Chapter 64
The trip to London went smoothly… I’d say so if my brother and his chubby friend hadn’t distinguished themselves again. Those spoiled brats thought Lavender was spreading the rumors about how she and Neville had taken a dump on top of the Astronomy Tower, and they decided to punish the gossip. The New Marauders’ method of “revenge” was their own style, and somehow I wasn’t even surprised: the Chosen One threw a Dungbomb into the Brown and Patil sisters’ compartment, and Neville even blocked the door. The only thing is, the boys hadn’t thought of a Silencing Charm, so the sound of the bang and the girls’ screams quickly brought the entire carriage running, including Hermione and me.
Well, then everything went according to plan, and while Diana and Daphne helped the girls calm down and get rid of the dragon shit, Mione and I had an explanatory conversation about “what is right and what is wrong.” As a result of the educational measures, Harry lost his front teeth and suffered a broken nose, and Neville got away with a broken arm and a handsome mark under his right eye. When we were almost finished, the school prefect entered the carriage, and she was very displeased with the sight before her. Nymphadora took the wands from the heroes of the occasion and then threw them into a compartment marked with shit. Along with their belongings. And having finished moving, she locked the door tightly and ordered that no troublemakers be disturbed until they arrived at the station.
Amidst the boys’ cries of disgust and pleas to be let out, we helped the injured girls move their belongings to another compartment and settled into a small tea party that lasted a few hours. First, we gave the blonde and the twin sisters something to drink and calmed them down. Then Malfoy and Greengrass came in, followed by Goldstein, who handed me a small bag of gold and demanded a chocolate bar or a commission for the courier’s services. We had to put the kettle back on and feed the hungry Jewish boy, who gobbled up the sweets like a team of movers. As soon as he left, the twins appeared and began enthusiastically sharing their ideas, and the words “business” and “profit” converged into some ancient Semitic incantation, summoning Anthony back. Anyway, Elvira boiled the kettle again.
“Is it just me, or has our compartment turned into a walkway?” Hermione grumbled as she sorted through a mountain of dirty dishes.
– Oh, come on. – Ron started sorting the saucers and plates. – But it was fun! And what a cool idea Fred and George came up with! I bet Dad won’t refuse them and will help them realize it!
“It’s certainly an interesting idea,” I said, waving my wand and clearing a stack of plates and handing them to Elvira. “We’ll see how it goes, maybe I’ll even buy a couple.”
“It’s a bit wild for me,” Smith said, putting the porcelain back into her bottomless bag. “Donkey ears and a beak are cool, but these truant artifacts are a bit much!”
“On the contrary, it’s great!” Weasley handed me a few cups. “You didn’t want to go to Potions, so you activated the artifact and ended up lounging on a soft bed in the hospital wing until evening.”
“I’ll break your arm right now, even without any artifact.” Mia glared at the slob. “Did you hear Neville scream? That hurt, by the way.”
“You don’t understand anything about magic…” Ryzhik frowned and looked at Justin, who was collecting the remains of the food. “Buddy, just tell them!”
“I’m telling you, next time we need to take more candy!” The young aristocrat cast a spell to remove the pile of candy wrappers.
We were almost to London and tidying up the compartment (thanks to magic, it wasn’t difficult), while discussing the twins’ business idea. The boys were very interested in artifact making, and their hot water bottles, fireflies, and protective artifacts were selling well, but the awl in a strategic place was bothering them. So the twins decided to make joke artifacts that, when activated, would cause the wearer to grow a huge beak or donkey’s ears; there were many suggestions. Most importantly, such enchantments were based on material illusions, and therefore completely harmless, unlike the second idea. Ron’s request to break his arm when he didn’t want to go to class turned out to be a downright crazy idea. That, I think, is also clear: when activated, the amulet either broke the user’s limb or caused a severe nosebleed. Or, well, explosive diarrhea. The red-haired disasters had plenty of ideas, but the boys would only begin working on the second-tier amulets after consulting with their father, and would conduct all testing strictly on themselves. That is, if Mr. Weasley approves of this crazy idea, which I highly doubt.
The train slowly pulled up to the platform, and I glanced out the window, glanced around for a few seconds, and smiled contentedly. Mother, in her usual black pantsuit, stood apart from the crowd of wizards, accompanied by Victoria and the dashing lieutenants, while the Grangers, Finch-Fletchleys, and Weasleys chatted cheerfully next to her. All these people were chatting engrossed among themselves, but kept glancing at the red carriages. It didn’t take long, and soon our groups merged, and I found myself happily in the arms of a platinum blonde.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jean hug Hermione, Laurie grab Elvira in her arms, Justin hug his father, and Molly and Arthur take turns kissing their sons, who kissed them back.
The idyll was interrupted by the appearance of a pair of wizards—a short, stocky, brown-haired man and a slender, fair-haired middle-aged woman, dressed in expensive dark green robes, which is why I didn’t immediately notice the older boy in Slytherin colors standing behind them. The child, judging by his resemblance, was sniffling angrily at his bloodied nose and rubbing a luscious bruise on half his face.
– Arthur! This is outrageous! – The plump face of the offended wizard turned red with anger. – Your puppy dared to beat up my Douglas! I demand an apology! Immediately!
“Hello, Donald,” Mr. Weasley addressed the troublemaker with a confused expression. “Please clarify who offended your son and why…”
“What difference does it make!” Donald’s wife shrieked, pointing her fingers at Percy. “That savage dared to insult my blood! My dear, I suggest we call the DMP and report an attempt on the life of the pure-blood heir!”
– Percy? – Mrs. Weasley put her hands on her hips and glared at her eldest son. – I never expected this from you! Percy Weasley, how dare you start a fight?
“He deserved it!” The Gryffindor prefect straightened his shoulders and looked firmly at the parents. “That fat bastard dared to harass my girlfriend and threaten her.” The boy turned his gaze to the parents of the beaten chubby boy. “Mr. Dalton, if your son makes obscene remarks to Penelope again, I will challenge him to a duel and kill him.”
– You puppy… – Mr. Dalton hissed, but Arthur interrupted him.
“Is that true?” The son nodded to the father of a large red-haired family. “Good for you, son, but why the duel? Your girlfriend’s offender could fall down the stairs and break his neck, and your brothers will always confirm that you were sitting in the living room playing chess with them. You’re still a minor, so the investigators don’t have the right to use truth serum without my permission.”
“You’re asking for trouble, Arthur…” Krepych’s jaw muscles twitched angrily. “You know, I have connections…”
“Me too,” Mr. Weasley’s kindness and simplicity vanished, and the proud head of the family stood before us. “Let me remind you that my family is part of the Sacred 28, and your great-grandfather was a half-blood! So, I can report to the D.M.P. that some upstart attacked the bride of an ancient pure-blood family.”
“Arthur, what kind of ill-mannered animal is trying to assert his rights here?” Mom and Victoria stepped forward and slowly lit a cigarette.
“And who are you…” Dolton, drooling, turned around and saw Lady Hellsing, which made him turn pale in sync with his wife.
“Integra, may I introduce my friend, Donald Dalton, his wife, Amelie, and his son, Douglas,” Mr. Weasley began introducing the offended wizards. “This young family has never been known for their manners or upbringing, so I apologize for their ignorance and impudence.”
– Y-yes… Sorry, we have to go already. – Strongman grabbed his wife and son in his arms and began to back away. – It was nice to see you, I’ll see you again… Arthur, Molly… Lady Hellsing… Have a good day!
To the vampire’s quiet laughter, the menacing wizards practically ran towards the communal fireplace; Mom finished her cigarillo and threw the butt after them with a grin.
“Son, now you simply must introduce us to your chosen one.” Arthur proudly patted Percy on the shoulder. “I remember many years ago, when I was young and handsome, I had to defend your mother’s honor more than once.”
“I’m proud of you,” Molly hugged her son tightly.
Then came a second wave of hugs and questions. Under pressure from his parents, Percy gave in and promised to bring Miss Crystal to meet the family in a week. The twins and Ron teased our prefect, and he responded with light slaps on the back of their heads. At the end of this orgy, Arthur apologized to Mum and said he would have dealt with this out-of-control brat himself. It turned out that this Dolton worked for Nott, which is why he considered himself untouchable, but Mr. Weasley promised to give him trouble to keep him from getting too cocky.
When it was time to say goodbye, Molly rushed to hug everyone again and invite them over, but alas, we were tightly scheduled this summer, so we only managed to arrange a joint school trip to Diagon Alley. Incidentally, Mr. Weasley boasted that Ron and Ginny would be spending the end of August in Sevastopol, and the following year they would be traveling to the Soviet Union with the whole family. Having settled all the issues and wished each other a happy holiday, we left the magical part of the station and headed home. How I missed my home.
***
After the celebratory dinner, I lounged on the couch in my pajamas in front of the TV, waiting for my mother, who kept her eyes fixed on me at the table. We’d discussed my reckless behavior several times over video chat, but it turned out Integra hadn’t completely calmed down. The clock was already half past ten when, after a cautious knock, the door swung open, and a tall, platinum-haired blonde in her favorite silk robe entered my chambers.
– Mom… – I stood up and looked guiltily at the floor.
– Daughter… – She quickly came up to me and hugged me tightly. – I was so worried… What were you thinking? – After about five minutes, Mom pulled back a little and looked me in the eyes. – You could have gotten hurt! I wouldn’t have survived that…
“I know… I’m sorry… I couldn’t do otherwise…” I felt her love and warmth with empathy, which made me feel even more ashamed.
– Understand…
“Mom, I have to tell you something.” At that moment, I clearly realized that the time had come, so I looked firmly into his warm blue eyes and took a deep breath. “You may not believe me, but I’m already confused myself… I remember my past life. Not in this world, in another… I lived my whole life there, and then I woke up here.”
– When did this happen? – Integra pulled back and looked at me with a warm smile and genuine interest in her eyes.
– Uh… You’re not surprised? – I looked at my mother in a daze.
– Should I? – She smiled slyly and took a teapot with two cups from the cupboard. – Do you remember our first Occlumency lessons? – I nodded stupidly in response. – And your treatment, when you tossed and turned in delirium at night, and I lay next to you and pressed your skinny little body to me all night?
“I remember and I’m very grateful to you.” I took the teapot, quickly filled it with magic and heated it, then poured the aromatic drink into cups, and we sat down on the soft sofa.
“So,” Mom took a sip, then set the cup down on the table and pulled me close. “Those nights, you cursed in Russian very skillfully and expressively, and you only just started learning it at school.” My ears turned red. “Besides, you often called out for someone named Alexei and Zinaida Karpovna, and sometimes you cursed the detectives and the local police officer, Sukhodrischev. Should I continue?”
– Don’t… That’s it. Damn it. That’s disgusting… – I leaned against my mother and put my head on her shoulder. – Did you know?
“I had an idea…” Integra smoothed my damp hair and gave me a light flick. “But, I must admit, I’m a little upset that you decided to confess only now…” She sighed sadly and hugged me again. “There shouldn’t be secrets in the family.”
“I was afraid…” My voice trembled. “What if you… If you knew the truth…” The lump in my throat stopped me from continuing.
– Silly girl, how silly you are… – Mom hugged me even tighter and kissed the back of my head. – Riya, you are my daughter! And I love you. Remember, I will never abandon you!
“I love you too, I’m sorry…” Turning around, I returned the hug.
About ten minutes later, when I had calmed down a bit, my mother stepped back and picked up a cup of tea, while I stood up and took out my notebook with notes on the Harry Potter films and a pack of chocolate cookies from my bag.
“Sit down,” Integra patted the sofa next to her. “And tell me, we have plenty of time now.”
“Here,” I handed the notebook to the woman. “There’s a lot of important information in here, I wrote it all down in detail.”
“Well, that’s something the analysts will look into.” Mom smiled wryly, seeing my shocked expression. “The multiverse theory has long been proven, and all cases of reincarnation are recorded by a special department of the UEBI. I’ll inform Sir Islands after you pass your exams at the academy. Don’t worry, you’ll only be questioned in my presence. And, daughter, don’t hide anything. Any information, even the most trivial detail, could prove important.”
– Does this happen often? – In shock, I plopped down on the indicated spot.
“There have been five such cases recorded this century,” Integra thought, “two in the Empire and three in the Union. I can’t say about the States, I don’t know.”
– And what happened to them? – I carefully took the cup of tea. – Well, with the reincarnated ones?
“Nothing,” the woman shrugged. “They questioned me, documented everything, and released me, on a non-disclosure agreement, of course. Basically, the information they give is useless…”
– How so? – Now I got interested.
“The first was a girl who had been a medieval peasant in her past life, but the second case was more interesting, but it also proved of little use. German ace Erik Hartmann,” Mom said, adopting a lecturing tone. “When he was shot down over France and captured, some oddities were discovered during interrogation, and analysts were called in. That’s where they discovered he was from the distant future, had flown a huge spaceship, and was the pilot of some kind of mobile suit, but all that information proved useless…”
– Why? – Leaning forward, I interrupted the woman.
– Riya, he was an ordinary pilot, except maybe with a computer in his head! He had no idea how all those things flew, how photon lasers worked, or how quark bombs worked. – Mom smiled. – Do you know how any electrical device or internal combustion engine works? Not in general terms, but in detail? Can you teach savages how to generate electricity? – I shook my head. – Even the German ace had no idea how a warp drive worked. After I took office, I read the materials of this case, and they are more like a science fiction novel than a dossier or a scientific paper. So there was a big humming thing, and it did this or that, and then what? All his testimony is useless. But! We understood one thing clearly: in the distant future, there are also wars, and therefore a strong army is the foundation of any state. Now go on, tell me, I hope you are not from the distant future?
– No, but that world was very different from ours…
“Do you consider the past world alien?” Integra looked me in the eye, and I nodded confidently. In response, she pulled me closer. “Go on, daughter…”
“Perhaps we should start from the beginning?” I settled my head more comfortably in her lap and, waiting for a reassuring smile, began to tell her story. “In my past life, I didn’t know my exact date of birth, but my birth certificate said November 2, 1981. That was the day a homeless man found a crying baby in a trash bin and then brought him to the nearest police station. At the orphanage, they nursed me back to health and named me Elena Ivanovna Ivanova—that was my name in my past life, but I don’t consider that name my own…”
“Your name is Rigel Integra Hellsing!” Mom said firmly and stroked my head. “Go on…”
I talked until three in the morning, maybe even longer, and with every word I felt an invisible weight lift from my shoulders, and I felt lighter and lighter… Several times, when I got to the basement and the three bastards, and then to Alyoshka’s funeral, I broke down in tears, and my mother calmed me, holding me tightly, trying to convey her warmth and care… In those moments, I realized I was no longer alone, and I was immensely grateful to the Creator. I fell asleep when we got to the Harry Potter films, I think it was in my third year, at the part about Hermione holding the time-turner. That night, I fell asleep truly happy. And I realized I should have kept the truth from my mother.
***
Integra sat on the sofa with a silly smile, stroking her daughter’s platinum locks, and was truly happy. Today, Rigel had opened up completely, the shell of mistrust and fear had finally crumbled—her daughter trusted her completely. This was very important for the Iron Lady, as she had long since stopped hiding anything from the girl. Even with the memories of her past life, Riya hadn’t become an adult, still remaining a child, which was a joy.
She was distracted from her tender contemplation by an ancient monster that silently emerged from the shadows nearby. Raising her head and looking at her beloved, Integra barely suppressed a giggle. Alucard stood there in his red wide-brimmed hat, pink tank top, and red boxer shorts with white polka dots. Oh, and he was also wearing white knitted wool socks. The Nosferatu shrugged with an apologetic smile and carefully picked up the girl, then laid her gently on the bed.
“It seems this is already turning into a tradition…” Alucard whispered quietly and, admiring his sleeping daughter, moved to his mistress.
The vampire grinned contentedly and held out his hand, palm up, demanding. Integra responded to his actions by theatrically patting herself where her pockets should have been and shrugging, then stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her guardian’s neck.
“You owe me…” Alucard purred contentedly, burying his face in his platinum hair.
“I’m not refusing, you were right again…” Integra whispered, barely touching the vampire’s ear with her lips, and then bit his earlobe.
The ancient monster barely contained a bestial roar and, lifting the beautiful burden into his arms, disappeared into the darkness.
***
The final exams at the Imperial Academy lasted five days and were truly challenging. Only thanks to Occlumency were Hermione and I able to get top marks in all subjects. Elvira also worked hard, but only earned a Good in half of her subjects, which is also quite impressive. She was delighted with this result, having managed to master the year-long curriculum in five months and, what’s more, she’d even passed everything at Hogwarts with excellent marks! Mom admired my report card and announced that after school, Hermione and I would be attending the Imperial High Command Academy—the most elite educational institution in the country, by the way! Now we simply have to show such results every year, otherwise we won’t even be allowed to attend the interview.
At this point, I was completely stunned, and they explained it to me in a blunt manner. It turned out that the Command Academy accepted all Imperial subjects, but with a caveat: candidates had to graduate from a school that met the academy’s requirements and be straight-A students, meaning they had to pass all annual and midterm exams throughout their high school years with excellent grades. Then, after submitting and reviewing their documents, the candidate was invited to a three-stage interview, and only then, if they passed all the checks, were they allowed to take the entrance exams. In short, it was the Empire’s most prestigious higher education institution, training future officers for the Ministry of Defense and the UEBI.
The thought of the latter will make me shudder, twitch, and itch for a long time. Because I had the “pleasure” of dealing with these brain-peckers for over two weeks! Before I could show off my report card, the next day, a whole delegation arrived at our estate, led by the Duke of Lancaster, who (unexpectedly) turned out to be the head of this organization. And then all hell broke loose; I ran out of swear words almost immediately.
The UEBI analysts questioned me in detail about everything, absolutely everything! I had to recount my life story again and recall everything I’d been taught in school and college. The UEBI officers carefully wrote down every word about iPhones, YouTube, bloggers, and any other nonsense they deemed important. They were also very interested in the development and availability of the internet, so I had to demonstrate, using my fingers and even drawings, what social media was and what it was for. A couple of the officers, when they realized what Instagram was, even shook their heads, but they still carefully wrote it down, and my sloppy drawings were added to the case file.
The Harry Potter films were discussed separately, and I had to recite their plots almost verbatim, and then all hell broke loose! When the pensive officers finished recording the ending of the fourth film, one blond bastard (I remember him!) suggested that since they made a Potter movie, maybe there were other useful things, too. What if there were Hellsing books or a TV series in that world? No? Or maybe there were comics or, God forbid, manga? Thanks to that nerd, I spent a week and a half, maybe more, retelling the synopses of films, TV series, and books I remembered from my past life. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them get remade; I’d gladly rewatch The X-Files or Babylon 5, for example.
Between conversations with analysts, I spent a lot of time with Uncle Stephen—yes, the Empire’s biggest bully insisted on being called that—and I learned a lot about the most secretive organization. Let’s start with the fact that this outfit was something like the KGB, FSB, GRU, and NKVD all rolled into one. They answered ONLY to the Queen and didn’t give a damn about anyone else! If these guys thought some general was up to no good, or some politician wasn’t fulfilling his duties properly, he’d be screwed, just like his entire family… Yes, the British Empire still had the rule of first degree, which applied only to aristocrats and civil servants. In short, an errant official was punished along with his entire family, and if an aristocrat’s son committed a crime, his father would be jailed along with him. To achieve this, the Empire used tribunals, and punishments for aristocrats and officials were far harsher than for ordinary citizens. After all, while a common worker faced anywhere from 10 years of hard labor to capital punishment for hitting a pedestrian while drunk, the same situation for the son of an aristocrat and his parents would have only resulted in the death penalty or a penal battalion in the backwaters of the Empire.
Of course, some “minor” cases were hushed up, or the powerful paid off the victims, but thanks to strict laws and the independence of the UEBI, order reigned in the country. After all, any aggrieved citizen could file a complaint, and it would definitely get through! Why? Because these guys had their own post office, a well-developed intelligence network, and an independent army right next to them, plus Hellsing and the Royal Guard. Cases are different, what if the Minister of Defense started a rebellion? Uncle Stephen smiled as he recounted how Baron Sausscherwer was hanged five years ago, along with his son and wife. The offspring of a proud aristocrat had committed a particularly heinous crime – he raped and then murdered a girl in Bombay. Of course, if she had been an ordinary Indian prostitute, the matter would have surely been hushed up, BUT! The unfortunate woman turned out to be a Soviet war correspondent, and his father was far too brazen in his attempt to cover up his offspring. The outcome was obvious: their family was publicly executed as a warning to others. I really liked the imperial judicial system in this regard: the higher you climbed, the more severely you were judged. For bribery and embezzlement, there was only one punishment: a shameful death by hanging. Well, Her Majesty doesn’t like it when someone puts their dirty little hands in her pocket.
Because of all the hustle and bustle and constant workload, as interviews with analysts lasted almost all day, I was only able to meet and talk with Hermione at the end of July, just a few days before my birthday. My friend, of course, suspected something was wrong and tried to find out where I’d disappeared to via video call every evening, but I steadfastly remained silent and asked her to wait a little. My mother was initially against my decision, but I managed to convince her; after all, Hermione isn’t just a friend, she’s part of my family! I treasured my relationship with this sweet, curly-haired girl. So when Mia arrived at the estate early one morning, I immediately dragged her to my room.
“You don’t look well…” the girl entered my chambers and looked me over carefully. “With those circles under your eyes, you look like a panda. Riya, what happened? Where did you disappear to for almost two weeks?”
– And I’m glad to see you. – With a smile, I hugged my friend tightly. – You better sit down, this will be a long conversation. Tea?
“Don’t try to pull the wool over my eyes, just come clean.” Mia pulled back and looked me in the eyes. “You promised…”
“I remember. The thing is, I’ve had the unspeakable pleasure of talking to the UEBI analysts the last few days.” I telekinetically placed the teapot and a bowl of cookies on the table.
“And what did the all-seeing eye of the Empire want with the humble heiress of Hellsing?” Hermione poured tea into cups like a proprietor and crunched on a biscuit. “I can’t believe they spent so much time asking you about Hogwarts.”
“That’s right,” I sat down next to him. “The thing is, I remember my past life in another, or maybe a parallel world…”
– Cough-cough… – My friend choked on her tea. – Fuck! You should have warned me! Are you serious?! And how long has this been going on?
Under my friend’s surprised, even stunned, gaze, I nodded and began to tell her story in a monotone. Mom said there shouldn’t be any secrets in the family, and this girl with the chocolate-colored eyes had long since become part of my family.
“The memories reawakened after Borov raped me and left me to die in the closet under the stairs…” Mia squeezed my hand tightly in support. “At that moment, I didn’t understand who I was or how I ended up there, which is how I was able to finish off those bastards and get out. Once in the hospital, I sorted myself out a bit and began merging my two personalities. I barely managed to keep Rigel, because Elena, as I was called in my past life, was well into my thirties. But there’s no place for an adult in a child’s body, so I made a firm decision to start a new life.
Over the next few hours, I briefly told my friend my story; thanks to my conversations with my mother and the security officers, it came surprisingly easily. Mia listened silently and attentively, only occasionally asking clarifying questions and refilling our teacups. When I finished, she stared blankly for about five minutes, then nodded to herself and hugged me with a smile.
“Thank you, I’m glad you trust me so much.” She pulled away, kissed me on the cheek, and blushed. “And I thought you were a Pythia, and that you had the gift of foresight, but this is even more interesting…”
– Where did I screw up? – I looked at my friend with interest.
“Well, you’ve been acting strange from the very beginning, with your little phrases and sayings. I often felt like you were much older than me, and yet I’m a child prodigy, you know, I learned to read at four.” Hermione nudged my shoulder. “And you were the only one at Hogwarts who wasn’t surprised by Beard’s announcement about the Forbidden Corridor. There were a lot of things going on there…”
“Thank you for not giving me away and not pestering me with questions,” I nodded gratefully to the curly-haired girl.
“We’re friends, and I know you trust me, just like I trust you.” Hermione shrugged, then slapped me on the back of the head. “In another world, they made a whole movie about us and wrote a ton of books, but she, you see, wasn’t interested! So how did that story end?! Now you sit there and wonder…”
“There are so many differences! Maybe everything will be completely different!” I started making excuses. “Let’s start with the fact that in the movies, Potter didn’t have a sister, Flea-bitten was in Azkaban, and Dumbledore was shown as a completely senile old man. Basically, it’s complete nonsense; I barely got through it back then, it’s complete nonsense…”
“Nevertheless, this nonsense turned out to be reality, unlike,” her friend waved her hand at the bookshelf, “your combat robots! You read all about those walking things, but she didn’t like the idiot with the scar on his forehead; it got boring!”
“Don’t touch what’s sacred! You know how much I love science fiction!” I stood up and loomed over Hermione. “And I won’t even mention that trash you read in your free time, mistakenly called detective stories.”
“Daria Dontsova is a genius!” (Author’s note: I know Dontsova published her first book in 1999, but our world is different.) Mia also jumped up and looked up at me indignantly. “Her books are great for relaxing your mind and helping you unwind!”
She clenched her fists angrily, then shook her head and grabbed a pillow from the couch. I followed her example. About half an hour later, our mock scuffle ended, we pulled out our wands and quickly tidied up the room.
“So, there will be a basilisk in the second year?” Mia sprawled comfortably on my bed and lazily looked at the ceiling.
“It should be. I’ve already ordered a couple of RPGs and two dozen tandem rounds of ammunition from the armory.” I lay next to her and nudged her side. “Although in the movie, Potter defeated that monster with a sword, what nonsense…”
– And this year you didn’t check the entrance to the secret room?
“You know, I wasn’t really up to it. I was more worried about Mrazot and the Philosopher’s Stone.” I exhaled heavily. “Then there were those centaurs, school, training, I got so busy that I just forgot. First thing in September, we’ll go to the women’s restroom on the third floor and check.”
“Maybe we should ask Vasya?” Mia turned around, and our faces were very close. “He was crawling everywhere, maybe he saw something.”
“That’s a thought!” I kissed my friend on the nose, and we turned around in unison.
My familiar dozed on the wide windowsill, basking in the sun’s rays. At least he’d stopped growing; at last measurement, he was 130 centimeters long, which is quite impressive for a snake. The snake coiled itself into rings, and in the center of this scaly circle, Flora was comfortably settled—the little fairy sunbathing with a smile and softly humming, such a sweetheart.
– Vasya, Vasya, fuck! – The snake lazily opened one eye. – When you were crawling around the castle, didn’t you feel a huge basilisk in the dungeons?
– You can only feel the dick in your ass, the rest you can sense. – Was my answer.
– I’ll tie you in a knot! – I had to sit down. – Vasya, don’t push me into sin.
“Well, the old man is sleeping, don’t bother him! ” The impudent hose also raised his head. ” There’s a hole under the stone nest, and the old fucker has dug himself in there. If he wakes up, we’ll all be fucked, so when I found him, I immediately quietly fucked off from there.
– Is he dangerous?
– He’s very old and so fucking strong, and he’s also fucking crazy! – My familiar shuddered. – He was mumbling such bullshit in his sleep, to hell with him!
– Do you know where the entrance to this hole is?
“You won’t fit through there! And anyway, I’m not going back there! ” Vasya demonstratively turned away. “And I won’t let you in either, that’s it!”
– There! – Flora shook her finger at me and climbed onto the cowardly snake’s head.
– So what? – Hermione turned to me.
“There is a basilisk, and right now it’s sleeping.” I turned to my friend. “There really is a secret chamber under Hogwarts, and right now this ancient snake is hibernating there. Vasya says it’s very old and strong, and also that it’s gone crazy.”
– Fuck… This sucks. – Mia propped herself up on her elbows. – Maybe we should kill him while he’s sleeping? We’ll mine the place and blow it up! We’ll take a hundred kilograms of plastic explosive, that should be enough! Can you imagine the explosion?! – The girl broke into a dreamy smile. – Or maybe they’ll give us a couple of FABs?
– Stop it! What if Hogwarts collapses? They’ll never forgive us for that. – I had to stop the mini-Rambo. – First, we need to find that secret room, and then we’ll see. Vasya’s scared and refuses to show us the entrance.
– I’m not afraid! I just want to live! – The snake began to justify itself. – You’re the ones who are fucked up and are sticking your nose into things where they don’t belong for no reason!
“Well, screw it, we’ll find it ourselves. ” I waved my hand at the scaly one and turned to my friend. “Vasya says we’re fucked…”
“He’s right, basically.” Hermione shrugged. “If a giant basilisk starts crawling around the school, we’ll just write a letter to the Ministry. They dealt with the spiders quickly enough, so let them deal with the snake themselves.”
“Agreed, but I’ll bring an RPG just in case.” My friend nodded contentedly in response.
– By the way, maybe we can take a walk around London tomorrow? – Granger decided to change the subject.
– No, I can’t tomorrow, Mom and I have an important meeting. Remember what I told you? – I lay down on the bed again. – How about the day after tomorrow?
“Come on, otherwise after your birthday there won’t be time again.” Mia also made herself more comfortable and rested her head on my lap. “By the way, you said that in my fourth year I’ll be dating some Romanian…”
– Bulgarian.
– What difference does it make! Let’s explain in more detail what kind of monkey is that?
We spent the rest of the evening discussing what I’d seen in movies and how different they were from reality. After dinner, Hermione went home, and I went to bed. Tomorrow I was supposed to meet someone to whom I owed a lot…
