The Girl Who Lived Volume 1 by Moishe Goldman Free Novel Reading Chapter 108

“…And then, with Morgana on all fours and arched, the guys and I heard these terrifying female screams…” The unshaven man in the scarlet robe caught his breath. “My blood ran cold, as if Mordred himself was standing behind me, holy shit, basically…”

“Merlin… I feel like I’m talking to Hagrid…” Lord Malfoy muttered quietly, shaking his head and looking sternly at the pale guardian of law and order, who stood in front of his desk with the air of a mischievous first-year. “Auror Dawlish, can you speak clearly and to the point?!”

“You weren’t there!” the man snapped, swallowing nervously. “So, we, like, immediately rushed to the screams, but what the f*ck else were we supposed to do?! We immediately realized someone was being killed there. Even under Crucio, they don’t scream like that, I know that for a fact!”

“John, what happened next?” asked a gloomy Barty Crouch Sr., who was sitting on a soft sofa near the fireplace. “What happened in the women’s restroom on the third floor?”

“A dark ritual!” the law enforcement officer nodded confidently. “Two girls were performing some kind of dark, forbidden magic! I wish my mother-in-law would rise from the grave! I’ve never seen such crap! And I fought the Death Eaters and saw all sorts of crap.”

– Senior Auror Dawlish, what did you see? – Malfoy looked skeptically at the hesitant man.

“The light, that fucking bright light, it penetrated right to the bone! It nearly made my balls bleed out of my head, I wish I’d wake up in the morning hugging Morgana!” The man in the scarlet robe spat on the expensive carpet. “And then, when I blinked, I saw two girls with bloody faces, kneeling, surrounded by these, like, candles. And also, this toilet turned into some kind of Mordred mausoleum, the only thing missing was a mummy in the center.”

– And? – Lucius looked at the Auror expectantly.

“We immediately realized there was some kind of dark magic bullshit going on, so we decided to catch the baddies red-handed, but that…” Dawlish shuddered. “It didn’t work, anyway… This Hellsing, she… Yeah, fuck! She’s definitely a dark creature or something worse… Anyway, she needs to go straight to this, the Death Arch, not to the Dementors…”

“Senior Auror Dawlish!” the head of the Auror Office barked. “Pull yourself together and tell me what happened after you decided to detain the suspected lawbreakers?”

– Anyway, the guys and I exchanged glances and simultaneously struck with non-lethal spells, but this Hellsing didn’t give a damn! The spells just soaked into her robe, and that’s it! – The law enforcement officer, forgetting all about chain of command, pulled a flask from his pocket and took a couple of convulsive gulps. – And then… Anyway, this crazy chick turned around and called us stupid faggots… Ahem… People with non-traditional sexual orientation, basically. And then her eyes lit up like two Avadas, and I, like, felt with my ass that complete and utter shit was about to happen, and quickly jumped to the side. And the guys hesitated, and didn’t have time, anyway… When I saw what this Hellsing did to Rob and Chris, I almost shit myself with fear, or rather, a little, yes, and immediately ran… For reinforcements, of course! Such a dark creature must be taken with at least three stars.

“Auror Dawlish, did you at least introduce yourself before you attacked?” Malfoy asked, gritting his teeth in rage and fighting the urge to slam his head on the tabletop. “Have you tried to figure out the reason for this?”

“Why the f*ck?!” The law enforcement officer looked at the blond lord as if he were an idiot. “In our line of work, such upstanding and talkative people don’t last long. A real Auror hits first, and only then figures things out.”

– I see… – Malfoy closed his eyes and whispered quietly. – Merlin, what idiots…

Lucius tiredly massaged his temples and leaned back in the uncomfortable throne-like headmaster’s chair with a haughty expression. How angry he was! If not for his Occlumency skills, the blond lord would have long ago begun smashing this damned office. And he would have started with this hideous chair! And then he would have burned the portraits of the former headmasters of this Mordred-like school in hellfire! After Dumbledore’s departure, these “respected” wizards never shut up for a minute, quietly but very sarcastically commenting on his every action. Lord Malfoy was a very powerful and skilled wizard, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t silence the chattering paintings or even budge the ugly gilded throne!

After breakfast, having failed to change the atmosphere of his study, he planned to unwind a bit and spend a few hours at his home estate in the company of his beloved wife, but disappointment awaited him there too. As soon as the poor lord emerged from the fireplace in the small parlor, the first thing he saw was a porcelain vase from the early Qing Dynasty flying at his face. Unfortunately, Lucius managed to dodge, which only further angered his beloved Narcissa, causing another priceless piece of art to fly at him. For about half an hour, Lord Malfoy ran from the enraged fury throughout the estate, and when his dear wife finally lost her breath and they began reconciling right in the hallway, McGonagall delivered an urgent Patronus… Lucius was forced to dress hastily and run to Hogwarts, dodging the spells of his dissatisfied wife along the way.

The blond lord had assumed the post of acting headmaster less than 24 hours ago, and in that time, the school had already experienced a horrific incident! Lucius wanted to put it quite differently, but his upbringing forbade it. Perhaps for the first time in his life, Malfoy sympathized with Dumbledore, who had spent several decades in this Mordred-dominated castle, regularly encountering eccentric characters and resolving similar problems.

After a brief silence, Lucius exhaled through his teeth and once again surveyed the wizards gathered in the office. Besides the idiot Auror and his superior, the spacious and bright room comfortably housed the heads of all the houses, the Head of the Department of Mistresses, and Regulus Black. In fact, Malfoy had personally invited the Head of the Department of Mysteries. No one present wanted to get to the bottom of this fucking situation or take responsibility, so everyone silently watched the actions of the influential lord.

“Mr. Crouch, what is the condition of your men?” Lucius asked politely, but slightly arrogantly, to the nervous head of the security agency.

“Brooks and Venson were quickly taken to St. Mungo’s, but the Healers’ prognosis is bleak,” the Auror muttered. “They couldn’t immediately determine the nature of the curse, and Smethwick said it was likely permanent…”

“So the Aurors who treacherously and without warning attacked the Hellsing heiress are alive.” Malfoy nodded politely. “Thank you.”

– What do you mean, alive? – Dawlish exclaimed. – Their heads are now…

“Ha-ha-ha.” The wizard in one of the living portraits laughed loudly. “What the hell kind of Aurors are these? Those incompetent shepherds couldn’t even handle two second-year students!”

“Ambrose, aren’t you bothered by the fact that these fools couldn’t distinguish a dark ritual from a church ceremony?” A melodious female voice came from the neighboring painting.

“Should it?” The former and long-dead director chuckled. “Idessa, have you seen the current curriculum? I’m surprised these idiots even manage to hold a magic wand the right way.”

“Mr. Black,” Lucius, like the others, pretended not to hear the painted wizards. “The floor is yours.”

“Lord Malfoy, gentlemen.” The Chief Unspeakable rose from the sofa and dramatically adjusted his expensive gray robes. “My men thoroughly examined the room on the third floor, but found no traces of either Dark or Light magic. However, changes, both external and magical, are evident, so we used Category I artifacts and detected a significant amount of faith energy or divine magic. Based on this, I can confidently state that a religious ceremony was held in the room on the third floor, once the women’s restroom, and that a genuine apostle of the Church participated in it.”

At the word “apostle,” Crouch Sr. paled, his idiot subordinate clenched his fists and gnashed his teeth in hatred, and Bones simply snorted. The reaction among the Heads of House was somewhat different: Flitwick and Sprout silently shrugged and handed a Galleon each to a pleased McGonagall, while the Prince looked at his colleagues with poorly concealed disgust. Malfoy closely monitored the wizards’ behavior and memorized it, so that he could later profit from their attitude toward the Hellsing family, whom the illustrious lord had long since enlisted as valuable allies.

“Wow! At least one smart one has turned up, even if he’s as affected as a court wench!” the restless wizard exclaimed again from his living portrait. “Bet he traded his cunt for a man’s dick a long time ago. Ugh!”

“Ambrose, you should watch your language.” Lucius raised his head, recognizing Phineas Black’s voice. “Actually, he’s my descendant. Unlike your line, you red-bearded dog, mine hasn’t died out and is thriving.”

– While your descendants were hiding in holes, mine were fighting with the churchmen!

“Yes, yes, justify your miscarriages, Morgana.” The distant ancestor of Malfoy’s wife laughed maliciously. “Your descendants became famous for plundering churches and murdering nuns, and then Hellsing came and impaled the whole filthy family. I’m told the head of the family back then screamed louder than his granddaughters. Ugh! What vile children you raised!”

“What did you say, son of a lecherous waitress?!” the red-bearded wizard shouted loudly from the portrait. “It’s because of people like you that we lost to pathetic Muggles!”

– Minerva… – Lucius looked pleadingly at the Head of Gryffindor. – Can you do something about them?

“I’m sorry, Acting Headmaster of Hogwarts.” The witch looked back sadly. “Only the current Headmaster can control the portraits of former Headmasters.”

“I already guessed.” The blond lord nodded in response, although he wanted to say something completely different, and the only acceptable words would have been the prepositions and pronouns he’d learned from that damned school.

“Quiet now!” an angry female voice rang out from the office. “You’ve been squabbling for a couple of centuries now, like dockside whores fighting over a sailor! Enough! If you don’t shut up right now, I’ll start singing! I just composed a new song and called it ‘Castration, Menstruation, and Emancipation.'”

“Antonia, we were just joking!” Black cried in horror and immediately turned to the interim director. “Lucius, go on, we won’t bother you anymore.”

“I confirm!” the red-bearded wizard chimed in from the portrait opposite. “Anything, just so she doesn’t sing!”

“Thank you.” Lucius nodded with sincere gratitude at the portrait, which depicted a witch with curly chestnut hair from which three snow-white feathers protruded. “Miss?”

“Oh, you flatter me, Lord Malfoy.” The woman blushed slightly and replied shyly, “Madam Antonia Crisworthy, at your service.”

“I’ll take that into account.” The blond lord nodded and enjoyed the silence for a few moments, then turned his gaze to the head of the DMP. “Madam Bones, do you have any questions about this incident?”

“Should there be?” The woman looked skeptically at Malfoy. “Church rituals are not prohibited on Hogwarts grounds, so Miss Hellsing and Miss Granger have not broken any laws of Wizarding Britain. As for the injured Aurors, I intend to initiate an internal investigation.”

“What do you mean?!” Crouch Sr. jumped up from the couch and stared at the head of the DMP in bewilderment. “Amelia, what the hell, Mordred, check?! Hellsing sent two Aurors to St. Mungo’s! She should be tried for assault on law enforcement officers!”

“Barty, your men have flagrantly violated Auror Office regulations, and Senior Auror Dawlish has just confirmed it. Based on his testimony…” The woman held up a sheet of parchment covered with writing. “The actions of Miss Hellsing and Miss Granger are not an attack, but self-defense.”

“But…” The Head of Auror wanted to protest, but he was interrupted by a bright green flash from the fireplace.

A tall, wiry man of advanced years entered the Hogwarts Headmaster’s office, his black hair combed back and an old-fashioned monocle gleaming on his expressionless face. The newcomer dramatically adjusted his white gloves and black vest over his crisp white shirt, then quickly glanced around, nodded to everyone present, and smoothly made his way to the door.

The sight of this wizard sent legions of goosebumps scurrying rhythmically down Lucius’s spine, urging on their horny war elephants. He knew EXACTLY WHO had graced Hogwarts with their presence. Lord Malfoy had always been cautious, so he carefully scrutinized the surroundings of his acquaintances and friends, and Lady Hellsing was no exception. While information on Seras Victoria, who turned out to be merely a former Muggle Auror from a special forces unit, was quickly found, the silent butler had required considerable effort and considerable cash. Only recently had the illustrious lord learned that this seemingly harmless old man was the Angel of Death! The very same one! The unkillable and silent killer, responsible for hundreds, if not thousands, of lives! The thin folder, which cost Lucius almost a week of sleepless reading, stated that this wizard was capable of infiltrating anywhere and cutting off anyone’s head, and that the other residents of this “anywhere” would not notice at all! Another small fact that bothered Malfoy was that the Angel of Death never left living witnesses.

“Mr. Dornez,” Malfoy nodded politely to his guest. “I’ll send for Miss Hellsing now.”

“Mr. Malfoy, I’m glad to see you’re well.” The man with the monocle broke into a creepy smile. “No need, the young lady is already getting up.” The Angel of Death demonstrated the Wonderphone.

The interim headmaster nodded in response and, a few minutes later, watched as a tall, black-haired girl with white streaks embraced a monster in the guise of a wizard. Behind the Hellsing heiress stood the pale Mudblood Granger, who followed her everywhere like a ponytail. Lord Malfoy couldn’t help but notice that the girls looked a couple of years older, already beginning to show curves in the right places. The blond lord’s thoughts had no obscene or sexual connotations, as he involuntarily compared them to his beloved daughter, whom he adored and loved more than life itself.

“Lord Malfoy, gentlemen wizards.” The Hellsing heiress, peeling herself away from the butler, straightened her shoulders and took a step forward. “I’m glad to see you.”

“Acting Headmaster, hello. Gentlemen pureblood wizards.” Lucius smirked, noting the mocking demeanor of the tame mudblood Hellsing, who stood next to her. “Greetings.”

“Miss Hellsing, Miss Granger, as the head of the DMP, I want to know what happened on the third floor.” Amelia rose from her seat and approached the girls. “I’m also interested in the details of the church ceremony you performed.”

“Okay.” The girl with the white locks nodded and spoke confidently. “A couple of months ago, I learned that Myrtle Warren wasn’t just a ghost, but a living, restless soul. During the holidays, I reported this to the rector of St. Ursula’s Church, and Father Benedict told me about the repose ritual we successfully performed, sending the unfortunate girl’s soul to the Creator’s Palace.”

“That dark creature is talking like it’s breathing!” Auror Dawlish exclaimed. “Such crap was going on there, we need to get it urgently…”

The idiot Auror fell silent abruptly, and Malfoy turned his head and noticed a translucent thread around his neck. The strange noose tightly clamped his throat and cut his skin in several places, causing thin streams of scarlet blood to trickle down Dawlish’s collar. Lucius realized that in another moment, Wizarding Britain would lose this stupid, yet useful, wizard.

“Mr. Dornez, Mr. Dawlish didn’t mean to insult your charge.” Lucius looked politely at the silent butler. “Please let him go…”

“If that worthless wretch opens his filthy mouth and insults the young mistress one more time, he will immediately lose his head.” The harmless old man with the monocle smiled, causing everyone gathered to draw their wands. “Mr. Malfoy, my patience is not limitless.”

“Madam Bones, record immediately that servant Hellsing attacked an Auror!” Crouch Sr., holding the butler at gunpoint, addressed the head of the DMP. “He must be arrested immediately…”

Now a translucent thread snaked around the Chief Auror’s neck, while the faithful servant of the Hellsing family, his lifeless gaze still fixed on him, smiling peacefully. Observing this scene, Malfoy began mentally reviewing candidates for the post of Head of the Auror Office, knowing full well they couldn’t handle this monster.

“Walter, don’t,” the Hellsing heiress calmly addressed her faithful servant.

“You are right, young lady,” the butler nodded politely. “Your mother spoke warmly of Mr. Malfoy and asked that you not cause him unnecessary trouble.”

Only now did Lucius notice that the entire office was literally entangled in barely noticeable, translucent threads. They swayed smoothly, as if in a wind, circling every wizard except the heads of house! The silent foursome had covered themselves with a powerful protective dome and watched the unfolding events with interest. Bones and Black also noticed and, with deliberate slowness, tucked their wands away. The Angel of Death chuckled at this, and the strange threads instantly vanished, after which Crouch and Dawlish simultaneously coughed and fell flat on their backsides, right onto the soft carpet.

“My warning still stands.” The elderly wizard with the monocle looked calmly at Lucius. “Mr. Malfoy, can we continue?”

– Hm… Of course. – The blond lord quickly pulled himself together, which was shaking slightly. – Amelia?

“I think this incident can be framed as a misunderstanding caused by the inappropriate and rude behavior of Senior Auror Dawlish.” The woman made a couple of notes on the parchment. “Mr. Crouch?”

– No… I object… – The Chief Auror was still trying to catch his breath and was rubbing his injured neck with his hand, which caused him to be covered in blood.

“Then let’s continue, Miss Hellsing,” Bones stared questioningly at the girl. “Why didn’t you warn the school administration about the upcoming ritual?”

“Who? Dumbledore went on vacation, and Lord Malfoy was just taking over, so what’s the point?” Hellsing looked at Lucius with a smirk. “Myrtle’s been living in this toilet since 1943, and no one cared.”

“The questions aren’t for me.” Malfoy smiled haughtily. “It’s my first day here.”

“I understand,” the head of the DMP nodded. “Miss Hellsing, describe the moment the Aurors appeared. In full detail, please.”

“These idiots showed up just as Miss Granger and I were finishing the ritual.” The green-eyed girl grimaced. “My friend was a little hurt, and I wanted to help her, but several combat spells flew at me from behind. I turned around and saw three evil idiots in scarlet robes with magic wands in their hands.

“Miss Hellsing, did the Aurors introduce themselves?” Bones sighed. “Did they say anything at all?”

“No, they attacked silently, and when they realized their spells had no effect, they attacked again.” A bloodthirsty grin appeared on the tall girl’s face. “It really enraged me, and I wished for their arms to wither and for their heads and butts to swap places. The Creator heard me and punished those sinners.”

“So it wasn’t a curse, but so-called divine punishment! Amazing!” Regulus Black jumped up from his seat, pleased. “I’ve only read about this… And then… What luck! We must immediately study and investigate this unique phenomenon!”

“Luck?!” Crouch glared at the chief Unspeakable. “These poor bastards will now have to eat through enemas and defecate through…” for the rest of their lives.

“They deserved it!” Granger smiled contentedly. “Three big guys attacked Rigel from behind, now let them taste their own shit.”

“So, the digestive system remained unchanged? Amazing!” Black began pacing around the office. “I wonder what other changes have occurred in their bodies? What’s with the aura? Hmm… I need to check everything urgently! Gentlemen, ladies, I beg your pardon, but I must take my leave immediately. Madam Bones, I’ll send a detailed report tomorrow… or the day after.”

Wasting no time, a fanatical glint in his eyes, Regulus ran to the fireplace and teleported to St. Mungo’s. Lucius watched his relative with a puzzled look and was once again struck by his passion for research, then turned to the head of the DMLE.

“Madam Bones, do you have any more questions?” The woman shook her head. “In that case, I suggest we call it a day. As Acting Headmistress, I have no complaints about Miss Hellsing or Miss Granger. As for the damaged toilet, specialists will assess the damage soon, and then…” Malfoy twirled the Wonderphone demonstratively. “I’ll contact Lady Hellsing, and we’ll settle all financial expenses.”

“I have one question,” the head of the Auror Office spoke cautiously. “Or rather, a request… Miss Hellsing, could you dispel the spell on my men? They’re actually good guys, they just got carried away…”

“Only true repentance and faith in the Creator will free them from this punishment,” the girl answered confidently, rummaging through her bag and levitating the Holy Scripture to the man. “They must allow Him into their sinful souls and pray with all their hearts for forgiveness. Only then will He show His mercy and heal them.”

“Thank you, I’ll tell them.” Crouch reluctantly accepted the book. “Dawlish, let’s go. Gentlemen, ladies, I wish you all a good day.”

The Chief Auror and his mentally disabled subordinate left the Headmaster’s office through the fireplace, followed by Madam Bones. The Heads of House, who had been silently watching the performance the entire time, also began quietly getting ready to leave. Lucius was already beginning to consider the best way to end this crazy day: get drunk or go home and make peace with his wife?

“Lord Malfoy, I would like to establish a chapel on the third floor.” Hellsing distracted the blond lord from his extremely important thoughts. “After the ritual, this place will be deemed sacred, and the Order will cover all expenses.”

“Hm… A rather strange and highly unusual request…” The interim headmaster considered seriously. “Unfortunately, I cannot make such important decisions… I will need to consult with the acting headmaster… It will be incredibly difficult… Hm… Many will not like this… Relations between the church and wizards are still quite strained, and then… You are asking to establish a chapel right inside Hogwarts…”

“The girl is asking not to organize, but to revive the chapel (Author’s note: a synonym for chapel, often used in Christian countries or to refer to a small prayer room within a larger building, such as a castle). The prayer room on the third floor was organized by the founders, but then it was destroyed…” A pleasant female voice came from one of the portraits. “When the war with the Muggles began, the Council of Lords made this terrible and stupid decision.”

“I’ve heard of that,” Madam Sprout nodded. “Back then, there were often believers among wizards, and so the lords decided to combat the church’s corrupting influence on the younger generation.”

“That’s right, Pomona.” The sorceress in the painting shook her head sadly. “It happened in 1652, when I was teaching rituals. I witnessed a local priest and a couple of novices being tortured and then crucified. The lords divided all the valuables among themselves and demonstratively burned the rest of the utensils in the courtyard. Fools.”

– Could you elaborate? – The tame mudblood turned to the painted lady with interest. – Why fools?

“Child, things were completely different back then; there was no such stupid division based on blood purity.” The former headmistress in the portrait chuckled sadly. “The wizards always tried to stick together, but this decision led to a schism. The following year, about a quarter of the students did not return to school, having gone over to Hellsing with their parents.”

“Wait,” Malfoy only now absorbed the information that had fallen on his head. “Are you telling me that Hogwarts used to have a chapel, and that it’s been there since the school was founded?!” Many of the headmasters in the portraits nodded reluctantly. “And then, to humiliate the believers, the Council of Lords turned it into a women’s restroom?”

“That’s right, Acting Director.” The Dean of Badgers chuckled. “And all information about this chapel was carefully erased from all written sources of the time.”

“Hmm… That changes things somewhat.” Lucius opened his diary and made a few notes, then looked at the green-eyed girl. “Miss Hellsing, I will speak with the Minister of Magic tomorrow, and we will definitely discuss your request.”

“Thank you,” the girl nodded gratefully.

“Don’t thank me, I haven’t done anything yet.” The blond wizard smiled and addressed everyone present loudly. “I’m not holding anyone back any longer, everyone is free to go.”

After a brief farewell, Lucius was finally alone and lounged contentedly on one of the soft sofas. About ten minutes later, he realized he was drifting off and forced himself to get up. Glancing sadly at the frosted bottle of Ogden’s in the bar cabinet, Malfoy walked to the fireplace and scooped up the required amount of floo powder.

“We need to make peace with Narcy, preferably several times.” The tired wizard broke into an anticipatory smile. “And then we can get drunk. Malfoy Manor!”

***

“And Malfoy turned out to be not such a jerk after all.” Weasley looked up from his raisin bun and nodded towards the staff table. “Of course, he’s as far removed from Dumbledore as a flobberworm is from a dragon, but still…”

“What am I hearing?!” Justin pushed his plate away, satisfied, and clapped his friend on the shoulder. “Ron’s praising our Acting Headmaster! This is a day to remember! Right, girls?”

“Of course,” Lavender chimed in, even demonstratively writing something down in her pink diary. “I’m more interested in the reason why our ardent Malfoy hater changed his mind.”

Our group sat around the table, enjoying a hearty lunch in a quiet and peaceful atmosphere. June was already ringing outside, and the bright summer sun gently warmed our shoulders, hinting that school was just around the corner. The mood among the students was a bit lazy, so many turned their gaze to the Weasleys.

“Well, so what?” The red-haired boy looked slightly embarrassed by the attention. “That blond guy’s done a lot for the school in the last month.” Ron wiped his hand with a napkin and started counting things off on his fingers. “He’s kept the purebloods in line – that’s one; his mercenaries keep order – that’s two; they made the ceiling in the astronomy room the same as the Great Hall, so now we don’t have to freeze on the astronomy tower – that’s three. And also…”

“I bought new brooms for all the teams,” Johnson, sitting nearby, intervened in the conversation. “Don’t you think this rich guy just bought us?”

– So what? – Ron looked at the girl, bewildered. – Thanks to these brooms, we beautifully beat Slytherin and became school champions! And if this peacock wants to spend his money, then that’s his right. Or are you upset about the ventilation in the greenhouses? The twins told me that these, what are they called… Arithmomammoths, appeared in the Arithmology room! Do you care who paid for it? Especially since Dumbledore will be back at the end of the summer.

“Adding machines, you idiot.” Angelina gave Weasley a light slap on the back of the head. “But perhaps you’re right.”

“And also, a chapel appeared on the third floor.” Lavender joined the discussion. “I still don’t understand how the churchmen managed to persuade the minister.”

“You read the newspapers.” Mia looked up from her plate and at the blonde. “It was always there, it was just destroyed during the times of discord, and now that relations with the commoners have warmed up, they decided to restore it.”

– And rightly so! – Ron splashed himself some juice. – Before the game, I went and prayed to that guy with the sword, and as a result, we won!

“You’re not alone,” Wood’s voice came from the side. “But I didn’t ask the Muggle Creator for help, but that beauty with the black wings.”

“Am I the only one who thinks…” Angelina said slyly and glanced at me. “That she looks like a certain sophomore?”

– You’re imagining things. – I looked up from my plate. – Do I look like a saint?

“Not at all.” The girl laughed loudly. “I’m no expert, of course, but the church angels are pure, bright, and kind, while you look more like an evil demon.”

“Thank you.” I nodded and took a bottle of pomegranate juice out of my bag. “Mia?”

– You still ask. – The girl pushed an empty glass towards me. – Fill it to the brim!

“And yet Malfoy was greedy.” Wood finished his dessert and began to rant. “He bought the teams a Cleanstom-6, even though the Cleanstom-7 came out last year. I understand they’re almost identical, and the sixth series is a hundred Galleons cheaper, but for that money you could have bought a Russian GOMIK-S, which is faster than even a Nimbus-2000…”

“The Gay has better maneuverability in the rear hemisphere, but Malfoy had no choice.” Ron immediately forgot about the food. “Have you forgotten about the scrap tax on imported brooms?”

“Mordred, exactly.” The team captain slapped his forehead. “I managed to buy a Soviet broom a week before that Morgan law was passed.”

“What kind of law is that?” asked one of the boys.

“Idiotic!” Wood exclaimed. “Our sloppy broom makers have gotten completely lazy, so to keep prices down and foreign broom makers out of our market, they’ve come up with…”

Listening to the boys, I continued to enjoy my hearty lunch, and couldn’t help but glance at the staff table, where Lucius Malfoy sat proudly at the head. I couldn’t have imagined that the blond lord would be a better headmaster than Dumbledore. But it’s a fact! Thanks to his policies, order had finally returned to Hogwarts, and all it took was the reintroduction of corporal punishment and strict adherence to the School Rules. It was a revelation to many that all students were equal and deserved the same punishment, since in the Founders’ time there had simply been no distinction based on blood purity! And Lucius followed this principle religiously, actively assisted by mercenaries and professors who were fed up with Dumbledore’s chaos.

Oddly enough, my brother was the first to be publicly flogged. The Prince caught the bespectacled boy laying dungbombs outside the Slytherin common room entrance in the middle of the night. Before breakfast, the entire school watched as Filch dealt Potter ten lashes across his bare back. Next came the Chang girls, caught by Malfoy’s hired guns while they were mobbing a Muggle-born second-year in the fourth-floor bathroom. The sluts received fifteen lashes, and the entire school remembered their pitiful cries and the pain of each one wetting themselves. That morning, the retired officer was especially zealous, and each lash was accompanied by a fountain of blood. Filch gave the three Badgers a similar beating when they snuck into the chapel one night and smeared the walls with shit, breaking everything they could get their hands on. If it hadn’t been for the twenty-five lashes, I would have strangled the freaks myself, or the Archbishop would have given the go-ahead for the liquidation of the families of heretics and blasphemers. As it was, everyone understood that the chapel was off-limits, just as they’d previously learned that it was forbidden to harm No-Maj children.

Yes, I was finally allowed to set up a chapel on the third floor, but it came at a very high cost to the Crown, literally. At first, the Minister of Magic and his associates stood their ground and flatly rejected Malfoy’s proposal, then Her Majesty and the Archbishop of the Church of England joined the negotiations. I don’t know all the details, but I do know that the Crown invested over 100,000 Galleons in Wizarding Britain as part of this partnership. Of that, only 10,000 went toward purchasing a villa in Bulgaria in the name of Fudge’s second cousin. Another 20,000 literally vanished into the depths of the Ministry, and even the Church clergy couldn’t find the wherewithal. Now that’s what I call a misappropriated asset. Furthermore, the Order handed over to the Ministry of Magic two dozen unique artifacts that had been seized during the Witch Hunts and were now considered lost heritage.

Only after visiting the new villa did Fudge give the go-ahead, but only on the condition that the Crown modernize Hogwarts, for which the Ministry simply didn’t have the money. Naturally, the Crown agreed, and Malfoy was appointed the executor of this large-scale project. I can responsibly say that Lucius didn’t steal a single knut and put all the money to good use. What the boys discussed was just the tip of the iceberg: Hogwarts will undergo a major renovation this summer, and the blond lord who signed the magical contract will personally oversee the process. And I don’t even doubt Malfoy’s honesty and competence, I don’t know why. I understand he’ll rip off a few things, but I’m confident the school won’t suffer as a result. Better that the money go to him than to the greedy, stupid, and eternally hungry Ministry bureaucrats.

“Guys, shouldn’t we go to class?” Mia leaned her elbows on the table, satisfied. “We only have a couple of days left and…”

– Exams. – Ron interrupted her. – Don’t remind me!

“Weasley, there’s nothing difficult there!” My best friend leaned forward. “We studied together! And we passed the last tests with flying colors.”

– Yeah. – The red-haired guy drooped. – You tell that to McCat and Prince, who gave me a Troll.

“Really? Who’s to blame?” Mia looked at the boy sarcastically. “Who mixed up the order when brewing the potion and melted the cauldron and the countertop at the same time? Or maybe I made a mistake in the spell, and it was my box that bit McGonagall?”

“Don’t blame Bronya, he can digest lake pebbles!” Ron jumped up. “I don’t know how it happened, but Bronya is my friend now!”

– Yeah, a box with six ugly paws and a rat’s tail. – I looked at Weasley. – Ron, maybe you could show McGonagall your Frankenstein?

“Shhhhhh!” Ginger pulled a wooden box with six ugly paws from under his robes and fed it a few sausages. “You have pets, so I have one too. Bronya bit Potter yesterday! How can I leave him after that?”

“I agree, Bronya is a good one.” I reached out and stroked the rather purring hairy box, then stood up. “Well, shall we go?”

Our group rose from the table and headed out of the great hall. Creator, I hope this year’s final DADA lesson goes smoothly…