Chapter 19
Rowan
es,” I whisper so quietly that I can barely hear it myself. I am crazy. I
must be, because how else does one get into this situation to begin
with? My bedroll presses into my back, the small imperfections of the
earth beneath transfering to my skin. But it’s Logan’s dark hair and eyes
that seem to glow in the starlight that fully capture my attention now.
Logan kisses the edge of my mouth. He is strangely gentle, nothing like
the way he was when he pounded into Alyssa the first day I met him. “I’ll
need something with a little more confidence.”
Confidence? Where in all the worlds am I supposed to get that? My
breath hitches as Logan’s mouth slides down my neck, the stubble he’s
grown since this morning scraping along my skin. It’s a little ticklish, and a
bit arousing, sending shivers down my spine.
“Don’t overthink, rabbit,” Logan coaxes. “It’s just a bit of… physical
fun. A bit of release to quiet your mind and your body. No strings attached,
I promise.” His mouth is right over my pulse now, making it difficult for
any coherent thought to survive more than a second. Which, I imagine, is
the point. Heat is already tingling low in my belly and making my apex
twinge. Whatever Logan is offering, my body wants it.
“Yes,” I say with more confidence.
Logan purrs against me in approval, then scrapes his teeth right over the
pulse point on my neck. A jolt of sensation shoots down my body at once,
more intense than anything I’ve ever felt from Collin’s touch.
Collin. The hum in my body shuts down, choked by memories. By
reality.
I’m an adult. I know exactly where these gentle touches are going…
And I know that once we get there, the current euphoria will disappear at
once. Except at that point, it will be too late.
I blink, realizing that Logan is no longer nuzzling my neck. Instead, he
is raised on one elbow once more, leaning over me to peer into my face.
Concern etches his golden eyes. “What just happened?” he asks.
I shake my head, ready to offer an apology. The last thing I want to do is
upset him.
“Don’t.” His voice hardens to command he so rarely uses, and the hand
holding my wrists tightens its hold. “New rule for tonight. We say the truth.
Only the truth. Tell me what just happened inside that beautiful mind of
yours.”
Heat creeps over my face, which at least, is a barrier against the nipping
cold. And maybe it’s how close Logan is, or how genuine his honey golden
eyes seem as he looks down at me, or just the force of his command against
my exhaustion, but I give him the truth he asks for. “I’m scared.”
“Of me?” Logan asks.
“A part of you.”
Logan goes preternaturally still above me. “Which part?”
“Really? I have to spell it out?” I am already regretting this
conversation, because the way he is looking at me—as if he is the one
afraid now—makes me think that I have to do just that. “The part that
goes…” I can’t do this. “I think you might be very big. Large. Long. Thick.
Um -”
“He got the idea, trust me,” Kyrian says on my other side as Logan’s
face relaxes, mirth now playing over his too beautiful features.
“You mean my cock?” Logan clarifies, making the word sound extra
dirty. The grin in his eyes says he’s doing it on purpose. “You think I have a
big, thick, long cock?”
Gods. “Yes, ok?”
The grin spreads to his face. “I do. So does Kyrian.”
Brilliant.
“Now that we’ve established that we have well endowed cocks, can you
explain why that is a concern?”
“Because it will hurt. A lot. And I don’t know if I can take it.”
Logan’s brows pull together and there is movement on the other side of
me as Kyrian also gets up on one elbow and invites himself into the
conversation. Because that’s exactly what a conversation like this needs.
More men.
“Logan can do many things, but he isn’t going to hurt you,” Kyrian says.
He sounds absurdly sure and it’s an effort of will to not snap and how
would you know back at him.
“Not on purpose.” I tip my head back and close my eyes. If I am going
to have this conversation, I’m sure as hell not doing it while looking at
them. “I’m all wrong inside. Not like other women.” Gods take me. I can’t
believe I really said that. That I’m about to say more. But just now, at this
tiny moment in time, it feels safe to tell the truth. “I don’t really feel
pleasure like normal people do. Usually it just hurts.”
“Not for nothing rabbit, but you were half way to pleasure just from the
feel of my mouth against your neck,” Logan says. “So tell me what idiot
told you that you can’t feel it?”
“Wait just a second,” Kyrian says, before I can answer. “How many
men have you laid with?”
“One.”
The men look at eachother, both their jaws tightening.
“Is one good or bad?” I clarify.
“And was that one named Collin Chambers?” Kyrian presses, ignoring
my question.
“It was,” Logan answers for me. There is something dangerous in his
voice and I am immensely grateful that the wrath there isn’t directed at me.
“That rutting asshole couldn’t do his job and then said you were broken?”
“I am broken,” I say. “Truth, remember? I get dizzy out of nowhere.
And migraines. And random pain in my joints. And I trip over my own feet
on a regular basis. Which is why Logan’s had to work with me all this time
in skills other cadets have mastered years ago. So let’s not dance around
that point.”
“What about a release?” Kyrian asks. “Does that happen regularly?”
“For him?”
“Fuck him,” Logan snarls. “You.”
I shake my head.
“And did that arsehole tell you it was your fault?” The outrage in
Kyrian’s voice echoes in the hard set of Logan’s face. Two sets of eyes, one
honey-gold and one ocean blue focus on me intently.
“I’m—”
“Terrible at recognizing horseshit, is what you are,” Logan says, then
lowers his head to take what appears to be several calming breaths. When
he looks up again, he is more like himself again—down to the feral grin
spreading across his face.
I know that look. It was the one he got as he came up with a plan to get
under Kai’s skin.
“I think our little field exercise just got a secondary objective,” Logan
declares. “One that’s going to do a hell of a lot more good than checking
into arbitrary waypoints. Wouldn’t you agree, Kyr?”
Kyrian groans, but there is a spark in his gaze too. “This is a terrible
idea. You know that, right?”
“On the contrary, it is the best idea I’ve ever had,” says Logan.
“That’s a very high bar,” I mutter.
Kyrian snorts.
My stomach knots as I look between the men. I don’t know what’s
about to happen, but there is a small exhilaration in the fear of this
particular unknown. “So, what’s the new objective exactly?”
Logan brushes his thumb over my chin, tracing my scar with sensual
care. “To show you the truth about your body, of course,” he says. “That
truth being that you are capable of feeling all manner of pleasure.”
I swallow, ready to deny that it’s possible, but Logan puts a finger over
my lips.
“I promise you’ll enjoy it. You might blush enough to heat up the whole
campsite, but you’ll enjoy it.” Logan’s low husky voice is waking my body
up again. “You are too deliciously captivating to not know the full range of
dirty wonderful sensations you are capable of. The ones you deserve.”
“Can ye be brave enough to let us show you the truth, lass?” Kyrian
adds. If Logan is all energy and momentum, Kyrian is the force that’s
staving off the tsunami. No less powerful, but more careful. Determined to
give me the room to breathe before letting all the promised sensations come
crashing into me.
Logan. Kyrian. They are gods made flesh, their bodies chiseled to
perfection. And I’m—
“What’s that thought?” Logan nips my earlobe, pulling me out of my
head.
“I am not very good at all this. No, don’t argue. You literally have no
way of knowing one way or the other. So… so what happens if I do it
wrong?”
“Then I spank your ass and we try again,” says Logan.
My eyes widen.
Kyrian punches Logan’s shoulder hard enough to make him wince.
“Don’t listen to him. He is teasing you, except you don’t know enough to
even know why that’s a tease. And the arsehole knows it.” Kyrian traces his
finger over my ear, which is just an ear… yet it’s suddenly sending all sorts
of sensations down to my core. “You can do no wrong tonight, chaos.
Nothing at all.”
“Now lie back and feel,” Logan coaxes, his mouth returning to my neck.
He trails his lips down my neck, his breath hot against my skin. One of his
hands still holds my wrists, the other is now roaming unabashedly over my
body, sliding along my collarbone, then lower. His fingertips graze the
swell of my breasts through the fabric of my shirt. My breath hitches as he
traces slow circles, teasing but not quite touching where I suddenly ache for
his touch.
His hand drifts lower, skimming over my stomach, fingertips dipping
just under the hem before continuing down. He traces patterns on my inner
thigh, so close but still maddeningly far from where I’m now throbbing with
need. My hips lift of their own accord, seeking more. Logan chuckles
against my throat, the vibration sending shivers through me.
“This is going to be the easiest mission ever,” Logan murmurs. “And
we’re just getting started.”
As if to prove his point, his hand slides higher on my thigh, achingly
slow. His fingers dance along the sensitive skin, making me quiver. Then
finally— finally— he presses his palm right against my most intimate
place.
I gasp as he rubs me through my clothes, the pressure and friction
sending waves of pleasure crashing through my body.
Just as I manage to breathe through what Logan’s hand is working
between my thighs, Kyrian shifts closer on my other side. His fingers trail
along my arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake, before gliding across my
collarbone, the neckline of my shirt. The swells of my breasts beneath the
fabric. His large warm hand cups my breast and kneads slowly, his thumb
brushing over where my nipple is already pebbling beneath the fabric.
Piercing pleasure spreads from his touch, making me arch into his hand
for more.
Kyrian hums in approval.
Slowly, maddeningly, he circles his thumb around and around my
nipple, never quite touching but keeping me aching for the contact. His
other hand joins the first, palming my neglected breast, and I let out a
breathy moan.
“You like this, don’t ye lass?” Kyrian’s deep voice caresses me right
along with his hands. “Your breasts are perfectly made for my hands.” He
rolls my nipples and I arch into his touch with a moan which turns louder as
Kyrian puts his mouth over the tented fabric and sucks my nipple into his
warm mouth.
I’m panting now, head thrown back as the dual sensations of Logan’s
hand between my legs and Kyrian’s mouth on my breasts send me spiraling
higher. Kyrian lowers his head, his hot breath fanning over my chest.
“Ready to see how much more you can take?” he asks.
I can’t answer and the men don’t wait for me to. Instead, Logan slides
his hand deftly inside my pants. I gasp as he brushes through the thatch of
curls and parts my slick folds with no hesitation.
“You’re already so hot and swollen,” he murmurs approvingly. “I can
feel how badly you need to be touched.”
“Your body knows exactly what it needs, even if your mind hasn’t
caught up yet,” Kyrian adds.
Logan’s fingers circle my entrance, teasing, before slowly pushing
inside. I gasp at the foreign intrusion, but there is no pain, only an
unexpected jolt of pleasure that makes my walls flutter around him.
“That’s it,” he coaxes. “Let me make you feel good.” He crooks his
finger, stroking along my inner walls and sending sparks of pleasure racing
through my core.
Kyrian’s mouth continues to work magic on my breasts, tongue flicking
over the sensitive peaks. He laves attention on one, then the other, keeping
me arching and gasping beneath him.
Logan adds a second finger inside me and, before I can fully register
that it’s happened, adds his thumb to the mix, focusing it on the sensitive
bundle of nerves at my apex. He is pumping his fingers now, circling and
stroking until I’m writhing beneath his ministrations. Just as the tension
starts to crest, he pulls back, denying me release. I whimper in protest.
“Shh, I’ve got you,” Logan soothes, “I know you are aching. Hang on
just a little longer.”
Logan’s fingers return, thrusting deep inside me with renewed purpose.
He curls them just right, rubbing that special spot within me over and over
until I’m seeing stars. His thumb presses firmly against my apex, circling
the sensitive nub in time with the pumping of his fingers. Every touch sets
off a cascade of sensations that make me feel as if I’m rising higher and
higher over a gaping abyss.
Meanwhile, Kyrian’s wicked mouth continues to worship my breasts.
He suckles one aching nipple between his lips as he rolls and tugs the other
between his fingertips. Sharp zings of pleasure shoot straight to my sex with
every flick of his tongue, every pinch and pull.
The dual sensations are too much to bear. I writhe, pulling on my arms.
My wrists are trapped in Logan’s grip though, making it impossible to
escape the errotic assault on my senses. My vision is a blur of a starlit sky,
two perfectly sculpted men, and a haze of desire. Logan circles the swollen
hood around my engorged bud, his rough callus scraping mercilessly
against too sensitive skin. Oh gods. Gods. My inner walls clench around
Logan’s fingers as he works them faster, harder, pushing me beyond the
brink of what I can bear.
Pleasure so intense that it borders on pain builds and builds, coiling
tighter in my core.
“That’s it Ro,” Logan urges, his voice rough with arousal. “Let it go.
Come for me, rabbit.”
His words are my undoing. I shatter, my body convulsing with the force
of my release. Wave after wave of intense, mind-numbing ecstasy crashes
over me as Logan continues working my apex, extending my climax. Just
when I dare think I can breathe, Kyrian nips my hard nipple. I come again
instantly, my back bowing off the ground.
I’m only vaguely aware of their soothing touches and murmured praises
as I float back down from the most powerful orgasm of my life. My first
with something beyond my own hand. Logan gently withdraws his fingers,
making me whimper at the loss. Kyrian presses soft kisses across my chest.
“Breathe, chaos,” Kyrian says in that low sensual voice that I’m coming
to love. “You did so well. Take a little break. You’ve earned it.”
My body stills, and I feel my eyes widening in shock. “A… break? You
mean…”
A savage little grin spreads over Kyrian’s face, his perfect teeth flashing
in the starlight. “I mean that we aren’t done with you yet. Not by a long
shot.”
