Read In a Second (Friendship, RI Book 3) By Kate Canterbary Chapter 34 – Today’s vocabulary word: aura
The engagement party was exactly what I would expect from Janet and Rita. A homey backyard potluck with mismatched folding chairs and a cutesy signature cocktail—prickly pear margaritas for the pair of honor. Twinkle lights everywhere. A photo slideshow playing on the TV—though all the pics were from the past few days. Every surface in the kitchen was crammed with crockpots while Gary manned the grill out back.
The patio was packed with a fascinating mix of folks, more than this place should’ve been able to contain, but somehow it worked. There was no hope of remembering everyone’s names but I forgave myself for that early. It wasn’t like I’d be back here for the holidays.
Right from the start, Jude was committed to performing the shit out of this relationship. We’d planned as much earlier though I hadn’t expected him to overachieve like this. Between gluing a hand to the small of my back the minute we stepped out of the car to dropping fiancée into every conversation like he’d bought the word and intended to get his money’s worth, it became clear he had no intention of half-assing this. Full-asses, all the way.
Which was great. Really, it was. I didn’t have to carry this entire engagement on my shoulders or even do the heavy lifting to keep the conversation going. A huge improvement over that dinner with Janet and Gary the other day.
But the problem was that I didn’t know where the act ended and reality rushed back in. I didn’t know what to do with my brain’s insistence on grabbing every tender word he said about me and stowing it away like it meant something. Or how to handle my body’s reaction to him stroking a thumb over my hip while telling Janet’s friend Irena a story from high school.
‘Audrey danced the lead in Giselle that season,’ he said, oblivious to the high beam situation he’d created with my nipples, ‘but it opened the same night as our spring formal. We hopped on my bike and left right after the curtain fell. She didn’t even change out of her costume.’
‘It was a cute dress,’ I said. ‘Perfect for twirling. The costume manager just about killed me for it though.’
‘I remember the twirling,’ he said, laughing.
‘That’s badass,’ Irena said, giving us a slow, appraising nod. ‘Has anyone ever told you two that you have some truly enchanting aura energies? The way you blend is mesmerizing.’
We shifted to exchange a glance. He arched a brow though I knew from the twitch of his lips he was fighting off a laugh. Not one for auras, not when he could have precise, tangible things like engines and gears. But, still staring at me, he asked, ‘What does that mean?’
‘Might not mean anything. Most folks find themselves a good aura match but the way you complement and contrast is almost perfect. Not so common.’ She shrugged. ‘You probably have a lot of fun together.’
Jude grinned at me. ‘You wouldn’t believe some of our stories just from this week.’
‘Jude captured a dragon-lizard,’ I said.
‘Audrey danced with an entire rodeo roster,’ he added.
‘It wasn’t the entire roster,’ I said.
He squeezed my hip, his fingers sliding firmly into underwear territory. And he knew that because he kept tracing the band of my panties. ‘Close enough.’
‘There’s obviously a lot of heat between you.’ Irena’s tone made it clear she’d noticed my nipples. Hell, the neighbors two streets over could see them at this point. ‘If I had to guess, I’d say it’s an exact matchup in energies there.’
We shared another glance. His gaze shifted from my eyes to my lips and then fell down to my chest. A muscle in his jaw pulsed but that was the only reaction he offered. I moved my hand from where it’d rested on his waist to between his shoulder blades, saying, ‘You won’t hear any bedroom complaints from me.’
I didn’t know what’d compelled me to say that. I could’ve nodded along and let it go but I’d tapped into my sexually confident side. I didn’t have a sexually confident side, not without psychoactive drugs, but now I had to live with that comment. Just the same way I had to live with my antics from last night.
Jude’s fingers flexed on my hip. ‘That’s right, princess.’
Irena murmured to herself like we’d opened up another layer of spiritual color theory for her. Jude asked her about her work leading Jeep tours and I let myself focus on the way his muscles moved under my fingers.
I kept telling myself this was part of our strategy—to win over his mother, charm the townsfolk, whatever. But if that was the objective, why did it feel like I was being won over? I didn’t have an answer for that. And I wasn’t sure I wanted to find one because I didn’t want to break my own heart.
As the night wore on, we seemed to migrate closer together. He’d stroke my arm while I slipped a hand into his back pocket. I’d lean in close and he’d feed me a strawberry filled with cheesecake. He’d gently release my hair when it got trapped under the arm he curled around my shoulder. I’d grab his beer bottle out of his hand and take a sip. He’d kiss my temple and I’d thumb a nonexistent smudge of guacamole from the corner of his mouth. I’d perch on the arm of his chair and he’d tug me right into his lap.
And when it was dark and late, and some of the guests had said their good-byes, he pulled me into his arms, my back to his chest, and held me close. His chin perched on my shoulder, he asked, ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Better,’ I said with some hesitation. The shaky emptiness that followed a flare was no fun but the worst was behind me now. ‘Tired, though.’
He settled a hand over my abdomen and rubbed slow, lazy circles into my belly. It was amazing. ‘Ready to go?’
I glanced around the patio, eventually finding Janet carrying on an animated conversation with a few women while Gary stood nearby, holding her drink. She caught my eye and waved like we hadn’t seen each other in years.
‘Do you think we put the suspicions to rest?’ he asked.
I layered a hand over his. ‘I think she’s trying to decide whether this is your way of telling her we’re giving her another grandchild.’
He hummed against my neck as if the idea did nice things for him. Too bad they weren’t so nice for me. That, and we probably wouldn’t see each other again after tomorrow.
‘Let’s get back to our room.’ There was something thick and low in his words, and all I could do was murmur in agreement. ‘I want to get you alone.’
‘Too bad your mother wasn’t around to hear that.’
‘I don’t want her to hear it,’ he replied.
I turned my head just enough to catch his eye. He held my gaze as if to say Yeah. That’s exactly how I meant it.
‘I want to take you back to the room, lock the door, and kiss every inch of your body. I don’t want to stop for a very, very long time.’
He wasn’t even finished speaking when I said, ‘Okay.’
Blinking, startled, he asked, ‘Okay?’
‘Yeah. Okay.’
Jude stared at me for a long, painful moment that kicked the first fizzes of panic into gear. But then he grabbed my hand and tugged me toward the door.
Today’s vocabulary word: anticipate
The drive back to the hotel took hours. Or at least it felt that way. It was probably closer to fifteen minutes but every one of those minutes seemed to contain an entire Civil War documentary. To make matters worse, we’d stumbled into the most intense quiet game ever played.
The last words we’d exchanged were when Jude watched while I fastened my seat belt outside of Janet’s house and asked, ‘All good?’
I nodded and offered an appalling response of ‘Yeah, you too.’ Amazing how I didn’t drop dead from the embarrassment alone. I had to believe the gods kept me living only so I could amuse them a little longer by making it so much worse.
Jude reached over, his palm upturned and waiting. It was an obvious request for me to hold his hand but my brain said, Nah, girl, that’s a low-five.
Which was what led me to slap his palm and say, ‘Team fake engagement for the win.’
He stared at me for a beat—probably wondering if I’d helped myself to more of Janet’s candies—before belting out a deep laugh. ‘Okay, princess,’ he said, turning his hand over and gripping my thigh. My dress bunched under his fingers. A growly noise sounded in his throat when he noticed my knee peeking out from under the skirt and he inched it higher, higher.
There was too much fabric gathered at my waist to make this truly scandalous. Unless I leaned back and spread my legs, no one was catching a glimpse of my undies. But when Jude finished hiking up my dress, he skated his palm up from my bare knee to my—
Oh.
Oh. Okay. All right.
‘Still good?’ he asked, his hand high on my leg and his fingers drumming an impatient rhythm on my inner thigh.
I didn’t try for words this time, instead murmuring, ‘Mmhm,’ and thanking the heavens that it was too dark out for him to read the emotions on my face. Hell, I didn’t want to read them. Not when I knew they were a cluttered mess of I really want to have sex with him right now and But what happens after we have sex? and God, please don’t let my stomach make this weird.
I really, really didn’t want my stomach to make it weird. I’d been there before. It wasn’t a good time.
But I felt all right. A lot better than this morning. And I knew this was my absolute last chance with Jude. We flew to opposite sides of the country tomorrow and I couldn’t think of a single reason our paths would cross again unless we came up with one tonight.
I wanted a reason.
Maybe that was presumptuous of me. Maybe I was diving headfirst into shallow waters. But I had enough regrets to last me a lifetime. I didn’t want to leave Arizona with any more of them.
And that was why I shifted in my seat. Under different circumstances, it would’ve barely registered as movement. With Jude’s hand spanning most of my leg, there was no hiding the way I gave up trying to press my knees together and just let them fall slightly open.
He paused, his fingertips frozen against my inner thighs. I kept my gaze fixed on the car ahead of us but I saw him cut a quick glance at me. He wanted to be sure, to know I’d done that on purpose. He released a breath, short and raspy, and though it hadn’t taken the shape of any word I knew, it woke up every memory I had of us frantically stripping off clothes and tearing open condoms.
Another moment passed before he moved those fingers again but when he did, he dragged them in a straight line toward my panties. No detours, no time wasted. He didn’t even bother teasing at the edges, instead going right to the center. Where I was already wet and throbbing, more aroused than I’d been since—well, since the other night.
But before the other night, it’d been ages. Not that I wanted to get into the short history of my sex life since Jude but the unimpressive details could fit on a small sticky note. With room left over for a doodle or two.
He tapped a finger to the hood of my clit, slow and measured like a metronome. It was annoying at first. Not nearly enough pressure and too much distortion from my underwear. I needed more. Much more.
But then those taps seemed to accumulate. They piled up on top of each other, building and building until my only option was to spread my legs as wide as the car would allow. To arch up into his touch. To close my hand around his wrist and demand the hard pressure of the heel of his palm exactly where I wanted it.
As I gasped and shook, Jude turned down the resort’s driveway, his gaze straight ahead and his fingers curled around the steering wheel. It hardly seemed like I’d just ridden his hand to an orgasm.
But as we rolled to a stop in front of the resort and the building’s exterior lights bled into the car, I noticed the erection trapped behind his zipper. It was…substantial.
As if he felt me staring, his fingers flexed on my extremely wet panties, sending a sharp pulse against sensitive flesh. I made an atrocious noise and he chuckled a bit, as if to say Yeah, that just happened. And then those fingers were gone. He brought my legs together and he straightened my dress, pulling it down to my knees. He gave it a final pass, his hand skimming over the fabric like that was all I needed to put me back in order.
He took my hand, the one with a death grip on the seat, and brushed his lips over my knuckles. His gaze fixed on me, he said, ‘I’d ask if you’re good but I think I know the answer to that.’
‘Don’t be smug,’ I said.
‘Oh, I think I’m allowed.’ Jude tipped my chin up, pulling my gaze to his. He traced a thumb over my lips. ‘I’d let you put this pretty mouth to work but there are at least four valet guys watching us right now. Last I checked, you’re not that much of an exhibitionist.’
‘I’m not.’
‘Then I think we should go inside now.’
‘Okay,’ I said, though it didn’t sound like my voice. It sounded like the first step onto thin ice on a sunny day. ‘I think you’re right.’
Read In a Second (Friendship, RI Book 3) By Kate Canterbary Chapter 36 – Today’s vocabulary word: restraint
The door to our room was barely closed when we tore into each other. My dress was up, off, flying over my head as I wrenched his belt open and ripped at the buttons on his shirt.
Jude had the clear advantage here, seeing as I had just one primary piece of clothing for him to contend with, and this gave him a lot of time to pinch my nipples through my bra. Then again, maybe the advantage was mine.
‘Come here,’ he growled at the same time as I fought with the last few buttons, saying, ‘Just let me finish!’
He abandoned my nipples to yank the shirt over his head. Before I could comment on that, he spun me around to face the wall. ‘It’s cute that you think I have the patience to stand here while you politely undo every button. Just fucking adorable.’
He grabbed the band of my bra, jerking me back just enough that my backside connected with his hard shaft. The way he groaned into my shoulder lit up everything inside me. I rocked against him and his hips answered with a ragged, rutting pace. He wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me in my place while he growled, while he kissed and nipped at my neck.
‘Fuck, Audrey, what are you doing to me?’
Maybe it was strange to say that I was proud of myself for turning him on and making him feral but I was proud. It’d been a long time since sex had been a mutual exchange of pleasure. Since it’d been fun. And it’d been even longer since I’d felt desirable and worth being desired.
‘What do you want me to do?’ I asked.
Jude dragged his fingers up my spine and with a quick flick, had my bra flying to the floor. My panties were quick to follow. ‘Anything, baby. Anything at all.’
I flattened my hands on the wall as he ran a hand down to my waist and over my backside. Then lower. With that broad palm and those incredible fingers of his, he cupped me between my legs in a manner I could only describe as vulgar. Rude, even. Like this was the only part of me that existed and he’d do with it as he pleased.
He dragged a finger down my slit. It was wet. Audibly so. The noise he made was—oh. Oh, yes. That was when I recognized his touch as vulgar and rude but more than any of that, it was possessive.
And he confirmed it when he delivered a fast, hard slap to my mound and growled, ‘Tonight, this belongs to me.’
No one would think to call me sexy or sensual. I wasn’t coy. I didn’t know how to say seductive things. Any attempts at being naughty usually resulted in significant embarrassment for all involved.
It came as an epic shock when I reached back, gripped his shaft through his pants, and said, ‘And this belongs to me.’
I couldn’t even believe I’d managed to speak with him slapping my pussy. Let alone claiming his cock for myself. I’d never, ever manage such a flawless response ever again.
With a hand tangled in my hair, he said, ‘We’re in agreement.’
He scooped me up, carried me the last few steps to the bed, and set me down on the edge. A lamp glowed from the dresser but otherwise the room was dark. It felt right. Comfortable. The last thing I wanted was every light in the room shining on my bare skin.
Stepping between my parted legs, he brushed some hair away from my face and over my shoulder. His belt was long gone and I’d managed to open the button but that was it as far as his bottom half went.
‘You’re so fucking beautiful.’ The words rushed out in a huff. ‘Do you even understand that?’
I pushed his pants and boxers down just enough to reach inside and wrap my hand around him. His head dropped back as he growled out a groan and that silly, stupid pride of mine exploded. I was positive there was nothing I couldn’t do.
I shimmied the pants and boxers down the rest of the way and then dragged my tongue over the head of his cock. I heard him pull in a broken breath and I felt his entire body pull tight but I was too busy teasing him between my lips to pay much attention.
He gripped my hair as I sucked him deeper, twisting it around his palm as he murmured Yes and Baby, please and What are you fucking doing to me?
I liked that last one a lot.
I couldn’t take him very deep without feeling like I was going to gag. Since I really didn’t want to gag, I kept it shallow while stroking him from the base to my lips. He dropped his free hand to my shoulder and then slid it up to my neck. He held me like that, his palm on my throat, his fingers at my nape, and his thumb pressed to my cheek. I didn’t know if he could feel himself through my cheek but I liked the idea that he could.
‘This,’ he ground out, ‘isn’t what I had in mind for us. But I can’t bring myself to stop. Goddamn. You’re so fucking good at this.’ I peered up at him as I pulled him deep, as I hollowed out my cheeks. ‘Oh, fuck, look at you. Just fucking look at you.’
When my fist connected with his base on the next stroke, he curled a hand around my wrist, holding me in place. He took a step back, retreating from my mouth only far enough for his cockhead to rest between my lips. He pointed to the bed and let out a harsh, wild sound that probably made the neighbors wonder what kind of animal I had in here.
I scrambled to the middle of the mattress. Did not even care how I looked doing it.
The bed had already been turned down by the housekeeping service. That made it easier to peel back the blankets but then I was there, waiting with nothing but the need thrumming through me while Jude stared from beside the bed.
‘I know I need to get a condom,’ he said eventually. ‘I keep telling myself you’ll be right there when I come back but I don’t believe it yet.’
I held out a hand to him. ‘You don’t need a condom. I can’t get pregnant.’
‘You’re sure?’
I didn’t know which part of this he was questioning but the answer was the same either way. ‘Yes, and if you don’t get over here, I’m going to assume it’s because you don’t actually want—’
He was on me, his hips anchoring me to the mattress and his cock a hot brand on my belly. He kissed my neck, my shoulders, my lips. ‘You’re sure?’ he repeated. ‘Obviously, you can change your mind at any time but—’
‘Yeah, I’m sure,’ I said, dragging a foot up the back of his thigh. ‘And I promise I won’t flee to the bathroom if your phone rings.’
He dropped his head between my breasts, laughing. ‘If you do, I’m following you in there this time.’
I canted my hips until I felt him between my legs, the perfect pressure and weight of his cock throbbing against me. He reached between us, taking his shaft in hand and holding himself at my entrance. I shifted a bit, pinning my knees to his waist. It was all I could do to keep myself from shouting, Give it to me now.
‘I want to hear you say it again,’ he rasped, his fingers around the base of his cock. ‘Tell me you want this.’
‘I wanted you to follow me into the bathroom,’ I said all at once. ‘Into the shower. I should’ve—I don’t know. I shouldn’t have put the pillow between us because we could’ve been doing this all week and—’
Apparently, that was all he needed to hear because he snapped his hips forward and pushed into me with one blinding thrust that robbed the breath from my lungs. He was impossibly thick, so much more than I remembered, and I could barely think beyond the hot, blissful fullness. I felt him everywhere, filling me, pushing past all my limits. I couldn’t even take a deep breath without being aware of him inside me.
I wanted to tell him that. I wanted him to know I felt him in my chest, in the back of my throat. And that I wanted more.
‘I can hear you thinking, princess,’ he said. ‘What do you need? Should I lick those sweet nipples? Bite them?’
‘It wouldn’t hurt.’
His brow arched. ‘It will if I want it to.’
He pushed up on an elbow as he rocked into me. I brought my hand to his bicep to feel the flex of his muscles with each thrust. He leaned in then, sucking one nipple between his lips while pinching the other. My inner muscles rippled in response, clamping around his shaft so hard it stole my breath for a second.
I shoved my fingers through his thick hair, saying, ‘That didn’t hurt at all.’
‘Sometimes I can’t believe you’re real and you’re here.’ He gave a dark chuckle against my breast before pinning my nipple between his teeth.
I raked my fingers through his hair, holding him close to me while I bucked beneath him. ‘I can’t believe we’re here.’
Every thrust seemed to take me apart, brick by brick. It was careful. Deliberate. I was about to fall apart but he wasn’t breaking me and there was a difference. I hadn’t known it until right now and I didn’t think I’d be able to do this again without thinking about it.
And I wanted to do that to him too. To dismantle him. And then build something brand new.
‘I can’t believe how fucking good you feel,’ he said. ‘I just— Fuck, Audrey. Fuck.‘
He pumped into me and then pulled all the way out, and with both hands anchored on my waist, he rolled us over. ‘Ohhhhh my god,’ I said, my hands braced on his chest.
‘Come on now,’ he said, lightly slapping the side of my ass. ‘Don’t keep me waiting. It’s not polite.’
I didn’t waste any time sinking down over him. I couldn’t. Not when my body was busy humming a chant of Get there get there get there and he was staring up at me like this was the only thing in the world he wanted. And I loved being on top. It was the only position that worked for me every time.
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ I said as I worked to find the right rhythm. He was so thick and I was so out of practice. ‘I’m very polite.’
He kept both hands on my waist as he thrust up into me. His thumbs pressed into the crease of my thigh. This angle, that pressure, and the complete fullness of feeling him everywhere, it was just about enough for me.
‘Yes, you are, baby,’ he drawled. ‘That’s why you’re gonna come on my cock now.’
‘What if I’m not ready?’
He tipped his head back, leaving his throat exposed as he swallowed. ‘You feel really fucking ready.’
He met every rock of my hips, every hard grind into him with relentless thrusts that sent pleasure spiraling through my body. ‘What if I want more?’
‘Then I’ll fuck you straight all night long,’ he said. ‘You should know by now I’ll give you anything you want, even if it’s the heart I carved out of my chest.’
And that was the last brick.
I fell forward onto Jude’s chest as a wave of spasms moved through my body and had me panting out an unintelligible series of please yes more now. Shooting stars flared behind my eyes and everything inside me seemed to unravel. He shifted to band his arms around my back, holding me steady as I shattered.
‘Good?’ He went right on hammering into me, working every gloriously sated ounce of me while I sprawled across his chest like a well-fucked starfish.
‘Good,’ I mumbled. A moment later, I felt the roar building in his chest before I heard it.
In a distant, foggy sense, I was aware that Jude was speaking to me. Growling, perhaps. I knew he’d wrapped his arms around my torso and held me tight as he came though I couldn’t focus on anything beyond the wonderful pulsing heat in my core.
It was so much. So very much. And he must’ve known I couldn’t bear this, not all of it at once, because Jude rolled us to the side and tucked a pillow under my head. He stroked my back as I shook and gasped. It took a few minutes to fully catch my breath but when I did, I realized he was still inside me. My thighs and abdomen were drenched in our orgasms. He was a mess too, if we were taking stock.
‘Wow,’ I whispered, touching a finger to my lips. All of a sudden I was exhausted. I could fall asleep right here and I wouldn’t stir once.
‘Yeah, I’d say so.’ He rubbed my nape and shoulders, I wanted to cry at how good it felt. ‘You’re cold,’ he said.
‘Not really.’ It would’ve been believable if the air conditioning hadn’t clicked on at that moment and sent a shiver down my spine.
Jude kissed my forehead. ‘I can’t reach the blankets unless I pull out.’
‘And you don’t want to do that?’
He stared at me for a beat. ‘I don’t want this to end.’
I kissed the corner of his mouth. ‘What if we press pause for a minute? I can go to the bathroom, you can grab the blankets and get us some water. Then we’ll come back and start again.’
He tucked some hair over my ear. ‘You want that?’
‘Yeah.’ Another shiver shook through me. ‘Think we can do that?’
It took a second but the corner of his mouth kicked up in a grin. He slapped my backside, saying, ‘Hurry up, Saunders. I’ll be waiting for you.’
Once I’d peed and cleaned up as much as possible, and the bedding was straightened, we slipped back under the covers. I nestled into his chest, my head under his chin and our legs twined together. He drew circles down my side and kissed my temple and forehead over and over.
Read In a Second (Friendship, RI Book 3) By Kate Canterbary Chapter 37 –
Today’s vocabulary word: recital
She hadn’t known.
That much was clear by the way she scrambled away from me and out of bed, threw on a short, silky robe (inside out), and paced the length of the room while muttering, ‘Oh my god. Oh my god.’
One mystery solved.
My working theory had been that she was coerced into it. Her father was the heavy-handed type. I’d lost count of the number of times I was pulled over by his state troopers back in high school. Whether I was searched, warned, or ticketed for some alleged violation, it made clear that AG Saunders enjoyed some light abuse of power.
But I’d always assumed she knew. Even if she’d been dragged along, she’d been aware.
‘That’s not how it was supposed to go,’ she went on, still beating a track in the carpet.
‘How was it supposed to go?’ I stepped into my boxers. This conversation seemed like one that required a layer of clothing.
Audrey came to a jolting stop. She turned, met my gaze from across the darkened room. Her robe hung open, the ties lost to her haste. ‘They weren’t supposed to do anything to you if I left.’
I switched on a lamp beside the bed because this conversation also required some light. ‘What does that mean, Audrey?’
‘It means—they said—’ She pushed her fingers through her hair, shook her head. ‘My father was going to have you arrested.’
I grabbed my shirt off the floor. This definitely required clothes. ‘Arrested for what?’
‘He said he had more than enough evidence for a rape conviction. That even if the sentencing was generous, you’d be forced to register as a sex offender. And he’d make sure you lost your scholarships and admission to Columbia. He’d ruin everything for you.’
I rocked back on my heels. So a little more than a light abuse of power.
‘But if I left,’ she continued, pacing again, ‘if I cut ties with you and went to California and agreed to everything, it’d all go away.’
My gaze dropped to the floor as I circled back through the memories of the days before Audrey disappeared from my life. I barely recognized them in this new light. And in that light, I found I had to bite back every knee-jerk thing I wanted to say.
She should’ve told me. We could’ve solved this shitstorm together.
Except we’d been kids with no money and no resources of our own. Our entire lives hinged on those scholarships of mine and her parents footing the bill for Barnard. I had no way of fighting off a whole sexual assault charge, definitely not with her father leaning hard on it, and we both knew that.
She still should’ve told me.
But she must’ve been terrified. And alone. Just the other day she said she’d failed the first semester. That she hadn’t been able to get out of bed. She did the best she could in a horrible situation.
As a side note, I really fucking hated her family. Goddamn. Those fucking people.
Which led me to realize— ‘They made you marry him,’ I said. Not a question.
She wrapped her arms around her torso, nodding. ‘That was the deal. Since I couldn’t be trusted to make ‘appropriate’ choices, my parents would make them for me. And if I refused—’ She scoffed, exhaustion and pain filling her eyes. ‘My father made a point of reminding me how easy it would be to file those charges.’
I couldn’t believe she’d dragged that burden behind her for so long. That she’d lived with it and accepted it and married for it.
And she’d done it all to protect me.
‘Come here,’ I said.
‘No, this is important,’ she said, wagging a finger at the path of her pacing. ‘I’m busy being angry at myself.’
‘Why are you angry at yourself?’
‘Because I should’ve known I couldn’t trust my father,’ she snapped. ‘He promised to leave you alone and I let myself believe he would.’
‘That’s bullshit.’ I sank onto the corner of the bed. ‘No one expects their family to betray them. Repeatedly.’
The robe caught air as she walked from one end of the room to the other, billowing out around her bare thighs. She didn’t seem to notice. ‘Unless we’re talking about my family, in which case we definitely expect it.’ She slapped the top of the dresser, hard, saying, ‘I can’t believe I did everything they wanted, all of it, and they still dragged you into this.’
‘Baby, please. Just slow down and come over here.’
‘Why aren’t you furious?’ she asked. ‘Why aren’t you tearing this place to the ground and plotting your revenge? Or—’ She cut a wild glance in my direction. ‘Oh my god, am I the revenge? Is that what this is really about? Are you going to sneak out in the middle of the night and abandon me here or something? Now that we’ve—’ She pointed to the bed.
I rubbed my forehead. ‘For fuck’s sake, Audrey.’
‘That’s not a no.’
‘I have no intention of abandoning you,’ I said. ‘In fact, I’d love it if you’d come over here and let me take that robe off you.’
‘But why aren’t you furious? I’m furious for you.’
‘Because I…’ The words trailed off as I lost my hold on whatever I’d intended to say. The truth was, I’d let that anger keep me warm for years. And I’d only known half the story. But as deep as I reached, I couldn’t find the anger now. All that remained was a thick, grainy layer of grief.
We’d lost so much. And for what? What good had any of this done? Even if I lived for another five hundred years, I didn’t think I’d understand how anyone could wield their daughter like an object. I couldn’t fathom forcing my son to give up everything he loved just so I could maintain my deeply corrupt political mantle and some archaic belief systems.
That, and her parents never thought I’d amount to much.
I could admit that spite had played a large part in pushing me through my university years. I loved proving people really fucking wrong.
‘Because we’ve already lost enough to them, Audrey,’ I finally said. ‘I’m not willing to give them any more and neither should you.’
She walked another loop before stopping in front of me, fury still vibrating through her. I picked up the hand she’d whacked and turned it over in mine. Her palm was red and warm. It must’ve hurt, at least a bit.
‘I’m still mad they fucked you over.’
Stroking my thumb over her palm, I glanced up to meet her eyes. ‘They fucked us both over.’
‘But you—you could’ve been kicked out of Columbia.’ She held up her free hand. ‘Wait. Were you kicked out of Columbia? Is that why you transferred?’
‘No, I didn’t get kicked out. Caltech was the better fit,’ I said quickly. ‘But this is our last night. I don’t care about that shit anymore.’
‘Yes, you do. It’s why you’ve been a snappy little snapping turtle to me since demanding I dance with you.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
She gave me her best attempt at a glower. It was more of a squinting pout. God, what I wouldn’t give to be on the receiving end of that every day. ‘I think you do.’
‘Nope. Sorry.’
She brought a hand to the back of my neck, threaded her fingers through my hair. The robe hung open between her breasts, exposing a long, gorgeous stretch of skin. I leaned in and pressed my mouth to the side of her breast. Closed my hands around her hips.
‘How do you want to spend it?’ she asked.
‘I’ve already told you my plans for this robe.’
She dragged a finger down the front of my shirt. ‘You first.’
I yanked the shirt over my head and then pushed to my feet to ditch the boxers. The robe hit the floor next. ‘Is this what you want, princess?’
With a hand on my shoulder, she pushed me back down to the corner of the bed.
‘Yeah,’ she said thoughtfully. She dropped a knee beside my hip, then the other. Linked her arms around my neck as she settled over me, as she rocked against my shaft. ‘I think it is.’
She reached between us, pumping me with the kind of slow, deep pressure that made me wild and desperate. I watched her expressions shift as she teased my cockhead over her clit, down to her wet heat. She dug her teeth into her bottom lip, rocking against me with each pass.
I let my hands skate down her back, along the dip and flare of her waist, over her ass. She felt like silk and muscle and every precious thing in the world. Like promises I’d tried to forget.
I swallowed hard, asking, ‘Having fun with the torture?’
‘It’s not torture if you love it,’ she replied, and she wasn’t wrong about that. Not for one second.
But also— ‘Not sure you’ll be saying that when I’m done with you.’
A wicked grin filled her face as she twisted her palm up my shaft. Goddamn. ‘Quiet, you. Let me do this.’
She shifted until I was there, just barely inside her but enough that I couldn’t think beyond the heat and pressure, couldn’t keep my eyes open. My lips found the slight curve of her breast again and I kissed my way to her nipple. She bucked against me as I pinned her between my teeth.
She sank down on me like we weren’t running out of time. The hot pulse of her muscles was enough to scramble my head and make me believe it.
When she was there, when she was fully seated and I was hanging on by a single string of restraint, she looped her arms around my neck and said, ‘Kiss me.’
The words were barely off her tongue when I bit them out of the air and closed the space between us. She tasted perfect, just so fucking perfect, and I wanted to live and die in her cunt, and it finally felt like I knew where I was going.
I dropped my hands to her hips, gripping tight as I thrust up into her. I wanted to last for hours but I also wanted to come right fucking now so I could lick her until she screamed and then drag her into the shower and pour myself into her all over again.
‘You—feel—so—good,’ she said, each word groaned out as she slammed down on me.
‘Baby, I’m doing the absolute least here. This is all you.’
She pressed her forehead to my shoulder, her teeth bared to my skin. ‘It’s never been like this with—with anyone else.’
‘And it’s not going to be.’ I was proud of myself for not saying something shitty about her ex-husband but even more that I didn’t lose it altogether. The only thing that mattered was giving her what she needed. Even if I wanted to come hard enough to leave a mark, I’d be happy if she finished without me and tucked herself into bed for the night. This was enough.
‘I think—’ Her words broke into a small cry. ‘I’m—oh god.’
I shifted my hand to the small of her back, pulling her hard against me, deeper. ‘That’s it. There it is. You’re so close,’ I said. ‘You know it’s mine, princess. Give it to me.’
Her lips parted and she stared at me, a startled brightness in her eyes as her body drew tight and her cunt choked the fuck out of my cock. As if she was astonished, as if she had no idea her body could do this.
‘A little more,’ I growled. ‘You’re not done yet.’
The wet slap of skin fell into the chorus of heavy breathing and those gorgeous little cries of hers. Her tits bounced in my face and her nails dug into my shoulders. I held her hips, steering her as she went soft and pliant. Thrusting into her as she chanted, ‘Oh god, oh god, oh god.’
She came down in pieces. The hand gripping my hair fell to her side. Then her knees slid away from my hips, her shoulders slumped. Her breathing evened out as I stroked her back.
‘I’m going to have to get up,’ she said.
‘I don’t think so. Just stay here.’
She laughed into my neck. ‘I have to clean up.’
‘I’ll take care of you.’
I felt her smile. ‘That’s not how it works but thank you anyway.’
‘Then I’ll make it easier.’ I took her wrists, looped them around my neck. ‘Hold on.’
When I pushed to my feet, she yelped, ‘Oh my god, what?’
‘Just saving you a few steps.’ I carried her to the bathroom, which was bigger than my grad school apartment, and instructed her to grab a towel off the rack. I spread it on the marble countertop and set her down.
She peered up at me, her lips swollen, cheeks red, hair everywhere, and something inside my chest flipped. A switch. Maybe an entire organ. I wasn’t sure but I knew nothing would be the same after this moment.
I turned on the sink, running my fingers under the water until it warmed up. ‘Do you know how gorgeous you are right now?’
She glanced over her shoulder to catch her reflection in the mirror. ‘If you say so.’
‘I don’t know how you do it.’ I reached for a facecloth, held it under the water. ‘Sometimes I look at you and you’re this brand-new thing, even though I’d swear I’ve always known you.’ I pushed her legs apart, wide, wider than she thought necessary if her smirk could be trusted. Her inner thighs were slicked with her arousal and my release, and it had a breath catching in my throat. ‘How do you do that to me?’
Audrey watched as I dragged the wet cloth between her legs, her bottom lip snared between her teeth. ‘I’m not new. You just stopped resenting me after doing it for more than a decade.’
‘That’s where you’re wrong.’ I ran the cloth over her folds, carefully cleaning up the mess I’d left behind. ‘It’s always been this way. You change my brain chemistry and you burn your fingerprints into my skin and I don’t understand how you’re even possible, but that doesn’t matter because right now, you’re here.’
‘I think that’s the orgasm talking.’
I wet the cloth again, squeezed it out, and gave myself a quick pass. ‘Nope.’
‘It is,’ she went on. ‘Remember all those times when we parked behind Chili’s and I’d give you blow jobs in the back seat? You’d say the most unhinged things.’
‘Yeah, like your mouth was made for cocksucking,’ I said, leaning in close, ‘and I was going to marry you the first chance I got. Really thought I would’ve sealed that deal by now.’
She dropped her gaze, her pale lashes fanning over her cheeks. She swallowed hard. ‘Could you give me a minute?’
I pressed a kiss to her forehead. ‘Yeah. Of course.’
I closed the bathroom door behind me and went to work gathering the clothes we’d left scattered around the room. When I came across her robe, I turned it right side out and set it on the bed. My girl was not about to stroll out here naked. She’d come looking for that robe soon enough.
I heard the toilet flush and the faucet run, but another minute or two passed in silence. I couldn’t decide how to interpret that. I didn’t know what I wanted all of this to mean. And I had no idea where we went from here. If she wanted it to go anywhere.
A few more minutes drifted by before Audrey peeked out from behind the door. ‘Would you—’ I crossed to her in two strides, handed her the robe. ‘Oh. Thank you.’
‘Just know you’re ditching that thing before you get in bed.’
‘You were a lot less bossy in the back seat,’ she said.
‘Do you want me to call down to the valet? I’m sure we can find a Chili’s. Applebee’s in a pinch.’
She rounded the bed, a far-off gleam in her eyes as she wove her hair into a braid. Had I ever watched her braid her hair? Probably, yes. But not like this. With a bed between us, the night waiting for what we made of it. With her lips kiss-bitten and that robe hanging open. She hadn’t bothered with the ties.
‘Too many of our parking lot places have closed,’ she said. ‘Remember Bertucci’s? We got into a lot of trouble in those parking lots.’
I slipped between the sheets and smoothed out her pillows. ‘All I remember is that you’re not nearly as well-behaved as you’d like people to think.’
She shrugged out of the robe and crawled in beside me. ‘Excuse me but I’m a very good girl.’
I stroked a hand over the crown of her head, down her braid. Caught the tail between two fingers. ‘I wouldn’t have it any other way.’
Audrey curled into me and closed her eyes, a full, warm smile on her lips. I dragged my fingers over her shoulders, her collarbones. Down the line of her chest and over her breasts. I let myself stare at her without caring that she’d notice. That she’d see everything I’d tried to ignore this week. Or longer. So much longer.
Then I spotted a dark line riding low on her hip. ‘What’s this?’ I asked, swiping my thumb over the words inked in a thin, swooping script. I couldn’t believe I’d missed that. ‘When did you get a tattoo?’
I expected her to laugh. Or cringe away from the question. To turn into a rosy, blushing mess and tell me a story about claiming some rebellion for herself. But she didn’t do that.
A cold, steady quiet settled over her. The life seemed to bleed from her eyes. Then I was cold too.
She swallowed. ‘After I moved to Boston.’
I traced the words again. The script was fine and thin. ‘What does it say?’
”I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart.”
‘From the poem? E. E. Cummings?’ A single bob of her head. ‘Can I get a closer look?’
Another nod, her gaze still frozen and empty. I didn’t know much but I’d bet my life that quote wasn’t about her asshole ex.
I shifted down the bed and cocked my head to get a better look. The last t in heart swept out with a long swash that curled into a heart around a pair of finger-wide silvery scars. And then there was another scar, longer and craggy where it ran across her pelvis.
I dropped my palm to the scars and met her gaze. ‘What happened?’
She turned her head and stared out at the inky night, and it occurred to me that she might not answer. I stayed there just the same, my head resting on her thighs while I smoothed small circles low on her belly. Nowhere else in the world I wanted to be.
Then, ‘When I found out I was pregnant, my first thought was that I had to leave Chris. Probably the first clear, decisive thought I’d had in years. I’d been so…ambivalent for so long. Just floating. Existing. I hadn’t really cared about anything but then it was real and I had to care. It didn’t matter if all I could do was float but I wouldn’t let that be my child’s life.’
You’re wrong, I wanted to say. It did matter. But I knew when to keep quiet.
‘He had a big boys’ trip planned. Yachts, helicopters, private islands. All his favorite things. He’d been gone nearly a month. That was when I’d planned to leave.’ Her voice cracked and that sound scraped against my soft tissue. ‘I didn’t feel well but I never felt well. I’d been sick for years at that point. I couldn’t digest anything. I was always having one kind of flare-up or another. Everything hurt every day so I didn’t realize something was wrong.’
She brushed a tear from her cheek but when she dropped that hand, she dropped it on my shoulder.
‘I collapsed after filing for divorce. Right there in the lawyer’s office,’ she said, a slightly hysterical laugh ringing in her words. ‘Ectopic pregnancy. The egg had implanted in one of my tubes. It ruptured and blew up the tube. It felt just like my regular pain level. But my belly was full of blood all the way up to here.’ She tapped a spot above her navel and then edged my fingers away from where they covered the heart tattoo. ‘That was the first surgery.’
‘The first,’ I echoed.
She gave a thoughtful nod as she moved my hand from the other scar. ‘Did you know that after you’ve had internal bleeding, all the places that the blood filled can feel itchy? I was so itchy—but inside my body. The minute I woke up from surgery, I wanted to scratch my skin off. It hurt to touch my abdomen but I couldn’t help it. And I had a terrible reaction to the pain meds, which only made it all worse. I had scratches and hives all over the place.’ She brought my hand back to the scar. ‘That’s why they didn’t catch the sepsis until it was too late. Why the hysterectomy was such a mess.’
‘Audrey.’ I rested my head on her belly and wrapped my arms around her hips. Squeezed her hard, hard enough to put all these broken things back together. I wanted to ask where her husband, her family had been during this ordeal but I was pretty sure I already knew. Pretty sure I wanted to strangle the shit out of them too. ‘I’m so sorry, sweetheart.’
‘That baby almost killed me,’ she said, letting the tears run down her face now. ‘But it also saved my life.’
I leaned in and kissed my way across the larger scar, the two small ones, and then the line of script. Then I shifted back to the pillow and folded her into my arms. ‘There is no safer, stronger place to carry that baby’s heart than your heart.’
‘I don’t usually tell people this because they never actually get it,’ she started, ‘but I know I would’ve died if I hadn’t left him. Not because of him but because I’d stopped living. And I hadn’t truly understood that until I came out of surgery and they said I wouldn’t have another baby.’
‘Thank you for trusting me with that,’ I said, kissing across her cheeks, the bridge of her nose. ‘You know you can always tell me anything. I’ll always get you.’
She buried her face in my chest as a sob broke free. I held her while she cried, keeping one hand gliding up and down her spine as she let it pour out of her.
I’d always known her parents had maneuvered her out of my life and under their thumb. But there’d also been a shitty little voice in there too, one that liked to say she left because she’d outgrown me. Because she’d come to her senses and recognized we never would’ve been able to turn our teenage dreams into reality. Because she’d decided our worlds were too different. Because I’d never been good enough for her, and nothing I could do would change that.
I’d let that shitty voice tell me a lot of shitty stories. Let it convince me I’d suffered the most. I mean, the fucking restraining order made a strong case for that all on its own. But I’d never really stopped to think whether she’d suffered too. Not when I’d told myself she’d been forced to make a choice and, in the end, she’d chosen her family’s comfortable world over me.
All while she’d suffered in the most devastating ways. She’d almost died.
After blowing through half a box of tissues, she said, ‘Sorry about that.’
‘Don’t apologize.’ I delivered a light slap to her backside. ‘But tell me what happened when he found out. Tell me the rest.’
‘I was still recovering when he came home from the trip. I’d wanted to leave but I could barely walk up a flight of stairs. I just—I couldn’t do anything.’ Her shoulders lifted, tightened under my palm. ‘He said it was good I’d filed for divorce. He thought I was doing him a favor. Because I couldn’t have kids anymore. That he would’ve filed if I hadn’t.’
‘He’s a fucking asshole.’
‘I know. Believe me, I know all about it. But him not understanding the sequence of events made it easier for me to leave. As far as he was concerned, I was no better than a busted toaster oven and he’d be happy when I was out on the curb with the rest of the trash.’
‘Jesus, Audrey, don’t say that.’
‘I’m not saying I believe it,’ she replied. ‘But Chris did, and it motivated him to move out of the house, offer me a decent settlement up front, and get the divorce finalized before I was even cleared to lift more than a few pounds.’
We weren’t that far from San Diego. Six, maybe seven hour drive. I could have my hands around his throat by morning if we left now. ‘Please let me kill him.’
‘Your mother’s been through enough. Don’t add a murder trial to it.’
