Ihate him.
I truly, irrevocably, and without a shadow of a doubt despise Jude Callahan and everything he stands for.
But my feelings toward him don’t seem to deflate my reaction when he’s around. I’d never admit it out loud, but there’s been an insatiable emptiness in my life lately. Something deep and ferocious and maddening, like an itch beneath the skin I can’t reach.
However, that only lasted until he showed up tonight.
Threatening me and my date and announcing that we’re together as if that will ever happen.
As if I’d ever be with someone like him who’s hell-bent on killing me and making me pay just because he can.
We’re impossible.
I know that.
He knows that.
But whatever spark that ignites whenever we’re around each other doesn’t give two damns about those simple facts, because it mounts with every encounter.
And God… The way he looks down at me with ravenous, lustful eyes is intoxicating.
There’s rage there as well, harsh and red-hot. Probably because his cock is already half erect right in front of my face, and he’s angry that I make him hard. Or his obsession with me does.
I have no clue what the hell he’s thinking when he corners me on the regular, inserting himself into my life like a damn parasite, but I’m growing dangerously used to this.
My whole life, I’ve been uncomfortable with the way men look at me, but I crave the way his pupils blow wide and how ravenous he looks when I’m in his sights.
The feeling that’s been coursing through me since he trapped me in the bathroom rushes to the surface. The ache between my legs intensifies as I rub them together on the ground, needing some friction I never thought I’d ache for this much.
Jude taps the crown of his cock against my mouth. “Open.”
I purse my lips, not because I don’t want to, but because the idea I’d simply fall into this unorthodox encounter, like when he ate me out, is terrifying.
His cock’s size is also making me self-conscious as hell, because it’s not even fully erect and it’s already this enormous.
Grabbing his cock in one hand, he squeezes my cheek with the other, making me look up at him. He’s towering over me, like the horizon, and despite the public space, it feels…weirdly intimate.
As if we’re the only people existing in the here and now.
“Be a good girl and take my cock in your hot little mouth, sweetheart.”
I remind myself that it’s not for him, but for me, to prove to myself that I still dislike oral so I’ll finally stop having those disturbing dreams about a man with a helmet and leather gloves visiting me every night.
“Use your hands. Don’t just leave them lying around,” he orders in firm words that rush through my spine.
I wrap both hands around him and jerk him up and down, looking up to gauge his reaction. That’s what I’ve learned about blowjobs—it’s all about the man’s reaction.
Jude’s face remains impassive, but he’s growing bigger in my hand, harder, and…holy hell. If I thought his cock was big when half erect, it’s massive now, and the base of my stomach tingles with a weird sensation.
He slides his thumb over my mouth as I swallow hard, squeezing and feeling on edge just from his eyes. “You wore lipstick today. You never wear lipstick.”
“It was a special occasion.” Why do I sound breathy?
“Special occasion, huh?” His voice is huskier but darker. “From now on, you only wear lipstick for me.”
“That’s not—”
“Shh.” He removes my glasses, and I can see him clearly now, probably because they’ve been gradually fogging up. “You shouldn’t hide these eyes.”
Something about the way he’s watching me feels intrusive and frighteningly intimate because I love the way he looks at me.
As if I’m someone he can’t explain.
Someone he can’t help but want.
Jude slides the glasses in his back pocket and grabs my hands that are around his cock and guides it to my mouth. “Enough with the foreplay. Wrap these pink lips around my cock.”
Still looking up at him, I pull him deep into my mouth, the smooth, velvety skin sliding all the way to my throat, and I still can’t fit all of him.
I take a moment to fall into the choking sensation instead of fighting it and then dart my tongue, licking the underside of his cock, bobbing up and down to use the inside of my mouth, my tongue, and my throat for friction.
“Mmm.” He sinks his fingers into my hair, his jaw tight, betraying his usually unaffected expression. “Your little mouth is made to take cock, isn’t it?”
I moan around him, using the spit and the salty precum as lube, working my mouth even if my jaw hurts. The obscene wet sound is so titillating, I’m rubbing my thighs together.
No clue why I’m getting hot and bothered by sucking his cock, but I can feel my panties getting soaking wet.
This is degeneracy.
“But not just any cock.” He gathers my hair in a fist as he thrusts into my mouth. “My cock.”
I groan, deep-throating him as far back as possible, remembering to breathe through my nose.
“From now on, this mouth won’t be fucked by any other cock but mine.” He drives deeper, holding his cock at the back of my throat. “These lips will only wear pink for me.”
For a second, I can’t breathe.
I’m choking and spluttering, slapping my hands against his muscular thighs, clawing at his jeans.
Then the strangest thing happens.
Pressure builds in my pussy, violent and sudden, as tears stream down my cheeks.
“Mmm. You look beautiful when broken.” He pulls out his cock and I choke, coughing, the excessive saliva, precum, snot, and tears mixing in an unceremonious mess.
There’s no way I look beautiful.
But as I stare at him, panting, I can see his wide chest heaving and his eyes darkening to two orbits of reckless desire.
“Open.” He taps his wet crown against my mouth again, and I don’t think twice, opening it wide as he thrusts all the way to the back of my throat.
I don’t attempt to put in any effort. I just let him choke me—fuck my throat, actually, using his grip on my hair to guide my head whichever way he pleases.
“Damn. God fucking dammit.” He’s so high on lust, so hard and brutal, I’m gasping, and it’s not in response to what he’s doing.
My own thighs are shaking, rubbing, searching for something…anything.
“Why does your mouth feel so fucking good, Violet?” He’s mad, and so close to coming, I can feel the anger and lust and hate emanating off him.
And I find solace in his anger because he wants me. But I’m mad at myself for finding his dark brutality so alluring right now.
The way he touches me, uses me, makes me feel as if he can’t get enough of me, is turning me delirious.
“Why you, of all people?” He grunts, his every muscle tightening and coiling, and then he pauses because he notices.
Of course he notices.
His gaze slides to my thighs that are rubbing together, and I want to stop. I really do, but I just need something more.
“Jesus Christ. You got turned on being throat-fucked?”
I try to shake my head, but I feel him getting even harder in my mouth—which I would’ve thought was impossible—and something inside me brightens and explodes in a myriad of colors I’ve never experienced before.
A gasp leaves me when he pushes his boot between my legs and presses it against my core. Even with the jeans and my panties as a barrier, the pressure electrifies me, and I hum against his dick.
“Mmm. I love how red your face is.” Thrust. “You’re a natural at taking my cock, sweetheart.”
“Mfff.” I’m moaning, squeezing my thighs against his boot, needing the pressure and the fucked-up pleasure only this man can give me.
“Ride it.” He slides his boot up and down my pussy. “Show me how much you want to come, Violet.”
I don’t even know what’s happening to me, and I don’t allow myself to think.
Holding on to his leg, I lift myself up and down against the tip of his boot. The pressure makes me lightheaded, or maybe it’s his cock in my mouth or the lustful power he’s looking at me with.
“Good girl.” He holds his cock at the back of my throat, my face so close to his groin, but I don’t stop moving.
Rubbing.
Grinding.
Moaning.
Falling.
I don’t recognize myself anymore, but I don’t have to, and I don’t want to.
If anything, I stop thinking altogether when his rough voice cuts through my mind. “You’re doing so well.”
I kind of melt. I don’t know how or why his praise affects me, but it does, and then I’m coming, the rush overtaking me like a storm. But I remember to open my mouth wider as I ride his boot, feeling my wetness dampening my jeans.
“Fuck, Violet. Fuuuck.”
He cracks.
His dick swells and bursts, flooding the back of my throat.
I swallow it, and as I watch him, his face tight, his abs contracting beneath his shirt, another orgasm hits me like a tidal wave.
Rushing and pulling and turning me delirious. Knowing he came because of me.
I’m making the Jude Callahan, worshiped hockey god and unfeeling monster, come in pulses in my mouth.
Cum trickles on either side of my mouth despite my attempts to swallow as much as possible, and I’m flinching, too sensitive after the orgasm.
Jude pulls his cock from my mouth, and I kind of…suck around the crown, which makes him release a gruff sound.
I don’t know why I do it, really. A thank-you? The need for this moment to stay a little longer before reality hits?
He seems to be as lost about the reason as I am, but he strokes his fingers along my jaw, gathering the cum and thrusting it back into my mouth.
I’m about to swallow, but he shakes his head and holds my mouth open, his thumb pressing on my lower teeth. “Open wider.”
My jaw aches, but I try to open as wide as possible, and his eyes turn ravenous.
Insatiable.
Hell, I think his cock is twitching.
And it’s because he’s watching his cum pool on my tongue, I realize, my spine tingling in response.
He watches it for long moments, or maybe it just feels that way because I’m caught in his gaze, completely taken by the way he watches me as if I’m…what? Something precious.
Don’t be an idiot.
He clamps my mouth shut. “Swallow every drop.”
I do, accidentally licking around his thumb that’s still there, and I think I feel him vibrate, but it only lasts a moment before he removes his finger and steps back.
The distance is small, but the sexual tension fades in the background of a bigger tension as reality sets in.
The ‘we’re not supposed to do this, let alone enjoy it’ reality.
The ‘this will end in a disaster’ reality.
Jude tucks himself in, then buttons up his jeans as he glares at me.
There’s anger and hatred and even a hint of confusion.
And it’s as if I’m being stabbed by it as I stand up. I run my fingers through my hair, willing it into submission, and dab the corners of my mouth.
I’m not sure if that will remove all traces of him when I can still taste him with every swallow, but the silence is deafening and I feel exposed and too self-conscious.
Especially when I notice Jude watching me with narrowed eyes.
“Where did you learn to suck cock like that?” he finally asks, offering me my glasses back.
I put them on, looking anywhere but at him, then let my lips pull in a sad smile. “Watching my mom give hundreds of blowjobs through the crack of the closet door during most of my childhood.”
His eyes widen the slightest bit, but I turn and leave before I can see the pity in them.
Or worse. More hate.
“Vi! Oh my God, are you okay?”
I startle as blood drips from my finger, and I realize I sliced through it with a knife as Dahlia rushes toward me.
She holds my hand under the stream of the kitchen faucet, and I wince through the sting.
“Does it hurt a lot?” She checks my finger left and right. “Thank God it’s not that deep, but it’s not shallow either.”
“It’s fine.” I try to go back to chopping the vegetables, but she turns off the stove and drags me to a stool so she can bandage my wound.
“It’s not fine.” She frowns as she retrieves her first aid kit and cleans my finger with antiseptic. “You’ve been zoning out as usual, probably overthinking.”
“That obvious?” I grimace.
“You do that a lot anyway, but it’s more serious lately.”
By lately, she means ever since Jude came into my life. Even I can tell I’m on edge but also not on edge.
It’s weird to describe, but one moment, I feel like I’m flying, and the next, I plummet, racing to the bottom of a cliff with my demons.
My mood is flaky even when I mask it and shove my emotions in the grave I made for my ten-year-old self.
And I don’t know how to fix it half the time. The only solution I’ve found is to always be busy. Work, school, side activities. Even now after we’re back at school, I try to work as many shifts as physically possible, both for the money and to avoid alone time with myself at night.
Because that time—nighttime—scares me and I’ve been waking up shaking and even crying from nightmares.
Sleep has always terrified me.
I’ve given up hope to ever enjoy it.
Dahlia’s brow furrows, locks of her dark hair escaping her messy bun as she wraps a Band-Aid around my finger, then sits across from me. “I feel like you’re hiding something from me.”
“Don’t be silly, what could I hide?”
She narrows her eyes. “Are you sure?”
I nod.
“Hmm, I don’t know about that.” She tilts her head to the side, still watching me with suspicion.
“Enough about me.” I rub her arm. “Tell me about your classes at Graystone University. Is it everything you wanted?”
“Hell yeah!” She punches the air. “I’ve been going through all the material, and their medical program is honestly one of the best! I feel so lucky to have been offered a scholarship there right before school started.”
“It’s hard work, not luck. Don’t downplay how much time and effort you dedicate to your grades, Dahl.”
“I know, but, like, it’s super hard to get in. And since they rejected me three years ago, I never thought they’d open the doors for me again. Gah, I’m loving it so much!” Her smile falls. “I’m not loving that we’re on different campuses, though. Maybe I shouldn’t stay at the dorm and come home every day instead.”
“Absolutely not. It’s an hour’s drive and you only have a bike, so that would take forever and cut into your study time. Just stay there and make new friends.”
“Nah.” She hugs me. “You’re my only friend.”
I hug her back. “We’re meeting on weekends like this, and you can come home on holidays.”
“Or maybe you can apply to GU?” She pulls back, her eyes sparking. “I know it’s a long shot, but maybe…”
“I don’t think that will ever be possible.” I’d never study at the same campus as Jude. It’s enough hassle that he comes all the way here.
Though he hasn’t since I creeped him out with the reason behind my blowjob skills.
That was three weeks ago. Mario said he hasn’t been around, because he has family obligations and has been busy with resuming training ahead of the start of the hockey season.
I feel like Mario is trying to console me or something.
But for some reason, I can feel Jude everywhere in this tiny place. Even when he’s not there. Like a damn ghost.
I don’t want to get in touch with him, especially now that I don’t have to since he stopped bugging me to watch his hockey games.
But I can’t help but be worried about the whole thing with Dahlia and GU.
It simply can’t be a coincidence.
As she said, they rejected her application a few years ago, so it’s unusual that they’d change their mind out of the blue right before the start of classes just because a previous scholarship student dropped out.
I mean, they could have, and Dahlia is seriously smart and hardworking, so they might have been dazzled by her grades, but still.
This entire situation is giving me a bad feeling.
Dahlia is humming as she goes to return the first aid kit. As I wait for the broth to finish cooking, I pull out my phone and stare at Jude’s name, then at the counter where I keep seeing images I’d really like to forget.
It’s been weeks, and yet those erotic dreams won’t leave me alone. I swear I’ve used my vibrator the past couple of weeks more than I have in years.
Is this a sexual awakening or something equally ridiculous?
After much deliberation, I type out a text.
Me
Did you have something to do with Dahlia’s acceptance into GU?
My heart jumps when I receive a reply right away.
Stalker
What happened to hello?
Hello. Are you behind my sister’s scholarship?
If I wanted to offer someone a scholarship, wouldn’t I have offered it to you instead of your sister?
I don’t know. Maybe you want to control me through her and make sure I always know you can get to her whenever you want.
I can get to her whenever I want now. If I wanted to threaten her life, I don’t need to offer her a scholarship.
Is that supposed to make me feel better?
Not sure. Did you text me to feel better? Or because you’re now alone, with no support to distract you from yourself or me?
How does he even know that? How can he recognize that I’ve been feeling low since Dahlia moved to the dorm at GU two weeks ago? I try to put up a courageous front so as not to spook her, but, truly, I miss her so much, but I don’t want to be selfish and sabotage her once-in-a-lifetime chance just because I can’t be a grown adult and simply exist on my own.
Good night.
You can end the conversation, but you can’t escape me, Violet.
Haven’t been trying to. You’re the one who ran away.
I realize I’ve said too much even before his next text appears.
Miss me?
No, I’ve never been more at ease. If you don’t show up again, that would be great.
Liar. You’ve been looking over your shoulder, searching for me everywhere you go.
How do you know? Mario?
Not important.
Why do you even want to know all these things about me? Do I not creep you out?
Creep me out? I thought I was the creep.
Well, you are.
Wow. Thanks.
You’re welcome.
Very funny. Now, tell me. Why would you creep me out?
It’s nothing. Forget it.
Tell me.
No.
Then I’ll jump over your balcony and find out the answer in person.
You can’t. Mario said you’re busy training.
Bold of you to assume I won’t leave. Be there in an hour.
Fine. It’s about what I said about my mom. Just forget it.
I wait and I wait, watching the dots appear and disappear. It feels like forever, but when his text appears, I have to hold on to the counter. Because he says the words no one has ever said to me.
It’s not your fault your mother was a deplorable human being who didn’t deserve to be a mother in the first place. She creeps me out, not you.
I’m still reading and rereading his words when my phone pings with another text. I think it’s from Jude, but it’s an unknown number.
Unknown
Hello, Violet. Your life is in danger. It has to do with Jude. Please text me back so we can discuss this further.
