It had been a special day for Maddie. The rekindling of her optimism. The
reason was simple, not profound: one kind gesture on the part of the ward
sister and the staff at Redruth hospital that morning, as she picked up her
suitcase and waved them goodbye. A card wishing her good luck, and the
gift of a small black cat with a shamrock pinned to his neck. The cat was
stuffed. The shamrock was real.
She’d tried not to cry. She tended to cry at any show of kindness now. A
strange phenomenon. Maddie had thought that the harshness and
unkindness she had lived through lately would have made her cry. But
maybe she’d always been like that. For, as Molly had pointed out, Madeline
Brady was a contrary, single-minded woman who often did things arse
about-face.
The train trip back to London wasn’t bad. And she’d bagged a seat for
most of it. Then there was the surprise when she’d arrived at her new
lodgings. Her landlady wasn’t nearly as fierce as the voice on the phone
suggested and had even made up a supper plate for her newest lodger: a tiny
sliver of cheese, a slice of bread and marge, and some kind of cold meat,
along with homemade pickle. The meat was a bit on the rubbery side.
Hardly a surprise that it turned out to be whale. ‘The butcher was keen to
offload it,’ Mrs Green the landlady had revealed, taking Maddie into her
confidence.
The room was clean and small. Some of the wooden floorboards
sagged, but she soon got used to those. She’d been given one half of the
attic space, with a fellow lodger on the other side of the wooden partition.
Maddie spent her first night listening to the sound of rain running down the
roof and splashing into the gutters; its echo amplified, bouncing off her
bedroom walls. A pleasant sound, comforting, the feeling of being
cocooned inside, safe from the storm.
She thought she would like it there. She fell asleep to the thrumming of
the wind on the roof tiles, and the pattering rain. Tomorrow, she would start
her new life.
But in her dreams Rudi came – and brought their child. Maddie couldn’t
see its face. And that was when she cried.
Maddie wore her uniform, even though the fit was still a little cramped. Not
that it mattered, for soon she would have no use for it.
This time the outer office was staffed by two busy, efficient-looking
women. She saluted the pair of them. They were both officers. The salute
came automatically, and Maddie felt at home once more, her place in the
universe confirmed, a place where she had been happy, had fitted in
comfortably.
One of the women nodded towards the door. ‘You’re to go straight in,’
she said.
The inner sanctum. The holy of holies, thought Maddie. But it held no
fear for her – she’d been there before.
Maddie marched in and fired off another crisp salute to the woman
sitting behind the desk. A surprising woman. A busy commanding officer
who had come all the way down to Cornwall to visit her. Had brought
apples and cake; an oasis of hope in the middle of despair.
‘Sit down, Private,’ said Helen Worthing.
‘Yes, ma’am,’ said Maddie. The chair was hard. A few weeks ago, she
wouldn’t have been able to sit down on it so easily, but things had
improved, and she didn’t even wince.
‘I have new orders for you.’ Chief Commander Worthing tapped the
papers in front of her.
Maddie said nothing. Just hoped her separation from the ATS wouldn’t
be bound up in too much red tape. Perhaps this would be it. Here in this
office. One single blow. No traipsing around from place to place, handing in
her uniform, swapping it for civvies, a final pay call. Although she didn’t
suppose the army owed her any back pay, considering the circumstances.
‘Aren’t you at all interested in what might be in store for you, Maddie?’
There it was again! The woman had called her Maddie. Odd. And she’d
taken off her uniform cap once more. It must mean something, for the
gesture seemed pointed, deliberate.
‘What’s in store? I don’t follow, ma’am,’ said Maddie.
‘The future. Where do you see yourself in the future? What would you
like it to be?’
‘My future? Out of the service, I presume. And I’ll need to find a job in
war work somewhere. A factory maybe…’
‘And is that what you’d like?’ Helen Worthing smiled. ‘Speak freely,
Private.’
Madeline Brady took a deep breath and plunged in. ‘What I’d like,
ma’am? What I’d really like is not to have to look for work. To stay in the
service. It’s a place where I feel at home, somewhere that I’d hoped to be
able to serve my country in her time of need.’ She stopped short. Realised
just how pompous that sounded. How exaggerated and lame. But she
couldn’t take it back.
‘Commendable,’ said Helen Worthing, ‘if a little over the top.’ She
managed a smile. ‘The service needs good people, Private. And that’s why
I’m sending you back to basic training.’ She put up a hand to silence any
reply. ‘I know you’ve already been through all that, but in the
circumstances, I feel it’s warranted. And not the full six weeks. Let’s call it
a refresher. You’ll go to the training depot for three weeks and then I’ve
sorted out a posting for you. It’s not what you’re used to, and no doubt
you’ll see it as some sort of step down. But considering what might be
happening to you, I’d say it was a step up.’
‘You mean I’m to stay in the army?’
‘That you are, Private Brady.’ The CO put her cap back on again.
‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘Say nothing, then. Much easier. And your record will show that you’ve
been on a prolonged sick leave. Let’s keep it at that, Private. Oh, and one
more thing…’
‘Yes, ma’am?’
‘Go to Stores and see the quartermaster sergeant. Draw yourself out a
new uniform. That one leaves a lot to be desired.’ Helen Worthing stood up
and handed across the papers from her desk. ‘Your new orders. Dismissed,
Private.’
Maddie took the orders, saluted, did a regulation about-face, and left the
room smartly, but with a grin on her face that showed almost every tooth in
her head.
Another railway warrant and another train that stopped everywhere. But
Maddie didn’t mind the hold-ups. This time she hadn’t managed to get a
seat in a compartment, but had been content just sitting on her suitcase,
crammed into an already packed corridor. She didn’t mind. Because against
all odds, she was still in the army and had even drawn back-pay. A miracle.
But she supposed the miracle had a name: Chief Commander Worthing.
Why her commanding officer had thought fit to do that was still a puzzle to
Maddie. But sometimes it was better not to question a miracle or go looking
gift horses in their accommodating mouths.
But what did seem ironic, and maybe a little strange, was the location of
the training camp she was headed for. The West Country again. But this
time Devon. A place called Honiton. There must be camps nearer London,
surely? Still, that was the army for you, and orders were orders, even if they
didn’t always seem logical.
It was only three weeks. She could manage that. Only half the time
spent at her basic training centre. And she already knew the ropes, so it
shouldn’t be that difficult. It could even be good for her, a refresher, like the
CO had said. And the square bashing and PE that was sure to be on the
cards might get her figure back, and improve her fitness. Not that Maddie
was interested in looking good for its own sake. A special man had once
told her she was beautiful. She didn’t need to hear it again from another
man’s lips. For there would be no one else. She didn’t want anyone else.
Not after Rudi
