In a Second by Kate Canterbary Free Novel Chapter 25

Read In a Second (Friendship, RI Book 3) By Kate Canterbary Chapter 59 – Today’s vocabulary word: scattered

Half packed and fully panicking the following morning, I tossed things into my carry-on with the sort of precision that promised I’d be shopping for essentials after I landed in Michigan. It wasn’t like it was hard to buy a toothbrush or makeup remover or a solid grip on reality.

Since I was hopped up on my own homemade righteousness and quite a lot of fresh adrenaline, I figured there was no time like the present to start a load of laundry, mix up a batch of cookies, and vacuum the living room.

All at once.

But that wasn’t a problem. I had another hour until I needed to leave for the airport and I couldn’t walk out the door with the innards of the dog toy Bagel had destroyed strewn all over the floor, and Percy did love those cookies and— Okay. Yes. I was flailing. Spiraling down. Crashing out.

But wasn’t I allowed to? After all of this, wasn’t I allowed to stress-vacuum with my hair halfway out of a ponytail, and an empty laundry basket clutched to my side? Couldn’t I cry for no reason and every reason as I watched the stand mixer go to work on creaming some butter and sugar?

Of course I could—and that realization had me dropping to the floor in a mess of laughter and sobs because I finally knew what it was to exist without that cold shadow lurking right over my shoulder. I’d lived so long with the chill of obligation and judgment and expectations that I felt like I was burning up without it.

Bagel climbed into my lap, all worried yips and slobbery kisses and no concern for his own boundaries. He let me hold him for several minutes before letting out a low howl right in my face like he wanted me to know I’d had my moment and now it was time to get my shit together.

‘Who’s the bestest boy?’ I asked him. A rumble sounded in his throat as if to say he wouldn’t bother with such obvious questions. ‘I’m going to get my other best boys back too. I know you miss your brother Percy.’ Bagel barked and scrambled to gather his tennis balls. ‘I know. I miss him too.’

I knew everything would be okay when I reached Jude and Percy. That was all I had left to do. It was all I could do. Still, I couldn’t get past the urgent pressure in my chest, the gnawing sense that they needed me and I wasn’t there.

Once I’d scraped myself off the floor and popped the cookies in the oven, I ran to the basement to flip the laundry. The washing machine seemed to smirk back at me. A hysterical giggle slipped out of me at those memories.

There’d be more like that. Maybe not here but somewhere that fits for all of us. We’d have secret laundry room moments and holiday traditions, weeknight dinners and moody dogs. We’d make that happen. We’d finally fix the things that’d broken for all of us along the way. Forever started now.

I’d just started up the stairs, my basket overflowing with freshly fluffed clothes, when I heard the doorbell. My first absurd thought was that it was Jude and Percy, that they’d worked out a new custody agreement and everything would be all right.

My second—and really outrageous—thought was that my parents were here. That they recognized their mistakes and the long stretch of destruction they’d left in my life, and wanted to apologize. Make it right.

Bagel met me at the top of the stairs, tippy-tapping and irritable as hell about intruders, when the third—and much more realistic—thought struck: my parents were here but they were here to punish me for stepping out of line the way they’d always promised they would.

My last and least dramatic thought was that Jamie was early to pick up Bagel for pet-sitting while I was away.

At no point did I consider the possibility that I’d find Ruth on the other side of that door.

‘Hi.’ She forced a smile. ‘This is weird. I know. I’m weird—I mean, I’m sorry. But also weird, maybe. I don’t know. I should’ve texted to ask if I could come over.’ She motioned to the basket on my hip and the dog peeking out from behind my knees. ‘And you’re busy.’

‘No, don’t worry. Get in here,’ I said, waving her inside. ‘But I have to warn you that I’m leaving for the airport in less than an hour and I’m in the middle of a slight mental breakdown.’

She huffed out a laugh. ‘Yeah, same, but without the airport.’

I stared at her for a long moment, taking in her red, swollen eyes, flushed cheeks, and messy bun. Not to mention it was the middle of a weekday and she was dressed in a black t-shirt dress and sandals.

‘Come on in,’ I said, just as the oven timer went off. I handed her the basket. ‘Let me just deal with these cookies and then we’ll talk.’

‘Ooookay.’ As I headed for the kitchen, she asked, ‘What’s this fella’s name again?’

‘Bagel,’ I called. ‘Don’t take it personally if he glares at you. He’s a little contemptuous. It’s just his vibe.’

‘That’s okay, Bagel. It’s my vibe too.’ Ruth followed me into the kitchen with Bagel on her heels. She was quiet while I transferred the cookies to a cooling rack. ‘Are you picking someone up from the airport or going somewhere?’

‘I’m heading to Michigan,’ I said. ‘The hearing is tomorrow.’

She dug into the laundry, started folding a t-shirt. ‘Oh, right.’

‘That’s not why I handed you the basket,’ I said, swatting at her with the spatula. ‘Just sit down. I’ll get you something cold to drink and some of these cookies when they aren’t molten.’

‘Oh god, no. Don’t worry. You have enough going on. You don’t need to throw me a tea party.’ She pushed a few loose strands of hair over her ear and grabbed a pink sleep shirt from the pile. ‘You’re thoughtful and you give really good advice, and⁠—’

‘I give good advice? Are you sure you have the right person?’

She laughed, saying, ‘Yes, you.’

‘You’ve been listening to me analyze the shambles of my life all summer.’ Still holding the spatula, I motioned to myself. ‘I doubt my advice is worth much.’

‘Stop that right now.’ She shook out a pair of jeans and ran a hand down each leg to smooth out the wrinkles. A girl after my own perfectionist heart. ‘I won’t put up with that slander.’

‘We should call Jamie.’

‘We should figure out if you’re packed for this trip.’ She pointed to the clothes she’d sorted into categories. ‘Do these things need to come with you?’

I leaned heavily against the counter. ‘Would it surprise you to hear that I have no idea what I’m doing?’

Ruth responded to that with a sharp, decisive nod. ‘I’m physically incapable of letting you get on that plane without a properly packed bag. You’ll cause me pain if you don’t let me fix this for you.’

Since I couldn’t have that, Bagel and I led Ruth to the complete chaos in my bedroom. She took one long look and then went to work sorting everything I’d already thrown in the bag and pulling items from the basket and my closet. For my part, I sat on the corner of the bed, Bagel’s head on my thigh and a paw pressed to my foot like he knew I needed to be grounded.

‘You’re not wearing this to court. Sorry but no,’ she said, glowering at a summery dress I’d chosen for that purpose. ‘Do you have any daily medications that you’ll need? I’ll pull together toiletries and makeup while you do that.’

That small project was just enough to focus all this wild, spacey energy. When I returned, I found my room straightened out and my carry-on structured into precise sections. I wouldn’t need to raid the local superstore after all.

‘Thank you,’ I managed. ‘I didn’t realize I needed some help until you showed up.’

‘It just so happens that I need some help too.’ She zipped the top on a reusable bag filled with skincare products. ‘Consider it an even trade.’

‘I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m basically a cautionary tale. I did start this visit by saying I’m breaking down like the T at rush hour.’

She closed my bag and towed it to the front door. Even though I only had about twenty minutes to spare, we settled on the sofa.

‘I see your breakdown and I raise you an epic catastrophe of my own,’ she said.

‘I’m not going to fight you for this crown because it’s made of bullshit and therapy bills but I’m just saying you have a lot more going for you than you think, Ruth. The first thing that comes to mind when I think about you is how stunningly capable you are. And I have such a good time when I’m with you because you’re funny and real, and real people are actually very hard to find these days.’ I shifted toward her, folding my legs in front of me. ‘The fact that you didn’t blink twice when you walked into this mess and then proceeded to fold my underwear tells me everything I need to know about you. So, believe me when I say this catastrophe is going to run and hide when it sees you coming.’

‘It’s…nice to hear that. Thank you. But this isn’t something I’m going to be able to litigate away.’

‘Okay.’ I tried to focus enough to be more than a scatterbrained mess for her. ‘What’s up? How can I help?’

She met my gaze for a beat before dropping her head into her hands and letting a breath rush out of her. ‘I’m pregnant.’

I stared at her for one long, unblinking moment. ‘Oh, honey. Are you all right?’

‘I don’t know.’

Tears started rolling past her hands and down her cheeks. I leaned in, wrapped an arm around her shoulder. ‘I know, sweetie. But it’s going to be okay. I promise. We’ll figure it out.’

‘I haven’t told anyone,’ she said through sobs and hiccups, ‘and I just don’t— My mother— I can’t— And it was just the one time! Well, the one weekend. And then there’s my job and⁠—’

Bagel bounded into her lap and, for the second time this morning, chased away a rush of overwhelmed tears.

‘You’re a very nice dog,’ she said to him. ‘Even if you are contemptuous.’

A cheery knock sounded at the door before it swung open. ‘Hello, hello! Auntie Jamie’s here for time with my bestie Bagel—’ She caught sight of us and her eyes went wide. Then she darted for the sofa, flinging her arms around us and pulling us in for a squeeze. ‘You don’t have to tell me what’s going on. Just let me know if I need to have someone killed.’

I caught Ruth’s eye. She let out a watery laugh. ‘I don’t think so,’ she said. ‘Not yet, at least.’

‘The offer stands,’ Jamie said.

‘You guys are really good friends,’ Ruth said.

‘We know,’ Jamie said. ‘Now, it’s time to get this girl to the airport.’

Today’s vocabulary word: mediate

I came to the end of the hall, checked my phone, and turned back to start my tenth lap though that didn’t include the first half hour of laps when I’d been too busy coming up with awful scenarios in my head to bother counting.

The judge called Percy into her chambers forty-two minutes ago. I kept telling myself this was a good thing. My kid only talked when he had something to say. It had to be good.

Unless it wasn’t, in which case— Fuck. No. I wasn’t going there. Couldn’t.

Either way, the gash on his forehead and matching black eyes didn’t help. Didn’t help one bit.

I checked my phone again. I’d messaged Audrey earlier, hoping she could distract me with pics of Bagel and stories from her classroom, but she hadn’t replied. It was strange being away from her after the past few weeks of seeing her every day. I didn’t like it.

I passed my attorney though she was too busy hammering away at her laptop to bother glancing up at me. That was fine. Eye contact probably added another billable hour to my tab.

As I made the turn at the end of the hall, I noticed Maddie staring at me. She stood square in my path, hands clasped in front of her though I knew she wanted to prop them on her hips. That was her default stance which meant this apparent request for my attention was something out of the ordinary.

‘Hi,’ she said as I approached. A quick wave and then that hand found her hip for a fleeting second before dropping to her side.

I rocked back on my heels as this transpired. The truth was, I didn’t want to chat with Maddie today. We spoke through our lawyers because she’d filed this petition before even asking me about visitation. Because these proceedings had my kid confused and stressed, and he’d already been through enough. Eventually, I said, ‘Hi. What’s up?’

She stared at the floor, her fingers tapping against her leg as the seconds ticked by. ‘It was good of you, what you did for Brenda. Helping her get into that facility and taking care of the damage to her house.’

Technically, all I did was step up as the adult in the situation. No one else was there to do it and, regardless of all the issues between us, she was still Percy’s grandmother. She was family and I wasn’t going to let her get shuffled around by a shitty managed healthcare company or leave her house to a flock of seagulls. Dealing with her homeowner’s insurance and researching assisted living communities in the area wasn’t difficult. Covering some extra costs didn’t kill me. ‘It was no problem.’

‘But you didn’t have to do it.’

I lifted a hand, let it fall to my side. ‘She needed the help. I did what I could.’

‘I should’ve handled it for her,’ she said, almost to herself.

I kept my mouth shut because, to an extent, I agreed with that statement. But if there was one thing I’d learned from my mother’s illness it was that families rarely behaved in the ways we expected. A lot of people shut down when it came to the scary shit. Others walked away. Some just needed time to find their footing. Like Maddie.

‘What are you going to do with the house after it’s fixed up?’

‘I’m not doing anything with the house,’ I said. ‘That’s up to Brenda.’

‘I miss her, you know. Penny.’ She said this like an accusation, her eyes flashing up to me and then back toward the floor. ‘I miss her every day. She loved that little boy so much and she should be here, watching him grow up.’

I nodded but stayed silent. Penny had never been mine to grieve and I accepted that without question. She belonged to Maddie and Brenda. Percy too, though the limits of his connection to his mother would always be difficult for Maddie and Brenda to accept. They wanted him to carry on all the love and memories they had of her, even if that was quite a lot to ask of a young kid.

‘He’s just like her. I see so much of her in him and I’m so scared I’m gonna lose him too,’ she went on, her words growing watery. ‘My lawyer says the petition isn’t going to work and she’s not going to keep me on as a client after this, and I can’t really afford her anyway but I didn’t know what else to do.’

I watched as Maddie swept tears from the corners of her eyes before letting her hands rest on her hips. Some of the worry eating away at my stomach settled. Some. I was jaded enough to know better than to trust anything unless it came straight from the judge.

‘I just…I want to watch him grow up,’ she said. ‘I want him to know who I am, who Brenda is.’ She peered up at me, her eyes still glassy. ‘He deserves that, don’t you think?’

‘Yeah, I do,’ I replied. ‘It never crossed my mind that we wouldn’t come back to visit.’

‘Okay, yes, I might’ve jumped to that conclusion,’ she rushed to say. ‘But you have to admit you’ve never liked Percy spending time here.’

I took a huge mental step away from that last comment. Not taking that bait. Not when I’d tried and failed for years to explain that Percy needed to be surrounded by people who understood his communication needs and were willing to learn ASL for him. That ignoring his differences only made the barriers higher for him than accommodating those differences. And that he could be the last living piece of Penny but only if he was also allowed to be a kid and not a talisman of their grief.

‘I can admit that I’ve been hard on you,’ she added. ‘None of this is easy and I don’t like saying it but a podcast told me I could do hard things so here I am.’

I bit my tongue. Not for the first time, I wished Audrey had insisted on coming along. If she’d pressed, I would’ve folded on that issue. And she would’ve known exactly what to say to all of this.

Since I didn’t know what kind of reaction Maddie was going for, all I could manage was, ‘Okay?’

‘But you have to know that hostility was only because adjusting to this whole thing has been so hard. Every time I feel like I get a handle on it all, something new comes along and stomps all over my mental setup.’ She held up a hand and started ticking off on her fingers. ‘First, Penny’s pregnant and she’s busy searching for you, and then there’s a whole human baby, and then she goes and dies on me⁠—’

‘Wait, she wanted to find me? When she realized she was pregnant?’

Maddie’s eye roll should’ve come with sitcom sound effects. It was that far over-the-top. ‘Yeah, of course she did. It just took a long time to track you down. She always wanted you to be involved. She said you were kind. Funny too. Not sure I see much of that myself but it’s not like I can argue with her now.’

I couldn’t put a finger on why it mattered to me so much that she’d wanted me to know about my son right from the start. But it did. It was the breeze that sent a boulder tumbling off my shoulder, one I hadn’t even realized I’d been carrying.

When I didn’t respond, Maddie asked, ‘Have you thought about when you’ll visit?’

‘I don’t know.’ I hesitated a moment, not sure it was wise to share so much without legal counsel breathing down our necks. ‘I haven’t seen Percy’s school calendar for the year and Brenda won’t be up for much more than video calls until she’s back on her feet. It really depends on what’s best for them.’

‘You mean that? You’re not just looking for a loophole to take him back east and never return? Isn’t all of this a silver lining for you?’

It was my turn to roll my eyes. ‘I don’t know what it says about me that you’d assume I take a dementia diagnosis as a silver lining.’

She circled a finger near her head. ‘Yeah, hearing you say that now makes me realize I might’ve catastrophized a little too close to the sun.’

With an arched brow, I said, ‘Brenda’s had one shitty turn after another these past few years. But the reality of this situation is that we were overdue in revising the custody agreement. We know now why she was having a hard time looking after him but that’s not the real issue. He requires people who prioritize his needs above all else. He doesn’t deserve to be passed around for weekends, holidays, and summer vacations because it makes us happy. He should be able to join a soccer team if he wants and know he won’t have to miss a quarter of the games because he has to fly out here once a month.’

As if we hadn’t worn this path bare already, she said, ‘The obvious answer to all of that would be you moving here. You have to see that it would work best for everyone. And it’s not like you have a whole bunch of family where you live now.’

‘I know that seems obvious to you but it’s not actually best for everyone and it’s not a permanent solution.’ I debated taking the next step, knowing it could very well blow up in my face. ‘You’re right that we don’t have much family in Virginia. But that’s why we’re moving to Boston. There’s someone very important to me—and Percy—there. Someone we love very much. Her name’s Audrey and I’ve known her since high school. She’s the best person I know and…and we have friends there too. People who’ve helped find a school that fits his needs and families with kids who make him feel welcome.’

Maddie’s hands fell to her sides. ‘Oh.’

‘Audrey doesn’t want to take Penny’s place,’ I said. ‘I know she’ll want to keep Penny’s memory alive, to help Percy know his mom. Because she loves him and wants what’s best for him.’

‘That’s what I want too,’ she said quietly.

‘We all want that,’ I said.

‘I know,’ she said, a little snappy, a little defensive. ‘I just…there aren’t a lot of right answers, okay?’

‘Believe me, I know. But when it comes down to it, what we want isn’t relevant to this debate. It’s about Percy and giving him the best we have.’

She took this in with a slow nod before saying, ‘Then I think I have a few suggestions that might work for us and this blended family situation we have going on.’

I decided this wasn’t the time to grumble about these suggestions, the ones that hadn’t dawned on her until my kid was an hour deep into his chat with a judge.

I really needed them to be talking about mythology and not how I used to walk him to sleep while watching the John Wick movies. Or that I let him eat burgers with pizza slice buns. Or that he referred to the dog as his brother.

I caught my attorney’s eye and motioned for her to join us. ‘What’s up?’

‘And then I told her that Bagel is three different colors.’ He stopped signing long enough to wag three fingers at me. ‘White and brown and black, and black spots on his belly.’

‘Important details,’ I said, taking his hand as we crossed the parking lot. ‘Did you talk to the judge about anything other than Bagel?’

‘We talked about carrots and how Bagel likes to chomp on them but he leaves little carrot bits on the floor and makes such a mess!’