Chapter 15
Nadiya
Misha raises his hands and places them on my shoulders.
His look is wounded, pained, as if I betrayed him. Insulted him by marrying another man. Only that’s not true at all.
“No, it’s not a joke, Misha,” I look into his eyes.
– I don’t believe.
I don’t ask how he found out. Lisa isn’t very good at keeping her mouth shut. And then this news!
I’m sure they went over both me and Misha with their tongues.
“You don’t have to believe me,” I shrug. “Nothing will change, you understand? I’m married now.”
Misha squeezes my shoulders, most likely losing touch with reality.
“You had no one. You didn’t even talk to anyone! Where did this… husband come from?”
– What difference does it make now, Mish?
I place my hand on his fingers and unclench them, freeing myself.
– You did it on purpose, right?
I frown.
– Specially?
“So I’d be crazy jealous of you! Every day I’d think about you going back to him! Even though you could have been coming back to me!”
“I couldn’t go back to you. And we both know why.”
“No, Nadya, these are just your quirks!” Misha starts shouting.
“Enough,” I snap. “Don’t make a spectacle of yourself, please!”
I turn to leave. The conversation is pointless, that’s for sure now. Misha and I are a thing of the past.
He catches up with me at the car, grabs me by the waist and turns me towards him, without removing his hands.
“I demand an explanation, Nadya. I deserve it, don’t you think?”
“Don’t I deserve the truth, Mish?” I raise my face to the man, looking him straight in the eyes. “Now you’ll know what it’s like to live in a bubble of ignorance that can burst at any moment. When you’re not living your life, but some imitation of it.”
Misha’s arms fall along his body.
– It turns out that this marriage was just out of spite for me.
“You think too highly of yourself,” I chuckle, getting angry.
I haven’t forgiven him.
And I doubt I will ever forgive.
“Who is he, your husband?” Misha blurts out in my face.
“I’m not going to report to you. Accept it, we’re not together anymore!” I snap. “You have your own life, a family. I have a family now, too.”
Even if it is not real, it is artificial.
— I have no life! Without you, there is nothing, how come you don’t understand?!
“All I understand is that I was a fool to believe you. I won’t fall for your lies again.”
“Get a divorce, Nadya!” Misha blurts out desperately. “I love you.”
I put my hand on my neck and squeeze it. I can’t breathe, my lungs are burning.
I would have given anything to have heard these words six months ago. Now they carry no weight.
– It’s too late, Misha. This is all empty.
I try to get to the driver’s door, but Misha abruptly lowers his hand onto the roof of the car.
“I get it!” he exclaims. “Nadya, you got married because of Nazar, right?”
I don’t answer, I silently stare at him.
– Why? I told you I would help! I would have found a way.
“What?” I ask wearily. I want to get out of here as quickly as possible and not sort things out.
— I would find funds, perhaps some patron of the arts, who would agree to help you.
– Why didn’t you do this in six months?
Misha’s outburst subsides as abruptly as it began. He shakes his head and looks down at his feet.
“It’s not just about Nazar. I want a family. A normal, complete family, you hear me?”
I understand perfectly well that there won’t be any real family with Idar, but Misha doesn’t need to know that. Let him think my goal isn’t just to help my brother.
— I don’t believe this! I’m convinced you don’t even really know your husband. Who is he? Tell me. Did your uncle foist him on you? What did he promise you? I’ll do the same for you. Even more.
— You don’t believe that I want a complete family?
“Why, I believe you. But I don’t believe you have any feelings for your husband. I’m sure you still love me. You’re looking at me with hatred right now, and that’s precisely what tells you that your feelings haven’t gone away.”
— Feelings, you say? What good have they brought me? Nothing but pain and filth. That’s all.
“I want to be your family, Nadya. I want to be with you every day. See your smile, touch you. Drive to work together, discussing our plans for the day.”
“You already have a family, Misha,” I smile sadly. “You’ve forgotten about that again.”
— I’m getting a divorce!
I raise my face to the gloomy sky and laugh.
“Half a year has passed, and I’m still listening to your promises.” I turn to Misha. “You won’t divorce your wife. Just admit it to yourself. You lied to me from the very beginning, saying you were single and single.”
He really lied to me.
He looked into my eyes so honestly, so sincerely. And I believed.
One accident and the truth was revealed.
Our relationship ended that very minute. For me, yes. For him, no.
“Go home, Mish. Your wife and daughter are waiting for you. And I’ll go to my husband.”
