Gunter had been gone for a month when his letter came. He’d wanted to
spend Christmas in Pendurran, he said, and he missed her. But his
grandmother was ill. So, he would stay in Bavaria for the holidays and
come home in the New Year.
Home, he’d called it, and the thought made her glad.
But no mention of Rudi’s name, nor how things had gone. Except to say
she might expect an extra Christmas gift from a German that she knew. But
she wanted no gift from him. Only an apology, for treating her like a leper.
And some thanks, for refusing to give him up all those years ago. She was a
patriot who loved her country, but if loving Rudi had made her a traitor,
then it was a price she’d been prepared to pay. A secret she’d been happy to
keep. Still, life wasn’t always fair.
Christmas was a quiet time. Somehow her heart wasn’t in it. Still, she’d
put up some lights and dug out the Christmas tree, but then Gertie had
phoned. She couldn’t make it, was feeling ill. But she and Arthur would be
down for New Year’s Eve as usual.
New Year’s Eve was always a special celebration at Pendurran Farm.
The villagers came, and there’d be pasties and cider and a barn dance. It
was Maddie’s way of paying back the kindness that she’d found in those
around her: neighbours in Pendurran who had helped her find a new life and
those who had scratched their heads when she explained what a ‘retreat’
was, but had still given her advice about the pigs and bought milk from her
goats. Even when they could have bought milk cheaper from the shop.
He was waiting at the kitchen door. A shock she hadn’t prepared for.
He looked different. Maddie tried not to stare, but her eyes fixed on his
face. Although the penetrating blue of his eyes hadn’t changed, it was a face
that had been transformed. A scar ran down the side of it, from his left eye
across the cheekbone to the bottom of his chin.
She allowed him into the kitchen. Watched as he filled the kettle for tea.
Waited for him to speak. He tried to hold her hand, but she pulled away, and
he nodded, seemed to understand. That it wouldn’t be that easy.
‘I’ve asked myself if I’d be brave enough,’ said Rudi.
‘Oh? To do what?’
‘To ask for your forgiveness,’ he said.
‘I see,’ said Maddie. ‘And what did you decide?’
‘That it was something I must do, something I owed you. An apology
for being a proud and bitter man.’
‘And judgemental,’ she added.
‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘And I was wrong and misguided. A foolish man.’
‘Betrayal, you said!’
‘Yes, it was cruel. And unkind,’ said Rudi.
‘And untrue,’ said Maddie.
‘I blamed you for my capture,’ he said. ‘Now I’m ashamed.’
Maddie listened to the story of the young ATS private who had served
him in the cookhouse at Predannack. How she had fussed over him, given
him extra-large helpings. She had flaunted her charms in front of him. It
was obvious to Maddie what the woman had wanted in return. But her
sexual overtures had been wasted on Rudi, and he claimed her anger had
been a puzzle. Until now.
‘So, what changed?’ she asked.
‘Gunter was the key. He prompted me to remember, to see things a
different way.’
She called him stupid and naive, and he agreed, took it on the chin. But
she forgave him all the same, and her scorn had been short-lived. Not that it
was easy. For either of them. Rudi had been bitter about those hard years
behind the wire. He was reluctant at first to talk about his recapture, or
where he had gone when Maddie left that morning in February 1941. She
could see how hard it was for him to relive the trauma. But, slowly, the
story emerged: his time at the airfield at Predannack, how he’d been beaten
up in Helston and taken prisoner again. And the harsh camp at
Cultybraggan.
She invited him to stay. But not in her bed. Didn’t know if she could
love him like before, for dark moods haunted him, and he seemed a
different person to the one she’d first met in Church Cove: the man
prepared to risk his life to rescue a young boy from the minefield.
Now, Rudi Fischer was a man who needed to be healed.
They spent the days together working on the farm. Decorating the barn with
Christmas lights. Getting ready for New Year’s Eve.
Her eyes moved to the man beside her. She recalled the Rudi from long
ago. A fine man with strong values and principles. But he was only a man,
not the superman she had built up in her mind. A man with feet of clay,
unlike the one she had placed up there on a pedestal. But a good man all the
same. A man who had lost his way. Now he was starting to find it again.
His humanity, his humour, slowly coming back.
He seemed happier now. He still had dark moods and Maddie sensed
she must be patient with him. But she thought it could be worth it. That she
could learn to love him again.
And he too – she could see it in his eyes, that his love had come out of
hibernation. Was slowly waking up, and with nurturing, it could be strong.
Maybe even strong enough to build a future on.
She watched his eyes study her. Let him hold her hand. She told him
about being pregnant, how she’d worried at first, and then the joy when she
realised that a part of Rudi would always be with her. About carrying their
baby through all the trying times in the mother and baby home. How his
photograph kept her company, helped her stay strong.
‘I should have been there,’ Rudi said, sadly.
‘You were,’ said Maddie. ‘You always were.’
‘Have I told you what a magnificent woman you are? Bold and
fearless,’ he said. ‘That’s what I thought when you stood up to me that day
on the cliffs. And beautiful, of course. I meant to tell you that, but I don’t
think I ever did.’
‘And you—’
‘—A man with false pride. A stupid man.’
‘No,’ she said.
Rudi looked at her, shook his head. ‘Did Gunter never tell you how I
treated him when he first sought me out?’
‘No, he didn’t say.’
‘I don’t suppose he would. He’s a special young man, he wouldn’t say
bad things about me to you.’
‘So…?’
‘I feel ashamed. But I rejected him, refused to believe he was my son
our son.’
‘But he had your photograph,’ she said. ‘And my name on his birth
certificate.’
‘I know. And in my heart, I knew it must be true: we are so much alike.’
‘Two peas. One pod,’ she said. ‘So – you made it up to him?’
‘I tried. Taught him how to rebuild an engine. How to chop wood.’
‘He’s an exceptional young man,’ said Maddie.
‘Yes, and none of our doing,’ he said. ‘We should have been there for
him.’
‘Nobody’s fault,’ she said. ‘It was the war. We did what we could. And
now we can make up for it. There’s still time.’
‘Sure, time. We’ve still got time,’ said Rudi. ‘Let’s make the most of it.’
He squeezed her hand.
And the kiss that followed was gentle at first. Maybe even a little
tentative. It reminded her of that first kiss, back in the barn in Gunwalloe.
And as their lips joined together, his passion grew, along with Maddie’s.
When she looked into his eyes, she could see they were no longer grave,
but smiling.
The man she had loved was back.
