen. I’ve ignored every text message from Jamie and every phone call. I don’t want to talk to him.
No matter what he says and how bad it makes me feel, I’m saying worse to myself. I allowed Tali to get hurt and I’ll never forgive myself for that.
I miss her so much. I’ve cried every day since I left Jamie’s house. I split my time between watching TV and crying my eyes out. I know I need to figure out what to do from here. I could go find a new job, but what parent is going to hire me after what happened with Tali? I could crawl back to Jamie and beg him to let me continue nannying for Tali, but why would he let me?
As I unlock my screen, I’m met with hundreds of notifications on each of my social media apps. I scowl as I check the first one and find a comment telling me to take him back. The next is a comment on the same post, telling me to forgive him.
I scroll up to the post and click play without even looking to see what it is. The voice that fills the air has tears instantly gathering in my eyes and streaming down my cheeks.
“This part is just for Winnie. She won’t talk to me or answer any of my calls. She moved out of our house and I don’t know how else to get through to her,” Jamie says in such a broken voice. He almost doesn’t even sound like himself.
“It’s ok, Schmidt, take your time. I can edit all of this later on,” Liliana says softly.
“No, I don’t want you to edit a thing. I want everyone to realize this isn’t me trying to look good, this is eating me up inside. Jeez, Lils, how did I let this happen? How did I let the woman I love slip through my fingers so easily? When I got to the hospital, I was so worried about Tali. I had been traveling and I guess I got the call when I was already in the air. I didn’t know until we landed and it was a few hours after the accident. I rushed to the hospital as quickly as I could. Winnie was already awake and out of surgery. I didn’t even know she needed surgery. I thought she was fine. And so, I exploded at her. I said so many horrible things to her and she didn’t deserve any of it.”
“No, she didn’t.”
“I’m sorry, Winnie. I don’t know how many times you need me to say it, but I’ll keep apologizing until my dying breath. I’m sorry I ruined everything we had. I’m sorry for doubting you when I should’ve been thanking you. I’m sorry for what you went through and for not being a support for you in the aftermath. I hope and pray you can forgive me because I don’t want to live without you, sweetheart. I want to marry you and make you officially Tali’s mom. I want to have more kids with you and give you the family you’ve always wanted. I want to give you the entire world, Winnie, I just need you to forgive me.”
“Is there anything else you’d like to say?” Liliana asks softly.
“Come home, Winnie. Tali misses you. I miss you. If our little girl cries for her Win-Win one more time, I might not survive this.”
I glance up as a car pulls down the long driveway and stops in front of the garage. I slowly stand and brush any dirt that might’ve stuck to the back of my leggings off.
I’ve been sitting on Jamie’s porch for the last two hours. I could’ve called him or texted him, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to see him in person. To be able to stare into his eyes and know if he really means everything he said in his interview with Liliana.
I could’ve let myself into the house, but it felt wrong to go in without him knowing. I need to know I’m really welcome here before I enter without permission.
As soon as I finished listening to the clip, I found Liliana’s podcast and played it from start to finish. Then, I called Liliana and talked to her.
She said she’s never seen Schmidt so upset and never met someone who regretted their actions more. I knew I needed to give him a chance to explain himself. A chance to see where we should go from here.
“Winnie? Wow, you’re here!” Jamie says as soon as he climbs out of the car. He glances at the back seat of the car and then to me. I know what he’s doing. He doesn’t want to leave Tali in the car, but he also doesn’t want to turn his back on me in case I change my mind and run.
“You can get her out,” I say softly.
He watches me for another moment before he swings open the back door and starts unbuckling Tali. As soon as her feet hit the ground, she lets out a shriek and races towards me.
“Win-Win! I miss you, Win-Win!”
I bend down and hug her against my body. I can’t lift her up and that kills me. I just want to place her on my hip and carry her around the rest of the day. She wraps her little arms as tightly as she can around my neck and doesn’t let go. I close my eyes and soak up her love, unsure of what’s going to happen today.
I’m not sure if I’m going to forgive him or move on, I just know I needed to see him one last time before I made any decisions.
When I open my eyes, I glance up to find Jamie’s standing in front of me with his hands stuffed inside his pockets. He’s watching me with tears spilling down his cheeks, but he doesn’t care. He makes no move to swipe them away or to make them stop. He’s being raw and vulnerable with me, just like he always promised to be.
“I missed you, Tali Girl,” I whisper, maintaining my eye contact with Jamie.
“We both missed you, sweetheart. We want you to come home,” his voice is raspy and filled with emotion. He looks like it’s taking all his strength to keep his hands in his pockets and not reach for me.
“Yeah! Come home, Win-Win!” Tali pulls back and puts her hands on either side of my face. She squeezes my cheeks until my lips pucker and she giggles.
“I think we need to talk.”
Jamie nods his head as he sucks his bottom lip between his teeth and nibbles on it. He steps past me and unlocks the front door. He motions for me to head in first, but I shake my head.
“I can’t lift her. I’m not allowed to lift anything for a few more weeks.”
“C’mon, Tali. Let go of Winnie.” Jamie takes her hand in his, but she won’t let go of me.
“No! She my Win-Win. She not leave!” She whimpers, holding onto me tighter.
“I’m not leaving, Tali Girl, but I need you to hold my hand. I have an owie and I can’t pick you up, ok? Do you want to hold my hand?”
“Ok,” she whispers, letting go of my neck, but grabbing my hand in a death grip before I can even stand.
The house is a disaster. There are blankets and pillows all over the place. Cups litter the coffee table and the sink is overflowing with dishes.
“What happened?” I glance over my shoulder at Jamie and he ducks his head with embarrassment.
“I stopped trying.” He shrugs.
“Stopped trying to do what?”
“Everything,” he whispers. “I made sure Tali was taken care of, but nothing else matters without you, Winnie. I’m completely lost.”
“Don’t say that. Don’t you dare say nothing else matters.”
“But it doesn’t! Do you realize I feel more broken since I came home and found you gone than when Ellie died? Do you understand how messed up that is? She died, and yet I could keep going. I kept showing up for all the things I was expected to do… Yet in the last week, the only thing I’ve done is the interview with Liliana. I’ve gone to practice, but I barely tried. I think the only reason I even went was to figure out where you were and how I could get you back. I didn’t care about baseball at all and everyone knows that. Owen and Levi told me to go home and stay home until I figured this all out.”
“Jamie,” I whisper his name, unsure of what else to say.
“Answer me one question, Winnie. One question, and if you answer honestly, then I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.”
“What?”
“How has your life been since the accident?”
I nibble on my bottom lip and think about how I’ve barely had the strength to get out of bed. I’ve been wearing the same clothes over and over again because the thought of doing laundry makes me want to cry. I’ve barely eaten anything and I’m down ten pounds.
“Not great,” I admit, refusing to meet his gaze.
Jamie closes the distance between us. He lifts Tali into his arms, but she still won’t let go of my hand. I chuckle through my tears. Then he’s pulling me into his embrace. As soon as his arms close around me, I breathe him in and let my eyes close. Tali’s hugging me as tightly as she can, but Jamie’s careful to keep her away from my incision.
With them here, my heart doesn’t feel quite so broken. My shoulders don’t feel the weight bearing down on them. My stomach isn’t twisted into knots. It’s like my entire body can breathe for the first time since we exited that store and my entire world was flipped on its axis.
“I don’t just want you, Winnie. I need you to breathe. Please forgive me. Please move back in here and put us out of our misery. We love you more than you’ll ever realize.”
“Love you, Win-Win,” Tali shouts, making us both chuckle.
“I love you too, Tali Girl.”
“What about me? Do you still love me?” Jamie ducks his head to meet my gaze. There’s so much hope staring back at me, but I can also see the terror. He’s scared to death I’m going to reject him.
“I’ll always love you, Jamie.”
“Ok, but like do you love me enough to marry me or do you love me like you love Wheeler?” I stare up at him and laugh. I can’t believe him right now. “Please don’t love me like you love Wheeler,” he mutters so softly I almost don’t hear him.
“I definitely love you more than Wheeler.” One side of my lips lift into a lopsided grin.
“Enough to marry me?”
“I’m not sure.”
“What? Why?”
“Because you haven’t asked me yet.”
Jamie slowly sinks down to one knee, placing Tali on the ground next to him. He takes my hand in his and tugs a box out of his pocket.
“Winnie Teller, will you please marry me and make me the happiest man on the planet?”
“Marry me?” Tali drops down next to Jamie and stares up at me with a scrunched nose and a goofy grin.
“Yes,” I whisper as I tug him to his feet and wrap my arms around his neck.
Jamie moves me backwards until we’re moving down the hallway towards his room. I’m sure he wants to lift me into his arms, but I’m not sure I could take that type of movement without being in pain.
Tali trails after us and grins the entire time. Jamie tugs back the covers and motions to the bed.
“Get in. I’d lift you up, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
“What are we doing?” I chuckle at how Tali’s trying to climb on the bed with us.
“I think we’ve all slept like crap over the last week and we deserve a nice, long nap.”
“I think I like that idea.”
Jamie lays on his side and tugs my back against his chest. He slips his arm under my neck and drapes his other one over my waist, holding me tightly against him.
“Are you afraid I’m going to sneak away from you?”
“I learned a long time ago, when I find something I want, I need to hold onto it with both hands. I lost sight of that after the accident, but I won’t ever again.”
Tali tugs on my arm until I let her pull it out straight so she can lay on it. She’s positioning herself in my arms the same way I’m positioned in Jamie’s arms. Jamie keeps a hand between my body and Tali’s making sure she doesn’t hurt me.
“I think someone else is afraid of losing you again too,” Jamie whispers, squeezing me a little tighter against him.
Schmidt
countless videos of your accident, but I don’t think I realize how lucky you were to get out of this car.” I eye the crumpled-up SUV and silently say a prayer of thanks. I’m lucky to have both of my girls. “How did the airbag not go off?”
“I don’t know,” she says softly.
I’m sure seeing her car like this is making it difficult for her. The events of that terrible day are probably playing on repeat in her head.
I offered to come and clean out her car by myself, but she insisted on coming. I don’t really understand why, but I wasn’t about to argue with her.
“Is there a lot you need to get?” I lead her over to the passenger’s front door and open it.
“Not really. I didn’t keep much in my car and the cops got my purse to take to the hospital.”
“The car seat is trash too.”
I lean over the front seat and open the center console. I grab everything inside of it and stuff it into the bag I brought. Then I move to the glove compartment and do the same.
When I’m finished, I shut the door and move to the back seat. There’s less glass back here and it’s generally less affected by the accident.
I grab a small gift bag and hand it to Winnie. I don’t know what’s inside, but if I stick it in my bag, it’s going to get crushed. I climb onto the seat and search the back to see if there’s anything else I missed. Then I open the trunk and grab an umbrella and an ice scraper.
“I think you might have the cleanest car I’ve ever seen.” I chuckle as I hold up the small bag of things I collected from the front of the car.
“I don’t like clutter.” She shrugs, her gaze still on the small bag in her hands.
“What is that?” I nod towards the gift bag.
“Um… It was for you.”
“Was? Am I not allowed it anymore?”
“I’m not sure.” Her brows furrow together as she nibbles on her bottom lip.
“Winnie, what’s going on?” I take a step closer to her and she shakes her head.
“Can you take me somewhere this afternoon?”
“Of course.”
“I’ll tell you after that.”
“Ok.” I watch her carefully, unsure of what she’s hiding, but I’m not pushing her.
“Would it be ok if Liliana watches Tali and you come with me?”
“Yeah, where are we going?”
“I have a doctor’s appointment. And I’m really scared to go.”
We’re led to a small exam room and Winnie climbs onto the table. She keeps nibbling on her bottom lip, making me more than anxious. I’ve never seen her look so scared.
“I’m here for you no matter what, you know that, right?” I take her hand in mine and squeeze it. Then brush my thumb over her engagement ring, reminding her I want to marry her.
She nods her head as her eyes water. I want to pull her into my arms and demand she tells me what’s going on, but I don’t think that will help right now.
There’s a knock on the door and a man walks in with a smile on his face.
“Hey, Winnie.”
He turns his attention to me and holds out his hand.
“I’m Derek Devine.”
He glances down at the chart as he takes a seat on the stool and slides closer to Winnie.
“How are you feeling?”
“Still a little sore.”
“That’s to be expected. It’s only been a little over a week. You have about ten more before you should feel completely healed. You might have some nerve damage from the skin incision, but internally you should be good to go by then. Can you lay back so I can check how your skin is healing?”
He quickly washes his hands, then comes over to check Winnie’s abdomen. I haven’t seen her wound, she hasn’t changed around me and I didn’t ask to see it. I didn’t even think about it.
“Winnie,” I whisper, taking a step closer and stare down at the four-inch incision.
“You didn’t let him see it, huh?” Derek smirks at her.
“No. He didn’t need to.”
“She’s lucky to be alive. If she hadn’t gotten medical attention for twenty or thirty minutes longer, I’m not sure she’d still be with us.” Derek takes a step back and jots down something in her chart. “Scott will be right in.”
“I appreciate him coming here so I didn’t have to go to multiple offices today.”
“Trust me, we’re happy to do it. We both try to help out patients whenever we can. If he couldn’t come here, I was going to come to his office. I want you to rest up and get better. You’re going to need the strength in a few months. Call me if you have any questions. Otherwise, keep seeing Scott when he tells you to. He’ll probably want to see you more often than normal. And he’ll keep me up to date.”
“Thank you for everything,” I say softly. “I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
He smiles and exits the room. We’re only alone for a few seconds before someone knocks on the door again and another doctor walks into the room. He’s pulling an ultrasound machine behind him and I frown. Is this to check her spleen for bleeding?
“Hey, I’m Scott McLaren. And you are?”
“Jamie Schmidt.” I shake his outstretched hand. My brows tug together. Jackson’s last name is McLaren. He joined our team last year and he’s an amazing short stop. I wonder if they’re related. McLaren isn’t a common name.
“He’s my fiancé,” Winnie adds.
“Ok, great. We’re going to check things again, Winnie. Is everything going well?”
“I think so,” she whispers, sounding so scared.
“There weren’t any issues last week and I don’t expect to find any this week. You know this is just a precaution. I want to make sure.”
She nods her head as the first tear slips down her cheek. I scoot my chair a little closer and brush her hair away from her face. I press a soft kiss to her forehead and try to offer my support.
“I’m going to squirt the gel on your stomach so we can see if we can get a good view.”
I watch his every movement carefully. I want to ask a million questions because I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m saving them to ask Winnie later. She’s clearly terrified and I don’t want to make it worse.
I frown as Scott presses the ultrasound wand into the lower abdomen. Her injury is in her upper abdomen, why would he…
My mouth falls open as I see a little bean shaped image fill the screen and the unmistakable woosh of a heartbeat.
A slow smile spreads across Scott’s face as he checks a few things. He presses some buttons and takes measurements, then he’s printing out a few pictures.
“Everything looks great, Winnie. I want to continue checking on the baby every two weeks. Normally, I say once a month, but I want to continue being cautious, though I don’t think there will be any issues. The baby is small enough to still be protected by your body. If your altercation or accident had happened a few months further into your pregnancy, this could’ve been a very different outcome.”
Baby.
The word keeps playing on repeat in my head. I can’t seem to wrap my head around her being pregnant. She didn’t say a word to me about it. How could she keep this to herself?
Because she didn’t think you wanted her anymore.
My brain screams at me to not take this personally. She was doing what she needed to do and I can’t judge her for it. I gave her more than enough reasons to walk away.
“Thank you,” she whispers through her tears.
“Hey, if I thought there was something to worry about, I’d tell you.” Scott squeezes her hand. “I promise I really think the baby will be fine. He or she is growing nicely and I don’t see anything that causes worry on my end, but I’d rather be cautious and check the baby out more often than normal, ok? I want you to call me about anything you have questions on. If you need to call me twenty times a day, I’ll happily answer all twenty times. I know this is your first pregnancy and you don’t know what to expect, but that’s what I’m here for. Actually…”
He trails off and grabs a sheet of paper from the chart. He rips off a strip and jots down a number.
“Derek’s going to be livid I ruined his chart.” He chuckles. “Here’s my cell phone number. That way you don’t need to deal with the office or after-hours staff. Just text me or call me with any issues or questions. I’m up all hours of the night with calls and work so you aren’t bothering me. Plus, I can answer texts a little faster between patients, but call if it’s an emergency.”
“Thank you. I’ll make sure she’s taking care of herself and the baby.”
I meet Winnie’s gaze when I mention the baby and she pinches her lips together as a fresh wave of tears comes.
“That would be great, Jamie. It was nice meeting you. You can contact me too. Otherwise, I’ll see you in two weeks.”
As soon as the door shuts behind him, I turn back to Winnie. She’s bracing for my anger, but she won’t be getting any.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I whisper, placing my hand gently on her stomach.
She barely has any sort of bump. Unless I was here and saw the baby on the ultrasound, I’m not sure I would’ve believed she was pregnant.
“I don’t know. I planned to. That was the gift we got the day of the accident… But then…”
“But then I screwed up everything.” I nod my head, squeezing my eyes shut. “Would you ever have told me?”
“Yes. I wanted to make sure there was still a baby to tell you about. What would be the point of telling you if I lost the baby?”
“Because then I could be there for you. I could’ve helped you through it.”
“I didn’t want you to feel that sort of pain when you didn’t already know about the pregnancy, especially if we were splitting up.”
“Winnie, when I found you sitting on my porch, were you planning on ending things?”
She blinks up at the sky, trying to get rid of her tears, but it isn’t working. She’s too emotional right now, but all of this suddenly makes sense. The entire accident and altercation with Oliver Sinn would be even more difficult to deal with when she’s being flooded with pregnancy hormones. It’s bad enough to deal with even without the extra hormones.
“I didn’t know what to expect. I went to your house prepared to pack my things and walk away forever, but also hoping we could figure things out.”
“And what if we had broken up? Would you have told me about the baby?”
“Not right away, but I would’ve told you. I would’ve let you be a father to our baby. This little peanut couldn’t ask for a better daddy and I’d never keep you from him or her.”
I lean down and press my forehead to hers. I wrap my arms around her and squeeze my eyes shut. I can’t believe how much Oliver Sinn almost took away from me.
“Thank you for being so amazing. For taking care of my little girl like she’s your own, even when you were hurt so bad. Thank you for protecting our little peanut and giving me the opportunity to be a daddy again. I love you, Win.”
“I love you too.”
When we get home, Winnie brings me the little gift bag I got from her destroyed SUV. She holds it out between us and I carefully take it.
“Open it.” She motions towards it.
I tug out a picture frame with spots for two images. One is an ultrasound and the other is an image of Tali. Across the top of the frame it says ‘We have the world’s best daddy!’ engraved into the metal.
“You were going to tell me that night, weren’t you?” I whisper, letting my fingers trail over the image of our little baby.
“Yeah. I had been waiting for the frame to be engraved. I just had to pick it up before you got home. We were in the store for less than five minutes, Jamie. I really didn’t think it would be a big deal.” Her voice trails off and there’s so much remorse in her words.
“It wasn’t. None of it was your fault, sweetheart. Oliver Sinn’s the one who screwed up and now he’s going to pay for it.”
“What do you mean?”
She slowly lowers herself onto the couch next to me and waits for me to explain.
“I’m suing him. I’m tired of paparazzi pulling stuff like this and not being held liable. I’m waiting for my lawyer to call me back, but I have a feeling you being pregnant will make the charges a little more severe.”
“You don’t need to do that.”
“Yes, I do. It will make it clear to every slimeball in the world to stay away from you, Tali, and our baby. I refuse to stay quiet about this, Win. If I have to splash our family across every magazine in the country, I will. I’ll stop at nothing to protect my family.”
“Thank you.” She lays her head on my chest.
“I have something I want to show you. Do you want to see it now or later on? You just have to go down the hall and into Tali’s room.”
“Now. Then maybe we can take a nap?”
“That sounds like a great idea.” I kiss her knuckles before we both stand and we walk hand in hand down the hallway.
I push open Tali’s door and Winnie lets out a gasp. There are three photos hanging on Tali’s walls. One is a photo of the three of us from the picnic at Owen’s house. Olivia did an amazing job at taking these photos. I’ve been waiting for them to get printed and they were delivered the day after the accident.
I asked Smithy and Wheeler to come over and hang them up while I took Winnie to the doctors. They’re still in the backyard with Liliana and Tali. They were giving us some time to settle in since we got home.
Under the large canvas, Smithy painted the words ‘My Family’. On one side of our family photo is one of Winnie with Tali in her arms. They look like mother and daughter. It’s weird how many similarities they share in their features. Smithy painted ‘Mommy and Me’. On the other is Tali and me with the words ‘Daddy and Me’ under it. I love all of the photos and I’ve already texted Olivia telling her I want another photoshoot when the baby is born. I plan to cover the walls of our home with pictures of our happy family.
“I have more photos to hang, but I wanted to see where you’d like them.”
“Jamie, I love this.” Winnie runs her fingers along the bottom of the canvas, her eyes watering as she takes in the words below them.
“She looks like your daughter,” I whisper, wrapping my arms around her from behind.
“She really does. I didn’t realize we looked so much alike.”
“Does she know about the baby?” I can’t imagine Winnie telling her before I found out, but I wouldn’t be surprised if something was said at the hospital in front of her.
“Not yet.”
“I think we should go tell her.”
“Really?” Winnie peeks up at me.
“Absolutely. She’ll be so excited.”
A big smile spreads across Winnie’s face and she interlaces our fingers as we head outside to meet our daughter and friends.
“Is everything ok?” Liliana asks as soon as she spots us. I’m not sure if she knows about the baby, but even if she found out first, I couldn’t blame Winnie.
“Everything is great.” I smile as I place my hand on her stomach. Liliana’s eyes go wide and she lets out a squeal. I motion for her to calm down and call Tali over.
“Guess what, Tali Girl.” I lift her into my arms so she can see both of us and Winnie doesn’t need to bend over or squat down.
“What?”
“You’re going to be a big sister. Mommy’s having a baby.”
Winnie holds out a picture from the ultrasound and Tali’s little forehead crinkles as she looks from the picture to Winnie and back.
“Baby?” She asks slowly.
“There’s a baby in Mommy’s belly.” I place my hand on Winnie’s stomach again, hoping Tali will understand.
We’ve never referred to Winnie as Mommy before, but I think it’s about time we start.
“Win-Win Mommy?” Tali glances at me.
“Yeah, Win-Win is your new mommy and she’s having a baby.”
“My baby?”
“Yes, sweetie. You’re going to have a baby brother or sister.” Winnie brushes the hair away from Tali’s face. I didn’t tell her I want Tali to refer to her as mommy from now on, this is all being sprung on her. A tear slips down her cheek, but she’s happier than I’ve ever seen her before.
“I love Mommy.” Tali leans forward and hugs Winnie.
“I love Tali,” Winnie whispers.
“I love Daddy and baby too.” Tali tries to put her hand on Winnie’s stomach. I’m not sure if she fully understands what’s going on, but she seems to.
“How far along are you?” Lils speaks up first.
“Ten weeks.” Winnie brushes the moisture from her cheeks and glances at our friends.
“Jeez, is the baby ok after the accident?” Smithy runs his hands through his hair.
“Yeah, we just had another checkup. Everything is ok right now.” I pull Winnie into my side and press a kiss to her head. “Winnie was a rock star that day. She protected both of my kids even with her life on the line. I’ll forever be grateful for what she did. She’s an amazing mom and I couldn’t ask for a better mother to my children. I couldn’t ask for a better wife.”
“You’re getting married?” Wheeler’s brows furrow as he watches us. I’m not sure if he thought he had a chance or if he just didn’t know yet. “And you’re pregnant?”
“Jamie proposed when I showed up on his doorstep to talk… Wait, how did you already have a ring?” She pulls away from me and stares up at me.
“Because I was planning on asking you the day after the accident. I had a romantic evening planned and Liliana was going to babysit Tali so we could have some time alone.”
Liliana nods her head, confirming I really was planning on proposing before all of this happened.
“It wasn’t just because you felt bad?” She blinks up at me.
“Is that really what you thought?” I arch a brow.
“I’m not sure what I thought. I just… I didn’t think about it.”
“Baby, I love you. I think I’ve loved you since the first day you watched Tali. She was so happy with you and I realized you were exactly what our family was missing.”
“You guys are exactly what my life was missing,” she whispers.
I lean down and press my lips to hers. I don’t care if we have an audience or if Tali’s in my arms. I’ll show the woman I love how much she means to me whenever I want to.
Tali presses a kiss to my cheek, then to Winnie’s, making all of us chuckle.
Winnie
in the hallway for Jamie to come out of the locker room. Tonight was the last game of the regular season and he did an amazing job. All of the Pit Bulls did.
Now, they need to keep it going through the post season. I think they might have a shot at the World Series this year.
“How are you feeling, Winnie?” Owen approaches me and gives me a gentle hug.
“I’m hanging in there, but I’m really ready for this baby to be born.” I place my hand over my round stomach and shake my head.
“I’m sure you are. I remember how much Sunshine struggled the last few weeks. Macy and Charlie too. I wanted to discuss something with you. Do you have a few minutes?”
“Of course. We were just waiting for Jamie.”
He opens the door to the locker room and calls in, “Schmidt, your wife and daughter will be in the conference room when you’re finished.”
“Ok, thanks!” Jamie calls back, making me smile.
“You know, he’s never played better than he has since you got married,” Owen says as we walk towards the conference room.
“I’m glad. He’s great on the field.”
“He really is.” He motions to a chair in front of a large table and I quickly take it, helping Tali onto the chair next to me. “With so many of my players starting families, I’d like to start a daycare at the stadium. I think it would help all of them if they could pop in on their kids throughout the day and know they’re in good hands.”
“That’s a great idea. It could help with childcare issues too.”
“Exactly what I was thinking.” He grins at me. “I’m thinking of having childcare staff willing to travel with the team too. Someone who will watch the children any time the players are expected to be at work.”
“Ok…” I trail off, unsure of why he’s telling me about this.
“I want you to be the head of it all, Winnie. You’ll be able to travel with the team on their private plane and bring the kids with you. You can interview and hire whoever you want on your team”
“You want me in charge of the entire daycare?” I ask in disbelief.
“Yes. You’ve proven how amazing you are with kids and I don’t trust anyone else to run this. We want you, Winnie. You’ll get to spend more time with Schmidt, without sacrificing your time with your own kids. I think Schmidt will be thrilled with the idea of the kids being here too.”
“Schmidt would love it,” Jamie says from behind me.
I spin around and face him. I don’t even know what to say. This is an amazing opportunity.
“You really want me to do this?” I ask again.
“Is she always this difficult to deal with?” Owen glances at my husband.
“Only when you’re complimenting her.” He smirks.
“Oh, shut up!” I roll my eyes. “I’ll take the stupid job.”
“Are you going to speak like this in front of the children?” Owen smirks.
“I thought you said I was in charge?” I arch a brow.
“Jeez, she’s feisty.”
