They found Rudi’s photograph under her mattress.
That was the lowest point of her stay, the day they took him away from
her. There was the promise that she would have it back when she left, along
with her uniform.
She didn’t believe it. Because the nurse who’d found it had searched the
bedding on the orders of Matron, and seemed gleeful to have discovered
something that might get Maddie in trouble.
Trouble was something that dogged her heels. There were the lectures
on ‘moral decay in the younger generation’ that Matron was proud of, and
that Maddie had refused to attend. And the numerous refusals to give her
baby up for adoption had brought scorn from some of the staff. How did she
expect to look after a child and keep a roof over her head? There were times
she wondered that as well, but it was hardly their place to condemn her for
wanting to try.
Already six months into her stay, with her baby due anytime now,
Maddie was a whole lot larger than when she first arrived. And she was
used to the home’s regime. Understood the staff, their jealousies and those
who were callous and vindictive. That was most of them, apart from Nurse
Ethel and the laundry matron, a genial woman from the village, but even
she would think twice about standing up for the girls if it meant going
against Matron’s wishes.
The worst of all was Sister Bennett, the midwife. She struck Maddie as
being not only a waspish woman with a sharp tongue, but sadistic. There
were stories from some of the girls who had already given birth about how
the woman treated those in labour. ‘Paying penance for your sins’ was a
favourite expression of hers. And it appeared she was not going to make the
process of birth any easier if she could help it. Suffering, it seemed, was
good for the soul.
Maddie hoped that when her time came to go into labour, the doctor
would be there as well. Or Ethel, that sweet, quiet-spoken angel of a nurse
who sometimes helped the resident midwife out.
Maddie had sat night after night in the cold, damp sitting room, all of
them trying to squeeze in close to the small fire burning in the hearth. They
had to take turns collecting firewood for it from the wood at the bottom of
the large garden, but it was strictly rationed to make it last. Matron didn’t
need wood for her fire. There was always a hearty coal fire ablaze in the
hearth in her office and quarters.
The coal was kept under the stairs, and one night an expectant mother
had slipped in there and stolen a few lumps of coal, hidden them in her coat
and arrived in triumph in the sitting room.
The girl had been thrown out of the home the next day. Nowhere to go.
No money in her purse and disowned by her parents. Maddie had run up the
hill after the youngster and given her a ten-shilling note, some of her army
wages from happier times. But they’d gone after the girl, taken the money
off her, and Maddie’s wallet had been confiscated. Taken into Matron’s
office for ‘safe keeping’.
She still had nightmares about the girl. Was she out there lying in a ditch
somewhere? And for her part in the fiasco, Maddie had been punished with
solitary confinement for three days with little food, apart from the remnants
of breakfast that Nurse Ethel had managed to sneak into her.
Ethel Ryder was a strange young woman. There was a serenity about
her and a maturity that belied her youth, but over the months Maddie had
come to realise there was also sadness in her pale, thin face. Despite the
threat of discovery, Ethel had stayed a while with her, and they talked about
Maddie’s baby, and Ethel’s family living a few miles away in Trevellas. The
girl looked after her mother: a sick woman who seemed kindly, at least
kinder than Maddie’s.
And for the first time ever, Maddie told someone the name of her baby’s
father: Rudi Fischer from Ramsau, a small Alpine village in Bavaria. A
place that sounded as beautiful as he was. And Ethel hadn’t been shocked
that he was a German. Or that he was a prisoner of war. Maddie knew that
her secret was safe with this girl.
Ethel had hurried away, reminding her that this was a punishment and
she should show remorse, but there was a smile on the nurse’s face. They
were both alike. Understood each other. Rebels. Ethel Ryder’s rebellion was
a quiet one, Maddie’s not so much – but she was learning.
As for her punishment: if it was meant to upset her, it didn’t. It had the
opposite effect. Solitary confinement was good, it gave you time alone to
think. Time away from the petty squabbling that often punctuated the
evenings of knitting and sewing and mending in the girls’ sitting room.
Everyone was expected to knit clothes for their babies and sew a layette.
Maddie found that part restful and even pleasant. She took pride in
fashioning her baby’s wardrobe and was surprised at how such simple
things could give you so much satisfaction. She had never had time before.
And she sang songs to her unborn child. Told him or her about their father.
She hoped the baby would be a boy, but it didn’t matter either way. As long
as the babe was well and healthy and happy… She would do her best to
make sure of that.
The visiting doctor came. He pronounced Maddie fit and well.
A relief. Not that she felt ill, but she could have done without the back
pain, the varicose veins and the heavy weight pressing down on her bladder.
Still, it was all in a good cause. A precious small person was waiting at the
end of it – that was worth any amount of extra lavatory trips.
Dr Harries, a tall, imposing figure, put the stethoscope away in his bag.
Instructed her to get up from the couch in the birthing room.
‘Strong as an ox,’ he said, gruffly. ‘No complications, unlike some of
the younger girls, and your baby’s heartbeat is strong. You have a lusty
child there.’
Maddie blew out some air and struggled to get herself up from the
narrow bed. She fought to find her core muscles that seemed to have taken a
holiday. No one offered to give her a hand, neither the doctor nor Sister
Bennett. The midwife had a smirk on her face. Maybe the image of one of
her bad girls struggling like a beached whale brought her satisfaction.
‘Any day now, Miss Brady,’ the doctor confidently predicted.
‘Really?’ asked Maddie.
‘Should I be otherwise engaged when you go into labour, you can safely
rely on your own midwife, here. She’s done this many times before. I have
total faith in the abilities of Sister Bennett, a professional to her fingertips.’
At this point the midwife smiled at Doctor Harries, a sickly sweet,
angel-of-mercy sort of smile. With a touch of humility thrown in. Pure
fiction, thought Maddie. But the doctor was impressed.
‘So, would I be well enough to walk up the hill with the others tonight?’
asked Maddie.
‘Up the hill?’ he asked.
‘Some of the girls have permission to go to the cinema, Doctor,’
explained Sister Bennett.
‘That’s very kind. You’re not spoiling them, are you?’ the doctor asked.
‘Oh, well… Our young ladies are very special to us, as you know. We
mustn’t blame them for their condition. To err is human, to forgive divine.’
The midwife simpered under the approving gaze of Doctor Harries.
‘Very humane, I’m sure,’ he said. ‘And I suppose, if you feel well
enough, young lady’ – he turned his attention to Maddie – ‘then I don’t see
why you can’t join them at the Regal. Bit of a hike up there, but you’re fit
enough.’
‘Thank you, Doctor,’ said Maddie. ‘I appreciate your trouble and
concern.’
‘Yes… well…’
‘That will be all, Miss Brady, thank you,’ said Sister Bennett, sharply.
‘Run along. I think we’ve kept the doctor long enough, I’m sure he’s busy.’
A tight expression around the midwife’s mouth and the stern look in her
eyes was one Maddie had seen before. A warning signal that all is not well.
Maddie doubted she’d be seeing the cinema tonight. Sometimes they were
allowed to walk there, hand in hand in pairs, a crocodile. Like children
walking to school. The girls were allowed to wear their own clothes for the
visit, not the dreary uniform dresses of the home. Except they were
expected to wear a green armband, something to mark them out from
ordinary people.
She thought about Rudi and the tell-tale white patch on the back of his
uniform. Something else they had in common. Both of them now, seen as
different from others. Kept separate from them. In the small cinema, the
inmates from Rosemundy were all seated together, at one side of the aisle;
like a contagion that couldn’t be allowed to spread to the rest of the
community. Especially the impressionable young lads.
Maddie had only been there once before. Had sworn she would not put
herself through the ignominy again, as a few of the villagers had hissed and
booed at them. It had been a relief when the lights went out. Not that all the
villagers were like that. Many people were kind. They took pity on the girls
and even gave them sweets at times when they walked up the hill to the
shops.
Permission had to be given by Matron to go outside the home. Then for
a few hours in the afternoon, after your morning work was done, you could
take a walk, maybe even go down to the beach. But you had to be back by
five or Matron would unleash her full range of imaginative punishments on
the culprits.
Maddie went straight back to work after the doctor examined her. He
had decreed her fit and here, that meant fit for work. The only women who
got out of work were the ones who had gone into labour. Some of the girls
wished for those gruelling hours of childbirth, just to get out of laundry
duty. Some even wished that something might go wrong, so they’d be sent
to Redruth hospital. A much more pleasant experience, it was said. Not that
Maddie believed that.
She had searched her heart, taken out her fear and examined it at close
quarters. She wasn’t looking forward to labour, not after some of the grisly
stories they bandied about in the common room, but at least it would have
to end sometime.
She was on her knees, stripping the wax from the hallway floor, when
she heard loud footsteps. Heavy shoes and the sharp pungent smell of
sweat. She knew who was hovering behind her. The breathing was
laboured, like someone bulky and overweight.
Someone who was upset.
‘How dare you speak to the doctor like that?’ said Sister Bennett.
‘What?’
‘Forward. And with such familiarity. But then, we could hardly expect
anything else from a person who gets herself in your disgusting state.’
‘Forward?’ said Maddie. ‘I just thanked him for his trouble and care.’
‘Exactly. And that’s not your place. You are very lucky, young woman,
to have someone of his stature look after you. If you were left to your own
devices, you wouldn’t be able to afford that. The good people who fund this
place have soft hearts. If it wasn’t for the Moral and Social Welfare
Association, Miss High and Mighty, you’d be out on the street having your
brat. And as for the cinema tonight, you can forget all that.’
With that, the midwife stamped off in anger.
Maddie collapsed into a flood of tears and dropped the scrubbing brush.
It was the second time she had cried since she’d been here and she vowed
that they would never make her do it again. She pictured Rudi and their
baby and her wonderful friend Moll, and she wiped her eyes with the stupid
pinny. Picked up the scrubbing brush again. Well, if she lost her job in the
army, at least she could always get work cleaning. She’d become an expert.
The thought made her laugh and she started to sing at the top of her
voice
